Neo lay still with his eyes shut. Even though he had known perfectly well
that opening them would change nothing, it felt strangely safer this way.
Maybe because that way he could imagine that he was only dreaming, that he
was in coma once again, and that when he would wake, everything would be
normal. But deep inside his soul he knew that it wouldn't. He felt bitter.
And tired. He wanted to be angry with himself, but he was too tired for
that. And he didn't see the point. He didn't see the point in doing
anything. He gave in. Yes, he had won this battle, but it changed nothing.
He had given up. Because he was too tired, because his opponent was too
well prepared, because... Damn it. He gave in, because Smith was right. Every
single word he said was truth. Neo tried not to listen to him, knowing that
fate of Zion was in his hands. But at some moment it was too much for him
to bear. At that moment he was thankful to Smith for the rain. At that
moment he stopped resisting, he gave in. Yes, that gave the Source
opportunity to use his power. With all his defenses down, Neo was nothing
more than a tool to the machines. An extremely useful tool indeed. And
because of that – alive. Alive, for the machines wanted him to be. The
truth was he had lost that fight. He had been so sure he wouldn't fail and
yet he did. It was his power, but it was used not by him. The strangest
thing was, that he almost didn't care.
Neo wondered if Zion defenders understood what had happened. Well, he could at least count on Morpheus. And The Kid probably. That one was excited about everything Neo did. He was probably thinking that it was Neo who ended the war. They were all probably thinking so. How wrong they were. Yes, Neo had something to do with it. In fact, he had a lot to. But standing in front of the Source, he had suddenly understood it wasn't his wish to end the war. It wasn't what he wanted. Instead, it was Morpheus's belief that he passed to Neo, who accepted it gratefully having nothing to believe in at that moment. This were the Council's hopes he had to accomplish. This were the lives of Zion citizens he was responsible for. It wasn't up to him to choose his fate. He was told what he had to be. No, he had nothing against, not at all. It was just that they had forgotten to ask him what he wanted. Peace. That's what he told to the Source. The end of war. Chance for humans to raise their children, without thinking if there would be a tomorrow for them. Yes, he wanted that. But there was one more thing machines couldn't understand. He wanted peace for himself, for his soul. He had tired of being the man he wasn't. He was selfish and he knew it. When he was speaking with the Source, he wanted that inner peace more than the peace between humans and machines. Actually, he understood what he had said only when the word escaped his lips.
He also had told Smith nothing but truth. He had to fight him, because he had chosen to. What seemed an eternity ago, he had chosen the red pill. Now he had to pay for the consequences. He said to Sati he had to leave the Matrix. And he meant it. No one forced him to do this, but yet he had no choice. Almost impossible to explain and absolutely impossible to admit. He had no control over his own fate. His powers, his duties, his responsibilities were given to him without anyone asking if he wanted them. He hated it. He started to hate it a few days after his first visit to Zion. Crowds on the streets watching him, strangers acting as if they had known him for years, hope in people eyes... He hated being some mythical One instead of Neo. Yet, he told nobody about that. He didn't want anyone to pity him. And so he played his role and lived his life. He had to. How did Smith say? Inevitable?
Neo bit his bottom lip. He forbade himself to think about it, but it looked like it couldn't be helped.
'Everything that has a beginning has an end.' 'Such a thing is not meant to last.' They knew it. They had known it all the time. Did she know it? "I'll never let go", she said. She had lied. She had broken her promise. How he wished he could hate her for that. Yet he couldn't. How he wished he could forget everything - and how he wanted to remember it forever. If twenty- four hours ago somebody asked him what he wanted from this life, he would know the answer. What changed in twenty-four hours? Nothing. Only that now he couldn't get what he wanted. It was like a broken record was playing in his head repeating the only word that mattered. Trinity. He didn't know what to think. He wanted to stop remembering this and couldn't. He needed the second chance. She got hers, why couldn't he? Why couldn't he get just some more time to tell things that really mattered? Because no time would be enough? If he weren't so tired he would be angry with himself. Only now he figured out how it must have looked for others: him returning from the dead and locking in his room. "I need time." Couldn't he think out something even more stupid? It looked like he had taken his role too close to the heart. He had actually believed he was able to save the world single- handed. Well, life had proven he was wrong. He only wished it had found another way to do so. He wished he had one more chance to say how he loved her, how he wanted his eyes back to see her face one more time, how he ... How he wished he wouldn't need another chance. How he wished there would never be need for these words to be said. "Was it worth it, Morpheus?" He thought desperately. "Was it worse dying for?" He hoped it was. But he couldn't convince himself this was so, no matter how hard he tried.
He couldn't tell for how long he had been lying like this. He was pulled out of this condition by a strange sound. It took him about ten seconds to realize, this were someone's footsteps. Human footsteps, to be correct. In the Machine City? He turned his head to the sound source and opened his eyes, forgetting he couldn't see anymore. And then he suddenly realized he was wrong. He could see. More of that, he could feel his body again. And he wasn't lying on the steel platform anymore. He was in some small white room, lying in a bed and there were needles all over his body. The footsteps he heard belonged to the woman dressed in white, who just came into the room. Neo was sure, he had never seen her before, but then again there were quarter of million citizens in Zion. And he was sure he was in Zion now. "What happened? How did I get here? Is the war over?" he asked. Or, at least tried to ask, as no sound came out of his mouth.
Woman looked at him and smiled, noticing his open eyes. "Well, it looks like our sleeping beauty did wake up at last. It was quite a long time, Mr. Anderson."
Mr. Anderson? What the hell? "My name is Neo." Hardly a whisper escaped his lips.
"Don't try to talk yet." Woman continued cheerfully. "You are too weak for that. If I were you, I'd take some sleep."
Sleep? He didn't need to sleep. He needed to see Morpheus, to know if the Council had decided anything, to ask how he got here, to ... Or, on the other hand, he didn't need to do this. To tell the truth, he didn't want to see Morpheus right now. Not before he made everything clear to himself. And he certainly didn't want to know what were Lock and Council about. He did what he was meant to do. Everything else was up to Zion.
Neo was lost in his thoughts once again, and he didn't hear woman leave the room leaving him alone. It was not long time before he fell asleep, with dreams he couldn't remember when he woke up.
Neo wondered if Zion defenders understood what had happened. Well, he could at least count on Morpheus. And The Kid probably. That one was excited about everything Neo did. He was probably thinking that it was Neo who ended the war. They were all probably thinking so. How wrong they were. Yes, Neo had something to do with it. In fact, he had a lot to. But standing in front of the Source, he had suddenly understood it wasn't his wish to end the war. It wasn't what he wanted. Instead, it was Morpheus's belief that he passed to Neo, who accepted it gratefully having nothing to believe in at that moment. This were the Council's hopes he had to accomplish. This were the lives of Zion citizens he was responsible for. It wasn't up to him to choose his fate. He was told what he had to be. No, he had nothing against, not at all. It was just that they had forgotten to ask him what he wanted. Peace. That's what he told to the Source. The end of war. Chance for humans to raise their children, without thinking if there would be a tomorrow for them. Yes, he wanted that. But there was one more thing machines couldn't understand. He wanted peace for himself, for his soul. He had tired of being the man he wasn't. He was selfish and he knew it. When he was speaking with the Source, he wanted that inner peace more than the peace between humans and machines. Actually, he understood what he had said only when the word escaped his lips.
He also had told Smith nothing but truth. He had to fight him, because he had chosen to. What seemed an eternity ago, he had chosen the red pill. Now he had to pay for the consequences. He said to Sati he had to leave the Matrix. And he meant it. No one forced him to do this, but yet he had no choice. Almost impossible to explain and absolutely impossible to admit. He had no control over his own fate. His powers, his duties, his responsibilities were given to him without anyone asking if he wanted them. He hated it. He started to hate it a few days after his first visit to Zion. Crowds on the streets watching him, strangers acting as if they had known him for years, hope in people eyes... He hated being some mythical One instead of Neo. Yet, he told nobody about that. He didn't want anyone to pity him. And so he played his role and lived his life. He had to. How did Smith say? Inevitable?
Neo bit his bottom lip. He forbade himself to think about it, but it looked like it couldn't be helped.
'Everything that has a beginning has an end.' 'Such a thing is not meant to last.' They knew it. They had known it all the time. Did she know it? "I'll never let go", she said. She had lied. She had broken her promise. How he wished he could hate her for that. Yet he couldn't. How he wished he could forget everything - and how he wanted to remember it forever. If twenty- four hours ago somebody asked him what he wanted from this life, he would know the answer. What changed in twenty-four hours? Nothing. Only that now he couldn't get what he wanted. It was like a broken record was playing in his head repeating the only word that mattered. Trinity. He didn't know what to think. He wanted to stop remembering this and couldn't. He needed the second chance. She got hers, why couldn't he? Why couldn't he get just some more time to tell things that really mattered? Because no time would be enough? If he weren't so tired he would be angry with himself. Only now he figured out how it must have looked for others: him returning from the dead and locking in his room. "I need time." Couldn't he think out something even more stupid? It looked like he had taken his role too close to the heart. He had actually believed he was able to save the world single- handed. Well, life had proven he was wrong. He only wished it had found another way to do so. He wished he had one more chance to say how he loved her, how he wanted his eyes back to see her face one more time, how he ... How he wished he wouldn't need another chance. How he wished there would never be need for these words to be said. "Was it worth it, Morpheus?" He thought desperately. "Was it worse dying for?" He hoped it was. But he couldn't convince himself this was so, no matter how hard he tried.
He couldn't tell for how long he had been lying like this. He was pulled out of this condition by a strange sound. It took him about ten seconds to realize, this were someone's footsteps. Human footsteps, to be correct. In the Machine City? He turned his head to the sound source and opened his eyes, forgetting he couldn't see anymore. And then he suddenly realized he was wrong. He could see. More of that, he could feel his body again. And he wasn't lying on the steel platform anymore. He was in some small white room, lying in a bed and there were needles all over his body. The footsteps he heard belonged to the woman dressed in white, who just came into the room. Neo was sure, he had never seen her before, but then again there were quarter of million citizens in Zion. And he was sure he was in Zion now. "What happened? How did I get here? Is the war over?" he asked. Or, at least tried to ask, as no sound came out of his mouth.
Woman looked at him and smiled, noticing his open eyes. "Well, it looks like our sleeping beauty did wake up at last. It was quite a long time, Mr. Anderson."
Mr. Anderson? What the hell? "My name is Neo." Hardly a whisper escaped his lips.
"Don't try to talk yet." Woman continued cheerfully. "You are too weak for that. If I were you, I'd take some sleep."
Sleep? He didn't need to sleep. He needed to see Morpheus, to know if the Council had decided anything, to ask how he got here, to ... Or, on the other hand, he didn't need to do this. To tell the truth, he didn't want to see Morpheus right now. Not before he made everything clear to himself. And he certainly didn't want to know what were Lock and Council about. He did what he was meant to do. Everything else was up to Zion.
Neo was lost in his thoughts once again, and he didn't hear woman leave the room leaving him alone. It was not long time before he fell asleep, with dreams he couldn't remember when he woke up.