The Conjugal Conjecture

...

Penny snuggled down further into the covers of the bed, but not for the first time that night, she was disrupted from her sleep by a low grumble and movement from behind her.

Penny had been ignoring it, but she finally rolled over, "you can't let this bother you." Penny whispered.

Sheldon looked over at her from his position on his back, he let out a heavy sigh, "but my mom and Leonard's creepy dad!" Sheldon sat up, he looked down at Penny. "I don't like this."

"Well there's nothing you can do about it. They're adults Sheldon..." Penny touched his arm and made him lay back down. "I just hope it doesn't disrupt the wedding tomorrow," Penny said as Sheldon settled back down.

Sheldon glanced at her, and then he reached above him and pounded his fist on the wall, "I hate your dad, Leonard!" he bellowed.

There was a pause, Penny was looking at Sheldon as if he'd lost his mind.

"Yeah well... stuff it!" Leonard barked back.

Penny almost laughed at how stupid they were being.

Sheldon turned on his side to face Penny. "I would hate to be related to him... he would make an awful brother." Sheldon growled.

Penny would have pointed out their current living situation... but he'd snuggled up close to her and was finally falling asleep.

"Whack-a-doodle." Penny whispered before she kissed his forehead and finally went to sleep herself.

...

Penny entered the living room, dressed and ready for her day, to find Sheldon and Leonard glaring at each other over their tea and coffee, respectively.

"Guys... just stop it. This is already awkward and awful as it is. Just relax." Penny patted her husbands bicep and gave Leonard a sympathetic look.

"How can I! When his father is defiling my mother!" Sheldon challenged.

Leonard rolled his eyes, "hey! I don't like this as much as you!" Leonard replied.

Penny pecked the corner of Sheldon's downturned mouth. "Right, well I'm going to leave before a nerd fight breaks out." Penny teased as she walked to the door to grab up her purse and jacket.

Sheldon broke his glaring to watch her walk away, "picking up Amy's mother from the airport?" Sheldon asked.

"Yup! Amy said she doesn't want to see her mother just yet for some odd reason..." Penny only shrugged as she pulled on her coat.

Leonard was by his chair and Sheldon was in the kitchen. They glared at each other again.

Penny pulled open the front door, "and Beverly will be here soon, so just play dumb okay?" Penny almost begged. Sheldon and Leonard watched her, "She doesn't need it rubbed in her face that her ex-husband just hooked up with another woman..." Penny said.

Sheldon motioned awkwardly to Penny, "are you playing dumb now?" he asked.

Penny turned around and nearly jumped out of her skin, "Beverly, hi... I was just leaving!" Penny wanted to leave as fast as possible.

"That won't be necessary, Penny." the older woman said.

Penny dropped her head, "why?" she sighed and let the woman into the apartment.

"I guess I should be used to people from the Cooper Clan taking away ex's from the Hofstadter's." She said solemnly as she sat on Leonard's chair.

Penny winced, Sheldon narrowed his eyes, and Leonard would have smirked if it wasn't true.

"We Coopers' can't help it if we're irresistible..." Sheldon said, Penny shot him a glare and he only shrugged in return.

Leonard glared at Sheldon before turning to his mom, "dad and Mary are coming over here in a little bit, do you want to go and get some coffee?" Leonard asked.

Mary shook her head and then she noticed Penny inching towards the door, "I'll go with Penny." Beverly stood up.

Penny tried to hide her horrified look on her face, "oh gosh… you really don't want to do that… I'm just going to get Amy's mom from the airport." Penny hoped that would sway her.

Beverly shook her head, "that's even more of a reason for me to come, time for me to meet the woman who raised my future daughter in law." And Beverly marched out the door.

Leonard looked pleased, "this is great; it'll avoid any awkwardness with Mary and my dad." Leonard said.

Penny looked at Sheldon, almost pleading with him.

Sheldon gave her a smile, "have fun," he knew she was annoyed.

Penny shot him a glare just as Beverly called up the steps, asking if she was still coming.

...

There were few things that Penny regretted doing in her life, Serial Apest, almost marrying Leonard… almost not marrying Sheldon… but what had to top them all was this moment right here, Dr. Sandy Fowler was in the backseat of her car, she nearly looked exactly like Amy, only she wore a bright red skirt and an off white cardigan.

She seemed nice enough but introductions were cut short the moment each woman realized they were both doctors, once they found out what kind, well that had sent the whole trip dropping off the end for Penny. And now, Dr. Fowler was currently having an argument with Dr. Hofstadter about the merits of brain tests over psych evaluations.

Penny was starting to wonder if she could just roll out of the moving car on freeway.

"Penny, thank you for picking me up from the airport." Dr. Fowler said, "I understand that Amy didn't want to spoil anything for her big day today." Her voice was monotone and plain.

Penny smiled, "of course! That's what maid of honors do." Penny gave a happy nod.

Beverly had taken a phone call on her cell and that's why the argument had ended, she was just hanging up, there was finally silence in the car, and then Dr. Fowler spoke up.

"I'm so proud of my only daughter, finally getting married, and to a physicist!" she clapped lightly.

Penny smiled, Beverly was about to say something.

"I can't wait to finally meet Dr. Sheldon Cooper." She smiled.

Penny nearly swerved off the road; Beverly looked stunned and looked back at the other woman.

"Sheldon Cooper?" Beverly asked, she glanced at Penny, "Amy told you that she was marrying Dr. Sheldon Cooper?"

"Yes, in our last Skype session." Dr. Fowler said.

Penny was so confused, "no… pretty sure you are mistaken, Amy is marrying Leonard." Penny said, trying to keep a smile in her voice.

"No, after she told me that she was getting married, I asked her if it was to that tall handsome fellow she was calling her boyfriend and she said yes." Dr. Fowler said.

"Well, that's really not the case, because I'm married to Dr. Sheldon Cooper!" Penny finally shouted, startling both women.

There was a pause. "You stole my Amy's boyfriend?!" Dr. Fowler suddenly accused.

"I didn't steal anyone!" Penny yelled back, "all of this happened over 8 months ago, how did you not know this?!" Penny asked, she was trying to look at the woman in the back with her rear-view mirror and keep her eyes ahead on the road.

"Now, calm down, Doctor, Penny didn't steal Sheldon, she broke my sons heart first… then skipped off with Sheldon." Beverly said.

Penny was insulted. "Now hold on a damn minute!" Penny shouted.

And the three started to try and talk and shout over each other for the rest of the drive.

...

"Are you trying to say that my dad isn't good enough for your mom?!" Leonard shouted.

Sheldon stood up, "that's exactly what I am saying!" Sheldon took a step towards Leonard.

Mary and Alfred were on the couch watching their sons argue.

Suddenly the front door burst open and Penny was fast walking away from two women arguing at her.

Causing Sheldon and Leonard to stop arguing.

Penny turned to Sheldon, "they are driving themselves back to the airport after this." Penny snapped.

"What happened?" Leonard asked, noticing that all three women looked distressed.

Suddenly Dr. Fowler spotted Sheldon, "you're Sheldon Cooper?" she asked with narrowed eyes.

Sheldon looked her over, "oh, you're Sandy." Sheldon remembered her from photos.

Dr. Fowler walked up to him and started to whack him with her purse.

This made everyone act up again, with Mary yelling at this crazy woman to get off her son, Beverly started to yell at Alfred, and Leonard was trying to break them up.

Penny had marched off to the kitchen, searched through the kitchen drawers, pulled out an air can and aimed it into the living room.

The very loud honk sound scared everyone into shutting up.

Penny shook her head a little from the noise.

And then the front door opened and Amy walked in, "who's ready for a wedding?" she asked happily, her happiness dropping off when she saw everyone in the living room.

...

Amy was sitting on the couch, Dr. Fowler was next to her, Leonard was on the other side, and Beverly and Alfred were in the surrounding chairs.

Sheldon and Penny were in the kitchen, Penny was holding ice to Sheldon's rib cage, and Sheldon had his two shirts lifted up so she could help him.

"I think I'm going to have a bruise in the shape of a coffee can." Sheldon grumbled.

Penny shook her head, "why those women carry coffee cans of change in their purses… I'll never know." She looked over at the group. "I hope they understand… something tells me we won't be invited to the larger family gatherings."

Sheldon wasn't really paying attention, "does this injury get me out of attending the wedding?" Sheldon asked.

Penny looked at him with narrowed eyes, he only smirked a little bit and then he leaned forward to give her a quick kiss.

"Why can't everyone be normal and happy like the two of them?" Mary asked as she walked from the hallway and onto the scene in the kitchen. It drew attention to Sheldon and Penny, they parted ways feeling embarrassed.

"Man stealing..." Amy's mother started up again.

Leonard stood up, "now hold on a minute, I don't want any of you to be mad at Sheldon and Penny…" he said as he looked at their parents. "A lot happened over the last year, yes some hearts were broken, but I think it turned out pretty great." Leonard looked lovingly at Amy who was blushing.

Dr. Fowler sighed, "Well… as long as everyone is happy." She patted her daughter's leg.

Beverly looked at Albert and smiled tightly. "They're right; we should try to be civil."

"I can agree to those terms." Albert gave a little nod. Then he looked over at Penny and Sheldon, "I bet your wedding must have been really crazy with your in-laws." He was smiling, trying to lighten the mood.

Mary scoffed, "please, these sinners ran off to Vegas and eloped, this Hollywood actress girl being a bad influence on my boy." Mary glared at Penny.

Penny dropped her head and shook it; Sheldon patted her back and smiled tightly at his mom.

Leonard tried to break the tension, "Yay, a wedding."

...

The ceremony shockingly went off without a hitch; Bernadette officiated and only had to raise her voice an octave once to get some people to shut up.

The party after lasted until the parks sprinklers went off. And everyone went home.

Sheldon walked through the door of 4A, the living room was dark, and he flipped on the lights and staggered to the couch and fell face first into its cushions. He rolled onto his back and sighed.

Penny closed the door and was right behind him, falling onto the couch. On top of Sheldon.

Only hitting him with one of her elbows.

Sheldon wrapped his arms around Penny, she sat up, meeting his eyes, "I will never regret not having a real wedding ceremony again." Penny said.

Sheldon yawned, "please tell me this is the last wedding we eve have to attend." Sheldon asked.

"Raj… " Penny whispered.

Sheldon sighed, "If he doesn't stop dating two women at the same time…"

Penny shook her head amused at Sheldon's apparent disgust by that whole thing; she pecked him on the lips and rested her head on his chest.

"We're not moving from this spot, are we?" Sheldon asked after he realized she was getting comfortable. He had his hands on her back.

"Nope."

"fine."

...

The End