Stupid, Cute, Bad Taste

Akito has extremely bad taste in people.

It's not like…not like he's stupid. He's always been a little funny. Before he ever got cute, which means before he ever started actually having, you know, outside contact, he just did crazy things. He was a crazy thing.

Cute. Who cared about cute, then? It was just the three of us, and none of us knew anything about that. We didn't bother with "cute"—weren't we all brothers? You've got to have blind spots about blood relative's charisma "type". You can't think someone that close to you is "pretty," "beautiful," or "cute". Really. It's egocentric.

Or just really wrong in some other way. Incestuous, almost, you know? If we'd really believed Akito was cute, then we would have just gotten all these complexes that would've sent everyone to an early grave.

See why we never had that problem?

And why should we think something that kitschy and glib applied to Akito? I think he still doesn't get it himself. That's all people say to him, outside of the well.

You're so cute. You're so cute. He smiles, and that's so cute. He's not even listening. He's never heard it before and we've never given him an excuse to want to.

Me and Kaito, we were just his family. I mean, I couldn't really be. I was the phantom twin. The imaginary friend that the real caregiver got jealous of. At dinnertime, Akito'd talk to Kaito and then whisper to me, conciliatory, because Kaito was a lying bastard and I'd tell Akito so. (The people he made Akito beat up weren't looking for someone to practice with, they were criminals. When they fell it wasn't the sign of forfeit, it was because Kaito had sneakily coached Akito to aim for vital points.)

Kaito'd always known about me. Sort of. I'd always been sort of there. Akito was a raving lunatic from the time he was little kid. His toys marched outside of his room at night and flowers talked to him and there were letters addressed to him in his cereal. Kid stuff. Those things weren't me, or what would become me, of course. They weren't real. I am.

But Akito never grew out of that kid stuff and when it overlapped with something real (me) Kaito was too dim to make out the difference. Chirpy Akito kept conversing one-sidedly with inanimate objects as he grew older. (Of course he made up their answers. Toys, flowers, and cereal can't think. He was just playing when it came to those, but I'm real.) Then I was born and he started having real discussions with another something others couldn't see. I guess I wasn't that big of a difference, at first.

Still, Kaito was a stupid fuck for not understanding. Akito's imagination never argues with him. I argue with him all the time. And the real Akito never argues with Kaito-nii either. I asked him to do it for me and things didn't go so well after that.

I mean, I guess you could say they got along okay before I came along. There weren't any blowups. They had fun times and Akito was happy because he was tactfully oblivious to what a carnivore Kaito is. He's the type that just likes to get along with people and the sheer act of it blisses him out.

But nah, he's not stupid. Really.

For one thing, he's always known I was real. I was created at the exact moment Akito figured out with Kaito was really up to. But things kept going smoothly for a few weeks. Akito's skill was already gone forever, but Kaito hadn't known that and decided to give him a little break, see if he'd recover, dump his useless body into the bay if needed.

Kidding.

I don't know what Kaito thought, really. He was confused. Things always went the way he wanted with his family. Like back when they'd still been with their parents, but he'd wanted it to be just him and his brother. And that his brother would idolize him no matter what he did.

It had happened.

So I think he must have been a little shell-shocked. He'd hazily allowed routine to proceed, with Akito laughing with him and, as usual, chirping away at his invisible cohorts, plus one. I mean, Akito was sad about what was going on, but he knew not to make a bad situation worse.

Akito isn't stupid, but I am, a little.

Agito, Agito, Agito. Akito never kept me a secret, even when I couldn't speak out loud and had only Akito to talk to. Who knows what was going on with that kid? He'd tell Kaito, buy some red shirts, that's Agito's favorite color! Buy some coffee, Agito likes it. That was before I even could open my mouth for myself. Kaito'd give him his snarly kind of smile and say oh, does Agito still want me to pick up the light bulbs? And Akito would say no, that was the cereal.

Kaito thought I was another creative figment. Freaking dumbass. I was real. And I was dangerous.

Well, maybe Kaito wasn't that stupid. He'd never been jealous of any of Akito's other imaginary friends but he knew to be jealous of me. No, I might be being too generous. Akito's "others" were stuffed animals, plants, and foodstuffs. Compared to me, they weren't very contentious. But Kaito was a big fucking liar who was trying to fuck up Akito's mind and I wouldn't have it.

So when he'd started saying Akito, try this again, try that again, blah blah I only want what's best for you I'd straight out said "He's just trying to use you again, Akito. He knows you don't want to hurt people, but he'll make you do it anyways because he doesn't love you beyond an attack dog, or something." Or something.

Well of course that'd upset him. Akito's not stupid but that doesn't mean he isn't a bit of a wuss.

Akito'd reported what I'd said to Kaito. (Hey, I wasn't manipulating him; he'd always been honest with Kaito and he'd been thinking about it anyways, so even if he hesitated a little until I prompted him to call out the bastard I wasn't pushing him to anything.)

Oh, Agito again huh, Kaito had said, a little annoyed. It wasn't the first time I'd said something to cross him. "Agito's a liar, Akito. Don't believe anything he says." He paused. "In fact, he seems kind of mean. Do you have to talk to him at all? You've got other friends." Then he added, a bit hopefully: "Or, hey, you could just talk to me."

"Selfish bitch." I'd hissed at him. "Huh? Huh?" Akito had conveniently replied, which doubled as a valid answer to both of us. He didn't get why I was angry.

Akito was the only one I could talk to. Kaito forbidding him to speak to me was like suggesting I live in silence. After all, it wasn't like I could hear any of those other things Akito heard. I wasn't as batty as him.

In fact, one day I got bored (and I admit, envious of all the time he wasted on things that were so obviously make-believe, when he had me and I was real) and told him he couldn't speak to any of those ever again.

I'd eaten them all. They'd been tasty.

He'd tilted his head suspiciously, scanning his cornflakes with an expert eye, and said: "Well, the cereal, I guess. But you can't eat hot wheels and daisies, Agito."

I'd retorted: "Sharks eat everything."

He'd just decided on the spot "Oh, ok."

He munched his cornflakes and they actually crackled in his mouth, which freaked me out a little because it was the first time I'd ever witnessed cornflake crunchiness. Akito'd always chat them to mush before he got around to eating them.

And they were gone, just like that. You'd think he'd mourn a little for his lost companions. But maybe even Akito was maturing, and ready to acknowledge that some things just couldn't be and that the imagination was prone to play tricks. And after all, now he had something real. He could let go of things that weren't as good.

But of course Kaito was too big of a dumbass to understand Akito when he said back: "Oh, I can't. Agito's the only one who's left."

"Why? Did you fight with your other friends and make them leave? You should make up and get them back, they were nicer than 'Agito'."

"Fucking hypocrite." I muttered at Kaito, eliciting another "Huh?" from Akito and a shrug from a Kaito.

"Oh no, nii-san, it's not like that. Agito ate them."

"Mm-hm. A killer. He's—he is a boy, right, Akito?—bad news, just as I thought."

"Fuck! Stop humoring Akito like he's retarded and being such a fucking hypocrite!" I growled.

"I'm not retarded." Akito piped up indignantly.

"I didn't say you were." Kaito replied, the space between his eyebrows wrinkling.

"Neither did I." I chimed in. "It's only Kaito who acts like it. Okay fine, I guess I do too. But you are, and you'll always be. Unless you stop believing his crap."

Akito smiled and slurped up another mouthful of noodles.

Akito was always a little crazy, no problem. I mean, not even Kaito really thought he got any worse on account of me. Akito wasn't bad, as far as recluses go. I mean, what, was he really supposed to be satisfied with being shut up with a bleach-blonde dinosaur with chronic male PMS? It was natural. His imaginary friends were his only diversions, his only social life. Kaito wasn't going to begrudge him that. He's an asshole, but not completely brainless. He knew to give his imprisoned kin a little breathing room to go insane. Akito was a saint, for God's sake, coming off pleased about how the only person he knew in the world was a corrupt police officer who never offered any explanations about natural parents.

So Kaito probably thought an alter ego that was more belligerent than anything Akito's psyche had been able to muster before was just an overdue development.

It could have gone on forever, Akito being a cheerful trooper who kept his brother on tenterhooks, Kaito near pissing himself whenever Akito showed a modicum of grace, and me just being cross over the stagnation of the situation, bitching to Akito over our private line.

But of course, I'm stupid.

"Oh!" Akito had said one day, dropping his toothbrush. "It's you!"

I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, spitting out the toothpaste foam. It was killing the drama, but I had to rinse out my mouth with Akito's cup of water before I could speak to him.

"Yeah. Hi." I was lame. Of course I was. We'd already been talking for months. There aren't all that many sentences tailor-made for the moment you confiscate your maybe schizophrenic host's body.

"Oh wow. You…wow, Agito!"

I had a feeling that we really should be talking about more important things. It wasn't like I'd been plotting a hostile takeover. I'd just noticed Kaito getting more impatient, Akito's efforts to remain seemingly oblivious and upbeat getting more strained, and my own frustration growing that I couldn't do anything.

I'd wanted to, I don't know, relocate Akito to safety. Akito would never run away, and if he ran away he wouldn't know enough about how to deal with the world to survive. But if I were control, I'd thought, I would. I'd be strong enough for the both of us.

And voila, there I was in his body.

"I can't believe it! Agito, you look just like me!"

I flexed my fingers experimentally. I don't know, his fingers? The left hand wasn't as good, it stayed heavy on the sink where Akito had been keeping it.

"I think I am you. There's still only one body here. I think."

"Oh." Akito was silent for a few seconds. At first I thought he was marveling over what had happened. Then I realized, what the fuck, it was Akito. He was nuttier than a Snicker's bar. If he didn't bat an eye at the grand balls teddy bears hosted in his bedroom, then two seconds of me controlling with his body wasn't going to faze him.

Oh hell, he sounded disappointed.

"Akito?"

"I'm sorry. I just thought you'd look…different."

"Different? Different, how?" Fuck, toothpaste tasted foul. I'd never thought much about how it'd be like to feel, like actually feel, but now that I could I was finding out that senses were a pain in the ass. It was drafty as all hell too, Akito'd just climbed out of bed and there were goosebumps sticking out of my bare legs.

"I dunno." Akito admitted. "Kind of like Kaito-nii, I guess."

I didn't like my first experience with choking on rage, either.

"What?! Why the fuck would you think that?"

"I dunno." Akito returned serenely once more. "Because you always sound so tough. And crabby. So I imagined you being kinda big. And like, really mann-ish. But you're just like me."

Okay, so I didn't think Akito was cute. But you can just look at a picture, or a sculpture, or a pair of AT's, or whatever, and instead of waxing bloody poetic idiocy about it, just know it looks good. And I knew that Akito looked great. He had the kind of face people liked to look at. And the natural colors of his hair, skin, and eyes were what others paid to get with chemicals.

But Akito was just himself. Other than the voices in his head, none too messed up, and so no narcissism. Thus his disenchantment with me. He'd swapped out his entire bevy of fascinating friends to have me alone, and when we finally got to meet face to face, what a letdown, I looked just like him. I was downright boring.

"Fuck that." I spat.

"Eh?" Akito innocently interjected. He hadn't quite caught on that my thoughts were now closed to him while I had the body.

Oh, I was going to be fascinating all right. Akito's life'd never be the same again.

I stalked out of the bathroom and into the living room where I knew Kaito'd be sipping his morning coffee and thinking up new schemes to get Akito on a pair of wheels again.

"Oy, motherfucker!" I yelled. "Get off your lazy faggot ass and just ride the damn AT's yourself!"

"What?!"

- - -

Like I said, Akito has extremely bad taste in people. He likes Kaito, loves him, lived just fine with him even after the initial chaos of my arrival. He was gloomy, of course. He could no longer pretend that things might be OK, as in he'd probably miraculously recover and Kaito'd could wet himself with joy, all the while getting away with not actually doing anything. I blew his cover, but as I insisted to him, the jig would've been up eventually.

Course, I didn't mean to replace him as G-man. And cripple people on a daily basis, which Akito really hates. Oops. It was just, fuck, I was really, really good at it. Like I'd been born to do it. Kaito'd said, after he found out, that it was the only thing that stopped him from ditching Akito at an orphanage or mental asylum. (No problem securing him a spot with his history of "friends".) He was a busy man, he had a career, he had to haul stormriders' and their delinquent asses to jail, and they were getting thicker than flies on a carcass these days. If Akito wasn't going to be useful, he'd have to deposit him somewhere and take care of his job first. Plus, I have to admit, I really, really liked chewing people up.

So I actually kept Akito and Kaito together. Which pisses me off to no fucking end because it's what Akito wanted all along anyways, kind of. He didn't want to be separated from his only family—I know it's just because he has no one better and nowhere to go, but he insisted he was happy. Of course he wasn't. He was still technically useless and if I fucked up a little Kaito didn't spare him his wrath. But he hadn't been ready to leave Kaito and I provided the means to stay with him for a while. Fuck, that might be all I was good for, why I was born.

But even Akito had to get fed up eventually. It was a very confusing, idiotic situation where no one was really getting what he wanted. And Akito still had to stick with it because he hadn't gotten to the point where he could understand that he could want something better than a control-freak older brother and a murderous second personality. Or hell, even talking cereal. Akito's still a little crazy, but he's getting less so, and he's never been stupid.

What will never change, though, is his horrible taste in people. No, I swear it has gotten fucking worse. He liked Kaito, he likes me, we're bad enough.

Now it's that fucking crow. At least he knows how to use that god-dammed word, "cute," which was definitely for Akito even though it was me who earned it for him with my Behemoth territory campaign. Pft, whatever.

But it looks like Akito's ready to fly, and on his own, in some sense of the word. Ikki likes having me around, kind of like Kaito, because I'm useful. But he wouldn't mind having Akito around on his own either, even if he's not the Fang King. Akito's slow to really, really understand it. He's in the habit of making little excuses about how I'm the best reason for the others, Ikki, to like him, a leftover from when there was that big, valid excuse of me being the best reason for Kaito to hold onto him.

But shit, eventually he's going to start letting it sink in what it means when teachers, girls, boys, Ikki, calls him cute. He's going find out that even if he isn't as big a part in the world of AT's as he used to be, which was Kaito's and mine, there's a thousand other worlds out there that he does fine in. He's going to realize that he doesn't need me, not to be with the one he likes best, not to survive, not for anything.

He'll get there.

And I'll be gone.

After all, Akito's never been stupid.

A/N

Another experimental piece…Stream of consciousness attempt, or a pseudo version of it anyways…R&R.