So this is my new fic! I started writing it as my hearing left me & I was going through some stuff. Warning, this is dark & if you have a problems with illegal, immoral, or fattening material; this fic is not for you. All joking aside, it may cause triggering. This is my head-canon (that you'll see soon in ICBS) with canon through season two. The only AU quality is that Puck only kissed Quinn. She never became pregnant & it was in public so that's how they got caught. Other than that, canon until maybe the sixth episode? I pushed back the Furt episode. I felt like Finn & Kurt should have been brothers by the beginning of the year so here they are. I also did something special for one of the characters so when you read it in this chapter, I'd like for someone to guess what it might be
Any songs sang or literature or film mentioned will be listed at the end.
NJPNJPNJP
"Mike&Ike?" Mercedes questioned as she shut her locker door slowly.
The Asian lifted his head. "Yeah?"
"You know how you asked me to see if maybe Tina liked you? Like more than a friend?"
He nodded.
"I- you- there's this guy..."
Mike raised an eyebrow. "What are you asking me, Merce?"
"I think I like this guy… & you know him." She stammered.
"Is it me?" Mike's eyes widened.
"I should slap you!" Mercedes shook her head at her silly friend. "He's on the football team."
"So am I." He pointed out.
"Is there something you wanna tell me, Chang?!"
He smiled. "I'll stop. So who is it?"
"Don't laugh!"
"I won't."
"Swear!"
Mike held out his hand, pinky extended. "I pinky swear I won't laugh."
Taking his finger, she nodded seriously. "It's Puck."
His jaw dropped & his eyes bulged. "No!"
"But Mike!"
"No! There's no way in hell that whore is coming within ten feet of you!"
"Mike&Ike-"
"Don't Mike&Ike me!" Mike shook his dark head. "Not gonna happen!"
"I won't talk you up to Tina!" She threatened.
"I'll talk my damn self up! You're staying away from him!"
"You can't tell me what to do!"
"The hell I can't!" Mike picked up all their stuff & walked towards the door that would take them to the football field.
Mercedes stamped her foot. It was times like this that made her regret talking to him on the first day of preschool. She hurried after him.
M&Q&M
"Whoo!" Mercedes cheered on Mike at football practice though he was being a butt to her only an hour ago. "Go Chang!"
"One of these days you'll have a boyfriend to cheer over instead of a best friend." Quinn nudged her.
Mercedes nudged her blonde friend back. "No way! I'll always cheer on my bro. I'm loyal!"
Quinn scoffed. "I have to cheer on Sam. He'd think I didn't love him anymore if I didn't."
"The way that boy clings to you, it wouldn't matter. He ain't goin nowhere!"
Quinn laughed. "Good! But we still need to find you a man!"
"I don't need a man to complete me. I'm happy with my own company. Unlike the two of you!" She side-eyed her friends.
Santana's mouth dropped open. "How did I get into this?!"
"Every since you & Finn hooked up, you've been so glassy eyed. It's exhausting! Just date already!" Mercedes threw her hands up.
"It's complicated." The Latina muttered.
"How?" Brittany looked up. She was sitting one bleacher below the trio with Tina.
"We had sex once. Last year. He isn't even thinking about me." The other girls surrounded her & gave her the best group hug they could. "& then there's Rachel."
They broke apart when they heard jeers from the field.
"Hey baby! Can I get in on that?!"
"Girl sandwich! I wanna slice!"
"I gotta get in that!"
"Get a life!" Kurt screamed at the boys as he climbed the bleachers to sit with his girls. "Meatheads!"
"Kurt!" The girls chorused.
"Hey ladies. What's the scoop?" He sat on the other side of Brittany.
"You hot stuff!" Santana grinned.
"Me?" Kurt pressed a hand to his chest in shock.
"Yes, you!" Tina teased. "Where have you been?"
"Couldn't have been anywhere too exciting." Quinn pointed out. "Karofsky's been here for almost the whole time."
Kurt blushed. "I was at home. Prepping for my parents return from their honeymoon."
"Oh yeah!" Mercedes facepalmed. "I forgot they were coming home tomorrow."
Kurt nodded. "Finn & I are going to be remise to give up our freedom but I've missed them."
"That's so sweet!" Tina gushed.
"Speaking of sweet…" Mercedes broke her vow of not sweet talking Tina into liking Mike. "Mike is so sweet."
Everyone looked at her strangely but Quinn caught on. "& so damn hot! Have you seen his abs?! If I weren't into Sam…"
"& he wasn't basically your brother…" Mercedes put in.
"I'd be all over Mr. Abtastic!" Quinn finished.
Tina laughed. "Do you call him that to his face?"
Both girls nodded. "Sometimes."
The group laughed.
"Hey! We're trying to practice over here!" Mike yelled from the fence surrounding the field.
"C'mon dude!" Puck elbowed him. "I kinda like the cheering section." He winked at the girls & Kurt before trotting back to his position.
Mike pulled a face.
"Careful, Michael." Quinn warned. "Your face will get stuck like that!"
Mike stuck his tongue out at her before joining the rest of the team.
"What was that about?" Kurt wondered.
"He's just a little upset with me." Mercedes answered.
"Why?" Santana questioned. "He never gets mad at you or Quinn."
"Except for that time you threw his nunchucks out the window when we were eight & they broke." Quinn reminded her.
Mercedes laughed. "He stayed mad the entire day! No, he found out I liked one of the players & he has a problem with him."
"Mike's pretty level-headed." Tina said. "Maybe he's right to discourage it."
"Tina's right." Quinn nodded. "You know Mike&Ike has our best interests at heart. He's only-"
"Protecting me. I know!" Mercedes huffed. "But I don't want protecting! I want him!"
"Who him?" Brittany asked.
"& does he have a friend?!" Santana giggled.
Shaking her head at the girl's antics, Mercedes rolled her eyes. "You know him."
"Wait a minute." Kurt lifted his hand. "It's a guy from football that we know? Is he in glee?"
Mercedes didn't want to nod because she knew there was only one person who met the criteria. She nodded anyway.
"Puck?!" They all screamed.
The boy turned his head on the field & was immediately sacked. Everyone in the vicinity winced.
"Guys!" Mercedes snapped. "Keep it down! Now he's hurt!" She pouted.
"Like you don't want to kiss his injuries!" Santana wisecracked.
"Isn't Puck one of his best friends?" Tina inquired. "Why wouldn't he want you to date him?"
"Have you not met Puck?!" Santana laughed. "He's the biggest whore at this school!"
"& that's saying something!" Brittany added.
Tina shook her head. "Besides that. He's good enough for the guys to hang out with but not good enough to date Mercedes?"
"Yeah!" Everyone but Mercedes chimed in.
Mercedes frowned. "Do you like him Tina?"
"Goodness no!" Tina looked horrified. "He's not my type."
"What type is he?" Quinn asked bluntly.
Tina blushed & refused to make eye contact.
"So you judge us for judging him but you do it too?" Kurt guessed, with a quirked brow.
"You're right. I have reservations about Puck as well. Maybe Mike is right. You should probably find someone else." Tina directed the last statement towards Mercedes.
"I don't want to find someone else! I want Puck!"
"Fine!" Quinn snapped. "You want Puck. You'll get Puck."
"How?" Santana questioned with a small shrug. "Mike is a six foot plus tall wall blockin. He's not going to let Puck within one hundred feet of Cedes."
"Outmaneuver him." Quinn said simply. "At the end of the day, Mike is just a man."
M&Q&M
"Hey Mike!" Tina smiled brightly the next afternoon. She knew she shouldn't have let the gang talk her into seducing Mike to make him forget about keeping Mercedes & Puck apart. She actually liked the boy & didn't know how she'd keep up the lie. What if she got too into the role & slipped up & admitted her attraction?
Mike smiled at her. Tina's talking to me? Thank you, Merce! "Hey Tina."
"I was wondering if you wanted to study with me. I have this test coming up in government & Cedes said you aced that class last year." She flipped her hair.
Is she asking me out? "Sure. When do you want to?"
"Friday is good for me."
"You don't have a date?" Damn, I was supposed to think that!
Tina's eye twitched but she turned her smile up to blinding. "Nope. Free as a bird."
"Usually Quinn, Mercy & I have movie night but since Quinn started dating Sam, it's just been us two. She's understanding & will have to understand since she told you about me."
Is that a yes? Why is he rambling? "Probably."
Why am I rambling?! "Do you want to come over to my house around eight?"
If only I could pretend this is for me. "Sure. I'll get your address from Cedes or Q." She started off down the hall. "Bye Mike."
"Bye Tina."
M&Q&M
"I did it!" Tina whispered into the phone as soon as she turned the corner.
"Good. Phase one is complete."
M&Q&M
"Puckerman!" Santana called out to the jock as soon as she hung up with Quinn. "Let's talk."
He waited for her to catch up before walking to his locker. "What's up, Santana?"
"I was thinking about how everyone in glee seems to be boo'd up. Except me, you, Mercedes, Mike & Tina. Like half the damn club! Why do you think that is?"
He shrugged. "I don't know."
"I think it's because no one's making a move."
"What do you mean?" He looked down at her.
"Well take Mike & Tina. So in love but won't admit it! Us girls & Kurt decided to do something about it."
"Matchmaking?"
"Yeah. I mean they'd be happy together. But it's not just them. Artie & Brittany are attached at the lips. Sam & Quinn are disgustingly charming. Kurt & Karofsky are too cute for words. What about the rest of us?"
Puck shrugged again. "Is there somebody you got your eye on?"
"Kinda." Santana sighed. "What about you?"
"I don't know. You know the 'Zilla don't have no trouble gettin laid!"
"That's not what I said! Who are you feelin, Puck?"
They finally arrived at his locker & he put in his combination. "I don't think I'm really feelin her. Just that she's cute & she's nice." He avoided her gaze.
"Nice girl? Didn't think you knew what those were."
He sneered. "Thanks Satan."
"I'm serious. You've never been with a nice girl. Does she know you exist?"
He sighed. "Nope."
"Do I know her?" Cedes might have competition.
"Yep. Can we talk about something different?"
"Maybe I can help?" Or completely mess up this chick's face!
"I really don't want anybody to mess this up."
"Obviously it's already messed up. You're not making a move. Do you want to be like Mike?!"
He shook his head. "If I tell you, will you keep it under your hat?"
"I make no promises."
That's as good as it's gonna get. "It's Mama."
Her eyes widened. "No way!"
"Would ya stop?!" He looked around in a panic.
He really likes her! This is too easy!"What if I felt her out for you? You know dropped some hints to see if she liked you back?" She thought up quickly.
"Would you?!" Puck was surprised. Though cut from the same cloth, he & Santana were never this chummy.
"Yep." She grinned. "As long as you treat her right, I'll hook ya up."
"Thanks."
"No problemo!" She waved him goodbye before high tailing it to the girls washroom.
M&Q&M
Santana knocked on the stall doors. "Phases two & three are complete."
Quinn, Brittany & Kurt emerged.
"So he's single & ready to put an end to it?" Kurt asked.
"Even better!" Santana grinned. "He likes Mercedes. He told me himself."
Quinn rubbed her hands together. "Perfect! Tina did her job beautifully-"
"Which is what I told Puck." They looked at her. "I mean I told him how those two dance around each other when they are clearly made for each other. I brought up how everyone was paired up like freakin Noah's Ark & he told me he noticed it, too."
"& he just said he was into Cedes?" Brittany tried to confirm.
Santana nodded. "Yep. I mentioned how disgustingly cute you three are with your men, spoke about my own problems with a certain someone (discreetly of course) & he admitted he was feelin somebody. After some prodding, he told me it was our girl."
"This is amazing!" Kurt squealed.
"& it gets better!" Santana bounced on her heels. "I told him that I'd check to see if she was into him too!"
The friends laughed.
"This really is perfect!" Quinn smiled in true delight. "When Tike finally get their ish together & we hook up Puckcedes, we can get you with Finn."
Santana was about to refute the suggestion when Rachel walked in. "Hey guys!"
The quartet greeted her before hustling out quickly. "See you at glee!"
Rachel frowned. Are they trying to hook my boyfriend up with Santana?!
M&Q&M
"Thanks for doing this, T." Mercedes sighed into the phone. She stretched her legs above her head in an effort to relieve the pain & lied through her teeth. "I know you don't like Mike like that but you're doing this as a huge favor to me. I'll never forget it."
"It's no big deal!" Tina laughed awkwardly. "So Coach Sylvester worked you guys overtime, huh?"
Mercedes nodded though Tina couldn't see her. "She said that I was getting into a skirt by homecoming if it kills me."
"I thought she stopped all that last year when you tried to quit?"
"She did but since camp she's been trying to do it the healthy way." Mercedes emphasized. "She wants us all uniform. I'm eating right & exercising so I can't really complain."
"But she's pushing you too hard."
"No, I'm fine. I'm actually losing weight but unfortunately I'm gaining muscle."
"I think you'd look cute in a skirt!"
"I think you'd look cute in a skirt!" Mercedes shot back.
"No."
"Please!" Mercedes begged. She rolled onto her stomach. "We've been begging you since school started. You're the only girl in glee who's not on the squad!"
"Rachel's not!"
"Kurt takes her place." Mercedes rebutted promptly.
"Why can't he take mine?" Tina whined.
"Because you have skills! You're just afraid of starting a sex riot!"
"Says the girl who's hiding all that sexy under the boys uniform!" Tina gave as good as she got.
"Fine. You join the squad & I'll wear the skirt!"
Tina gasped. "Bet you ten bucks that's not gonna happen!"
"You're on!" Mercedes laughed. "I have to go though. Mike, Quinn & I have Family Dinner."
"I thought you guys had that on Sundays?"
"We do but there's some stupid doctors convention that the dads want to go to this weekend. So we're required to go today."
"That's so weird!" Tina exhaled. "It's Wednesday!"
"Odd night for family dinner? Yes. But since it's required, all of our siblings will be there, too."
"You mean Marceline & Laura?"
"Yep!" Mercedes suppressed a giggle.
"I wish I could be there!"
"No way! You don't want to be around any of our dads. Especially when they all get together! Well I gotta go. See you at school tomorrow."
"See you!"
Mercedes hung up & went to her closet to decide what to wear for the dinner.