A Midwinter's Night Dream

I tried my best to ignore the wind's ghostly wailing just outside the window. The rain mercilessly battered the house from all sides. Thankfully, we were perfectly warm and comfortable next to the crackling fire. I threw a few more balled up pieces of paper into the fire and watched it burn. I sighed as I looked down at the big pile of crumpled up sheets of paper lying at one end of the couch.

"Don't worry my love, I'm sure you'll figure it all out soon enough." He squeezed my shoulder reassuringly.

I smiled to myself and leaned back against his chest. "I don't know. I've been feeling so lost and uninspired. I just can't seem to write anything. There are other things I'd rather do..." I pulled the blanket up so that it wrapped over one of my shoulders and moved the cursor on my laptop to play the video again.

"Here it is! The moment that changed everything. Look how shocked and scared he is when he sees his skin turn blue! I swear, I want to write a poem about how beautiful Loki's blue eyes are. A pristine blue, like the ice of Jotunheim. And his eyes and tears always reveal his true feelings. His vulnerability, confliction, rage..."

"Darling, must you keep watching fanmade Loki videos over and over?" He chuckled before he took a sip of hot tea from his cup. "I understand your fascination with him and I love him too. But isn't there something else we can do that doesn't involve you constantly talking about how amazing Loki is?"

"I'm sorry, Tom. I got carried away again." I closed the laptop and set it on the coffee table. "But it's late and I'm kind of tired. Could you read to me until I fall asleep?"

"I'd love to." He smiled warmly and gently kissed my head as I snuggled up closer to him under the blanket.

Tom picked up the hardcover book that was laying on the coffee table and cleared his throat.

"I believe we have reached chapter fourteen, yes?"

I nodded and Tom started reading. A few loud knocks at the door interrupted him. Before I could get up and ask who was there, the door burst open and there he was. Cam. A blast of cold air and rain rushed inside at the same time that he did. He was drenched, his black sweater and black jeans dripping water on the rug at the entryway as he shut the door behind him.

He swept his wet hair back and glared at me. A second later, he was all dry. "Chapter fourteen? I'm still waiting for my chapter fourteen. I've been waiting five long months."

"Who are you? What are you talking about?" Tom stood up and I did too. He glanced at me. "Do you know him?"

I sighed. "He's Cam. One of the main characters from my fanfiction. That's strange. I rarely dream about him. I suppose not being able to continue my story is bothering me much more than I'd like to admit," I calmly explained.

Cam was silent. Noticing all the pieces of paper on the ground, he shook his head disapprovingly.

I walked towards him. "I'm sorry, Cam. I feel really bad about this. I know my followers are waiting for the next chapter. But I can't just force myself to write if I'm not in the right mood or don't have any good ideas."

He frowned and crossed his arms. "So that's it, then? You're giving up on your story, on your characters?"

"Well... No... I just need more time. I'll continue writing eventually."

"The longer you wait, the stronger the urge to give up. You can't keep waiting for the right time. You need to write a little each day. Even if it's only an hour or maybe even just thirty minutes!"

"I know... But I've been going through a tough time. I've got bigger problems that I need to deal with first. I just can't seem to focus on writing my story even if it's only for an hour each day. I also am not sure what I want to happen in the story, in the long run. I'm losing my confidence in my ideas for the story and I'm afraid people will hate it. I also worry that I'm not a good enough writer and what's the point in continuing the story if my prose and plot is mediocre."

Tom came over and stood beside me, towering over both me and Cam. "Can't you see you're making her upset? Stop pressuring her to write! She will when she's ready and that's all there is to it."

"No, it's okay, Tom. I understand why he's frustrated. I'm mad at myself too, to be honest."

"I just want her to finish what she started. You know that she often gives up too easily. She'll regret it later."

"She is NOT giving up. She is just on hiatus. And she deserves it. Do you have any idea how much time and effort she put into this story already? You've made your point and she's made hers. This conversation is over."

"Goodbye, Cam. Please be patient. I promise I am not abandoning you and the story. I love this story. I would be heartbroken if I never finish it." I opened the door and held it open for him.

"Fine. I get it. I won't bother you anymore. And I wish I could believe you, but I've lost my faith in you for a long time now. But who knows...maybe you will prove me wrong in the future." He walked out into the rain, turning around once to stare at me, disappointment in his eyes. Cam turned away after that, releasing his beautiful wings and flying away.

"You mustn't blame yourself. I would also find it difficult to care about such a petty character," a familiar voice said disdainfully. "A fallen angel, that's what he is? That ungrateful, foolish boy? And his name is "Cam"? What a ridiculous name. Immortality is wasted on him. If I remember correctly, don't they have a weakness? How would one end an angel's life?"

Tom and I both turned around to face Loki and shouted at the same time, "No, Loki!"

"Please leave him alone," I said.

Loki gave us one of his half malicious, half mischievous smiles and laughed. "Look at you two. I jest! He's not worthy of my time." His big blue eyes focused on me. "Or yours."

"That's something Kate will decide for herself. We shouldn't interfere," Tom said.

"Don't tell me what to do, you mewling quim!" Loki grabbed Tom's indigo shirt and pinned him up high against the wall.

As Tom struggled to escape his grip, I pulled at one of the god's arms. I was momentarily distracted by the intricate carvings on his golden vambrace. "Please let him go, Loki! Please! I thought we agreed, no more fighting or murdering mortals. Did you forget to go see your therapist today? You promised me you would go a few times a week!"

He released Tom and let him fall to the floor, turning around to smirk at me. "That dull Midgardian doctor? I may have forgotten him in Asgard's prison after showing him where Odin locked me up."

"You can't leave him there, you have to free him!"

Loki chuckled. "Don't worry, my old cell was quite comfortable. I will free him in due time. Hmm. This book looks interesting." He picked up the book that Tom had left on the couch. "I shall return it in a few days."

The god of mischief took the book and went into one of the bedrooms, closing the door behind him. Tom got up and made his way to the couch, sitting down next to me.

"Well, at least that will keep him busy and out of trouble for a while," he said.

"Are you hurt?"

"No, darling. Don't worry. Just a little roughed up. "

We hugged and got back under the blanket, cuddling in front of the fire. I tossed a few more balls of paper in the fireplace. Tom reached down to grab them, helping me throw them into the flames.

"I wish someone else could finish my story for me."

"You know that you're the only one who can do it, Kate. And you will finish it. I know you will. Don't doubt yourself. You're a decent writer."

We smiled at each other and I nodded. I hope he was right. Tom threw one of the last balls of paper into the fire and I threw the second to last one. I stared at the last one and hesitantly flattened it and stuffed it in my jeans pocket.

I closed my eyes and rested my cheek against his warm, strong chest. I'm sorry, Cam, Luce, Daniel... Take care. We will meet again.

Kate's Notes:

So this is my strange way of announcing I'm on hiatus again. I'm sorry... I hope I can read more in 2016. I still have a bunch of books that I haven't finished yet, from last year. I think that the more I read, the more I can improve my writing.

The Fallen movie is supposed to be released in fall 2016, I think? They have postponed it so many times though. God, I want a teaser/trailer already.

By the way, you CAN listen to Tom Hiddleston reading a book! He did an audiobook for The Red Necklace by Sally Gardner. I love his warm, soothing voice and wonderful accent, so I've been listening to it before I sleep. The story is quite good, actually. He does different voices for the characters too, it's really great!