Today, the love of my life left. Left for good, for a day, a week, a decade, I don't know. Fact is that he left. Now I'm here without him, but with his little brother, who looks so much like him. He just needs that hair clip and then it would just be a younger version of the love of my life.
It wasn't like I hadn't seen this coming. Sweden had talked about this before, that he wanted Norway. It wasn't as if it was a surprise. But still, I was here all alone and the love of my life was gone. It hurts like hell and I need to stop myself from going mad. Not when the little one is watching. I want to do so many things, so many wrong things now that he is gone.
I've been thinking about hurting. Hurting myself, hurting others. I've been thinking about killing. Killing myself, killing others. I want to scream, I want to curse, hit, cry, tear things apart. But I mustn't, for the little one is here. And the love of my life told me to take good care of him. So I will keep my composure, I will keep my smile on.
And it's not fair that he left. What does that bulky silent Swede have that I don't? Why was he so happy to leave, why do you not care about me? Why did he leave with a half-smile, why didn't you cry like I wanted to do? Why, why, why, WHY?
It makes me so angry to see you with him, tears me apart and crushes me. It's so hard to see you holding his hand. It is so hard to see your frown lessen when you look at him, how you softly smile at him. Because I know he doesn't treat you right, I know you are just a replacement for him. You're mean nothing to him, nothing at all. You're not Finland, you're you. Perfect in every way. But he doesn't see that, the dumb Swede. He doesn't see the treasure he holds.
But I won't speak of it. Even though I know I could be so much better than he is, I could take much better care of you than he does. But you won't let me, you don't realise it. That you are the love of my life.
The love of my life left today, left me all alone. But the love of my life doesn't care, for I am not the love of his life.