"What hurts the most" – By Rascal Flatts
"What hurts the most" - By Monica
For some reason these two songs remind me of Michael and Sara. The rascal Flatts one always reminds me of Michael, and his point of view, after Sara leaves him in Gila. And the second song reminds me of Sara, and what it would be like if she came back, a while after she'd left him.
This was just a random Idea I got, whilst listening to this song called "What hurts the most" By Monica. This small One chapter fic, has a soundtrack, the first part, talking about Michael is to the song "What hurts the most" By Rascal Flatts. And Then the second part, about Sara, Separated by is to the song "What hurts the most" By Monica.
Michael read the note once. He read it twice. And each time he felt his heart break. Each time he felt himself fall deeper and deeper into his dark deep pit of despair. He loved her. And she'd left him. And what hurt him even more, was that he couldn't blame her for it. In fact, part of him was wondering why she hadn't done it sooner. Or why she'd even come to him in the first place.
Sliding down against the wall, the note still in his hand, he let himself breakdown. He cried for what they did have, what they could have had, and what they could have been. He let all his pain and sorrow roll out into one. And wondered to himself how one could fall for someone this hard, and then have their heart broken in such a short space of time.
He couldn't even understand how it happened. How he let himself fall for her. He was supposed to be there - in the infirmary – to plan the escape, plan everything down to the very last detail. Instead, he spent most of his time watching her, studying her; just like he had before he even went to Fox River. Before he came he knew of her, he knew about her. But he didn't know her. Now he did. He loved her. And she'd just left him. She walked away. From them. From him.
That's what hurt the most. Watching her walk away. He knew when he went to the bathroom, he was giving her that chance to go, in the back of his mind, and psychologically that's why he left her alone for those few minutes. Those few minutes it took her to walk away.
Michael let himself stay there, collapsed against the wall, breathing rapidly; almost at the point of heaving, hands shaking for almost an hour. And that's as much time as he could give himself to grieve for her. He had to snap himself out of his sorrows now. He still had to save his brother.
And that's what he did. He put all his energy into exonerating Lincoln. Gathering the evidence they needed to bring the company down. And he did it.
It's been almost two months now. And he's not over her, not just yet. She's still in his every thought.
It's not as hard for him to get up anymore, not as hard as it used to be. Everyone thinks he's coping with it fine; he hides it well. He's learnt to put up his facade every morning, and take it off to breathe on a night. It's getting easier. And he knows it would have been easier to let her go, if she wasn't the love of his life, if he didn't love her with his heart and soul. More than he loved anyone in his life. He doesn't think about her most days, he has to block her out. To get by. But at night, she always haunts his every dream. That's what he despises about sleep, and the unconscious, it's something you just can't control.
Now and again, he'd let himself think about her. Wonder if she was okay. He knew she was physically okay, he checked up on her, secretly of course, as soon as everything was cleared up. As soon as he was a free man again. And she was fine, she was healthy, she seemed happy. And he wanted to leave her that way. He'd let himself think back to what they could have had, could have been.
But he doesn't let himself think about his regrets. Dragging her into this in the first place. Getting her to involve her father for his brother's sake, even it costs him her father's life. But he always defends himself, knowing the company would have gotten him involved anyway, if Sara hadn't – for his sake. And one of his biggest regrets, is not letting her know just how much she actually meant to him, just how much he loved her. And tell her, that there wasn't anything, he wouldn't do for her.
He couldn't let himself think about her anymore. It hurt too damn much.
He wanted to move on. He had to move on.
Sara hadn't seen him for a year and a half. She couldn't believe that much time had passed. But here she stood, looking at him. He couldn't see her. He was smiling, talking to this woman. A woman Sara already despised, and she couldn't help it. She loved him. She didn't even know why it took her this long to finally pluck up the courage to see him.
It had something to do with the fact that the last time she saw him, her world came falling down. Literally. She lost her job. Her dad. Everything. And that scared her.
So, she had to get that back. And she did.
But she did that within a few months. Why wait half a year? Ah yes, she loves him. That scares her more than anything. Because he could hurt her again. Just like last time. She had to work through that, slowly break down her own walls, and build up the confidence to see him. Unfortunately it took this long. And now it looks like she's too late.
But she didn't come all this way to assume.
She sat back in her car, waiting for the best time to approach, and then the woman walked off in the other direction of the park. Without waiting for a better time, Sarah jumped straight out her car and began to approach Michael.
He looked the same. If not more handsome, more toned, more tanned. Simply stunning. As always. She watched as he glanced away from the gleaming sun, and he caught a glimpse of her. She watched him check once. Check twice. And just in case he was dreaming check again. Yes Michael it's me.
She smiled when she stood in front of him. "Hi..." She had no idea what to say now she was here.
"Hey." He smiled. Apparently he didn't know what to say either. He looked shocked. And sad. His whole being dropped at the sight of her. She really hadn't wanted that effect.
"Oh." Was her only response to him. She was vaguely wondering why he hadn't pulled her into a tight hug.
Michael came to realisation, "No, I'm happy to see you. It's just..." He glanced around the park. "What are you doing here?"
Sara raised her eyebrows. She was expecting him to be happy to see her. She really wasn't expecting this. "Um... Well, I thought we could talk over coffee or something..." She looked into his deep blue hypnotising eyes. And then suddenly glanced away. "But if you don't want to... That's fine. I just -"
Michael cut her off, "No, I do want to talk and have coffee. And I'm happy to see you. I... Um..." He looked depressed. He seemed so happy before she came over.
She debated turning straight back around and going home, maybe stopping at the nearest bar on her travels. No. She'd stay.
"Just wait right here." He said and ran across the park. She could still see him, he was talking to someone. Maybe it was that woman from before.
He came back minutes later.
"Okay." He smiled. "You want to get coffee now?"
She sighed in relief, "Sure." She smiled back.
They walked to the cafe in silence, minus the small talk here and there. Ten minutes later they were seated with coffee.
"I'm sorry for just turning up like this Michael." She suddenly blurted out.
"It's okay. It's good to see you." He looked like he needed to say something. He smiled and sipped his coffee.
"How's Linc?"
They continued their small talk again. For half an hour.
Michael looked up from the paper he was playing with; he placed it down on the table, and placed his hands on top of it to stop himself from fidgeting.
"Look Sara, why did you come back? Why did you come find me?" He was polite, just curious.
Sara was taken off guard, even though she had been waiting for the question for over half an hour now.
"I wanted to see you. See how you were doing." See if we could maybe have coffee, and build on whatever we had in the first place.
"Ah huh." He smiled. He looked like he was struggling. Like this was really difficult for him. "Uh Sara, I know we uh... I know we had something."
Sara smiled slightly, and nodded. They did have something.
"But, the thing is. I... Uh..." He couldn't find the words. "She's called Kate."
"Who is?" Sara asked, dreading the answer.
"My wife... I uh..." He watched Sara's face drop, dishearten washed over her features. "We've been married a month now...We have a daughter too. She's four months soon. Called Kimberly."
Sara held up, and closed her eyes before forcing a smile. "Oh. I see." She closed her eyes again. The tears weren't going to fall. "I'm happy for you."
"Thank you." Was all he said.
Tension. Thick enough you couldn't even cut through it with a knife. Uncomfortable. That would be a euphemism in this situation.
She tried to talk to him about his family. She tried to tell him about her life now. But they couldn't do it. She couldn't do it.
"I'm sorry Michael. I should go. I was prepared for this. I uh... For some reason, I thought you'd be waiting for me..." She laughed at her stupidity. She knows how childish and fairy tale like that sounds. It's what she wanted. She didn't want to stop and think whether it was likely or not.
"I wanted to wait for you. But I never thought you'd wait for me." He had to move on.
She felt a tear drop down her face. He caught it with his finger. The first intimate thing he'd done since they'd seen each other in a year and a half.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
She nodded her head. "Me too." She laughed, an embarrassed laugh, for crying, for making a scene, for thinking sp unrealistically, for coming here in the first place.
She closed her eyes. And when she opened them he was moving towards her. And his lips were on hers. And then he was pulling away. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have done that."
She wouldn't let any more tears fall; she felt her throat burning with the sobs she was holding back. "It's okay. You're married. I know." She looked towards the door. "I should go."
He couldn't help a single tear falling down his face. He nodded.
She softly kissed his cheek, and he closed his eyes. Savouring it. "Goodbye Michael."
And then she was gone.
What she didn't know was, he loved her. God, he loved her so much. And it killed him to let her walk away. But he had priorities. He had a wife and daughter. And he would be so selfish as to leave that behind. Even if she was the love of his life. And he didn't tell her, because that wouldn't have been fair to her. He didn't tell her, because he loved her. How ironic. It would have killed her to know he loved her, and he wanted her, but he couldn't have her, and she couldn't have him.
And what hurt her most was letting go. Because she loved him. But she had to let him go. He had a life now. A new life.
She sat in her car. She watched him leave the coffee shop. And prepared to leave. But she saw him walking towards the woman she saw earlier. He smiled and kissed her, and bent down slightly and picked a baby up from her arms. He smiled and kissed the baby. They looked happy.
What hurt the most was letting go.
This didn't turn out how I wanted it too... But I've played with it... And it just won't go the way I want it too. So I thought I'd post it anyway. I'd love feedback as to what you thought.