Alec is crying over Magnus. Jace finds him and tries to help him.
Jace had felt a strange pain go through his entire body. Then he felt it again, stronger this time. It wasn't his pain. He had no reason to be in pain. It was Alec. He felt it again. It was almost like he could feel a limb that was cut off a long time ago. The pain was suddenly excruciating, right at the heart and in the chest.
"What is it?" Izzy asks.
"Nothing," Jace lies. He takes a bite of the strange sandwich Izzy had put in front of him. He chews it and feels more pain. This time the pain won't go away. It is a steady, terrible pain that makes Jace lean over in agony. Izzy puts her hand on him.
"What is it?" she asks. "You have to answer, Jace."
When Jace's terrified face looks up at his sister, she becomes equally as concerned.
"It's Alec."
"Is he hurt? What's going on?" she asks.
"He's in pain. I'm going to help him. I'll be back. Don't worry about it, Izzy."
He isn't going to stand this pain anymore. He makes his way back to his room. He knocks on the door a few times but hears nothing on the other side. He knows Alec is in there. He knows that Alec is in pain. He guessed that he wouldn't want help.
"Alec, come on," Jace says through the door.
"Give me a second," Alec says.
"Don't give me that. I can feel your pain, Alec. Let me help you," Jace demands. He can hear shifting on the other side of the door. Finally, the door opens a little bit. There stands Alec. He has on sweatpants and a tee shirt that is too small for him. His face is red and his hair is messed up. Jace can even see a tremor in his hands.
Alec shouldn't be shaking. Shadowhunters don't shake.
"Alec?" Jace asks.
He shrugs.
"Let me in," Jace demands, pushing the door open. He closes it behind him but Alec is already trying to avoid Jace. He sits down on his bed facing the wall and puts his hands in his lap. His shoulders are hunched and his body language is weak.
Jace can still feel that constant pain in his chest. He wonders how terrible it is for Alec. Jace punches Alec in the shoulder but it doesn't do anything to him. He doesn't even react.
"Come on, Alec," Jace says. "What's going on?"
He doesn't respond. He sniffles, wipes his eyes off and bites his lower lip so hard Jace can see blood dripping from his lip. Jace sits down beside him and puts his arm around his brother.
"Alec," Jace says.
Alec shakes his head, fighting the pain back so hard he is afraid that he will never feel anything again. Jace squeezes his arm a little bit more until Alec finally leans over. Alec puts his head on Jace's shoulder. He feels so many things at one time that he eventually has no control over any of it. Jace takes his brother's weight.
"Alec, what's going on?" Jace asks. Alec sniffles but then lets go of his lip. Jace feels him as he starts to shake and shatter. He cries as hard as he has cried in a long time. Jace can feel his parabatai's pain so strong that the emotion pushes on his own chest and eyes.
"Magnus," Alec mutters.
"What about him?" Jace asks. He knew that something was wrong. Why didn't Alec just tell him?
"He…broke up with me. I told him everything and he realized that I lied. He said he couldn't take it. He told me that he could not forgive me anymore."
"God, Alec," Jace mutters, squeezing his arm around his brother a little tighter. Alec breaks further, crying and burying his face into Jace's shoulder and neck, pushing it as far as it could go so he couldn't be seen.
"Come on, Alec," he says. "It's not that bad."
"Yes it is," he mutters. "Jace, I tried to take away his life. I wanted to shorten it because I couldn't stand the thought of him being without me. I don't want him to fall in love after me. That's so selfish."
"No, it's not, Alec," Jace says.
"How would you know?"
"Alec, you are not selfish. You love him, right?"
Alec lets a small sob escape as he nods his head. He pushes himself up and walks toward the window. He crosses his arms over his chest as his shoulders shake and more tears fall down his face. Jace puts his hand on his brother's shoulder but Alec refuses to turn around.
"Alec," Jace demands.
Alec shrugs him off.
"You are no selfish. Do you love Magnus?"
Alec's head drops and his voice sounds terrible, far away and cracks in horror as he responds.
"Yes."
"You love him and you know that he loves you. You know that you wanted to be with him forever. But you realized that his forever is longer than yours so he would fall in love again. I couldn't imagine thinking about that," Jace says. "You're allowed to be sad."
"No, I'm not. I'm the terrible person. I'm the one who did this to him. I deserve his hate," Alec mutters.
"Okay, fine. Maybe. But not mine," Jace says.
Alec turns around with tears on his face and pain written all over his shaking body. He doesn't break again but this time Jace decides he doesn't deserve this. He puts his arms around him in a hug. The pair hug for a long time. They feel the others pain as they hug. They hold each other close for a long time, Alec resting his head on Jace's shoulder and Jace using all of his strength to hold his brother up.
"Alec," Jace mutters. "You'll be okay."
"No, I won't, not without him. I love him, Jace. I love him with everything that I have and he threw me out. I don't know what to do," Alec says as he breaks.
Alec and Jace sit back down on his bed. They look at each other for a while before Jace comes up with the final solution.
"You need to apologize to him and then you need to prove to him that being with you is worth it. Alec, we don't want you to be hurt anymore so you need to solve this," Jace says.
Alec nods but it doesn't fix his horror.
Alec lays down on his bed and curls up. It is so strange to see such a tall man trying to make himself so small. It's terrifying, even to Jace who is not scared of anything. But he hates to see his best friend looking like this. So fragile and scared.
"Alec, we're going to figure this out together," he promises.
His brother doesn't say anything in response. He has given up on hoping for a resolution.
"We are going to solve this," Jace promises. "I'm not going anywhere, brother."
Jace stays until Alec falls asleep.