A/N : Happy DemyZexy Day!! dies Haha, and happy, happy b-day Courtney!! Haha, I mean... shifty eyes Froggy deep voice dies of laughter
Also, the day my friend, who has no idea what KH is fell in love with Axel... today... xD Ironic, much? Lolz, I think not... xDD Oh wells Enjoy!!
Disclaimer: No-ihg-oes, I do not own, sadly. : BUTTT, (hee hee, I said butt with an extra t!! lolz) If I did, I would be very confused, and there would probably be a sexual innuendo in every other sentence. --'.. Also, a LOT of nakieness... :D
YAY!!
Info:
This is basically just a story that came to me, word by word as I typed, so the summary is unknown...for now... But in case I figure it but, here: ...and just for reference, here's a vague summary: Demyx is sick and tired of living this way. Every day filled, with stupid half-emotions. He'd rather die than live like this any longer. He'd be better off dead. So, he basically sets off to satisfy his self-harm drive. Yes, it will be very happy, to know it's over. No more pain, no more Zexion, no more being the bitch of the organization. Perfect. But what will Zexion do, when he finds out Demyx's plans? Will he be too late. Or just on time?
!o!!o! Panda !o!!o!
An Eternity's Longing
--
I went into my room, diligently placed down my sitar, sat on my bed, and let the depression sink in.
How much? How much longer must this horrendous torture go on? As long as you love him, letting your non-heart control you. How much more must I suffer from this unrequited love? Until he realizes what you feel and hates your guts. Why? Why do I do this to myself, when it's painfully obvious he'll never love? That's what his books are for, and you don't understand. Who needs a family, or affection, when you have all your knowledge to keep you company? Zexion.
Ah, the name that opens the flood-gates to my emotions. Zexion, Number VI, Zexy, Zex, and oh, things I wish I could call him, but can't. Why can't I? Because only his lover has the privilege to call him those names, so I stay with these. Alas the pain ensues, but at least I'm highly valued to him... Or at least I hope. So what? So what if he does hate me? Then I'll be better off dead. What am I then, if he does despise the very being of my non-existence? For you are already nothing it's even worse, to be so low with not only no heart, but a shattered being and soul.(You'll brake) Become less than nothing, but ore then something. You'll be of the broken toys, useless, just a doll. A mere moving puppet, set on auto.
No, I will not become that. I don't want him to see me like that, with the possibility of him knowing it was his fault... Or even worse, if he was like the others, and just thought I crushed under all the pressure of being a failure, which I'm not. That lying, dirty, effing Saïx.
I mean, he MUST know by now right? Because, I've been so obvious, even Roxas is rooting for me! Either Zexion is really retarded, or is disgusted, and can't bring himself to say he hates me, or is too polite to admit how much he LOATHES my presence. Maybe I should just disappear.
Well, whatever. I don't CARE anymore. Obviously he can't and won't love, and I doubt ANYONE would even WANT to, like me... so why am I still trying? It's all true.
I'm useless.
Nobody likes me.
Nobody would miss me.
People would celebrate if I left.
There'd be nothing holding Zexy, or anyone down...
Hell, maybe I should go.
But wait... what if, just, maybe... Zexion... likes me back?
No, never...
But maybe...
He couldn't...
But then why does he let me hang around him?
He's nice?
Nobody's THAT nice, though!
You never know.
Ah, well screw you.
No thanks.
UGH. I don't CARE, I'm GOING to ask him.
And?
And?! If he says NO, then I'll DROP it, and LEAVE.
If he says yes?
...Well... I don't know.
Hm.evil, winning sound, with a smirk
--Mental battle ends--
--Later that day--
'Okay, Demyx, you can do this.' I reassured myself taking a deep breath. There's no going back. It's now or never. Might as well make use of it, while I can.
Before I could change my mind, I stepped forward, and was about to knock on Zexion's door, when I heard a voice.
"Soooo... how do you feel about Demyx?" a sly voice asked, smug, and evil. Subconsciously, Demyx held his breath.
"No differently than anyone else, Saïx." Zexion's velvety voice hissed. This hit Demyx with a huge pang of disappointment. He should have known, he was nothing special, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.
"Oh really, 'cus y'know...A little bird told me..." Saïx began.
"You mean you basically beat false information out of another member?" Zexion asked plainly, Saix's smirk dropped.
"Are you suggesting that my means of informing the leader are vile?" Saïx growled, crossing his arms.
"So soon to jump to conclusions, Number VII, is never a good thing. I was just saying that when you're being pushed up against the wall, and threatened to be killed, I think you'd do anything to save your sorry ass. Anyone would, am I wrong?" Zexion quirked a brow, shrugging off Saïx glare.
'Well, anyways, if so, then why do you let him hang around you so much? You do seem quite fond of him, you know. And you also, know very WELL how Superior feels about relationships." At this, Zexion flinched, and Saïx smirked knowing he had hit the nail on the head.
"Like you should be speaking, being how much YOU seem to admire..."Zexion looked Saïx up and down with disgust, "Xemnas-"Zexion inwardly smirked, knowing how much Saïx hated it that Zexion was one of the original 6, and knew Superior when he was living. "And seem to be very friendly with him, and as Prof. Xemnas usually says, the rules go for all members, eh? And besides; If anyone took the chance, I'd act quite the same to them, for that they just never try to socialize, or only seem to ring up... unwanted topics. In fact, I mostly despise Number IX. If I had my way, I'd be left alone to read in peace, the moronic nuisance." Zexion faked a smirk, as Saïx's smirk died again, into an angry glare, and he clenched and unclenched his fists. Even though Zexion said this like it was nothing, inside he ached for saying such cruel things about the one he is un-naturally attracted to. But little did I know, at that point, and was already half way to the Playground That Never Was, tears streaming down my cheeks.
"Hmph. Fine, be that way. But don't think I won't be watching you, Number VI." Saïx growled, stalking off.
Zexion, who had just played oblivious to my scent, was now, upset, and wondering where I'd went. It'll be hours before he finds me, already too late.
I guess I really was just as weak as they'd all said. In fact, I did just as they prophesied. Here I am, slowly breaking, shattered by my own childish hope, as realization dawns upon me, everything fitting in like a puzzle. Why he never acknowledges my greetings, or replies to my questions, and just plain ignores my existence. That's it. That's why he can stand me. Because he can just shut me out like I'm just a tiny bug, buzzing around the room.
Annoyed and confused, I finally realized where the broken howls were coming from. I, Me, Myself, was the one making that disturbing howl-like- heart-wrenching-painfully-broken-and-lost-cruel-heart-wrenching-sound. I was disgusted. With myself, and the world. Well, fine. If the whole world was so against me, and even my body was being disobedient, I might as well give up to that tugging feeling in my mind.
After what seemed like an eternity of tremors and sobs, he came. And he wore on his face, a light blush, a look of relief and regret, panting and heaving. He must have run here. I wonder what's so important, that he actually had to tell... the monster. (Uhm, aka Demyx)
"OH MY GOD! DEMYX! I'M SO SORRY! I'm so glad... I found you!" his body shook, as he began crying. No, Zexy, don't cry. I don't deserve that.
He took me into his arms, sobbing, examining my master-piece. All I could do, was watch him with a far off look, only half-their now, almost all of my existence gone. A look of horror and disgust crossed his face, as the got covered in my punishment. No, he doesn't deserve that. I wish I could tell him to leave, that it's not his fault, but I was just too tired to do anything.
"I'm so sorry Demyx. I should have known better. I knew you were there, and figured you wouldn't care whether I said anything bad against you. I thought you just stayed with me out of pity, and I despised myself for feeling that way, because truthfully, I knew you loved me, and deep down, I loved you too... Oh gawds, and LOOK what I've done. I'm so fucked up. I mean, I KNEW it would hurt you, that you were unstable. But I was just... so... pissed off... That I lost control... I'm so sorry... Oh, Demyx, PLEASE DONT DIE! Please, please, please... don't die. I haven't even been able to tell you how much... I... love you...And admire you. I just was too weak and self-absorbed with my reputation, to admit anything... And LOOK where my cowardice got me. But y'know, I had a plan. To live through my existence as a nobody, unloved, and unloving, because I DESERVED it, having no heart. If I took the lives away from others, then I deserved no happiness, and absolutely revolted, and loathed myself for falling for you... it was just so tempting, and I wanted to give in, but you didn't deserve... such a monstrosity. I though hall nobodies were just heartless and cruel, but then you came along, with such bright, happy eyes, and you just... have so much hope and beauty. I didn't want to taint that... and now I regret, for not saying anything... it should be ME in your place. You deserve better."
I wanted to say so badly, to, and cry with him, and hug him back, but stupidly, I was too far past that ability. I was just so drained... Maybe I should just take a quick nap...
"Oh my god, NO! Demyx! DONT CLOSE YOUR EYES!" he shouted suddenly, shaking me.
Why not? I'm gunna die anyways...Why can't he just let me die peacefully with this regret and anger? Why won't he walk away? Why is he crying? Why does he say he loves me? Why does he care? It HURTS! He SHOULDNT care about me. He's not SUPPOSED to. DAMN YOU FATE, I THOUGHT we AGREED I'D Be DAMNED TO HELL ALONE, with NOBODY to love me!! I deserved it for doing this to him. He is the one who deserves so much more.
Seemingly, Zexion cried for hours, and tried and tried to stop the bleeding, but it just wouldn't stop. I'm no idiot when it comes to murder. I've seen enough, with those who wouldn't let the darkness take them. It made me feel so dirty, just watching them kill themselves, JUST so that they wouldn't become one of us... Were we really THAT bad? I didn't think so... Sure, we don't have hearts, but it doesn't mean we don't feel... And it REALLY hurt to see them do that. Didn't they know that there was someone there who CARED for them? Didn't they know, those who killed themselves just disappeared? Like us? But... worse? Or maybe, it was better... At least they would go clean. .but still, what about their loved ones? I hope somehow, they were lead to the right place, after they did that... Unlike the ones who deserved to be trapped, in between the void of life and death... Like me...
It hurt just to think about it. Like, not only was I torn between living and dying, but like I was being ripped in two and put back together by the one I cared for. It hurt almost as much as watching Zexion right now... Wait...what is he doing... Zexion? Wait... where are you going--...Wait, NO! What are you going to do with that... NO! OMG! ZEXION! DONT!!...
There was a brief silence as my eyes widened and my breath hitched as I watched my one and only pull a trigger, sending a resounding, earth-shattering, exploding-whoosh throughout the air, as he fell out of sight and I snapped.
OH MY GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE! NOO!!—And like that, all was black, and I felt more blood, all over me... My face, my arms, my legs, and an added weight on my chest. But I was too numb to be sure --
Zexion 5 Hours Before
A silver-blue haired member paced back in forth in his room, contemplating on what to do. Should he tell him, or just resign to his fate? Maybe... just maybe, he could reverse the effects of his past stupidity, on thinking that he, could tamper with others hearts...maybe this was his second chance. But maybe, it wasn't. What if it was just a cruel trick for him to be damned into an even deeper abyss of loathe, depression, loneliness, and disgust.
But before he could digress any further, there was a knock on his door.
"Come in?" he asked timidly, not used to anyone visting him, who would.. knock.
"Hello, Zexion." Saix said, rudely.
"Saix." Zexion's curiosity quickly turned to bitterness, as all that was left of his composure deteriorated.
"I'm here to discuss... some... serious things." Saix struggled. Pfft, what an idiotical suck-up. How WEAK, is this weenie going to BE?!
"Go on." Zexion put on, another mask, one which wasn't already shattered to oblivion.
"Well, being your Underling and all, I just wanted to see how you were doing." Saix said, with fake shock, and mock hurt.
"Cut the crap, number SEVEN" Zexion hissed his name, "What do you want?"
"Why, why would you THINK that I wanted ANYTHING?!" his fake innocence was still their, but Saix knew he had been found out. "Ugh, FINE." He glowered.
Zexion just smirked, interlacing his arms across his chest, and putting his weight to one side.
"I admit, I have some questions." Saix said, suspiciously.
"Annnnddd?' Zexion prodded him to continue.
"Wellll..." Saix said smugly smirking at Zexion's obvious annoyance.
"To hell with this, Number Seven, I have BETTER things to do." He growled, marching off.
A look of pure horror crossed Saïx's eyes as he grabbed out to grasp onto Zexion's arm, tugging him back "WAIT!" he yelled, a bit too anxiously.
"What?" Zexion cocked an eyebrow, impatient, but now, very-curious as to his lower's odd behavior.
"Uh-Uhm.. well, you see... this is just.. really important.. is all.." he covered up, stumbling over his words.
"Uh-huh, cus Mr. Suck-Up ALWAYS has to have a reason." Zexion rolled his eyes, holding back a chuckle at this rare show of un-order in Number Seven, who's usually a well-composed prick.
"Shut up!" Saix hissed, tears stinging his eyes.
"Ooch, sorr-eeeee" Zexion said, with mock care, raising his eye at his girliness.
"JUST LISTEN!" he blew up, shocking both of them.
"Having troubles in bed with Xemnas, eh?" Zexion asked quizzically, and Saix broke into tears, and clung to Zexion.
"Damnit, how do you KNOW this stuff?" he sobbed, and Zexion timidly patted his back, unsure of how to comfort him. Cus I mean, this was SAIX were talking about. First of all, this is STRANGE behavior, even for ANY of them, second of all, Saix usually just sucks it all up.
"Uhm, you okay?" Zexion asked, after Saix sobbing had quieted down a bit. After Saix gave a curt nod, he let go, and an awkward silence appeared, only to be broken, by a now, much smugger, more original, looking Saix... just GREEEAAAATTTTT. Zexion sighed in exasperation.
"Soooo... how do you feel about Demyx?" a sly voice asked, smug, and evil. God, Saix is SUCH a sneaky bastard. First of all, he starts sobbing, and clings to Zexion, then he goes and friggin has the nerve to slip him a question like THIS?! He such ha sly effing BASTARD!
"No differently than anyone else, Saïx." Zexion's velvety voice hissed, cursing the fact that he had to lie, especially over something he feels about so strongly.
"Oh really, 'cus y'know...A little bird told me..." Saïx began.
"You mean you basically beat false information out of another member?" Zexion asked plainly, Saïx's smirk dropped.
"Are you suggesting that my means of informing the leader are vile?" Saïx growled, crossing his arms.
"So soon to jump to conclusions, Number VII, is never a good thing. I was just saying that when you're being pushed up against the wall, and threatened to be killed, I think you'd do anything to save your sorry ass. Anyone would, am I wrong?" Zexion quirked a brow, shrugging off Saïx glare.
'Well, anyways, if so, then why do you let him hang around you so much? You do seem quite fond of him, you know. And you also, know very WELL how Superior feels about relationships." At this, Zexion flinched, and Saïx smirked knowing he had hit the nail on the head.
"Like you should be speaking, being how much YOU seem to admire..."Zexion looked Saïx up and down with disgust, "Xemnas-"Zexion inwardly smirked, knowing how much Saïx hated it that Zexion was one of the original 6, and knew Superior when he was living. "And seem to be very friendly with him, and as Prof. Xemnas usually says, the rules go for all members, eh? And besides; If anyone took the chance, I'd act quite the same to them, for that they just never try to socialize, or only seem to bring up... unwanted topics. In fact, I mostly despise Number IX. If I had my way, I'd be left alone to read in peace, the moronic nuisance." Zexion faked an annoyed smirk, as Saïx's smirk died again, into an angry glare, and he clenched and unclenched his fists. Inside, Zexion was dying, for saying such a cruel thing, not KNOWING he was there. But still, it wasn't like he would care, or anything even if he DiD hear. It would be better that way, because then he would distance himself, and let Zexion suffer in peace.
"Hmph. Fine, be that way. But don't think I won't be watching you, Number VI." Saïx growled, stalking off.
Zexion smirked triumphantly, then frowned, smelling something unusual.. .Demyx.. THATSI T! That's why his nose twitched after the awkward silence... And why he was so perceptive and out of it as Saix sobbed.
Now Zexion was in a full-fledged panic. Demyx was gone, and in his place was the scent of fresh tears, and utter-self-loathe. What had he done?
It seemed like hours, that Zexion just stood there, screaming at himself before he realized how mentally unstable Demyx could be sometimes. He would know, because he's been around Demyx enough to see him during a couple breakdowns. He Had to find him.. NOW!
After searching every nook and cranny of the castle, double, then triple, then quadruple checking, he resorted to asking the members, who all had the same answer. He would have sent out heartless, but he never did trust the obedient little scheming bastards not to turn. This was Bad. Not only bad, but BAD BAD. Demyx wasn't anywhere, where he always went when he was upset, and his sitar, was still in his room. This had meant the worst... All Zexion could do now, was hope, that Demyx was okay.. And then it hit him. In one of Demyx's memory lapses, he had mentioned something about going to the Playground That Never Was... That's IT!!
With no time to waist, Zexion took off towards the playground(hat never was), in a heart-beat, using the portal of darkness to get their immediately never once crossing his mind in his rush.
Gasping for breath, he finally reached his destination after what seemed like an eternity, and exhaled, seeing Demyx on a bench, too relieved to notice why he wasn't sitting up.
Finally, after his relief had passed, e began to panic, and the world began to blur. The smell. How had he possibly MSSED the scent of dying and blood? The biter-sweet iron-like-taste... And, my GOD! DEMYX! THIS WAS ALL HIS FAULT! Nooo!
In a daze, he shouted and sobbed, before he realized, there was no hope. He wouldn't leave Demyx's side, nor could he heal the wounds, besides cover them with cloth. They were too vital, to stop the blood-flow. Finally, giving into temptation, and ignoring that voice in the back of his head, he decided. If his love was dead, then why not, shouldn't he join him? So, he stood up, finally sure for the first time in his life, and shot himself, with a gun that he summoned, so he could join his love.. But little did he know, that Demyx wasn't dead, not yet... At least not fully. You see, Demyx was out of his body, WATCHING Zexion, not knowing he was out of it though, and long gone.
Just as the bullet punctured Zexion, he whispered one thing that would just maybe, alter their fates. "We'll meet again, soon, my love" then was cut off, by the rush of blood to his mouth, as the world started to spin, then darken, and he only could faintly hear the thud of his body landing above Demyx's but the smell, never once died. And right their, the same as Demyx, he died, the same spot, the same way. Sad, regretful, un-loved, and cold. But one day, their souls will meet, in another world, and perhaps, in happier settings, and will finally, get their third, and final, happy ending, in a world where such things are said impossible.
--
Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it! I was going to end it without putting in Zexion's part, but decided against it.. I might decide to edit this later, or add an epilogue, is that the word? I always get prologue and epilogue and the other ?logue word mixed up. .so CONFUSING! Lolz, oh well. .Tell me what you thought, please, and give me some tips, if there's anything I could've done to make it better.. I do think, I could've tried more, but I sorta rushed at the end of Zexion's thing, because it's almost the end of the day (my mom got me distracted at 11, and like, kept me busy, with little time to write...) But if you want an epilogue, I won't write it unless you ask me to.. Thanks again, ttyl!
Panda