Title: Drowning In You

Rating: T

Pairing: Leah/Jasper (Leaper)

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything from Twilight!

Summary: Jasper remembers a time as a human child when he almost drowned and compares the feelings to how he feels when around Leah and her overly powerful emotions.

I remember when I was a human child all those years ago. As time goes forward the memories fade and continue to move away from me and out of my grasp. There is no use in chasing them since even if I somehow managed to catch up with them, it's not as if I could rewind time and go back to the innocence of my youth. No matter how much I wished it possible to do so.

Back before the Southern vampire wars. Before Maria found me and ended my life as a human soldier. Back to a time when monsters were scary stories told by parents to frighten children into behaving and following the rules. To a time where girls had cooties and you could fly if you wished long and hard. To a time when innocence was everything.

Innocence. Did true innocence even exist anymore? Had it ever existed in the first place? After all my years walking this earth I am still unsure of the answer. Truthfully I beleived innocence to be nothing more than a lie. The world is a dark place with shadows lurking in every corner and sins floating around until they find someone whose soul they can corrupt. Everyone breaks under the pressures of reality someday no matter how hard they fight it.

Thinking about everything I've seen in my life I am posotive innocence is a lie. No one is innocent or pure anymore. They may start out that way from birth with a clean white soul not yet tainted by the harshness of life. Yes they can start this way though it never lasts no matter how hard one tries to keep their life pure and untainted. Shadows of sin are always around the corner ready to jump out and latch on to you at a moments notice.

Darkness, true darkness always wins. Like a cancer it enters your body without your knowledge and attaches itself to something deep inside of you. Over time the darkness feeds off of your emotions growing stronger and larger until it's so powerful and the hold on you so tight, you are unable to escape when you finally realize what has happened. Most people try to fight it off but in the end they give up finding it easier to just let the sins take hold.

I'm not saying good can't trump evil because I have seen it done many times. All I am saying is true darkness will and always does win in the end. Myself and my family members are proof enough. Take Carlisle for example. The sweetest and most caring vampire I'll ever have the pleasure of knowing. He is my father in almost every sense of the word. He and Esme took me in with no questions asked and I don't think I will ever be able to repay them for the kindness they bestow upon me.

How can I describe Carlisle? A healing soul would be a start I suppose. Here was a man who knew what he stood for and would never waver in his beliefs. He was strong and compassionate. He'd die for a stranger if given the choice of his life or theirs. Carlisle is all I hoped I could one day be. I strived to be as strong as my father. To be able to resist temptation without a second thought. To be a healer and not a killer.

For all the good in Carlisle and it's alot of good beleive me, there is equal darkness in the blonde vampire. Carlisle has seen death in a way no one except maybe myself has seen. He was a part of the Volturi and the memories from that particular past always haunt him. You can take one look into his eyes and you know the ghosts of the past haunt my father figure taunting him with memories he never wanted to begin with.

He didn't kill those people but he stood by and did not try to stop the Volturi from slaughtering them. Hundreds or maybe even thousands of innocent humans lost their lives. Men, women, and even children tortured then sucked dry of their life essence. Stripped of every last drop of blood that flowed within their veins. Carlisle had watched these murders and not done one thing to try and stop it. This was something Carlisle would never be able to forgive himself for.

The best way to describe it would be comparing the likeness to swimming against the current. You can give it your all but in the end it doesn't matter. Eventually your strength will deplete and the current will pull you under and keep you there for the rest of time. Struggling will only make it worse and kill you faster. Unless your already dead then it doesn't kill you just corrupts the rest of your already damned soul. The darkness will suffocate you and then spit you back out only to allow you to spread the darkness across the lands. Evil will make you it's puppet.

Turning on my side I looked down at Leah Clearwater who was sleeping peacefully. I remember when I was eight and I almost drowned. I remember feeling at peace and looking at Leah in this moment as she slept I had the peaceful feeling once more. Part of me wondered if I should be worried that I felt the same feeling near death had given me while I was with the she wolf.

Funny how she could be such a force and somewhat something to fear in her waking hours yet as she rested she could make anyone feel almost normal. She brought back memories of my mother baking in our kitchen, my younger sisters playing outside in a field of wild flowers, and of course the day I almost drowned in my 8th year of life.

It was the hottest day of the summer that year. 108 degrees with the sun beating down on your skin creating burns so bad it could cause blisters to form. What made it worse was staying inside because atleast outside there was a chance of some sort of breeze. Inside the heat just lingered in one enclosed area. To stay inside would slowly suffocate you. The heat would choke the life out of anyone dumb enough to lock themselves inside on this particular day.

I had gotten permission from my parents to go down to a swimming hole not far from our house. It was much to hot for chores. That would be held off until later in the evening before dinner. It would have cooled down a little by then and therefore it would be easier to get the chores finished and animals fed. We would not have to worry about heat stroke taking hold.

So until that time I was free to submerge myself in the cold water and get rid of any stress an eight year old boy could have. I had eagerly stripped off my shirt and shoes before doing a canon ball into the water. I remember the refreshing cold driving away the heat as the icy water flowed over my sun burned flesh.

I remember scrambling out of the water because in my brilliant eight year old mind I thought jumping from the highest branch of the tallest tree would be a splendid idea. The next clear emotion I remember having is pain. Who knew jumping from such a height could hurt so fucking much?

I guess every child has atleast one stupid idea they think is so perfect and this happened to be mine. It's not like I thought about the consequences I mean come on I was only eight at the time. For an eight year old jumping from a tree into the water seems like the best idea anyone has ever had.

Once I hit the water and sank I must have hit my head on a rock. I remember a blinding white flash of light behind my eyes as the air left my lungs only to be replaced by freezing cold water. As my lungs filled with the liquid it burned. The feeling was unnatural much like the feeling of a vampires venom entering your system only slightly less painful. Also the pain doesn't even last a fraction as long as the chance to vampirism.

Next I remember passing the panic stage as a strange peaceful feeling crept over me. I knew I was dying and yet I no longer seemed to care. The image of my family members flitted through my brain and I silently bid them each goodbye. I would miss my sisters and my parents. I would miss my dog Angus who slept at the end of my bed.

I was saddened that I would never see my friends again or ask Lisa to be my girlfriend. I had picked out a shiny red apple to give her the next day when I saw her in town. I'm sure she would have said yes after seeing the fruit. She loved apples. From what I learned after leaving to fight in the war years later I heard she married some young man who owned an orchard.

As I was saying before while yes I felt saddened by all of this I was oddly excited. My grandfather had recently passed away and part of me was curious to know where he went after death took him. I wanted to follow him so I could see this elusive heaven everyone always talked about when death was mentioned. Would I go to heaven? Would I meet an angel? Yes, I was very curious to see what laid beyond the mortal plane.

Obviously I did not die that day. My father who came to check on me pulled me from the water and sucked the water from my lungs. I had avoided death that day and everyday after until I met Maria but that was a story for another time.

Today was about remembering the almost drowning as I lay next to Leah Clearwater. Everytime I was near her I drowned in her emotions. Her anger, hate, lust, aggrivation, and her love. The feelings enveloped my entire being and still I wanted more. I'd never have enough time with the female shape shifter even though I literally had forever.

While a part of me would always love Alice the day she left with Nahuel was the day I started to fall for Leah Clearwater. The moment I saw her I was both saved and drowned at the same time. With the wolf girl I could drown every few seconds in a different emotion. It could be wonderful and terrifying at the same time. It's not something I ever would have thought I'd enjoy but now after having it I knew I could never go back to the way it was before.

"What are you thinking about? I can hear the gears in your mind working overtime and it is interrupting my sleep leech. So if your going to be thinking alot I ask that you get the hell out of bed so that those of us who need sleep can actually get it." Leah's sleepy voice disturbed my thoughts and I smiled at my lover.

I stroked her cheek as she drifted off into slumber once more. "I wasn't thinking of much darlin. I was simply drowning in you like always. I'd drown in you anyday Leah Clearwater."

THE END!

AN: Just a oneshot I started a long time ago and decided to finish! Let me know what you thought about it. It's a bit different but I was in Leah/Jasper mood so this is what you all get!

I have come to like Jasper alot and while he wont ever replace Edward he comes in close second lol after Demetri that is :) Also I am looking for a Beta reader so if you are interested please message me.

Please R&R like always!