Disclaimer: Don't Own, Don't Sue!
A/N: Inspiration came from a series of videos on YouTube known as the Sassy Gay Friend what if vids for tragic characters. If you haven't seen them, this fic might make more sense if you watch those before reading.
Thanks! ;D
Helen Cutter's Sassy Gay Friend
Narrator: Meet Helen Cutter from ITV's Primeval. She is about to be killed by a Deinonychus because of her madness; this fate could've been avoided if she had a Sassy Gay Friend.
Helen Cutter sauntered through the Pliocene, looking for the perfect place to begin her mission. She stopped short of a little stream, which several Hominids were drinking from, not much further away from her.
Just as she pulled the poison out of her rucksack, and began to pour it, a voice startled her, causing her to drop the entire bottle into the stream; the water carrying it away.
"What are you doing? What! What! What are you doing?" The voice asked incredulously.
Helen spun around, standing as she did so, coming face to face with a very out of place human.
He was tall and lanky with dark, sandy, blonde hair. He wore a skintight, long-sleeved, black shirt; dark, skinny jeans; black dress shoes; and a bright, frilly, orange scarf around his neck.
"Who are you?" Helen asked cocking her head to the side, as she tried to figure out how this man had managed to follow her to the Pliocene.
He held a hand up, silencing her. "The real question is: what the hell are you doing? Going for the world record to see how many people you can wipe out in one day?"
"I-"
"Look at your life, look at your choices! You left your husband ten years ago to go time-hopping with dinosaurs." He insisted.
"What are you talking about?" Helen asked still puzzled at how this man had followed her and was more concerned with her plans than his surroundings.
"What am I talking—? Honey, you killed your lover! You killed your husband! Now you're trying to kill everyone? Slow down, crazy! Slow down!" He replied incredulously.
"They refused to travel with me; they were expendable assets." Helen shrugged.
"No, these clothes I'm wearing are expendable; but you don't see me destroying their social life." He replied gesturing to his clothes.
"There's nothing you can do to stop me."
"Actually, Raptor Rex, is waiting for you to get a little higher on your horse so he can knock your crazy ass right off a cliff." He warned, pointing off into the distance.
"I think you should have a quick soul search and decide if you really want to keep this piss-poor attitude and if falling off a cliff is really the way you want to go." He added.
"In a few hours, days at the most, the environment will have the beauty it once had." Helen interrupted.
"I think you're a mentally deranged lunatic, who needs a hug and a drink." He retorted nodding his head to accentuate his statement.
Helen folded her arms, pouting.
"You're gonna write a sad memoir and get over it. P.S. there is always tomorrow." He spoke.
"I suppose the destruction can wait for another day." Helen resolved.
"Yeah!" he said excitedly. "See? Take a breather."
Helen smiled.
He put a hand on her shoulder pulling him toward him as they walked toward a newly formed anomaly. "Come on, let's go party in the Permian!"
He looked back at the few Hominids that still lived for the time being and spoke of Helen, smiling as he flipped the scarf over his shoulder.
"She's a stupid bitch."
So what did you think? This has been floating around in my head for a while and I wasn't sure if I should write it; but I hope you liked it! ;D
Reviews are love!