Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
...
"DEARLY BELOVED," GranDracmon bellowed to the myriad Demon Lords and Nightmare Soldiers filling the twisted dark chapel. "WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO JOIN THESE TWO DIGIMON IN UNHOLY MATRIMONY. BARBAMON, DO YOU TAKE THIS DIGIMON, GANKOOMON, TO BE YOUR UNLAWFULLY WEDDED SPOUSE?"
"I do," Barbamon said, rubbing his lengthy beard absent-mindedly.
GranDracmon nodded and turned to Gankoomon, who was wearing a tuxedo, as was Hinukami. "GANKOOMON, DO YOU TAKE THIS DIGIMON, BARBAMON, TO BE YOUR UNLAWFULLY WEDDED SPOUSE?"
"I do," Gankoomon said with a smile.
"I don't, but I don't really have a choice in the matter," said Hinukami, or rather, he would if he could talk, which he couldn't.
"ARE THERE ANY HERE WHO OBJECT TO THIS UNION?" GranDracmon bellowed. Quite a few hands rose in the audience. "RIGHT, IN THAT CASE I PRONOUNCE YOU-"
"Wait, I object to this wedding!" Leviamon protested.
"ON WHAT GROUNDS?" GranDracmon grunted.
"Because I want to get married! Why can't I get married instead of him?" Leviamon whined.
"I object too! I want to marry Gankoomon! He's so handsome," Laylamon purred.
"What?! I'm way more handsome than he is!" Lucemon protested.
"Not when you're a dragon, Lucy," Laylamon said.
"Don't call me that…" Lucemon growled.
"ZZZZZZZZZ," Belphemon snored.
"It's extremely rude to be sleeping during a wedding, isn't it?" Beelzemon asked.
"We're Demon Lords. We don't care," Daemon said bluntly.
"So…nobody's going to object due to Gankoomon being a Royal Knight and Barbamon being a Demon Lord, then?" Lucemon asked.
"Apparently not," Beelzemon said.
"I want to be a Royal Knight!" Leviamon whined.
"Oh, shut up, Leviamon!" Laylamon snarled.
GranDracmon rolled his eyes. "UGH. GRANDRACMON IS NOT BEING PAID ENOUGH FOR THIS. OKAY, IF THERE ARE NO MORE OBJECTIONS, WE CAN-"
Abruptly, the doors to the chapel blew off their hinges as the ten other Royal Knights stormed into the room. "Hold it right there, GranDracmon!" Alphamon cried, brandishing his Ouryuken. "This wedding is OVER!"
Gankoomon perked up. "Oh hey guys, it's about time you could make it! I was getting worried!"
"Well, you don't have to worry anymore, friend, because we're here to rescue you!" Gallantmon said.
"And beat up as many bad guys as we can!" Leopardmon said, pounding a fist into his palm.
Gankoomon blinked. "…Rescue me? What are you talking about?"
"Why, from being forced to marry that hideous old gnome against your will, of course!" Crusadermon said, brandishing her rose. "A Knight of your standing, courage, and handsomeness should only be paired with the greatest of beauties! Unfortunately I'm taken so you'll have to find someone else."
"Yeah, suck it, Gankoomon! She's all mine!" Dynasmon said, possessively wrapping an arm around Crusadermon.
"…Did she just call me a gnome?" Barbamon said, looking hurt.
"She didn't mean…well, okay, she did, but…er, let me handle this," Gankoomon said.
"You'd better! I don't want anyone ruining our special day!" Barbamon said.
Gankoomon turned to the other Knights. "Okay, guys, I think there might have been a bit of a misunderstanding. Didn't you get the wedding invitations?"
"Of course we did! Which is how we knew when and where we had to go to rescue you!" Examon said.
"Of course, we'd have gotten here sooner if someone hadn't spilled soda over Imperialdramon's controls…" Craniamon said, glaring at Magnamon.
"I said I was sorry," the golden-armored Knight said meekly.
"How'd they even capture you, anyway? They must have ganged up on you all at once, because you're so badass!" Examon said.
"Capture?...oh dear…" Gankoomon said, facepalming. "Guys, I wasn't kidnapped. I'm marrying Barbamon of my own volition."
"…What," Alphamon said flatly.
Barbamon nodded. "Yes, we've been dating for years and decided it was finally time to tie the knot. Didn't you tell them we were together? You said you told them we were together! Are you…a-are you ashamed of me?" The Demon Lord started tearing up.
"What? No, of course not! I love you!" Gankoomon insisted. "I told them lots of times they were together, they just must not have been listening!"
"What? That's preposterous, I'm sure we'd remember something like that!" Kentaurosmon protested.
Gankoomon's eyes narrowed. "Oh yeah?"
…
"Hey, guys, that Demon Lord with the long beard's been giving me funny looks a lot lately, and he's getting a little…'grabby' when we fight. I think he likes me. Would it be weird if I started seeing him on the side?" Gankoomon asked.
"Sure, whatever," Kentaurosmon said without paying attention as he focused on his cards.
"Go for it," Craniamon said distractedly as he tossed his hand down.
"RAAAAAAAHHH! YOU WIN AGAIN!" UlforceVeedramon shrieked, flipping the table over and sending cards flying all over the place.
…
"Alphamon, sir, I'd like to formally request permission to date Barbamon. I know he's one of our greatest enemies, but we really like each other, and-" Gankoomon started as he entered Alphamon's office.
"Busy with paperwork. Come back later. Do whatever you want," Alphamon grunted as he tackled the mountains of paperwork, mostly caused by Dynasmon and Leopardmon's fighting, which towered above him.
"All right! Thanks, sir!" Gankoomon said, leaving the office with a grin.
…
"Hey guys, it's mine and Barbamon's anniversary soon. Where do you think I should take him?" Gankoomon asked.
"Go ask someone else, we're watching the game," Omnimon said, not paying attention.
"Makeout Point's always nice," Examon said as he stared at the television.
"Makeout Point? Okay, thanks," Gankoomon said, walking off.
"Come on, come on, come on…YES! GOAL!" Omnimon shouted, throwing his arms in the air as his team scored.
"DAMMIT!" Examon swore.
…
"Gallantmon, you won't believe what just happened!" Gankoomon shouted excitedly as he barged into the senior Knight's room. "Barbamon just proposed to me, and I said-"
"AHHHHH! GET OUT! GET OUT!" Sakuyamon, wearing absolutely nothing, screamed as she throwed pieces of Gallantmon's discarded armor at the intruder as Gallantmon, who'd been on top of her, started in alarm.
"Ack! Right! Knock first, knock first!" Gankoomon cried as he dashed out of the room.
…
"Hey guys, you'll be at my wedding, right? The invitations should be coming in soon," Gankoomon said.
"Yeah, sure thing," Dynasmon said as he violently beat the crap out of Magnamon. "AND IF I EVER CATCH YOU TAKING PICTURES OF CRUSADERMON AND I AGAIN, YOU'RE DEAD, YOU HEAR ME!"
"Aaaaah! Aaaaahh! I get it! I get it!" Magnamon sobbed pathetically.
"Yes! Pummel him, my love! Pummel him for great justice!" Crusadermon cried.
"…Wow, you guys are weird…" Gankoomon muttered as he walked off.
"Well, at least it's not me getting beaten for a change!" Leopardmon said brightly. He frowned. "…Did he say something about a wedding?"
…
Alphamon facepalmed. "Oh, Yggdrasil, I completely forgot about that…"
"Why didn't you try telling us at a time when we weren't distracted by something else?!" Craniamon demanded.
Gankoomon shrugged. "Never occurred to me. Sorry."
"But…but aniki!" Huckmon wailed, pushing his way through the Knights. "I thought…I always thought you were going to marry me!"
"What?" Gankoomon asked, taken aback. "What gave you that idea?!"
"WHAT?! ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?!" Barbamon shrieked.
"Oooh, drama!" Layalamon said eagerly.
"Why won't anyone cheat on meeeeeee?" Leviamon wailed.
"ZZZZZZZZ," Belphemon snored.
"Th-there must be some mistake! Huckmon, wherever did you get the idea that I would marry you?!" Gankoomon demanded.
Huckmon sniffed. "Well…a few years ago…"
…
"Aniki, will you marry me once I'm older?" Huckmon asked innocently.
"Heh. Sure thing, little guy," Gankoomon said with a grin.
"Yay!" Huckmon cheered.
…
"Huh. Seems clear-cut to me," Leopardmon said.
"That was so short. I'm almost disappointed," Dynasmon said.
"Oh, young love! How beautiful!" Crusadermon gushed.
"You WERE cheating on me! You BITCH!" Barbamon sobbed.
"No, no, it's not like that! Oh, Yggdrasil…" Gankoomon groaned. "Huckmon, I thought you were asking me to perform the ceremony when you found someone you liked, not marry you marry you!"
"Seriously? How could you possibly make that mistake?!" Kentaurosmon asked.
"Yeah, there was no room for misinterpretation there," Magnamon agreed.
"Look, he's like a little brother to me! I didn't know he had a crush on me!" Gankoomon protested.
"ANIKIIIIIIIIIIII!" Huckmon wailed, collapsing to the floor and bursting into tears.
"Wow, you made a little kid cry! Nice!" Daemon said, giving Gankoomon a thumb's-up.
"Yeah, you're definitely Demon Lord mate material!" Laylamon agreed. Gankoomon facepalmed.
"Don't worry, Huckmon," Sistermon Blanc said as she and her sister came through the Knights and knelt down on either side of the little dragon.
"Yes…even if you can't be with Gankoomon, you'll always have us," Sistermon Noir said lasciviously, eyes filled with lust.
"WELL, THAT WAS AWKWARD," GranDracmon said once Huckmon had been escorted out of the room. "SO! BACK TO THE WEDDING!"
"Wait! We can't let this go on!" Kentaurosmon protested.
"Yes, a Royal Knight marrying a Great Demon Lord goes against everything the Royal Knights stand for!" Omnimon agreed.
"Actually, there's nothing in the bylaws against it," Craniamon said.
"…Wait, really?" Examon asked in surprise.
"We should probably change that…" Omnimon grumbled.
"NO!" Crusadermon shouted. "I will not be a part of any organization that stands against true love, no matter who it's with! We should have no say in who Gankoomon chooses to love…though I would prefer he picked someone less old and ugly…"
"That really hurts my feelings," Barbamon sniffed.
"If you won't let Gankoomon marry Barbamon, then I'll leave the Royal Knights!" Crusadermon announced.
"And so will I!" Dynasmon agreed.
Leopardmon gasped, eyes lighting up with joy. "Forbid this marriage, Alphamon! Please, I beg of you, forbid this marriage!"
"He may have a point. Letting Gankoomon marry Barbamon sets a bad precedent…" Kentaurosmon said.
"But is it worth losing two of our members?" Gallantmon wondered.
"Honestly, would any of us miss these two?" Magnamon asked. Dynasmon hit him. "Ow! That kind of proves my point."
"Let them go! Let them go! LET THEM GO!" Leopardmon shouted.
Alphamon sighed and ran a hand over his face. He was getting too old for this. "Fuck it. I don't really care. Let Gankoomon marry whomever he wants."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Leopardmon howled.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" Dynasmon and Crusadermon cheered.
Gankoomon sighed in relief. "Oh, thank you sir! Thank you!
"Whatever. Just don't let this interfere with your duties as a Knight or you're out," Alphamon said wearily.
"I promise that it won't, sir!" Gankoomon said.
"Good. Now let's all find somewhere to sit and we can maybe eat some cake at the end of this," Alphamon said to the others.
"But-but sir! We can't just-" Omnimon protested.
"LET'S FIND SOMEWHERE TO SIT AND WE CAN MAYBE EAT SOME CAKE AT THE END OF THIS," Alphamon shouted, shutting everyone up.
Grumbling under their breaths, the Royal Knights all took their seats in a reserved spot at the front of the chapel. Satisfied there would be no more interruptions, GranDracmon continued. "SO, IF THAT'S IT, THEN GRANDRACMON HEREBY PRONOUNCES THESE TWO DIGIMON HUSBAND AND…OTHER HUSBAND! YOU MAY NOW KISS THE…HUSBAND?"
Gankoomon and Barbamon kissed, as the guests burst into applause. A scream of anguish could be heard from outside, but everyone ignored it.
"It's so beautiful…I always cry at weddings!" Lucemon cried.
"You're such a pussy," Laylamon sneered.
"Wasn't that lovely?" Daemon said.
"I guess so…" Beelzemon said.
"WAAAAAH! WHY COULDN'T IT GET MARRIED?!" Leviamon wailed.
"ZZZZZZ," Belphemon snored.
"This has to be one of the strangest things I've ever done as a Royal Knight," Magnamon said.
"Tell me about it. When did we go from being an elite force of peacekeepers to…well, a bunch of goofballs?" Kentaurosmon lamented.
"I think it happened after Dynasmon and Crusadermon hooked up, and we went downhill from there," Omnimon sighed.
Examon shook his head. "You guys've been like this as long as I've known you. It's hard to believe you were ever any different."
"Sometimes, I wonder if we ever were," UlforceVeedramon said sadly.
"Oh, Dynasmon! It's so beautiful, isn't it?" Crusadermon gushed.
"It is, darling. And it reminds me of our own wedding. We should take a fifty-third honeymoon!" Dynasmon said, holding his lover's hand.
"Yes! Go on a honeymoon! Then we can have some peace and quiet for a few days!" Leopardmon said desperately.
"This reminds me of my wedding, too…hey sir, can I have some time off to go on another honeymoon with Sakuyamon?" Gallantmon asked his leader.
"Sure. Go ahead," Alphamon said morosely. Don't worry, Alphamon. Just a little longer…and then you can kill them all. Ha. Hahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"Why is Alphamon laughing maniacally?" Barbamon whispered to his new husband.
"Because he's slowly losing his mind," Gankoomon said.
"Ah. Okay," Barbamon said.
The wedding reception soon after was lovely, even if Huckmon did try to crush Barbamon to death beneath the cake. But everyone could agree it was a very nice wedding, all things considered, even if Alphamon did break out into insane laughter a few times, and there was a panic when Dynasmon tried to start singing, but other than that, everyone agreed it had been well worth attending.