"Peter?"
"No"
"Simon?"
"No"
"Alexander"
"No"
The turbo-lift doors opened admitting Spock and Captain Kirk to the bridge.
"Marvin?"
"No"
"Carlton"
"No"
"Jeremy? Is it a girl's name?"
"Captain it is illogical to continue guessing as I have already told you that the possibility of you being correct is approximately .00-"
"Urgh fine."
Dr. McCoy, who had been talking to Lieutenant Uhura watched the two in confusion.
"What's that about?"
Uhura sighed "The captain found out that Spock has a human middle name yesterday. He's been trying to guess it ever since."
"Michael"
"Negative"
"Spencer?"
"No"
"Alfred?"
"No"
"Henry?"
No response
"IT'S HENRY?"
"No, it is not. I am endeavoring to do my work. Please discontinue your inquiry as it is affecting my productivity."
Kirk pouted. Bones Chuckled. Kirk turned and glared at him.
"I don't see what's so funny Leonard HORATIO McCoy."
"Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones James TIBERIUS Kirk."
Kirk turned to Uhura. "Lieutenant do you…"
"No" Uhura said
"But-"
"No"
"Nyota I-"
"No"
"I order you to tell me." Kirk pointed out.
"But you won't" Uhura turned back to her work station.
Kirk sulked in his chair, fiddling with stripes on his shirt. Bones walked over to Spock. Leaning in he whispered.
"It seems odd that the Captain of a starship wouldn't be able to access his own crew's personnel files."
Spock arched an eyebrow.
"A truly unique phenomena, Doctor. In fact the captain has been unable to do so since yesterday."
Bones smirked "I always knew there was cunning hiding between those ears."
Kirk was unable to hear the conversation, but as he watched the two realization dawned on his face."
"Bones?" he said innocently
"Yes Jim"
"You're the Chief Medical Officer."
"Yes" Bones replied slowly
"And as Chief Medical Officer you have access to the entire crew's full medical history…including birth certificates."
"Yes but that information can only be accessed in…sickbay…Jim NO."
"Sulu you have the con"
Kirk ran out of his chair and sprinted for the turbo-lift.
"You corn-fed, infantile, irresponsible…" Bones rushed to the doors, but it was too late; they had already closed. "Uhura contact sickbay and have Nurse Chapel lockdown the computer so that only I can access it." Turning to Spock he said "You owe me Hobgoblin."
It had been a week and still Kirk had not managed to guess Spock's middle name. He was currently following the science officer as Spock was delivering some lab results to Dr. McCoy.
"Benjamin?"
"No"
"Rumplestilskin"
"No"
"Jonathan"
"No"
"Derrick?"
"No"
"Malcolm?"
"No"
They entered sickbay.
"Bones!" Kirk said cheerfully
"Still not telling you, Jim"
Kirk glared in irritation. "This is mutiny, I could have you court-martialed." He stormed out of sickbay.
Bones laughed, "If I didn't know better Mr. Spock I'd say you were enjoying this."
"Doctor that would be highly illogical."
"Do you ever plan on telling him?"
Spock's expressionless stare made Bones sigh.
"Well as fun as it would be for me to tell Jim, I have no problem admitting I'm enjoying this…which is lucky for you…Mr. Spock James S'chn T'gai"
"As usual Doctor, your Vulcan pronunciation is atrocious."
Spock said as he turned and left sickbay.
"Damn Hobgoblin" muttered Bones, "always needs to get the last word."