A/N: Hello dear readers! Here's a little one shot I found in my head this morning.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the universe, bla bla bla. You know the drill.
Ok, on with the story.
I am mad. Not as in crazy, that I am all the time, I am mad as in angry. Furious even. The Family got what they deserved and I am still angry. I don't know why, it's not my style, really. It must be a reminiscence of my recent human phase. Anyway, I showed Martha to the library, that will keep her busy for a while, and I found something to tinker with under the console.
"Doctor?"
I sighed internally. I just wanted to be alone, with my thoughts.
"Under here!" I eventually called. I saw Martha's feet approaching and eventually her face, as she crouched next to me.
"I don't get it. Why did the Family want to kill you so bad?" Just what I needed. For her to remind me of them and of what they have done.
"They didn't want to kill me. Just consume my essence." I joked. 'Please get the hint, Martha!'
"But why?" she didn't get the hint. Here we go again. I pulled myself from under the console and sat cross legged on the floor. Martha copied my position, resting her back against a coral.
"The essence of a Time Lord would give them eternal life. Sort of. They could still be killed, but they wouldn't die on their own." Those monsters would literally have had all of time and space at their disposal.
"Sounds wonderful. Except the killing you part. But you know..." she trailed on, probably imagining what it would be like.
"Immortality usually does sound good. You have all the time in the world. Literally. You can afford a 20 year trip to a far away supernova, or watch a new star being born, even if it takes hundreds of years. Suddenly no time is a long time for you. You can do everything you want and still have time left to spare." I sighed. When you put it like that, it did sound great. But looks can be deceiving and in this case, I have first hand experience.
"Sounds almost too good to be true." Martha's dreamy voice filled the Control Room.
"It is. To live like that means to live longer than any human, to outlive the longest living species in the universe. To live to see civilizations rise and fall. And if you are like me, traveling through time and space, you will one day find yourself older than the Universe itself. You realize that you are alive in every second of its existence more than once. That there are at least two other versions of you somewhere in this world. And there's a price." Of course there's a price. There's always a price. The greater the temptation, the bigger the price.
"What price?" Sweet, young Martha. Not even now did she understand.
I wanted to tell her that you live to see those you love wither and die, you live to be the only one to even remember them and their existence and you go through that again and again and again, until you start wondering if it's worth even getting attached. I wanted to tell her about all those I loved and lost, about Rose and Sarah Jane, about Susan and Romana and even about the Master, in hopes she would understand. I already told her about Gallifrey and all I lost that day and that I lived on after that. And she didn't understand. So I chose the simple answer.
"You live."
I didn't mean for it to sound so sad, so much from the hidden corners of my heart. I didn't mean to put all my life in that sentence. But I did. I sounded so broken. Too broken. I was told once I have eyes like windows to my heart. This time, I fear those windows were wide open. They must have been. I saw the color drain from Martha's face and her eyes wide as she realized what I just said. I laid back under the console and resumed my pointless tinkering, letting my mind wander.
True enough, Martha did help me get rid of my anger. It was replaced by sorrow, but in this case, sorrow was good. I know how to deal with that. So I did. When I sat up again, I was my old enthusiastic self again. I was ready to look for Martha and take her on our next adventure. Martha was still there. Right where I left her, watching me. And for the first time, I had the feeling she didn't fear me, she didn't hate me. Even her childish crush on me seemed to be gone. For the first time, she saw me for who I really was. And that changed everything.
A/N: What do you guys think? Let me know in your reviews.
Cheers,
Katerinna.