Gaz, Taster of Pork

by Invader Derp

AU of Gaz, Taster of Pork. When Dib accidentally casts a spell on Gaz making food taste like a pig for her, Dib tries to get Gaz back to normal. YUP THIS IS A ONESHOT FOLKS!

A/N: So you folks want to know my least favorite episode of Invader Zim is? It's simple, Gaz, Taster of Pork. You wanna know why, because of jokes like these: HAAHAHAH SHE'S THREATENING TO KILL HIM, HAHAAHAHHA IT'S SO FUNNY. No, that's about as unfunny when Family Guy does a suicide joke: HAHAHAHA IT'S SO FUNNY BECAUSE HE WANTS TO KILL HIMSELF. I think of Gaz, Taster of Pork to be terrible because 1. It scars Gaz's character (Even if you don't like her) 2. The universe in the episode is EVEN more "GAZ GOTTA BE PROTECTED BECAUSE, uh, she's a bitch?" Than other episodes in the series 3. She really deserved the spell, but yet the series treats like SHE didn't deserve it, I'm pretty sure Jhonen was saying this, "So, I think we should use Dib casting a spell on Gaz, who's a mother fucking bitch, to JUSTIFY the torture he recieves in this episode. Should we do that Roman?" "I don't know Jhonen, that seems like a bad idea..." And then Jhonen sentenced Roman Dirge to Hell. 4. This is a Dib Torture Porn, it cannot be mentioned. HAAHAHAH SO FUNNY HIS SISTER'S ABOUT TO KILL HIM, HAHAHAHA SO FUNNY SHE'S ABOUT TO SLAM MASHED POTATOES IN HIS EYE, even though he's doing SOMETHING NICE, HAHAHAHA SO FUNNY SHE'S BEATING HIM UP, even though YET AGAIN, he's doing something NICE! And the worst of them all... HAHAHAHAH SO FUNNY, SHE SENTENCED HIM TO CLEAN A TOILET WITH HIS HEAD FOR ETERNITY!

And the thing that bothers me is, people, get this, LIKE this episode. HOW!? People call the ending good? Oh yeah, he was SACRIFICING himself for his sister who CONSTANTLY abuses him, Gaz thinks, Well I'm a bitch but people still like me, uh, maybe I'll just make myself UNLIKABLE and punish him. On Invader Johnny's profile, Gaz, Taster of Pork, is his SEVENTH FAVORITE EPISODE! Sorry if I ranted a bit, let's just begin.

Invader Derp Productions Persents

"Gaz, Taster of Pork"

"Welcome back folks to Mysterious Mysteries of Strange Mystery, where we talk about ghosts and shit. So today we're talking about spelldrives, things that magical, magicy things. And the largest collection of these magical devices is belonged to the kid with the largest head in the world, Jeffery-"

"Uh sir, he doesn't have the spell drives." A director said.

"Who does?" The host asked.

"Dib."

"Oh, well let me tell you, that head of Dib's is gigantic."

Then the screen went to Dib. He had a bunch of spelldrives around his room

"Hello, these spelldrives, uh, they do magic, and for every spell they take like a, uh, power point, I think, I'm not sure." Dib said.

Dib was watching himself on TV in his room, then he heard someone say, "FUS RO DAH!" Immediately after he heard that Gaz charged through his door. Gaz lifted up into the air with lightning bolts around her.

"DIB! HAVE YOU EATEN ALL THE FRANKENCHOKEYS?!" Gaz spoke in a demonic voice.

"No." Dib said.

Gaz returned to normal, "Ok then."

Dib turned around, "HEY A DUES EX MACHINA TO PUT FORWARD THE PLOT!" Dib said, "This spelldrive has 2 power points left! Who found that! Me! The overly tortured, paranormal obsessed, compulisve DIB!"

Many, Many Hours Later

"I CAN'T FIND ANY SPELLS! WHYYYY!" Dib said, he just went to the next spell. "The Sense of the Shadowhog? Nah." Dib then accidentally pressed the cast spell button.

"Are you ready to recieve the Sense of the Shadowhog?" A pig spirit said.

"No, it was an accident." Dib said.

"Well I have to be cast on someone!" The pig said.

"Well, just cast it on someone else." Dib said.

"Ok, I'll just go to that door across from you." The pig said.

"Yeah, the door across from me- WAIT A MINUTE! THAT'S GAZ'S ROOM!" Dib said, he chased after the pig spirit, but it was to late. Gaz came out her door making disgusted noises. "GAZ ARE YOU OK!"

"I'm fine Dib, just have this horrible, raw pork taste in my mouth."

"How do you know what raw pork tastes like?"

"You don't want to know Dib, trust me." Gaz said, she walked to the bathroom once she was done brushing her teeth she made even more gagging noises, "What is this! That made it worse. BLEEEEEEH!" Gaz wiped her mouth for imaginary puke, and went back into her room.

"NOOOOOO! Well I have to do something about this!" Dib said.

Then two little Dibs appeared on Dib's shoulders, one had a white robe and a halo, while the other one had horns and a red robe.

"Do the right thing and help your little sister!" The halo Dib said.

"No! Take your revenge for all the horrible things she has done to you!" The horns Dib said.

The halo Dib pulled out an AK-47 and killed the one with horns.

"I SAID DO THE FUCKING RIGHT THING YOU BASTARD!" Halo Dib said.

"YES! I'LL HELP YOU GAZ!"

"Be quiet!" Gaz yelled from her room.

Morning

"Hello children! Your SCIENTIST father is back from his night shift!" Membrane said when he came home. Gaz came down with gritting teeth and growling. "Daughter! I can sense that your not happy!" Membrane said.

"Yeah, there's this horrible taste in my mouth. I tried brushing my teeth but that didn't work." Gaz said.

Membrane stroked his chin, he kneeled down and stretched Gaz's mouth. "There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with your mouth. Are you experiencing the common cold daughter!"

"No, it's only my mouth that feels funny." Gaz said.

"Weird, c'mon daughter, let's see what wrong with you, in my SCIENCE lab!" Membrane said.

Gaz and Professer Membrane went down into the basement. Dib observed the whole thing.

"This is perfect. Dad will just distract Gaz while I figure out how to do, stuff I think." Dib then started reading books.

Membrane Labs

Gaz was up with Proffesser Membrane on a platform near her Dad's labatory.

"Hello people! I think I've found a disease in my daughter! So, I decided to publicly humiliate her!" Membrane said.

"How come!?" A guy from the audience asked.

"Because this is an Anti-Gaz fanfic! And she needs some type of torture! HAAHAHAHAHAH!" Membrane said, "NOW TAKE PICTURES OF HER AND POST IT TO FACEBOOK!"

The crowd cheered and did exactly what Membrane asked them to do.

2 Days Later

Gaz was everywhere, and not in a good way. The media treated her like a pig freak, she would constantly watch tv shows, they made fun of her, the commercials made fun of her.

"This stupid disease! It's made me a media freak." Gaz said in her isolation tank.

"LOOK AT HER MOMMA! SHE'S WEIRD!" A kid watching her in her isolation tank said.

"Yes your right Billy," his mom said, "she is weird." Then everyone laughed at her.

MacMeaties

Dib walked into a MacMeaties restaurant, he then went to the counter.

"Hello! Want food!? Don't worry, it doesn't taste like a pig!" The cashier said.

"Uh, no thanks." Dib said. He went to a seat, he sighed. "The books aren't working! What should I do!?" Dib said.

Then Jhonen Vasquez jumped through an interdimensional portal and threw the script at Dib, he went back into his interdimensional portal.

"Uh, I'm not going to question that." Dib said, he read the script. "OH! GO TO THE REALM OF THE SHADOWHOG!" Dib said, "IT'S GENIUS!"

"Hey check out his big head momma!" Said the same kid that made fun of Gaz.

"Yes, that head is very big, Billy." His mom said.

"MY HEAD ISN'T BIG!"

Membrane Labs

Dib walked inside of Membrane Labs, until he met to Gaz inside an isolation tank.

"Hey Gaz! I might know the solution to your problem!" Dib said.

"Like YOU would know anything." Gaz said.

"I do Gaz. Anywho, your disease is a curse actually."

"And who cursed me?" Gaz said.

Dib just thought of a kid at Skool, "Uh, Torque, Torque Smacky."

"Torque, I'll destroy him." Gaz said.

"Anywho, we just go to the Realm of the Shadowhog." Dib said.

"How?" Gaz said.

Dib pulled out his spelldrive, "Uh, I can't find it-" Then Dib accidentally pressed the right button suddenly sending them to the realm.

A guy came up to the isolation tank and saw a book. "NOOOOO! MR. MEMBRANE'S DAUGHTER TRANSFORMED INTO A BOOK!"

Realm of the Shadowhog

Dib and Gaz were teleported to the Realm of the Shadowhog.

"Wow that's a lot of pork." Dib said.

"I've seen more." Gaz said.

Dib and Gaz then kept walking until they met Shadowhog.

"Hello person that summoned me, and person who got blessed." Shadowhog said, "What brings you here?"

"Wait. He summoned you?" Gaz said.

"Yeah. He said it was an accident and told me to go to some random person, I picked you." Shadowhog said.

Gaz walked up to Dib and uppercutted his chin.

"OW! I THINK YOU KNOCKED OUT SOME OF MY TEETH!" Dib said.

"Good, that was what I was going for, you liar." Gaz said, "I don't want this, can I have my sense of taste back?"

"EPIC GASP! YOU DON'T WANT THE BLESSING!" Shadowhog said.

"No, not at all."

"Fine Gazelene Ruth Membrane! If that's how you want it to be, then I'll allow you to take the trial. But if you fail, you'll suffer worse pun-"

"Yeah yeah, let's just do this you moron." Gaz said,

Gaz, Dib, and Shadowhog walked into the castle. Then when Shadowhog and Gaz got into a room, Shadowhog blocked Dib.

"Only me and the girl!" Shadowhog said.

"What! You can't do this!" Dib said.

"Yes I can, I post memes on facebook everyday so I live the thug life." Shadowhog said.

"That made no sense." Dib said.

"Neither do you!" He then shut the door, two guards blocked the door.

"Now Gaz, I'll ask you two questions. If you answer them correctly, you pass the trial. So the first question, how tall am I?"

"Eight foot six." Gaz said,

"Good, next, what is the cheat code to getting unlimited lives in Street Fighter Parody Name We Clouldn't Come Up With 2000?"

"Left left, right right, B, A, start." Gaz said.

"Excellent!"

30 Minutes of Playing Street Fighter Later

Dib crashed through the door to see Gaz and Shadowhog playing a videogame.

"Shadowhog! Don't punish my sister! Punish me instead!" Dib said.

"But-"

"No, punish him! Punish him like you've never done to ANYONE!" Gaz said.

"Actually, I'm punishing YOU Gaz." Shadowhog said.

"WHAT!?" Dib and Gaz said at the same time.

"But I answered both questions correctly!" Gaz said.

"Yes, but you used the cheat code in the last game! So I'm punishing you for cheating." Shadowhog.

"But you can't! Please I'm begging you!" Dib said, "SHE'S JUST A LITTLE GIRL!"

"Yes, and your a little boy. Any difference?" Shadowhog said, he then floated a little crown of cleaning supplies onto Gaz's head, "NOW GAZ! YOUR PUNISHMENT IS TO CLEAN MY TOILET FOR ALL ETERNITY WITH YOUR HEAD!" Shadowhog said.

"I guess that isn't that bad." Gaz said with a shrug.

Then Gaz entered Shadowhog's bathroom, then immediately the door sunk into the ground.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Dib yelled.

"Don't worry, I'm doing you a favor, she was an asshole." Shadowhog said.

Dib was then teleported back to Earth.

Earth

Dib was eating at Burger Sucks with Membrane.

"Son, do you know where your sister is?" Membrane said.

"She's cleaning a toilet with her head in another dimension." Dib said.

"HAHAHAHAHAH! Clever joke son."

Realm of the Shadowhog

Gaz was making gagging noises as she was cleaning the toilet. "WHYYYYYYYY!?"

Authors Notes

Wow, this was fun, turned out longer than I expected to. But notherless, I think this is the best thing I ever wrote. Anyway I hope you enjoy, please leave a review and tell me your opinion, here are some fun facts.

Invader Derp, signing off.