Animus, an oban star-racers fanfic

Author's Note: I started this story a long time ago as a character study of Spirit, but for some reason I never finished it. I just recently found it again while cleaning up my hard drive and decided to give it another shot. It takes place within the time frame of episode 11-13, so beware of spoilers!

Animus

My people live in darkness. Our planet's sun is cold and dim, so we became living shadows to survive. That is my first reason for being out on the roof of my pit at night. Evening helps me recover from the sun's harsh light and eases the pain of homesickness. Storm clouds still hang low in the sky heavy with rain and growling with thunder. Rain begins falling, first in single droplets and then a steady drizzle.

Faint yellow lights burn from the opposite shore of the pool. It is the Earth Team pit. They must be as troubled as I to be awake so late, their pilot most of all. She survived the crash with fewer injuries than her partner but something inside of her is broken. I had seen that girl once before, many years ago at a different race on her home world. Back then she was much smaller. She had no metal pierced through her ear, no ink on her cheeks or dyes in her hair. She was only a scared little girl who took one look at me and hid in her father's arms. If I had only recognized her again before today, perhaps things would have turned out differently.

I do not fully understand what the concepts of 'father' or 'mother' mean, but to a human child they mean everything in the world. I saw as much when I read her memories earlier today. She believed I had taken her mother's life and that I was a monster and a murderer. It is no wonder, then, that she hated me more than ever today. But I showed her my memories from that time and now she knows the truth.

I did not kill Maya Wei. I am an aggressive pilot but I am no killer. It was all an accident, a cruel twist of fate. I did not cause her fuel to leak, nor did I cause her ship to crash. I did nothing to hurt her. But … I did nothing to save her, either.

Our race was meant to bring friendship between our people. Instead it drove us apart. It seemed that the entire human race saw the crash of their best pilot the same way as that little girl had, with fear and suspicion. My people were also very displeased with me. I had failed as the ambassador of the Phils. My mission was to strengthen the new bonds between our worlds but those bonds fell to pieces in my hands.

That is why I am on Alwas now. Today I won the race but there will be many more after this. Fate has given me a second chance. I cannot let it go to waste. Everyone on my planet is waiting for me to return home victorious. I must win the Great Race of Oban. I must have the Ultimate Prize to make everything right again for my people … and for hers.

I have lost. I am waiting now for the Avatar's ship to take me home. My people will be very disappointed and I may even be stripped of my rank as ambassador. I never made it to the finals and a half victory is not acceptable among the Phils. Strangely, I still feel some happiness. Because of my loss the Earth Team is now able to continue to Oban. More importantly, she can continue.

Defeating a Crog pilot is no easy task. I remember how badly Colonel Toros destroyed her ship the first time they raced and what a crushing blow it was for her team. But in spite of all the trials fate has dealt her, that girl has still managed to come out the winner.

The Avatar's ship has come for me now. I climb the ramp to enter it and leave Alwas far behind.

"Spirit!"

I turn around. She is standing on the platform far below, just looking at me. I am surprised to see her, but stay where I am and watch her, waiting to see what she will do. She has come here for a reason, and I want to know why. My thoughts are filled with questions I cannot ask her. The inability to speak has always been a stumbling block between our peoples. The only language humans and Phils have in common is body language. There is a long silence between us. Then she smiles, lifts her arm and waves. I understand now. She does not hate me any longer and wants to part with me on friendly terms. I return the gesture to communicate the same message.

When I enter the ship the door closes behind me, sealing me up in its comforting darkness. The image of the Earth girl waving goodbye to me is still in my mind. She will continue her journey to Oban. She will race against even stronger opponents and suffer many more hardships along the way, but I am sure she will win. She has something driving her that is more powerful than what drove me or any other pilot. She will win the Ultimate Prize and she will use it to do what I could not.

Maya's daughter will make things right.

The End