Disclaimer: I don't own anything Star Trek whatsoever.
Set after End Game. Janeway looks back on all that she lost while out in the Delta quadrant.
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The cold remains of the coffee had congealed slightly in the white mug on the table. The harsh fluorescent lights in her ready room glinted slightly, swishing with the slight vibration of the ship. Kathryn Janeway picked up the mug, swirling it around slightly. Her nose curled in disgust as the dregs of the home brew drifted upward from the bottom before settling once more. Disheartened, she set the mug back down and stared at the stars through one of the view ports.
She was finally home.
After seven years of being stranded in the Delta quadrant, she was among her loved ones…but it didn't feel right. Something was missing in her life right now – oh, wait. That was right. She had let the singular most important thing in her life go without a fight. But then again, Janeway mused bitterly, it never would have worked. She was the Captain. Chakotay had been her first in command. Someone in her position could not fraternize with a subordinate. It was scandalous.
Janeway, the silent and stoic captain, had watched as Lieutenant Paris wooed Torres with his boyish charm. She had watched their relationship blossom into something so much more than friendship, growing into marriage, and finally leading into the birth of their first child.
Yes, of course she had been part of the crowd, but she never really was a part of them. She was the Captain, she was what held Voyager together for so many years. Kathryn continued on her slow journey around the ready room, pausing at the couches that lined the bay window of the office. How many times had she and Chakotay sit there and just talked? How many times had they just talked about what they would do once they got back to Earth? How many times had she listened to his fears, his hopes, his dreams? How many times had she done so and not asked for a thing in return?
Kathryn smiled bitterly. Yes, she was the Captain. Yes, she had an obligation to her crew. And somehow, she had become the guidance counselor for the entire crew. Neelix had been better suited for the job. Neelix always had a kind word ready on his tongue and his Talaxian heart open, ready to listen and to offer a word of advice for any willing crewman. Yet, they always came to her, especially after a battle with casualties. Janeway dropped her gaze to the dry, dead flowers on her desk. She had really never had any time for herself, she mused. Her youth had dried up like those flowers. She gently grasped the rosebud, turning it slightly in the lifeless light. It crumbled to dust at her touch. She sighed heavily, wiping the fingers of her hand on the edge of the desk. Yes, those flowers were just like her youth.
She ran a hand over the plastic material that made up the banister, gazing around the ready room. These were her last few minutes as Captain of the ship. She would soon be carted off to banquets and galas and presentations. Then she would be promoted to Admiral. The now-empty bookcase behind her desk was already gathering dust. The worn chair was turned out slightly, beckoning her to sit once more, for old time's sake. Janeway settled into the chair and looked out over the room.
Janeway was now a famous woman, with a cushy desk job looming over her in the near future, and plenty of Federation dollars in her account. She had gained what most others would kill for, but at what cost? The one man she loved was now with a younger, blonde woman. Her family of one hundred and fifty plus crewmen was gone. She was more alone in the alpha quadrant than she had ever been in the delta quadrant.
Janeway stood up and made her way over to the view port once more. She was being utterly selfish, she knew it. She had managed to bring an entire crew back home safely, along with invaluable data, and a shipment of items worth their weight in trilithium crystals. One slender white hand clenched into a fist on the banister. Janeway took a deep, shuddering breath, steeling herself for what lay beyond the safety of the shut doors.
She was a strong woman. She could take whatever the future threw at her.
Janeway looked around the room one last time before turning to leave. She picked up the coffee cup and dumped the remains into the recycler, clapping invisible dust from her hands. The door beeped and opened, and Janeway stepped out into the command center. A gigantic smile was plastered on her face as she took her spot beside Chakotay. Flashes from holo-cameras nearly blinded her as they left the ship. They walked down the exit ramp, only to be accosted by more cheers, tears, and flashes of light. Janeway held her head high as she walked away from Voyager.
She never looked back.
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So, that's it. I wanted to offer my insight as to how Kathryn may have felt about being captain. Constructive criticism, please. :D