Disclaimer: I am not Lemony Snicket, or Bowling for Soup. Please do not assume that Bowling for Soup wrote this song. They didn't, I did.

Hello, and welcome to the first chapter of Series of Unfortunate Songfics. Today's chapter is based on the song, "1985". When you read this, sing it loudly, for it is fun to sing odd things loudly! This song is about Count Olaf! YING!

1999

Olaf just hit the wall
He only has one ball
One more man a day
Turns out he's really gay
He hired his first male whore
When he was only four
Been with more than one man
Has lots of evil plans

He was gonna be a drag queen
He was gonna be a star
He was gonna shake his ass
On the hood of Esme's car
Cuz he's in VFD
He's a public enemy
Looks at his evil life
And nothing
Has been
Alright

Cuz of fires
And fortunes
And 2 sets of rich orphans
He caused shisms
And murders
And he jacks off with steel girders,
His assistants
In his troupe
They tell him that his boobs droop
But he's still preoccupied
With 19,
19,
1999!

He's taped lots of nude men
He's seen every guy
Jaques Snicket, Mr. Poe,
He sees them when they're high
He rocked out to wham
Not a Lemony Snicket fan,
Thought he'd get a hand
On the fortunes of a very rich clan.

Where's his mini-skirt
Made of snakeskin?
And is it true that he once screwed the white-faced women?
When did his name become,
Count Omar?
What every happened to his,
Dildos, porno?
(They're all gone because of)

Fires
And fortunes
And 2 sets of rich orphans
He caused shisms
And murders
And he jacks off with steel girders,
His assistants
In his troupe
They tell him that his boobs droop
But he's still preoccupied
With 19,
19,
1999!

He hates girls,
Make them stop,
When did being gay become not that hot?
And when did Lemony, become an author?
Please make this
Stop
Stop

STOP

(And stop the)

Fires
And fortunes
And 2 sets of rich orphans
Stop the shisms
And murders
But let him jack off with steel girders,
His assistants
In his troupe
Still tell him that his boobs droop
But he's still preoccupied
With 19,
19,
1999!

So, how do you like it? Should I continue with other songs? Review, please! Oh, and ya'll can flame all you want, I don't mind!
-Rosemary Parkinsons