TITLE: Talk With an Old Friend - Post scene to "Never Say Never."
AUTHOR: Lynne Facella
CATEGORY: JC & SL Friendship
SPOILERS: Season Eight spoilers through "Never Say Never."
SUMMARY: Carter and Susan get reacquainted
DISCLAIMER: All ER characters are the property of Warner Brothers, NBC, etc., etc.
EMAIL: Mulderette@aol.com or Lynne1919@aol.com
WEB SITE ADDRESS: http://envy.nu/carterette/
NOTES: Jen, thanks so much for your editing help :)
Carter sighed tiredly as he put away his last chart for the day. It had been an incredibly long and bizarre day. His head was literally spinning from all that had happened. Out of the blue, Deb had quit and Kerry had offered him the chief resident position. It was the prize he had wanted for so long, but now that it was within his reach, he just wasn't sure. This wasn't how he had wanted to get it. Not at the expense of a colleague...not at the expense of a friend... Kerry hadn't even met his eyes when she had spoken to him. She had said all the right things, but he knew her heart wasn't in it. He was the best candidate now only because it would take too much time and effort for them to get anyone better. He had tried not to cringe as Kerry took her crutch and squashed a spider without a thought. First Dave, now Deb...would he be the next one to be squashed?
After his conversation with Kerry, he had gone back to work, but his concentration just wasn't there. Finally the ER had emptied out enough for him to take a break. He had gone up to the roof, wanting some fresh air and hoping to clear his head for a bit. He had still been a little in shock over all that had happened. He had seen Deb right away, standing against the wall, looking out over the city. They had talked about what had happened and she had given her blessing for him to take the chief resident job if it was what he wanted. Her final words had echoed in his head though and even now he still found them disturbing. "Promise me, John, that whatever sacrifice you make for this place, you just make sure it's worth it."
She had then started to sob and he had held her for a long time, letting her cry herself out. Finally she had drawn back from his arms. "You need to go back to work," she had said quietly as she had wiped the last traces of tears from her face, regaining her composure. "And I...I need to leave."
They had slowly walked back into the hospital and had silently ridden the elevator back down to the ER. He had followed her to the ambulance bay. "You'll keep in touch?" he had asked, meeting her eyes solemnly. "Promise you'll let me know what you end up doing?"
She had hesitated for a moment and then nodded. "Yes, John. I'll let you know." She had managed a smile, which he had known was strictly for his benefit and he had hugged her one more time. Biting her lip to keep from crying again, she had pulled away from him. "You take care of yourself, John." She had started walking quickly away and did not look back.
His eyes had followed her until she totally disappeared from sight and then he had headed back inside to finish his shift. He didn't understand what had happened. There was a part of him that was relieved that he hadn't somehow been pulled into it and he felt ashamed that he was even thinking this way. He felt selfish that he was here and Dave and Deb were not.
He had pretty much kept to himself the rest of his shift. Abby had gone home and he was just quiet, lost in his thoughts. Now that his shift was finally over, he felt the need to talk this out with someone, but he didn't know who. He went into the lounge and was surprised to see Susan slamming a locker shut. "Hey, breaking and entering is a crime you, know." He grinned as he opened up his own locker, shoving his lab coat inside. "What are you still doing here?"
"Just hanging around." She smiled as she looked over at him. The last time she had seen him he had just looked so very young. "Actually... I'm going to be working here. I accepted an attending position."
"Really? That's terrific news." He closed his locker and gave her a big smile, though he couldn't help being a little bit surprised at the news. It had been well known that she and Kerry had not exactly been best buddies.
"Thanks. I'm pretty excited about it too."
"So are you leaving or are you sticking around here?" he asked as he slung his bag over his shoulder. "I have my jeep. I could give you a lift."
"Really?" Susan's eyes lit up. "That'd be great, Carter. I'm staying at the Marriott."
"Okay. Hey you hungry?" he asked as they headed out of the lounge.
"Not really." Susan shook her head. "But you can get something if you want."
"Maybe I'll just pull into a drive-through." With everything that had gone on, he hadn't even thought to take a break to eat during his shift. He led her through the garage and a few minutes later they arrived at his jeep.
"Very nice, Carter," Susan said, giving it the once over. "This is definitely not the same jeep you used to have."
"No. That one met with an unfortunate accident." He opened the passenger door for Susan, then waited for her to settle herself inside before he closed the door and walked over to the driver's side. He fastened his seatbelt, started up the jeep and they were on their way.
"This is so weird," he commented as he drove, glancing at Susan with a smile on his face. "I can't believe you're back."
"It is a good thing, isn't it, Carter?" she asked teasingly as he pulled into a Wendy's.
"It's definitely a good thing. You sure you don't want anything?" he asked, as he rolled down the window.
"Positive."
He ordered a cheeseburger combo and a Coke and a short while later they arrived at her hotel.
"Carter...why don't you come up for a while," she suggested as he pulled up in front.
"Are you sure?" He gave her a questioning look though the idea strongly appealed to him.
"Yes, I'm sure. We have a lot to catch up on. Come on up. Anyhow, your food is going to get cold if you don't eat it soon."
"Alright, that sounds nice." He pulled away from the curb and drove out to the parking lot behind the hotel. He parked and they walked into the hotel, entering her room a few minutes later.
"This is nice," he said as he made his way over to the small table and sat down on one of the chairs, putting his food and drink onto the table.
"I figured I'd treat myself and stay somewhere nice." Susan kicked off her shoes and walked over to the dresser, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. "Carter do you mind if I just quickly change my clothes? I hate getting dressed up for interviews."
"Sure. Go ahead." He opened the bag, pulling out the cheeseburger and fries. Susan came over and snatched a few fries then made her way to the bathroom.
"Hey I thought you weren't hungry," he called after her, teasingly.
"Carter, I took a few crummy fries," she shot back, a smile on her face. "You Biggie sized it after all."
"I only Biggie sized it because I knew you'd want some," he retorted, a slight smirk on his face.
She rolled her eyes good-naturedly and went into the bathroom. "I'll be right out."
He started to eat his burger as he waited for Susan, once more mulling the events of the day over in his mind. He still was having a hard time with what had happened at the hospital. It was all so bizarre. First Dave had been fired. Now Deb had quit and Susan was back. It almost seemed like there was a giant revolving door in the ER where staff just kept coming and going and you never really knew what was going to happen next.
"Carter? Hey Carter."
"Huh?" He was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't even noticed that Susan had come back into the room. She was seated across the table from him, munching on another French fry, looking at him curiously.
"Carter, you're a thousand miles away. What are you thinking about?"
He hesitated for a moment and then shook his head, not even knowing why he was hesitating. "Dr. Weaver offered me the chief resident position today."
"Really?" Surprise was clearly etched on Susan's face. "But I thought...isn't Dr. Chen the chief resident?"
"Was the chief resident...she quit."
"She quit? Why?" Susan looked carefully at Carter, trying to gauge his expression. "Did something happen?"
"Yeah..." He absently swirled the straw around in his drink. "It all has to do with a certain case. I can't really talk about it, but it involved Deb and Weaver and another resident, Dave, who was fired."
"Wow." Susan was silent for a few moments, part of her wondering if she had been too hasty in accepting Mark's offer for the attending position. "So...are you going to take the position?"
"I don't know...I really don't," he admitted quietly. "I was offered a position at Northwestern. You know...I used to really think I wanted to stay here at County, but there's a part of me that thinks maybe it would be better for me to leave, to get a fresh start somewhere else where nobody knows me."
"Carter!" Susan gave him an incredulous look. "The way you say that, it's like you have some horrible secret past you're trying to hide. Everyone has always loved you at County. Even Weaver. The rest of us all had our problems with her, but not you." She stopped talking when she noticed the look on his face, a mixture of pain, embarrassment, and almost fear.
"What is it?" Her voice was soft as she put her hand over his. "Carter, what's wrong?"
"I..." He shifted uncomfortably as he cast his eyes upward for a moment, not even knowing how to start. He hadn't told too many people the woeful little tale of what had happened to him. Most people just knew.
"Well...in February of last year...my medical student, Lucy and I were attacked in the ER, stabbed..." His eyes took on an almost haunted appearance as he thought back to that awful day. "I was hurt badly, but obviously pulled through okay, but Lucy...she didn't make it..."
"How awful." Susan looked at him in shock. She hadn't really kept in touch with anyone from County after she left, but she had never imagined something like this. "I guess I can understand why you might not want to stay at County."
He sighed and shook his head. "No...that's not exactly why..."
She waited patiently for him to talk, not wanting to push him. She could see that whatever he wanted or needed to say, it wasn't very easy so she would let him tell it in his own time.
He looked back at Susan and took a deep breath, willing himself to continue. "After...after it happened...I...I had a pretty rough time. Physically I was having some problems with my back...but it wasn't just that. I wasn't sleeping. I was eating either crazily or not at all, and I couldn't get the thoughts of what happened out of my head. I felt really guilty about what happened to Lucy."
"Carter...you know you weren't to blame."
He shook his head slightly. "That's just it...I don't know...Lucy and I, well...we didn't really get along well a lot of the time. I mean there were times when we did, but most of the time we just seemed to get on each other's nerves.
"It's just that way sometimes though, you can't beat yourself up about it."
He realized he had drifted way off track of what he had been trying to say. "Susan...the whole thing with Lucy...that's not really what I'm trying to tell you. After everything happened, I just wasn't coping very well and I started to overmedicate myself."
He spoke quickly, staring at the food that he no longer had an appetite for. "I started using more and more and finally it got to the point one day when I got caught mainlining Fentanyl I had stolen during a trauma. Some of the doctors got together and staged an intervention. I either had to go to rehab and get clean or I was going to be fired...It was a real low point..." He'd never forgotten the feeling he'd had when he'd been cornered in Curtain Three. He had felt so trapped and it had been awful to know that everyone had found out his dirty little secret.
"Oh my God..." Susan's voice was soft and her eyes full of sympathy as she listened. It was something she never, ever would have imagined; John Carter having a drug problem. "That must have been really hard for you."
"It was...but I managed to get through it. You can see though why I was not Kerry's number one choice for chief resident after that."
Susan nodded. "So do you think you're going to take the position? Speaking on my own behalf, I'd love it if you stayed, but only if it's something you feel comfortable doing..."
"I don't know," he said with a shrug. "I have to admit there's a part of me that wants to...to prove that I can do this job well. I know that Kerry, as well as some others, probably have their doubts."
"But you shouldn't take it just to prove yourself to others, you should take it because you really want it."
"I know, but I think I'd like to prove it to myself too," he said quietly. In spite of all the crap, he had been at County for a long time. It was hard for him to actually fathom leaving.
"Then maybe you've already made your decision."
"Maybe I have..." he said thoughtfully, meeting her eyes with a faint smile on his face.
"You know what? I think we're being much too somber. Let's talk about something else. I don't see a ring on your finger," she said teasingly. "Do you have a special woman in your life, Dr. Carter?"
"No...not really," he said grinning back at her. "How about you?
"No special woman," she replied, smirking. "And no man either. I came close, but it didn't work out."
An hour passed and then two as they laughed and chattered, updating each other on what had gone on in their lives the past few years. Carter noticed that she asked a lot of questions about Mark and Elizabeth, while making an obvious attempt not to seem too interested.
Finally, shortly after midnight, Carter looked at the clock and stretched his arms out over his head, yawning. "I think I'd better get going. I'm on pretty early tomorrow. How about you? When do you start?"
"I believe Mark said he signed me up for a shift on Tuesday."
He stood up and picked up the car keys, and started to throw the leftover food into the brown paper bag. "I assume you've had your fill of cold, soggy fries?" he asked with a grin. "I'll just toss this somewhere."
"Oh you assume correctly, doctor," she replied, smiling back at him.
He paused at the door and looked back at her. "It's been really nice talking to you Susan. We missed you at County. I missed you too."
"You're sweet, Carter." She brushed a soft kiss over his cheek and smiled as he blushed faintly, reminding her so much of the young med student who'd had a crush on her. That had been a long time ago though.
"I guess I'll see you in a couple of days then."
She nodded. "Yes, I'll see you. You take care of yourself, Carter, and don't worry...everything will work out the way its supposed to."
"Good night, Susan." He gave her one last look and headed down the hallway to the elevator. The elevator doors opened and he stepped inside, noting that Susan was still watching him from her doorway. He waved at her as he stepped into the elevator and knew now that he would take the chief resident position. He still had some lingering doubts, but somehow he felt it was the right thing for him to do.
AUTHOR: Lynne Facella
CATEGORY: JC & SL Friendship
SPOILERS: Season Eight spoilers through "Never Say Never."
SUMMARY: Carter and Susan get reacquainted
DISCLAIMER: All ER characters are the property of Warner Brothers, NBC, etc., etc.
EMAIL: Mulderette@aol.com or Lynne1919@aol.com
WEB SITE ADDRESS: http://envy.nu/carterette/
NOTES: Jen, thanks so much for your editing help :)
Carter sighed tiredly as he put away his last chart for the day. It had been an incredibly long and bizarre day. His head was literally spinning from all that had happened. Out of the blue, Deb had quit and Kerry had offered him the chief resident position. It was the prize he had wanted for so long, but now that it was within his reach, he just wasn't sure. This wasn't how he had wanted to get it. Not at the expense of a colleague...not at the expense of a friend... Kerry hadn't even met his eyes when she had spoken to him. She had said all the right things, but he knew her heart wasn't in it. He was the best candidate now only because it would take too much time and effort for them to get anyone better. He had tried not to cringe as Kerry took her crutch and squashed a spider without a thought. First Dave, now Deb...would he be the next one to be squashed?
After his conversation with Kerry, he had gone back to work, but his concentration just wasn't there. Finally the ER had emptied out enough for him to take a break. He had gone up to the roof, wanting some fresh air and hoping to clear his head for a bit. He had still been a little in shock over all that had happened. He had seen Deb right away, standing against the wall, looking out over the city. They had talked about what had happened and she had given her blessing for him to take the chief resident job if it was what he wanted. Her final words had echoed in his head though and even now he still found them disturbing. "Promise me, John, that whatever sacrifice you make for this place, you just make sure it's worth it."
She had then started to sob and he had held her for a long time, letting her cry herself out. Finally she had drawn back from his arms. "You need to go back to work," she had said quietly as she had wiped the last traces of tears from her face, regaining her composure. "And I...I need to leave."
They had slowly walked back into the hospital and had silently ridden the elevator back down to the ER. He had followed her to the ambulance bay. "You'll keep in touch?" he had asked, meeting her eyes solemnly. "Promise you'll let me know what you end up doing?"
She had hesitated for a moment and then nodded. "Yes, John. I'll let you know." She had managed a smile, which he had known was strictly for his benefit and he had hugged her one more time. Biting her lip to keep from crying again, she had pulled away from him. "You take care of yourself, John." She had started walking quickly away and did not look back.
His eyes had followed her until she totally disappeared from sight and then he had headed back inside to finish his shift. He didn't understand what had happened. There was a part of him that was relieved that he hadn't somehow been pulled into it and he felt ashamed that he was even thinking this way. He felt selfish that he was here and Dave and Deb were not.
He had pretty much kept to himself the rest of his shift. Abby had gone home and he was just quiet, lost in his thoughts. Now that his shift was finally over, he felt the need to talk this out with someone, but he didn't know who. He went into the lounge and was surprised to see Susan slamming a locker shut. "Hey, breaking and entering is a crime you, know." He grinned as he opened up his own locker, shoving his lab coat inside. "What are you still doing here?"
"Just hanging around." She smiled as she looked over at him. The last time she had seen him he had just looked so very young. "Actually... I'm going to be working here. I accepted an attending position."
"Really? That's terrific news." He closed his locker and gave her a big smile, though he couldn't help being a little bit surprised at the news. It had been well known that she and Kerry had not exactly been best buddies.
"Thanks. I'm pretty excited about it too."
"So are you leaving or are you sticking around here?" he asked as he slung his bag over his shoulder. "I have my jeep. I could give you a lift."
"Really?" Susan's eyes lit up. "That'd be great, Carter. I'm staying at the Marriott."
"Okay. Hey you hungry?" he asked as they headed out of the lounge.
"Not really." Susan shook her head. "But you can get something if you want."
"Maybe I'll just pull into a drive-through." With everything that had gone on, he hadn't even thought to take a break to eat during his shift. He led her through the garage and a few minutes later they arrived at his jeep.
"Very nice, Carter," Susan said, giving it the once over. "This is definitely not the same jeep you used to have."
"No. That one met with an unfortunate accident." He opened the passenger door for Susan, then waited for her to settle herself inside before he closed the door and walked over to the driver's side. He fastened his seatbelt, started up the jeep and they were on their way.
"This is so weird," he commented as he drove, glancing at Susan with a smile on his face. "I can't believe you're back."
"It is a good thing, isn't it, Carter?" she asked teasingly as he pulled into a Wendy's.
"It's definitely a good thing. You sure you don't want anything?" he asked, as he rolled down the window.
"Positive."
He ordered a cheeseburger combo and a Coke and a short while later they arrived at her hotel.
"Carter...why don't you come up for a while," she suggested as he pulled up in front.
"Are you sure?" He gave her a questioning look though the idea strongly appealed to him.
"Yes, I'm sure. We have a lot to catch up on. Come on up. Anyhow, your food is going to get cold if you don't eat it soon."
"Alright, that sounds nice." He pulled away from the curb and drove out to the parking lot behind the hotel. He parked and they walked into the hotel, entering her room a few minutes later.
"This is nice," he said as he made his way over to the small table and sat down on one of the chairs, putting his food and drink onto the table.
"I figured I'd treat myself and stay somewhere nice." Susan kicked off her shoes and walked over to the dresser, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. "Carter do you mind if I just quickly change my clothes? I hate getting dressed up for interviews."
"Sure. Go ahead." He opened the bag, pulling out the cheeseburger and fries. Susan came over and snatched a few fries then made her way to the bathroom.
"Hey I thought you weren't hungry," he called after her, teasingly.
"Carter, I took a few crummy fries," she shot back, a smile on her face. "You Biggie sized it after all."
"I only Biggie sized it because I knew you'd want some," he retorted, a slight smirk on his face.
She rolled her eyes good-naturedly and went into the bathroom. "I'll be right out."
He started to eat his burger as he waited for Susan, once more mulling the events of the day over in his mind. He still was having a hard time with what had happened at the hospital. It was all so bizarre. First Dave had been fired. Now Deb had quit and Susan was back. It almost seemed like there was a giant revolving door in the ER where staff just kept coming and going and you never really knew what was going to happen next.
"Carter? Hey Carter."
"Huh?" He was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't even noticed that Susan had come back into the room. She was seated across the table from him, munching on another French fry, looking at him curiously.
"Carter, you're a thousand miles away. What are you thinking about?"
He hesitated for a moment and then shook his head, not even knowing why he was hesitating. "Dr. Weaver offered me the chief resident position today."
"Really?" Surprise was clearly etched on Susan's face. "But I thought...isn't Dr. Chen the chief resident?"
"Was the chief resident...she quit."
"She quit? Why?" Susan looked carefully at Carter, trying to gauge his expression. "Did something happen?"
"Yeah..." He absently swirled the straw around in his drink. "It all has to do with a certain case. I can't really talk about it, but it involved Deb and Weaver and another resident, Dave, who was fired."
"Wow." Susan was silent for a few moments, part of her wondering if she had been too hasty in accepting Mark's offer for the attending position. "So...are you going to take the position?"
"I don't know...I really don't," he admitted quietly. "I was offered a position at Northwestern. You know...I used to really think I wanted to stay here at County, but there's a part of me that thinks maybe it would be better for me to leave, to get a fresh start somewhere else where nobody knows me."
"Carter!" Susan gave him an incredulous look. "The way you say that, it's like you have some horrible secret past you're trying to hide. Everyone has always loved you at County. Even Weaver. The rest of us all had our problems with her, but not you." She stopped talking when she noticed the look on his face, a mixture of pain, embarrassment, and almost fear.
"What is it?" Her voice was soft as she put her hand over his. "Carter, what's wrong?"
"I..." He shifted uncomfortably as he cast his eyes upward for a moment, not even knowing how to start. He hadn't told too many people the woeful little tale of what had happened to him. Most people just knew.
"Well...in February of last year...my medical student, Lucy and I were attacked in the ER, stabbed..." His eyes took on an almost haunted appearance as he thought back to that awful day. "I was hurt badly, but obviously pulled through okay, but Lucy...she didn't make it..."
"How awful." Susan looked at him in shock. She hadn't really kept in touch with anyone from County after she left, but she had never imagined something like this. "I guess I can understand why you might not want to stay at County."
He sighed and shook his head. "No...that's not exactly why..."
She waited patiently for him to talk, not wanting to push him. She could see that whatever he wanted or needed to say, it wasn't very easy so she would let him tell it in his own time.
He looked back at Susan and took a deep breath, willing himself to continue. "After...after it happened...I...I had a pretty rough time. Physically I was having some problems with my back...but it wasn't just that. I wasn't sleeping. I was eating either crazily or not at all, and I couldn't get the thoughts of what happened out of my head. I felt really guilty about what happened to Lucy."
"Carter...you know you weren't to blame."
He shook his head slightly. "That's just it...I don't know...Lucy and I, well...we didn't really get along well a lot of the time. I mean there were times when we did, but most of the time we just seemed to get on each other's nerves.
"It's just that way sometimes though, you can't beat yourself up about it."
He realized he had drifted way off track of what he had been trying to say. "Susan...the whole thing with Lucy...that's not really what I'm trying to tell you. After everything happened, I just wasn't coping very well and I started to overmedicate myself."
He spoke quickly, staring at the food that he no longer had an appetite for. "I started using more and more and finally it got to the point one day when I got caught mainlining Fentanyl I had stolen during a trauma. Some of the doctors got together and staged an intervention. I either had to go to rehab and get clean or I was going to be fired...It was a real low point..." He'd never forgotten the feeling he'd had when he'd been cornered in Curtain Three. He had felt so trapped and it had been awful to know that everyone had found out his dirty little secret.
"Oh my God..." Susan's voice was soft and her eyes full of sympathy as she listened. It was something she never, ever would have imagined; John Carter having a drug problem. "That must have been really hard for you."
"It was...but I managed to get through it. You can see though why I was not Kerry's number one choice for chief resident after that."
Susan nodded. "So do you think you're going to take the position? Speaking on my own behalf, I'd love it if you stayed, but only if it's something you feel comfortable doing..."
"I don't know," he said with a shrug. "I have to admit there's a part of me that wants to...to prove that I can do this job well. I know that Kerry, as well as some others, probably have their doubts."
"But you shouldn't take it just to prove yourself to others, you should take it because you really want it."
"I know, but I think I'd like to prove it to myself too," he said quietly. In spite of all the crap, he had been at County for a long time. It was hard for him to actually fathom leaving.
"Then maybe you've already made your decision."
"Maybe I have..." he said thoughtfully, meeting her eyes with a faint smile on his face.
"You know what? I think we're being much too somber. Let's talk about something else. I don't see a ring on your finger," she said teasingly. "Do you have a special woman in your life, Dr. Carter?"
"No...not really," he said grinning back at her. "How about you?
"No special woman," she replied, smirking. "And no man either. I came close, but it didn't work out."
An hour passed and then two as they laughed and chattered, updating each other on what had gone on in their lives the past few years. Carter noticed that she asked a lot of questions about Mark and Elizabeth, while making an obvious attempt not to seem too interested.
Finally, shortly after midnight, Carter looked at the clock and stretched his arms out over his head, yawning. "I think I'd better get going. I'm on pretty early tomorrow. How about you? When do you start?"
"I believe Mark said he signed me up for a shift on Tuesday."
He stood up and picked up the car keys, and started to throw the leftover food into the brown paper bag. "I assume you've had your fill of cold, soggy fries?" he asked with a grin. "I'll just toss this somewhere."
"Oh you assume correctly, doctor," she replied, smiling back at him.
He paused at the door and looked back at her. "It's been really nice talking to you Susan. We missed you at County. I missed you too."
"You're sweet, Carter." She brushed a soft kiss over his cheek and smiled as he blushed faintly, reminding her so much of the young med student who'd had a crush on her. That had been a long time ago though.
"I guess I'll see you in a couple of days then."
She nodded. "Yes, I'll see you. You take care of yourself, Carter, and don't worry...everything will work out the way its supposed to."
"Good night, Susan." He gave her one last look and headed down the hallway to the elevator. The elevator doors opened and he stepped inside, noting that Susan was still watching him from her doorway. He waved at her as he stepped into the elevator and knew now that he would take the chief resident position. He still had some lingering doubts, but somehow he felt it was the right thing for him to do.