A/N: The third and final oneshot entry in the NFA Women of NCIS Challenge. This one focuses on Hollis Mann. It's a tag to Ex-File. I never could square her sudden departure to Hawaii with the final basement scene. There was nothing in that scene that indicated an imminent breakup. So this is my attempt to fill that gap. ...and then, if you want, you can read my Hollis story Right Choice to get a happier ending. :D
Disclaimer: I own nothing of NCIS and I'm not making any money. ...off this story.
Unnecessary Good-bye
by Enthusiastic Fish
It was all filled out. All she needed to do was sign it and send it in.
Retirement. Hollis laughed a little. She was really too young to retire...at least from a conventional job. It seemed a bit silly when she thought about it, but there was more than one reason for it now.
Ever since finding that tape...Hollis had even apologized for listening to it. She hadn't known what it was when she found it. But when it had played...it was like a glimpse into the person Jethro could have been, a person who would never have met her, a man happily married with a family. Someone who wouldn't have needed or wanted a headstrong, occasionally-irritating Lieutenant Colonel. That was the life he wanted...not the one she was offering him.
Oh, a part of her realized that this was silly, that if Jethro had no interest in her, he wouldn't have pursued the relationship. ...but then, had he really done all that much pursuing? He'd been with her. He'd seemed to enjoy himself, but did he want what she wanted? Something more serious, something more...permanent?
Hollis had never considered herself to be a person who was uncertain. She was a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Army. She was decisive and certain. She made her choices and lived with them. But now, as she sat staring at the form requesting retirement, she was uncertain...because she was going to tell Jethro that he needed to make a choice. The problem was that she was now afraid of what choice he'd make. What if it wasn't Hollis that he cared about? What if it was just an extended fling?
Finally, she squared her shoulders. If that's all it was, then that's what she needed to know. She wouldn't let herself get drawn in any further if there was nothing to it. With a flourish, she signed the form and put it in her purse. Tonight, she'd know for sure what she would do.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
"Jethro, please, I need to know."
He was silent as usual, and she had never hated that silence more than she did at this moment.
"I want to pursue this, what we have. I've...invested a lot of time, but I can't keep this up if you don't want it, too. I can't do this if you keep pushing me away."
"I'm not pushing," Jethro said quietly.
"Yes, you are...by that...stupid silent mask you put on every time I try to get in. If you can tell me that there's a day when the mask will drop...if you can tell me that there's further that we can go than we are right now, I'll stay."
"Stay?"
"Yes." Hollis hesitated and then pulled out the retirement form. She handed it to him.
Jethro looked at it in silence and then gave it back to her.
"The ball's in your court, Jethro. What do you want? Because I can't keep trying for something that you aren't willing to give."
The silence was cutting. He said nothing. No matter what he might be meaning by his silence, the onus was on her to understand it. And she couldn't tolerate it anymore. They had limped on after that moment in the basement, but it hadn't been the same. It was less fun, more strained. And if this was his way of dealing with it, she couldn't do it anymore.
"Fine," she said, putting the form back in her purse. "I won't leave things unsaid because that won't do either of us any good. If you're not willing, then neither am I. Not anymore. I'm retiring and I'm moving to Lana'i. You don't have to look me up."
Hollis walked toward the stairs and stopped.
"Holly."
The nickname almost broke her resolve. She couldn't turn around.
"We always ended up down here with your boats...with your past. Maybe you can keep living in your past, Jethro, but I can't. I can't live in your past. I have a future still. I have a present and I'm not going to waste it on someone who only wants what he had before...instead of what he could have now. Good-bye."
She walked up the stairs, hoping that he'd run up after her, that he'd stop her from going, that it would end up like those stupid chick flicks, the ones she would deny ever having seen. He'd stop her, beg her to come back. She would and they'd be happy again because he wanted her as much as she wanted him. That's what she hoped would happen.
It didn't. She walked out of the house and to her car. She drove all the way back to her apartment and parked. She walked into her apartment, changed her clothes and sat down on her bed.
Hollis looked around herself.
Jethro had come here that first night, that first time. He had made the first move.
...and I made the last. He didn't want me.
Finally, the tears welled up in her eyes...
...and Jethro became the second man in her life able to make her cry.
FINIS!