Side Note: What the hell is up with this retard, Danta Devil? Jeez... If you want a good laugh, go see what this idiot wrote in their review for this fic.
Summary: Crack fic. No pairings. Humor/Sci-fi. Sciezska discovers something about the Rockbells and Elrics that she shouldn't know...
Alien Invaders
Sciezska had always been a little paranoid about aliens, she would admit. People loved to tease her about it. She was always looking for the unusual to help prove their existance, but had so far failed to succeed. People kept informing her, 'There is no such thing as aliens', but she wouldn't give up.
She had been so sure that she had seen an alien many times before. They had tried to abduct her during her high school camping trip once. Stange, distorted figures appeared before her with a strange glowing light behind them that must have been their ship. They had chased her and shot at her with lazer guns until she burst through the trees infront of all the other campers. The aliens were gone and she explained her story to them.
In addition to 'Book Freak', 'Zit Face', 'Four Eyes', and 'Geek', they started calling her 'The Freak From Outer Space'. She was so happy the day she graduated.
But her adult life was really no diffrent. Once, she had been so convinced that the Fuhrer's secretary was an alien, hence her mysterious and scientifically impossible record in the military files. But she had been proven wrong by Edward and Alphonse. Ms. Douglas had actually been a homunculus.
Today, she felt like trying again. She had checked out a load of alien-study books at the nearest library, which happed to be two miles away from the Rockbell's, and was already flying through the second one. This morning, she was absorbing every word into her brain, while sitting down at the table in the dining room, when Winry walked in.
"Hey, Sciezska. Working on your 'alien theory'?" Winry laughed.
""Trust me. They're out there somewhere and i'm going to find them!" Sciezska proclaimed.
Winry frowned at her statement. She circled the table to and went into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and pulled out an orange carton. "Want some orange juice?" she called out. Sciezska nodded. Winry reached into the cupboard and pulled out two glasses. Sciezska turned her head down and continued her silent reading. Soaking up all the ways of alien-hunting.
Sciezska was deeply absorbed in her book when she suddenly heard the sound of a loud crash. She jumped at the sound, threw her book down, and stood up.
Before she could make another move, Pinako rushed in yelling. "Winry! Did you break another glass?"
"Sorry, gran! I... slipped on something. Don't worry. I'm fine! I'll clean up the orange juice and the shards."
Sciezska couldn't see what was going on in the kitchen, but she called out, "Do you want me to help?"
"No, i'm fine! Don't come in here!" Winry exclaimed, a tone of worry in her voice.
"Oh, alright." Sciezska replied and reluctantly returned to her book. But she couldn't concentrate as a wave of guilt washed over her. Maybe she should help the other girl.
She placed her book down, stood up, pushed her chair in, and set off twords the kitched. She could suddenly hear a strange slurping sound. She saw the top of Pinako's head behind the table, bending down. The slurping sound seemed to be coming from behind the table where Winry was.
Schluuurrrp!
Sciezska circled the table, slowly. Then Winry came into view. Sciezska gasped.
Winry was on her knees. She held her hands twelve inches over the floor where the glass shards and orange juice spills were. But that's not what made Sciezska gasp.
All ten of her fingers had elongated by twelve inches and turned a shade of purple. The tips of her fingers had opened up into tubes and they were sucking up the orange juice with a sickening slurp.
Sciezska screamed.
Winry and Pinako stood up. Winry's fingers shrunk back to normal, emmiting a schplooot sound. They were both glaring daggers at the poor girl as if she had done something wrong.
"So, I see there is no point in hiding the truth anymore, is there?" Winry growled.
"Wha... what's going on?" Sciezska squeaked in reply. She backed a few steps, her whole body shivering.
"I thought you of all people would have been able to come to the proper conclusion." Winry responded. She then did something extrordinary. She cupped her own chin with her right hand... and ripped off her face!
Sciezska screamed again. Winry's head had expanded. Her eyes bulged out of her skull and divided into compound eyes. Her mouth elongated to form a long, slimy, tentacle-like tongue that whipped around in the air. Her skin had cracked up into millions of tiny black and purple scales that looked much like sandpaper. Her hair simply fell off her head.
Sciezska began to step backwards faster. Before she could break out into a full run, Pinako had ripped off her own face as well. Her head became similar to Winry's insect-like head.
That was it. Sciezska ended up breaking out into a full run. She ran around the table, out of the kitchen, and through the dining room. She halted when she saw Den blocking the doorway, barking and growling at her.
Den pawed at his own face before his head ripped open to reveal another insectoid face, this one with strange red horns for ears. The dog was an alien as well. Sciezska couldn't stop screaming. She kicked Den in the face. He jumped back, emmiting a sort of dog squeal mixed with a grinding sound.
The terrified girl then ran for her life. Neary tripping over everything in her way, she finally reached the front door, which she struggled to unlock before swinging open and proceeding to jump from the porch, over the fence, and onto the ground.
That's when she noticed Edward and Alphonse, staring at her like she'd gone nuts. "We were coming over for a visit, but... Uhh... What are you doing?" Ed questioned.
"It's Winry! And Pinako and Den! They're aliens! I swear! They ripped off their own faces and their heads all turned into insect heads! I think they're still after me! We gotta run!" Sciezska stood up.
"Ripped off their own faces...?" Ed frowned. "You mean, like... this?" Ed and Al both pulled on their own chins and pulled their faces off as well. The brother's heads then mutated into an insect heads just like the others.
Sciezska let out another scream. "You're just like them!"
That's when Winry, Pinako, and Den burst through the doors! Winry pointed at Sciezska. "She knows! We have to dissect her brain!"
"No! You can't dissect my brain!" Sciezska howled. She ran off into the woods. She could hear the footsteps of the others following her in hot pursuit. She ran through the trees, never turning back, ignoring her lungs, which felt like they were about to burst into flames.
Finally, she collapsed against a tree, beated. The aliens, who used to be her friends, were nowhere in sight. When her breath returned to normal, she stood up.
That's when it happened. The five aliens jumped out of the trees and landed on their feet, in a circle around her. Each of them held out their hands, which turned into slimy purple tentacles with holes at the end. The holes each had a row of sharp teeth. The five of them started to close the gap between them and her.
Sciezska shut her eyes tight, blocking out the disgusting images. The last thing she heard was the sickening, slurping sound before she...
Woke up.
Our famous alien hunting girl opened her eyes, sat up in her bed, and blinked twice.
She was in the guest room at the Rockbell's house in Risembool. There was light streaming from the window. She looked at the clock on the wall. It was morning.
Everything had been a dream. She sighed to herself, not believing what had just happened. She got up and went downstairs, still in her pajamas. Winry was already in her workshop, working on an automail leg. She was totally normal. Not insect head, no tentacles, just the same as always.
Sciezska sighed and walked up to Winry. Winry turned around with a smile. "Morning, Sciezska." The brunette heaved a sigh. Winry frowned. "What's wrong?"
"I just had the most horrible dream..." Sciezska began.
"What was it about."
"It was insane! I dreamt that you, Pinako, and Den turned out to be aliens. You ripped off your own heads and turned into insect heads. Then, Ed and Al came for a visit and when they saw everything, they turned into aliens too. All five of you chased me through the woods and then attacked me. Then I woke up."
Winry stared at Sciezska with a face of pure shock. "...I think you need more rest..."
"Huh?"
"You obviously need to calm youself down. Go back to bed. I'll wake you up in a few hours, okay?" Winry explained. She lightly shoved Sciezska twords the door.
"Umm... Okay. I suppose..." She then turned around and headed back twords her temporary room.
When the sound of Sciezska's footsteps finally died out, Winry carefully placed the automail down and picked up her wrench. She pressed her finger agains the end of the handle. Suddenly, a console of colorful buttons appeared on the handle of her wrench. After pressing a few buttons, she held the head of the wrench to her mouth and whispered a message...
"The human girl... She knows... We must take her back to the mothership and dissect her brain..."
The End.
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A/N: Did you expect that ending? Nooo... I think this was inspired by a Kids Next Door episode where #1 is telling the class the true story of how kids invented adults and the adults eventually took over the world and brainwashed the kids and then the teacher tells him how ridiculous that story is and when all the kids are gone, he opens the apple on his desk into a cell phone and says, "They know..."