Christian's POV:
"Don't mock me".
"I'm not mocking you Sy, its just I'm having a really hard time trying to get my head around this". How could Syed possibly be breaking up with me?
"Me and you it's wrong"
"No It's right and you know it" In my heart I knew it was right, these feelings that we both had… they just couldn't be wrong.
"It's over. It's finished". My heart crumpled again with those words. Why was he doing this? Did he get some kind of pleasure out of my pain? I stood up suddenly, unable to look at him for fear of my face. I didn't trust myself.
"We've been through all of this before. It's not what you want". I looked at his black curls as I spoke. I stared at him, willing him to turn around and defy me.
"It's what's right" That wasn't even the same thing. But they did little to bring me comfort.
"What? Right to deny what we have?"
"We don't have anything" His rapid retort threw me. How could Syed say that? His words cut straight to my already broken heart.
"So all that the other night, that was nothing was it"? The image of his pleasured face as he called my name, begging me, clutching at me ran through my mind. I heard him say it again.
"It has to stop" His voice was calm, matter-of-fact. I could hear his voice wavering but if I knew anything about Syed Masood, it was that he could really kick his heels in when he wanted to.
"What incase your mother breaks her arm while she is out shopping" I only said that to make him understand how stupid he was being. He moved so fast, that I stumbled back from his shove more from the shock than anything.
"Don't mock me. Don't you mock me or what I believe in. I'm a good Muslim and good Muslims don't do what we do" His eyes were wild and I could see that his mind was made up. His brown eyes were glistening in the light but I knew that there was no going back for him.
As his words set in, anger bubbled up in my stomach. How dare he? As the door slammed shut, I picked up the nearest thing and with all the energy I could muster, I turned and threw it hard against the wall. The glass shattered against the wall mirroring my own heart.
Tears from the anger dripped down. I angrily brushed them away and paced my flat. I stormed over to the window and resisted the temptation to call after him. I watched the wind blow around him as he strode across the Square back to his fiancée.
The anger was still bubbling up inside me. How could Syed even begin to accuse me of pushing him into telling me that he loved me? I only had nudged him in the right direction and after re-affirming my love, I was willing to drop the subject. Syed said it! I never forced him to! I wouldn't have forced him to anyway, those words would allow me to fall deeper in love with him and that was exactly what I had so stupidly gone and done.
I realized that pacing in circles hadn't actually got me anywhere. As his last words floated back into my mind, I shoved the table against the radiator, kicked the chairs out of the way and I began punching the walls as hard and fast as I could, venting my anger out. Each punch felt like a release but I couldn't stop. From the corner of my eye, I could see the door and I suddenly stopped, waiting for him to come back in and tell me that he was joking. As no-one reappeared and I remembered the determined look on his face and knew that the man I loved would never come through those doors again. I staggered backwards and caught myself on one of the chairs. He was never coming back. We were finished.
I half staggered back towards the bed and stopped short. Looking at where we had made such beautiful memories caused my eyes to fill with tears. Holding them back I though of them as distant memories. I wildly looked around the room and saw memories of him. I grabbed my pillow and went to the only place Syed and I hadn't made love. The spare room where I'd made Amy's nursery that was never to be used by her.
Only a couple of minutes had passed since Syed had ripped my heart up with discard. Everything was slowly processing through my brain and I waited for the inevitable pain to arrive. When it finally did, it was worse than I could have ever imagined. The physical gut-wrenching pain was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. The tears that had been threatening to spill over finally leaked and I could feel full blown hysterics coming on.
I grabbed my soft pillow and hugging it tightly, I slumped down to the floor, my body uncontrollably heaving and trembling. I wished with all of my heart and soul that it was Syed who I was holding. I realized it never would be and I cried out aloud for him. I needed him. I needed him so badly. I sobbed for what could have been while weeping for what we had. I cried myself dry. The light in the room faded and eventually I fitfully fell into a deep slumber where the physical pain was forever present but I no longer had the energy to respond.