Gender-Blender

Like gender-bender manga... just more painful.

I don't own Maximum Ride.

Chapter One – Shoes, Sex Grunts, Birds, and Blenders

Sunlight streamed through the partially open blinds. The birds might have been chirping, but we'll never know since Nudge was snoring too loud for anyone to tell.

Max sat up, yawned, and crawled out of bed, only to trip over one of Nudge's shoes and face-plant on the wood floor.

Ow. Wouldn't that just be an amazing way to start your day? No? Well shut up, because no one asked you anyways. That's right, no one cares what you think.

"Stupid shoe," Max grumbled, crawling towards the door, simply because she was too lazy to stand back up, "I'll kick the crap out of Nudge when she gets up."

Just for those who were wondering, Max was not going to kick Nudge until she crapped herself. That would be gross.

Max continued crawling into the bathroom and stood up, hitting her head on the sink, and letting out a long stream of swear words that will not be repeated here. If you want to hear them, go ask Angel. She took one look in the mirror and swore again, this time so loudly she even drowned out Nudge's snoring.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

Like gender-bender manga... just more painful.

Iggy, who also was unable to hear the birds, jumped out of bed in a fighting stance. He was sure he heard a loud thump from upstairs. Was someone attacking?

"Mrrrpphhhhhhhh... go back to bed. Max probably just tripped over something again," Fang mumbled from his bed.

Iggy sighed and flopped back in bed, "You're probably right."

"Mrrrpphhhhhhhh..."

"Is that supposed to be some sort of sex grunt?" Iggy snickered.

A book hit him in the face, courtesy of Fang. Because Fang was just feeling that generous today.

"Fine, whatever."

Fang rolled back over and Iggy placed the book on the floor by his bed.

"Hey Fang?"

"What?"

"So, how's your baby raccoon? Is it wrapped in salami?"

"What?"

Iggy snickered, "You though of something pervy didn't you? Someone has a naughty mind!"

Another book went flying across the room, hitting Iggy in the face.

"Well, that was rude."

Fang mumbled a highly offensive phrase and rolled back over.

"Hey, Fang?"

Fang repeated the previous phrase, but this one had more swears. Angel learned quite a few more words that day.

"You know how some guys, like, name their penis?"

"Shut up."

"I've been thinking of naming mine, maybe something like," Iggy paused for dramatic effect. Annoying Fang was his specialty and recently, Nudge had been beating him at it. Iggy refused to lose at something as important as this, "My Mystical Narwhal or something. How does that sound?"

Another book hit Iggy, this time in the "Mystical Narwhal". Fang sure had a lot of books today.

"Wow, that didn't actually hurt. Was that just a pathetic throw, or did I just fall asleep with a cup on? Maybe-"

"Shut up."

"But you just-"

"Shhhhhh..."

"Well, I'm going to go use the bathroom now."

Iggy got up and walked to the bathroom. We aren't going to go over the exact details, but we ended up with:

"Ahhhhhhhh! Fang! My Mystical Narwhal's gone!"

Even the author has words to describe that sentence.

Well, except these ones: awkward, weird, and omg-hahahahaha-wtf?

The author feels pride in the previous word choice. And that's just sad.

Again, not going into details, but we one again ended up with:

Fang realizing Iggy was now a girl.

Iggy realizing Iggy was now a girl.

Fang doing a overdramatic spin towards the mirror.

Fang discovering that he too, was a girl.

And that he was really hot.

And so was Iggy.

But that's not the point here.

Both boys went into hysterical screaming fits that drowned out Nudge's snoring, Max's swearing, and the birds.

The birds finally gave up and flew to another house that wasn't so noisy.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

Like gender-bender manga... just more painful.

Today wasn't Max's morning either. She had done some things on her own too and also ended up with a hysterical screaming fit. Max realized:

She was now a boy.

And she was really hot.

But that's still not the point.

She ran over to Nudge and woke her up. Together they went and found Fang and Iggy, joined their screaming fit, and Nudge discovered some things too:

She was now a boy.

And so was Max.

Fang and Iggy were both girls.

And they had bigger boobs then she did when she was a girl!

There was something wrong with #4.

"Oh my freakin' gosh! What the hell happened?"

"Why am I a girl?"

"Does this have something to do with the school?"

"STOP!" Nudge yelled, which was surprising, since she was really being a hypocrite here, "First of all, yelling won't help us. Second of all, Iggy and Fang really need to stop jumping. They aren't wearing bras, and no one here wants to see that. Third of all, what about Angel and Gazzy?"

Four heads simultaneously turned towards the white door at the end of the hallway.

Nudge brightened back up, turning towards Fang, "Oh yeah! And sixth of all, do you think my boobs will be that big one day? I'm hardly even a 34A right now and you're like a C! Max is a B34, so I can't ask her. If you don't know I'm sure Iggy does, since you two are like, the same size!"

Everyone went silent.

"Or, you know, we could just see what happened to Gazzy and Angel."

The group set off down the hallway and burst through the door.

"Gazzy! Angel! What gender are you?"

That was an incredibly awkward question. But at this point, no one really cared.

Gazzy walked out of the bathroom and smiled, "Hey Max! So you're a boy too?"

Max laughed, "Yeah, Gazzy, where's Angel?"

Gazzy frowned, "I am Angel."

"What?" everyone screamed in unison. The author was smart enough to bring a camera so she could capture that rare, never to be repeated moment.

"So Gazzy and Angel, look like... each other now?"

Iggy cleared his/her throat, "So, would anyone like breakfast?"

"I would!"

"Yeah, sure."

"Yay! Yay! Yay!"

"Okay."

"Yup!"

They all headed downstairs to eat some eggs and possibly toast.

Yummy.

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

Like gender-bender manga... just more painful.

Iggy set down the last plate and sat in (his? Her? It's? Your choice!) empty chair. The room was silent, with the exception of the sounds of eating, which actually sound slightly gross.

Max was the first to finish and she decided that now would be a great time to remind everyone of what happened this morning, "So, what do you think happened to us?"

Fang shrugged.

Iggy shrugged.

Nudge had a genius idea, "OMG! What if we changed genders since it's an overused fanfiction idea?"

Max thought for a minute, "Nah, it's probably just a disease."

"Yeah."

"That's true."

"I wonder if it's contagious..."

"I like this toast!"

"Oooh! Pass the jelly!"

~ GeNdEr~BlEnDeR~

Like gender-bender manga... just more painful.

Sooooo? How was it? This is my chapter, and the next chapter I upload will be written by Bunnies of Doom. There's a few more people doing it with us, but I'll tell you when we get to them!

Bubye!

Unicorn of Awesomeness