A/N: NOW THIS IS MORE OF AN ULTIMATE PERSONA 3 CRACK FIC THAN THE FIRST ONE, IF I DARE SAY SO MYSELF! THE ORIGINAL ONE ACTUALLY HAD A PLOT, AND THIS ONE DOESN'T! SO ENJOY THE RANDOMNESS!

"...I finally understand."

Minato, Mitsuru and Akihiko all glanced up and saw Junpei hanging from the ceiling with a rope tied around his foot, and he seemed to be hastily writing something in a small pink notepad. A strange red fluid was dripping out from the bottom of the notebook, but no one paid any attention to it.

"I finally get it," he exclaimed, "It all makes perfect sense! I understand it! I understand! My mother understands, but she get no milk from da uddah because she got no uddah from my brudda who belonged to anudda mudda...ya dig?"

"What are you talking about?" Minato asked as he wiped off some mascara on his face.

"You see, Minato-chan," Junpei explained, "I have discovered that at the right angle, height and viewpoint, one can see a woman's breasts at five times their actual size! It's fucking amazing! It's so fucking amazing that if I called my mom and told her about it right now, she'd do it so she could see my other mom with tig ol' bitties!"

Akihiko gasped and covered his chest in embarrassment. Mitsuru was smiling pervertedly at him, and there was a very noticeable bulge in her pants. In fact, it was starting to move about, like it was alive or something.

Suddenly, a knife flew through the air and sliced the rope, causing poor Junpei to crash to the floor. Ken Amada walked out of the shadows, grabbed Junpei by the leg, and dragged him all the way up to the roof.

Smirking, he tossed Junpei off the side of the building and shouted, "SAYONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

Fortunately for Junpei, he knew the secret art of flight: you put on a happy smile, spread out your arms, and wiggle your middle fingers. Sure enough, Junpei stopped himself from falling in midair and flew back up to the roof to deliver a can of whoop-ass on a bewildered Ken.

"NOW I'LL SHOW YOU." Junpei proclaimed as he turned into a Super Sayijan and tore Ken's body to pieces, leaving a pile of blood and organs in his place.

When the hat-wearing dork returned to the main floor of the dorm, he found Minato and Akihiko had been turned into Alaskan Tuna...and Mitsuru had turned into a giant fortress version of herself.

"Gah! I knew this would happen one day!" Junpei snarled.

Leaping high into the air, Junpei pressed his hands against his chest, and a powerful light began to shine around his body.

The Mitsuru-Fortress let out a roar and fired several laser beams from its nipples, but Junpei was easily hit with every shot.

A voice reminiscent to Koromaru's ran through Junpei's mind when he realized that his power was fully charged!

'Woof woof...use the fuckin' force!'

Staring happily at Mitsuru-Fortress' two giant metal breasts, Junpei threw his hand high and thundered, "THIS HAND OF MINE GLOWS WITH AN AWESOME POWER! IT'S BURNING GRIP TELLS ME TO DEFEAT YOU! TAKE THIS; MY LOVE, MY ANGER, AND ALL OF MY SORROW!!"

A huge formation of energy formed around Junpei's body, and he flew directly towards the sexy crevasse.

"SHINING FINGER!!"

Junpei thrust his hand forward and clenched down on Mitsuru-Fortress' left nipple...causing the machine to explode like a balloon, leaving an unconscious Mitsuru Kirijo in its death.

Glad he did a job well done, Junpei was about to award himself with some unsuspecting date rape when his cellphone rang.

"Hello?"

"Heeeeey, Junpie?"

"Ah! Wazzup, Chiedowi-chan?"

"Do you got zee dwugs at u place?"

"Damn hell, I do! Come on over and let's get...HIIIIIIIIIGH!"

Snapping his cellphone shut, Junpei threw it out the window and went upstairs to get ready for his big date.

As he passed by Fuuka's room, he happened to hear a strange noise coming from inside.

"Chika Chika Hii Hii! Chiki Chiki Hia Hia! Chii-Chii Hika Hika!"

Leaning against the door, Junpei whispered, "Fuuka...reay ouyay ouchingtay ourselfyay?"

No response, and then...

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"Opstay ouchingtay ourselfyay!"

Since Fuuka couldn't understand a word Junpei was saying, she came to the door and opened it. She was wearing a full-body sheep costume, and Natsumi and Kenji were in her room, also wearing sheep costumes. Yukari was asleep on the bed, dressed in a wolf costume.

...There was an awkward silence.

"So what were you saying, Junpei-kun?" Fuuka asked.

"Otgay ouyay, itchbay!" Junpei replied, and then he pulled out his Evoker and shot Fuuka in the head, killing her.

"Itsay urningbay ipgray ellstay emay otay efeatday ouyay!" Junpei exclaimed triumphantly as he then ran to his room for real this time.

For his date with Chiedowi, Junpei simply removed all of his clothes and put on a Vic Mignogna mask to conceal his identity. Now that he was prepared, Junpei had a swagger in his step as he headed back downstairs.

'Time for some unsuspecting date rape!' Junpei thought with glee. Suddenly, as luck would have it, the doorbell rang as soon as he came down to the main floor. Opening the door, Junpei saw it was Chiedowi, who was completely naked and wearing a Karen Strassman mask to conceal her identity.

Unfortunately, the moment he let her in, Junpei's dreams of unsuspecting date rape were shattered...as HE was the one who ended up getting raped in the end! ...In his end, that is!

After that horrid moment, as he laid on the ground a twitching pathetic mess, and Chiedowi ran off with all his drugs, Junpei only had one thing to say:

"I should have used my Dan Woren mask. He always gets away with the unsuspecting date rape!"

"I doubt it..." Koromaru muttered as he walked by, a cigarette dangling from the side of his mouth.

Sighing, Junpei allowed the darkness to consume both him...and his burrito.