Introduction :

Welcome to the Konoha Ninja Storybook of One-Shots! In this book, you will find a collection of one-shots, i.e. single-chapter ficlets written by me. There is no fixed genre and these stories could range from insane crack to heavy angst and fluff. (God forbid there may even be a lemon or two). It all depends on what my bizarre mind comes up with.

The purpose of Konoha Ninja Storybook is to give me something silly and pointless to relax my mind with in between tackling bigger fanfics. For those of you that don't already know, I am writing a huge parody fanfic entitled Pack Nature. What if the Kyuubi was sealed into Kiba instead of Naruto? This fanfic is in its 18th chapter now. Yes, please check it out!

I occasionally need a refresher break between Pack Nature's loaded chapters, and that is why Konoha Ninja Storybook of One-Shots exists. A purposeless, plotless book that frees me to write anything I feel like at any time. I hope you will enjoy it as much I am going to.

I am not insistent on reviews for this one, but please do so anyway if only to encourage others to read. Constructive criticism is always welcome. And of course ... since this is completely free of topic, devoid of rating ... please tell me things you want to see! Who knows, my creative juices might just lap it up and produce a one-shot in your honor!

Fanfiction is a world of fun. Let us share it with everyone.

By, Hanabishi Shura

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Disclaimer : I don't own Naruto. These one-shots are non-profit and written for personal pleasure. Any innovations and additions to the characters and plot are rightfully mine. Copy my style without prior notification and I will place a curse upon you. You will grow up and have a son that is exactly like Naruto, without the Kyuubi or the shinobi's knowledge of chakra control. You have been warned.

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Shura : Since this is the first one-shot, I feel it is my right to include myself in the story.

Naruto : I'm the main character of the series, dattebayo! You have to include me!

Shura : Evil genius and evil genius' clueless sidekick ... sure, why not? Now, all I need is a good, creative idea to get started ... hmmmmm ...

Naruto : I have a great idea, dattebayo! Let's have a fanfic where I totally 1,000 years of pain Sasuke-teme and then Sakura-chan falls for me and begs me to let her treat me to Ichiraku Ramen! (drools heavily) RAH-MEN, dattebayo! Whoooo!

Shura : Calm down, you prick. Unfortunately, not everyone is a fan of Squad 7. First impressions are very important so the first one-shot has to be something that just about everyone can really enjoy.

Naruto : Awwww, man! You are going to rewrite Ero-Sannin's Icha Icha Tactics and cram it into a one-shot, aren't you? I know our readers are all closet perverts, but come on!

Shura : It's not like that! No, it'll be something lighter and more fun. I know! Why don't we learn some Japanese?

Naruto : Learning!? I thought it was going to be light and fun!

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Story I : What's In a Name?

Starring : The one and only, Naruto Uzumaki, and yours truly, Hanabishi Shura

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Shura : Names are important. They are telltale insights to a person's character and tendencies. When parents have a child, they usually choose a name that means something special. It's their wish and hope that their child grows up to be truly special. So, what's in a name? Let's take this time to look at the names of several characters and see what they really mean!

Naruto : Alright, dattebayo! Let's start with Sakura-chaaaaan!

Shura : Sakura Haruno is an easy one. Sakura is what they call the cherry blossom flower. Sakura trees break out in pretty pink blossoms instead of crunchy red-brown leaves in the autumn, bathing the world a bright pink hue. It's beautiful, just like our Sakura is.

Naruto : Ohhhh, yeah! (drools heavily) She's so cute, dattebayo! But what about her other name?

Shura : Well, 'haru' is the Japanese word for 'spring'.

Naruto : But cherry blossoms don't usually go full bloom in spring!

Shura : That's why this name is perfect for her. Sakura Haruno, the cherry blossom that blooms in spring. No matter what the weather is, she is beautiful all year round.

Naruto : Buh-lieve it!

Shura : Who's next?

Naruto : Sasuke-teme!

Shura : Ah, yes ... the infamous Sasuke Uchiha. First of all, 'sasuke' literally means 'to stab'.

Naruto : Aha! That suits him fine, dattebayo! Stabby, stab-stab! Stabby, stabby stab! Hahahaha!

Shura : Uchiha is more complicated ... 'Uchi' means 'family' or 'household'. So Sasuke's full name could actually mean ...

Naruto : Family of backstabbers! Oh my god, that totally fits, dattebayo! Hahahahaha!

Shura : If we try to be more precise, the second subject of his name ... 'Ha', means ...

Naruto : Haaaaaaaaah-HAHAHAHAHA!!

Shura : No, not that 'ha', Naruto. 'Ha' actually means 'tooth'.

Naruto : Tooth!? So 'Uchiha' is 'family of tooth'!? That doesn't make any sense! It's more accurate to call them the 'family of eye', know what I mean?

Shura : Remember, all of this is just well-analyzed speculation. It's my best guess to the actual meanings of these names. In other words, I don't' guarantee I am 100-percent accurate.

Naruto : Great, okay! What about Sasuke-teme's aniki? I hate him too, dattebayo, but the fangirls all want to know about it!

Shura : Itachi ... Another complicated name. I have to break it up. 'Ita' by itself doesn't make much sense because it translates to 'plank' or 'board'.

Naruto : But 'chi' is kind of fitting because it's the root subjunctive for the kanji of 'blood' and katakana of 'power'!

Shura : So, going out on a very long limb here ... If 'Uchiha' is a 'house', then we can say that Itachi is that one floorboard or wall plank drenched in blood. The only member of the household with bloodlust on his mind!

Naruto : Believe it, dattebayo! This is so much fun ... Alright, now for Kakashi-sensei!

Shura : The closest I could come up with is 'ka-kae-shi' which literally means 'to gallop swiftly'. His family name Hattake, or 'hata-ke' actually means 'field'!

Naruto : Galloping over a field! It kinda fits coz' Kakashi-sensei is very quick and agile! Which makes it even weirder that he always takes more than three hours to get to the training grounds ...

Shura : Moving on quickly ... Kiba Inuzuka, the man-beast of the recon-savvy Squad 8, and also the main character of my other fanfic.

Naruto : Of course, everyone knows that 'inu' means 'dog'! Hahahahaha! But what about the other half of the name?

Shura : Well, 'zuka' is a phrase that refers to something that is 'increasing'. I guess you could stretch it a bit and say that 'Inuzuka' means to be 'increasingly dog-like'!

Naruto : Baka-inu! Baka-inu! Baka-inu! Hahahahaha! What does 'Kiba' mean?

Shura : The closest word is 'ke-eba' which actually means 'horse-racing'. If we break it up ... we get 'ki' which means a 'shoot' or 'shrub' and can also mean 'mood' or 'temperament'. And there's 'ba', which is a follow-up subject of words referring to 'places and scenes'. For example ... Ichiba, Niba, Sanba are Scene 1, Scene 2, Scene 3 respectively. Well, none of the above interpretations make any sense.

Naruto : No, no, no, no! I know how they make sense! It's really easy! Kiba is violent and impatient like a 'racehorse', see? He is quick to change his 'mood' and is always making a 'scene'!

Shura : That's stretching it really far. But anyway, let's move on to the other two significant Inuzukas in the series. 'Tsume' means 'claw', which really goes well with her personality.

Naruto : And 'Hana' is 'flower'! Because she's sweeter than other Inuzuka and not so quick to anger!

Shura : Moving on ... my fantasy wife, the characteristics of which sadly don't exist in the real world ... Hinata Hyuuga.

Naruto : Hinata-san! She's a really weird chick, dattebayo! All that fainting and going red in the face! You'd think she has a very weak immune system or something; she's always getting a fever!

Shura : Naruto ... you are a great, big stupid idiot.

Naruto : What's that supposed to mean, dattebayo!?

Shura : Anyway, 'Hinata' is a truly lovely name which aptly means 'sunshine'. The family name 'Hyuuga' is hard to translate. The closest possible phrase is 'yu-gae' which, in English, means 'steam'.

Naruto : So, Hinata Hyuuga equals 'steaming sunshine'!?

Shura : Well, I prefer to term it as 'steamy hot sunshine'. She's really smokin'.

Naruto : Hinata-san smokes!? Since when!?

Shura : Just ... Just shut up for two seconds, will you? Let's break down the rest of the Hyuugas that we all know and love, and are jealous of for their ability to see into girls' locker rooms.

Naruto : Lord Hyashi Hyuuga! Dun dun dun dun!

Shura : Hinata's father, in many ways, might even be scarier than Orochimaru. At least the Snake-Sannin can smile and laugh and even crack a few bad jokes. This guy however is a total dummy! One face emotion at all times! Now, there is no such word as 'hyashi' in Japanese, so let's break it up ...

Naruto : 'Hya-ku' is 'thousand', and 'shi' means 'death'! Oh my god ... 'a thousand deaths'! A thousand steaming hot deaths! Yikes!

Shura : That pretty much sums up what he'd do to you if you get on his wrong side. Hinata also has a cute lil' sister by the name of Hanabi Huuga.

Naruto : 'Steamy hot fireworks'! That's what 'hanabi' means.

Shura : Finally, there's Neji Hyuuga. Well, 'neji' means ... it means ... (chokes) ... well, it means ... (giggles)(falls over) ... Waaaaaaaaah-hahahahahaha!!

Naruto : Aaaargh! (pulls his hair) Don't leave me hanging like this, dattebayo! What is it!? What is it!? What's it mean!? Quick, tell me!

Shura : Neji (giggles) ... His name means (snorts) ... (giggles) It means 'screw'!

Naruto : SCREW!? 'Neji' means 'screw'!? Oh my god, dattebayo! Can you hear the sound of a jillion fangirls shrieking with delight?

Shura : From now own, we shall always say to people ... "Hey, you! Quit Neji-ing around!"

Naruto : Or since 'fuck' is such a bad, bad word, you can say "Neji you" instead!

Shura : What the Neji are you talking about!?

Naruto : What's your problem, dattebayo? Neji off!

Shura : I'll Neji your momma for that!

Naruto : You leave my momma out of this! You Neji-ing bastard!

Shura/Naruto : Waaaaaaaaah-Hahahahaha!!

Shura : (wipes eyes) Okay, okay ... poor Neji. Actually, the 'screw' we're referring to is the one in your dad's toolbox. But, who cares!? This translation is way more fun!

Naruto : Believe it, dattebayo!

Shura : Hey, we've gone on long enough. I think that's good for a one-shot.

Naruto : But there are so many more names to go, dattebayo! You haven't even told them the meaning of my name!

Shura : Please, don't you get it? This way, I don't even have to force them come back and read my fanfics! They will willingly support me of their own free will! Ladies and gentlemen, that's all for today. Tune in next time for more on "What's In A Name?"

Naruto : But that will make it a two-shot!

Shura : Who honestly cares? Now, to end, I shall present you the meaning of my name ...

Naruto : That's not fair, dattebayo!

Shura : Hanabishi Shura ... Now, if 'hana' is 'flower' and 'hanabi' means 'fireworks', 'hanabi-shi' really means 'explosives', more specifically 'fire crackers'.

Naruto : Yeah, you're crackers alright ... dattebayo ...

Shura : And 'shura' is actually a word from the Al'Quran, the holy book of Moslem religion, which means 'fiercely passionate' or 'strong commitment'. So the whole name 'Hanabishi Shura' sums up the character I want to be ... someone with an explosive and fiercely passionate sense of commitment.

Naruto : Hah! Your Naruto character personality test yielded Shikamaru as your match! You're a super-lazy, irritating smartass jerk! And didn't you use to be in the chess club?

Shura : Go away! The fanfic is over! Goodbye, everyone.

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Author's Note – All above translations are taken from various study books and kenkyushas (dictionaries) on Japanese speaking and writing. As mentioned, it is all just speculation for fun. There are various dialects to the language, so I may not have caught the actual meanings. Don't take them too seriously.