i.
The sixteen-year old Sujini balled her hands into small fists, her face going a deep shade of red. She glared at the boy before her with no small amount of annoyance. "You are odious!" Her insult had little effect on him however.
With a pleased expression he laughed. "It is the truth." His face turned serious. "Are you certain you want to do this? It's not too late to back out." Bright eyes regarded her warily.
Sujini blinked the shock away. "And do what? It pays to be realistic, cousin," she said slowly. The boy before her was Ho Gae and they'd known one another since they were small children. They had been friends for as long as she remembered, thus he'd earned the title of cousin. "I have no skills other than running a household and even those are dubious at best. You should be happy; I'm becoming your cousin in earnest."
His eyes seemed to tell her that he did not want her as a cousin. "You know I'm happy." The lie slipped past his lips easily; she detected it just as easily. "I just wanted to make sure you're as happy. I don't want you to have regrets." Ho Gae clutched her hand with fervour. "If you'd rather not marry him tell me now. Tell me that you want me to take you away."
But she didn't. Sujini loved Ho Gae, she truly did, however she'd always thought of him as an elder brother. He was handsome and charming and any woman would be a fool to turn him away when he finally became a man. Sujini was no woman, and he was no man for that matter. They were both very much children, still; not so much in body as in mind. And as a child she owed her parents respect and devotion. That devotion and respect meant she'd have to marry the person they chose for her. Those people had done everything in their power to raise a lady. She was duty-bound.
If Ho Gae nurtured any sort of affection for her that was not of the brotherly kind, Sujini could only feel sorry for it. He was and forever would be her brother in her eyes. She wanted to see him happy someday. But she was not the person to make him so. And neither was he for her. What would they accomplish by running away other than bringing shame to their families and even retribution? No, she decided. Ho Gae would have to let her go much sooner rather than later. It was for the best that he realise it.
"I can't," Sujini replied after long moments of hesitation. "I have my duty. On the morrow I shall be a married woman. Your cousin in all but blood. We'll be family."
"Do you even know what they say about him?" Ho Gae stood before her, a thunderous cloud, dark and ominous. "He is an idiot, not even able to memorise a short poem."
"A bad memory is hardly grounds on which to deem him an imbecile," she pointed out and then froze. Why was she defending her future husband? She didn't even know him. He could very well be the idiot Ho Gae painted him to be. "And it hardly signifies what his memory is like. He'll see me often enough to not forget me."
Fury exploded on Ho Gae's features and he jumped up. "You would tie yourself to him? You would really go through with this? Honestly?" Unhappily he sat back down. "He won't make you happy but at least he'll be kind to you. That's what he is, you know? Kind."
"I can live with that," Sujini assured her friend. Kindness was not affection, but it was still something not many women found in their marriage. "I do not understand your wish to make a scandal out of this. You've know for years about the betrothal."
"I always thought that maybe they would reconsider," he admitted, his eyes falling to the floor. "I thought that perhaps you'd say something, anything. Can you not find it in yourself to leave with me? I love you. I can make you happy."
Despite her better judgement, Sujini leaned in. "I love you too. And I too want you to be happy. But I cannot make you happy. I'm sorry." She was so very sorry. "You are my cousin," she said as if to soothe him. Alas there could be no real alleviation in her words.
"Cousin," he breathed out, almost sarcastically. Something dark passed over his face and Sujini stiffened even more. Not taking notice of her reaction, Ho Gae angrily lashed out. He was hurt by her refusal. Taking his chance the boy grabbed her shoulders and forced his lips to hers. It was perhaps his way of showing her that she was wrong.
"Leave," Sujini ordered harshly after pulling away from him. "I mean it. Leave here now and don't look back. I want you in no capacity other than my most beloved cousin. If you cannot give me that we ought to keep our distance."
Standing to his feet, now pale and drawn, Ho Gae bowed to her formally. He looked ready to say something but at the last moment turned away and walked over to the window. Sujini trailed behind. It was late at night. He was not supposed to be at her house, least of all in her room. Determined not to let him see that she hurt too, Sujini allowed Ho Gae to slip through the window without another word. She had not meant to cause him pain. But neither did she love him enough to forsake everything else for his sake.
And it was in that moment that Sujini knew. Duty would always come first to her: duty to her family, to her country. She'd known of this marriage for years. She had been promised to the Prince since his father's ascension to the throne. Whatever feeling she might have had in regards to that would be best kept to herself. Her parents wanted her happy, but that had to be achieved by their rules, not hers. It was not a bad thing. She would be a Royal Princess. She would be rich and have power and even more power when her husband became king, if he was indeed as they said he was.
Tears stung her eyes. It was foolish to cry now. She had had so much time to call everything off. She hadn't. She would get married tomorrow. She would become the wife of a man she barely knew and had little hope of ever loving. But he was kind, she reminded herself bitterly. And she could live with such a man. Love mattered little. He would be kind for the both of them and she would be intelligent for the both of them. She was determined to make him a good wife.
ii.
Dam Duk was not feeling very trilled. He stared at his father's implacable expression. He had not said a word to the man from the moment he learned the destination of their ride. He was to get married. Of course Dam Duk had known of the existence of this woman whom he would have to tie himself to. Yet he'd never seen her, never exchanged a letter with her. And he was supposed to share the rest of his life with her. She would be his wife and he would become responsible for her. He didn't want that one bit.
Heavens, he didn't even know her name. When the contract had been signed for them by their parents, Dam Duk hadn't bothered to look over it. He'd known no sane woman would take him. Not with the whispers of everyone else. They thought the young prince didn't know. But he knew. They called him mad, and idiot. He was no such thing but the woman didn't know him. How could she just accept the marriage?
Power-hungry was what she had to be. Perhaps it meant much to her that she'd be the wife of a Prince. Maybe that was it. Or maybe not. Mayhap she had as little choice as him. She was told that she had to marry and she did just that. The only irritating thing was that he was to be her husband. Dam Duk had been more or less tricked into it but he could not turn back. Not now, not ever.
Climbing the temple steps he felt a sense of finality. He would get married; he would do it. Not because he wanted to, but because he had to. This was his duty. Dam Duk ascended the stairs slowly, one at a time.
His bride, with her own party, was waiting for him inside. There was nothing he could see of her other than her hands, small and dainty. Her face had been covered with a red gauzy veil but he could not appreciate the finer aspects of her features, hardly visible as they were. Her garments were red, sensuous red, the colour of luck and prosperity. Dam Duk's lips thinned in a straight line. His eyes searched around for something, someone other than his bride.
Kiha stood in the shadows, her heart breaking. She watched the woman draped in red, jealousy rising every second. She never thought it would actually come to it. There had been whispers, but she'd ignored them. The Prince loved her. She had not thought that he might actually marry another woman. Why? Because she hadn't wanted to. Because she could not stand it. However it was happening, and right in front of her eyes.
Together with his bride Dam Duk continued his way to the altar. He could feel the woman's tremors. Was she afraid? He would not be cruel to her. Dam Duk did not have it in him to be so to anyone. But neither did he think he could ever come to love her. He reminded himself that this woman did not want love from him. Why did she tremble like the lamb that had realised it was heading straight to slaughter?
They both bent down on their knees and the formal ceremony started. She was looking at him. Dam Duk sneaked a look at her too. He still could not make out her face. No matter, he decided. He'd know exactly what she looked like not long from then.
The red string of fate was tied from his hand to hers, and blessings were given. They shared a cup of wine. She was his wife now. Before the gods and before the land she was his woman. It was startling. Still, he helped her up. His hand instinctively travelled to the small of her back as he saw her weaver backwards.
He cared not for all the attention lavished upon them. The people called out to them, well-wishers and jokers. The woman, his wife, staggered still in his wake. She followed obediently, if unenthusiastically. She could not have married him for anything else than her parents' orders. Dam Duk could see that now. The poor woman was not so different from him.
"May I have a word with you?" he whispered once no one paid them any mind. Dam Duk felt her surprise at his words but waited for her reply.
"Of course," she concurred, hand lightly tapping her thigh. Sujini hadn't expected him to address her, nor had she expected him to look as he did. He was not the least bit stupid, she realised.
"Let us move a bit further," he instructed. It was more of an order, spoken in an amiable, calm tone. He took her hand.
For the longest moment of her life, Sujini kept quiet. She followed him but could not help herself. "What is it that you wish to say to me?"
Then he felt it. A cold chill ran down his spine. Turning a little to his left he noticed his cousin, Ho Gae, staring at them. His bride stiffened. Suspicion crept into Dam Duk's mind. His eyes meet his cousin's and he was almost overwhelmed by the strong feelings thrown their way. That man loved his wife more than he should. And by the way the woman reacted she was well aware. Had they been lovers prior to the marriage? Dam Duk felt sadness on her behalf. She had to give her lover up. Just like him.
"What is it between you and Yon Ho Gae?" The question bore just a hint of curiosity.
"Nothing!" Her answer had been too quick and too adamant. "There is nothing." Not anymore, her mind whispered cruelly.
Strong warm hands touched his wife's. "I know we are perfect strangers, but I am also your husband. Maybe in time we can come closer together." He meant to be her friend.
Realising his proposition Sujini smiled under the veils. "I would be very grateful."
"As would I. Companionship is after all everything I can give you." His heart had long since been given was what he did not tell her.
His words echoed through her. She did not need to be a genius to understand him. "It is the most important thing." What else could she have said?
Lurking in the shadows again, Kiha watched them. The dagger twisted in her chest. She would not cry. Suddenly, Dam Duk turned to her and his eyes caught hers. He was begging her to understand. And she did.
For her part, Sujini pretended to see nothing.
iii.
Sleepless, Sujini looked at her husband with mild contentment. She'd done her part and he'd done his. By which she meant that the marriage had been consummated, and indeed it had. Sujini sighed at the soreness of her lower half. It hadn't been exactly enjoyable, nor did it leave her terrified. Glancing to the wooden pane that let the light in, Sujini felt soothed. Silvery glowing beams ventured into the darkness of the room. The moon had always felt mysterious and ethereal to the young woman. Shifting slightly, her hand brushed her husband's and she pulled back as if she'd been burned.
Feeling the other occupant of the bed move about restlessly, Dam Duk opened his eyes. He had not been sleeping, but his attention had been elsewhere. His wife, he supposed he would have to get used to calling her that, was obviously tired yet unable to slumber. Frail light bathed her as she reclined and Dam Duk took the time to observe her. She was nothing like his childhood love, Kiha. Curiously, that had not stopped him from enjoying the experience. Dam Duk had been aware of her every shiver and gasp. Something, a sort of connection, had formed between them.
Bed-warm fingers traced a line on her exposed hand; Dam Duk felt her shiver. Strange dark eyes turned to him and heat rose for some unknown reason. Damp skin quivered lightly and the man's hunger was brought back. Still, he was in no hurry. Lazily he brought his mouth to her shoulder. Her intake of breath was savoured with keen ears. The sounds that left her mouth fell against him. Rising his lips he brushed them against her neck to be rewarded with another small noise. How he enjoyed those. Easing her legs apart, he continued lavishing attention on her skin while mounting her with precision and practiced ease. Nary a protest left her sweet lips at the firm thrust that followed.
Humming in the back of her throat, Sujini allowed her body to relax at the intimate touch. This was her husband, after all. Sluggishly, on account of tiredness and, perhaps even more, shyness, she brought her hands around to circle his neck. Fingers tangled in his hair and she gave a grunt at a particular sharp movement on his part. It wasn't all bad, she reasoned as the warmth spread inside her. There was only a small discomfort to what had been pain the first time. But she'd been prepared and truthfully, the ache had lasted no more than a few minutes. This was almost comfortable.
And then there was something else. A strange coiling inside of her. As if in tune with the peculiar feeling her husband's pace increased. The slight shift in position when he brought his bands to raise her hips higher brought forth a small pleasured moan. Biting her lips at the sound, Sujini shook her head. Perhaps an exercise of control was in order. However it seemed that her husband had other plans. The hands on her hips travelled upwards in a sensual caress which made the young woman throw her head back in surrender. It was in that moment that she felt something inside her give way.
Her ecstasy fuelled Dam Duk, pushed him further. Fiery limbs clung to him in a most delicious way. He was utterly surrounded by warmth. It was not entirely physical, the man realised as the waves passed over them both. He held onto his wife until the reaction of his body subsided. Half connected with his woman still, he fell to the side. To his bewilderment, he felt a hand brush his hair back. It was the tenderness that he had not expected to be in her gesture.
"Thank you," he whispered, somewhat dazed. Without thought his arms gathered her closer. He had no idea what he was thanking her for. "Do you love him?" Why ever had he asked that?
Closing her eyes briefly, Sujini seemed to consider his question. "In my own way, I'm sure I do. We grew up together," she confessed, light-headed and oddly satisfied. It almost seemed like she was sharing secrets with him.
"Did you think of him?" he asked a moment later. The question was by far too forward but he soothed it with light strokes. He really did not know why it mattered to him whether his cousin had been on her mind.
Again she took her time. Sujini toyed with the idea of lying to her husband. What good would that do? "No," she replied in the end. "Did you think about the priestess?" Surprise registered on his face. "It was hard to miss, the looks exchanged between the two of you."
"No," he offered, along with a press of lips to her forehead. "I did not think of her." And for all the world, he felt like he was admitting to something more.
In truth, Kiha had fled his mind altogether in the past hours. Not because he no longer felt for her; he did. Dam Duk loved Kiha still. But whatever was between them had come to an end the moment he took this other woman to wife. He would not – could not – compare the two. It'd be unfair to both as they were very different persons. Not to mention he did not really know his wife.
But despite his woman's protests, Dam Duk felt a sharp sting at the thought of her imagining his cousin. They'd grown up together, she said. She loved him in her own way. It was as much a confession as he'd ever need to hear out of her regarding Ho Gae. In fact if he never heard her speak of his cousin again, Dam Duk would consider himself content. It felt almost profane to share what had been an intimate moment between himself and his bride with a third party, who was absent in body only. However Sujini said she had not thought of Ho Gae, and Dam Duk believed her to be sincere.
Giggling absently, Sujini shifted in his embrace. "What are you considering with such a serious face?" she questioned, dark eyes peering into his own.
"Serious, eh?" he returned, dropping his head atop of hers. She was a slight woman. He traced her spine in a manner that lacked any sort of physical desire. This was comfort, pure and simple. "You could say that."
Waiting patiently for him to answer, she draped her arm across his torso. Somehow the blanket slid lower than intended. Hurrying after it, her fingers barely touched the edge when her husband's hand stopped hers. "What is it?" Sujini was utterly confused and the look in his eyes only encouraged it.
Kissing her open palm, Dam Duk restored her hand where it had previously been. He pulled the blanket up, taking care to brush his skin to hers. The man chuckled at her reaction. "Nothing," he whispered in her hair. "It is nothing."
Having no idea what had prompted such a display out of her husband, Sujini closed her eyes. She felt tired and sated and there was nothing she desired more than a few hours of sleep.
iv.
A strange thing, her marriage, Sujini decided. It was all very new and interesting and frightening, if she was to be honest. Her husband, she learned, was a good man, patient and kind, but unyielding when he thought he was right. And most of the time he did think he was right. Sujini, who had grown accustomed to her opinions being heard and heeded, often found him to be vexing. They were both stubborn; they sometimes disagreed. It was so very difficult to communicate with a man she barely knew.
But she'd shared his bed for more than a couple of months. Since they'd been married Sujini always had company sleeping. It wasn't always to make love – for what else could she call their actions? – at times he just slid in bed next to her and slept, warm hand holding hers. Oddly touched, Sujini would watch him slumber, until her eyes closed and the heaviness settled over her. Then there were times when she couldn't get a wink of sleep, and the rising sun would catch them in a tangle of limbs, damp and spent and satisfied. Strange was not always bad, the woman discovered. Sujini smiled at the thought.
Dam Duk stood in the doorway, eyes fixed on Sujini. He contemplated her silently. She was wearing her night attire, silky and thin. Her hair was unpinned and slightly tangled, her face turned to the rising sun. He'd woken up long before and had taken a walk. Dam Duk came back to find his wife with a faraway expression and somehow that made him uneasy. She was a person who preferred to keep busy, not sit still and silent. There were not many subjects that could make her so. But among them that of his cousin always made her quiet down and fall into an apathetic state.
While she didn't go out of her way to hide anything from him, Dam Duk knew his wife didn't tell him everything either. There were letters every now and then. Sujini wouldn't mention them to him but he'd seen them delivered. They bore the Yon family crest. At first Dam Duk had thought nothing of it. But after some time, the letters seemed to grow more and more frequent. He wanted to know what his cousin could possibly want from a married woman; the princess of the nation. Surely Ho Gae would not think to woo a woman tied to another man. Especially not Dam Duk's wife.
"What does my cousin write?" Dam Duk asked, spotting the letter she still held. Sujini's head veered towards him and he sat down behind her, one hand touching her shoulder lightly. "It is his letter isn't it?"
Gulping, Sujini folded the paper. "Not much, husband," she replied. Sujini felt his grip tense on her shoulder. "He is considering joining the army; cousin says he wants to serve the nation."
Pulling the fabric of her clothing away, Dam Duk revealed a gently sloping shoulder to the breeze of the morning. The chilliness was tempered by the warmth of his lips descending on the bared skin, near her neck. "What else?" The question slithered against her softly, almost a caress.
Sujini tried to gather her thoughts. "He wants to know if we're planning to watch the competition." Ho Gae had actually asked if Sujini would attend and if she would cheer for him. The woman could not tell that to her husband.
"Do you want to?" Dam Duk propped his head on her shoulder, stubble grazing her lightly. He forced himself to relax. "You just have to tell me."
It wasn't exactly love that Dam Duk felt for his young wife. Still, he cared for her. The more he knew her, the more he became tangled in her. Kiha had been so different. With her he'd grown to care out of gratitude. She'd been his first friend in a world that seemed to wish him dead. Kiha had been a flicking light; a small fire that warmed him. Then, as they grew up, Dam Duk fell in love with her. He though he had forever with her. Fate had different plans. Dam Duk couldn't outrun his destiny, no more than he could turn back time.
"It would be beneficial for us to do so," Sujini argued. "You are the Prince of this nation; the people should know their prince." She let the paper drop, turning slightly in her husband's arms. "Give them reasons to admire you. Win the crowds, for the many are much more dangerous than the few."
Individually, people were capable of great deeds. Unfortunately when they gathered in larger groups all that potential was lost. Humans were much like sheep, Sujini reflected. Where a strong-willed one led, the rest followed without questions. And that made them susceptible to being manipulated. One just had to use the right techniques. Even worse, where many gathered, terrible incidents tended to take place. It was the main reasons for which the ruler would do better to have the crowds on his side. The aristocracy numbered fewer members and brute force could be used to remove them if it turned out to be necessary.
Sliding his lips over hers, Dam Duk made a small noise of agreement. "So be it." His eyes stared into hers, reading into her very soul. "He is on the team, is he not?"
"Yes," she replied. Ho Gae had been playing for a few good years. Before her marriage, Sujini would often see the games and support him from the stands, even if unwillingly. Her parents would allow it in hopes of forming an alliance with the Yon family if the marriage with the Prince fell through.
For a nearly endless moment Dam Duk tensed against Sujini. She could really bring this feeling out in him, Dam Duk considered, their mouths barely apart. "My cousin is a skilled player."
Sports were not what Dam Duk was talking about, Sujini realised. It was the reason for which she could not offer a proper response. Instead she looked dumbfounded. "Husband?"
Favouring her with a smile the Prince shook his head lightly. "It does not matter, wife." With that, he disentangled himself from her. "Shall I see you later?"
"Will you not tell me what is bothering you?" Normally Dam Duk did share his troubled with her. She hadn't expected him to hesitate this time either.
"Not today," he said, patting her shoulder gently. "See to your affairs while I am gone. I shall get back at nightfall," Dam Duk assured her.
"Very well," Sujini responded, her head dropping. She could not look in his eyes. If he was not going to share himself with her, neither would she.
Strangely enough, his dismissal hurt her something terrible.
v.
Blood spurted up into the air making Sujini cringe inwardly. Violence had never suited her. She understood it well, but this impulse to shed blood could be easily quelled. Unfortunately most people seemed unable to do so regardless of the simplicity. The male population especially regarded peaceful methods with scepticism.
While it was true that at times brute force had quicker results, it could not be applied to all situations. To Sujini's mind it was a waste of effort, when men could just as easily sit down and talk. But males did not seem to share her views. They just smiled indulgently at her, calling her an idealist and an innocent. Sujini would bristle at that, but she never really got into an argument about it. She was, maybe, a bit naïve when it came to such matters, however she did acknowledge that some things could not be resolved with talking. Words were not enough at certain moments.
However what was going on down in the arena deserved no excuse. Men were mercilessly hitting one another, provoking serious wounds, all in the name of a game. Disgust surfaced on her features. Somehow the level of violence grew stronger and stronger with every passing year.
"Why is it that you turn your head away when you think nobody is looking?" Dam Duk questioned, his hand resting upon her knee.
Her face turned to him. "I am not fond of such aggressive play." Sujini tried to swallow as a howl tore through the distance. "I am not very fond of blood either."
"And yet you chose to come here," he reminded her, fingers pressing in her leg through the material of her clothing. "Had you told me, I would have spared you this."
"I am not weak," Sujini automatically defended herself. "I simply stated that I do not enjoy blood being shed. But I can and will attend this as is my duty to you and the people. I will not be a liability."
"You are so intent on it," Dam Duk whispered to himself. "Do you hope to prove something with this behaviour?" This time he asked her.
"I only wish to be of use to you," she replied tersely. There was, of course, something she wanted to prove. Sujini hoped that her husband's presence would damper Ho Gae's pursuit of her. She wanted to show him that she had no regrets regarding her choice.
Taking the offered answer, Dam Duk stroked his hand to her covered thigh. The entire palm pressed gently, warmth spreading with every caress. "I am thankful to hear that."
"It is my duty," Sujini uttered, trying to ignore the feelings he evoked. A single touch of his could make her forget herself. It was strange and unwanted. She could not stand how easily he made her lose control over herself. And more importantly she could not afford to make any mistakes. Her position would not permit it.
"Yon Ho Gae's thirst for blood has just increased," commented Dam Duk while his cousin hit an opponent player to the ground, almost killing the poor man. "I wonder why."
Ho Gae kicked viciously at the fallen man. Moments ago he had dared glance at the stands, in search of Sujini, and what he'd found made his blood boil. The woman was whispering with her husband, faces close together. She was teasing him, Ho Gae thought. She wanted to see him suffer, he was certain.
How could she do this to him? How could she pretend to be his friend and betray him the next minute? Ho Gae's rage grew. She should've been his woman. Instead, she cowardly followed her parent's orders and gave herself to his idiot of a cousin. What was wrong with her? The man could not even hold a sword properly and he was as slow as a snail with his thinking. And she smiled at him? All of his feeling he poured into the next attack, an animalistic cry leaving his throat.
Knowing fairly well what had caused Ho Gae's reaction, Dam Duk held a smirk back. He felt, rather than saw, his wife tremble. She was not enjoying the show his cousin put on. Every hit of Ho Gae's brought a small jolt forward from her. Dam Duk was relieved to see the game would end soon.
"It won't be much longer now," he told Sujini. His hand sought hers, and the entwined digits fell between their chairs, hidden from sight.
"Thank the Heavens," Sujini murmured. "I cannot stand much longer of it." She paled as a rider fell of his horse, screaming in anguish.
"Come with me tomorrow," Dam Duk invited her unexpectedly. "I would like you to join me. What do you say?"
"Of course, I would like that too. But where?" She had no idea what her husband spent his time doing as he had never before offered to take her along.
Smiling at her curiosity, Dam Duk squeezed her hand. "That question will find its answer on the morrow. Have a bit of patience, wife."
The term of endearment was pushed away by Sujini who gave him an icy look. "You do like keeping me on my toes, do you not?"
"Absolutely." He flashed her a wicked little grin and the sparkle in his eyes set off hers. "Where would the fun be otherwise?"
Choosing not to respond, Sujini settled back in her seat. Dark eyes searched the arena. Involuntarily they landed on Ho Gae whose head was held up in a proud manner. Their stares met and held. Malice shone in his eyes and Sujini felt the dread well up in her. She turned her gaze away. How could she bare so much spite being thrown her way?
"Is it over?" she asked Dam Duk. Her husband's grip had tightened on her hand, yet his demeanour remained the same, good-natured and blasé as always.
"I believe that it is." He gently pulled her up. "They will announce the winners and then we may retreat. I am certain His Majesty will understand."
vi.
Moving heavily, Sujini found herself wishing she was of slightly stronger built. It would have probably been better had she been. Now seventeen and knowing her husband for almost a year, she had finally found something to hold on to. A hand instinctively shot out to press at her front, Sujini's own brand of defence.
"I love you," Ho Gae insisted. "I do not care about the world. Come with me. I can make you happy." He would not understand that Sujini was happy as she was. Ho Gae was prideful and conceited and for some reason Sujini felt herself being filled with pity. This was like last time.
Barley surrounded them. "I have come to say my farewells. Do not persist on that which cannot be." She had no comfort to offer him. His broken heart was his own to care for. "I wish you to find the joy I found." And then she walked away. Because she had to. Because it was the only thing she could do.
Waiting for her a short distance away was her husband. He had moved from her side to give her and his cousin a measure of privacy. Whatever his wife wanted to discuss with the man, he would not interfere. Dam Duk trusted her that much. Which was not to say that he did not wish to have Ho Gae's head at the moment. He would have been a fool if he did not notice the way his cousin's eyes tailed his wife. Yet she didn't do as much as breath in his direction. Bound by her vows, Sujini had never suggested anything other than sisterly affection towards Ho Gae. To be fair, his wife did not suggest any kind of passion outside their bedroom. It made one wonder what her true feelings were.
She enjoyed bedding him, as he did her; Dam Duk knew at least that. However beyond their mutual satisfaction with the physical aspect of their marriage, the young man was unsure of what to believe. Oh, she was charming; she could make his head spin with a single smile, but she didn't really let on that she felt anything for him other than esteem. Sujini was considerate, she listened and gave advice and Dam Duk found it difficult not to fall in love with her.
Extending his hand, Dam Duk took Sujini's smaller one in his. Ho Gae had climbed atop his horse and rode away, laving only him and her in the field. Assured of their privacy, the man pulled his wife in an embrace. The sound of her sobs cut viciously through him. "Everything shall be fine."
"It was not my intention to lose a friend," she murmured, face buried in his chest. "This may affect us greater later on."
Rising her head to a level where their eyes met, Dam Duk pressed his lips to her forehead. "What ever is to happen will happen." The moon shone its light upon them. She looked ethereal in the glow and he could not help taking her mouth with his.
Answering to an unasked question, a silent approval, Sujini wrapped her arms around his neck. Large warm hands spanned her waist, lifting her up slightly. Clothes parted under expert fingers. Sujini trembled in the cool air, pulling at his coverings. The barley twisted and bent under their collective weight. An ancient dance unfolded; its push and pull motions as old as time itself. The woman, embodiment of the earth, received within her what has the man's to give.
They lied spent and sated, a thin covering of sweat coating them. Dam Duk whispered words of praise in her neck. The deepening of his voice signalled his contentment. Sujini clung to him, hungry for the contact. The sweet declarations touched deep within her. Foolish creature that she was, Sujini dared to hope as they reclined on the ground, entangled. Lovingly, she brushed his hair back and Dam Duk never took his eyes off of her.
"You do not know," he started, "you cannot comprehend what you do to me." Dam Duk took in her scent and the quivers of her body. "How could you?"
"Then tell me," she encouraged. Fingers splayed at the base of his neck, Sujini shifted against him. "Tell me so I may know." She regarded him with eyes full of trust.
"At first I though you were like so many other noble ladies. I thought you wanted to further your position. I was so angry," he explained, hands tracing lines up and down her sides.
"What made you change your mind?" she quietly questioned. It came as no surprise to her. After all, that was what it must have looked like to him who was in love with that priestess.
"It was the way you acted around me. It could have been that you were shy, but it was also clear you were doing your duty." Dam Duk kissed the corner of her mouth. "Was it an obligation?"
Unable to lie, Sujini nodded. "I'd known I would marry you someday. I had been prepared for it."
"Then, slowly, you became my friend. I felt I could share anything with you." He smiled at the look of surprise she gave him. "But, you know, I wanted more than that. I wanted you to share yourself too."
"I couldn't." It was a simple answer. It was the expected answer. "Sharing with you something out of the bonds of matrimony, it would have meant letting myself fall in love."
"In that case, you may fall. I will catch you," Dam Duk assured her. "Love me like I love you. Can you?"
"I already do," Sujini confessed, lips pursing pensively. "Despite my best efforts, I love you husband."
"Good, good," he said. "I love you too." He stroked her hair. "Let us go home now."
"Home. I like the sound of that." Sujini allowed him to help her to her feet, rapidly fastening what had come undone in their bout of lovemaking.
Catching her against his chest, Dam Duk let out a rumble of a laughter. The reality of what they'd done crashed through him. "It is good indeed that we decided against taking servants with us."
Going red at his words, Sujini slapped his arm. Silently she wholeheartedly agreed to him. However, she was not about to tell him thus. It would have been nothing short of embarrassing. "Must you talk so?"
"It is the truth," he pointed out. This earned him an amused glare from his wife which he parried with a grin. "I would not have it any other way."
vii.
The funeral pyre burned, flames licking at the sky. Kiha turned soulful eyes to the royal couple. She looked longingly at the increasing waist of the new Queen. Dam Duk's father had died not long after the news of the Princess Sujini's pregnancy had reached him. It was time for his son's reign. Kiha's eyes met the new King's dark orbs. She begged him for a sign.
Understand crept into his eyes and Dam Duk levelled a comforting stare her way. He was setting her free, just as he was free of her. Kiha caught a sib in her throat and pushed it back down. She could not cry yet. Her sorrow would find its outlet. Just not yet. In a way she could recognize what had happened to them.
As children they'd been friends and that attachment had grown into love as they matured. But now they were adults and life had separated them. Kiha was a priestess and Dam Duk was a king. She had to make peace with those facts. No longer children, they could not love as they had then. Dam Duk needed a wife; something Kiha could never have been to him. At least not in the eyes of the world. Fate had seen to it though and Sujini of the Hae family had been given the role. Oh, and did it suit her! Swallowing her bitterness, Kiha turned her attention to the processions.
Feeling her husband tense at her side, Sujini let her eyes slide to him. He was looking into the crowd. Following his gaze she discovered Kiha. That old sentiment of anxiety gripped at her for one short moment, until it was wrenched away. She had said her goodbyes; it was only proper for her husband to be allowed to do the same. Her eyes fell to the ground.
Then, in an unexpected gesture, Dam Duk's hand touched hers. She tentatively grasped it, only to have him return the grip. Hands locked together, they watched the fire consume every last bit of the former king. The smoke rose into the sky. Instantly relaxing, Sujini proceeded to offer him the support he needed.
Sujini contemplated Kiha for a short while. She would have been lying if she said she did not at times felt threatened by the priestess. However, the facts were on her side. Dam Duk had chosen her and so, Sujini put all her faith in her husband. That thought brought a surge of fondness rushing through her. Indeed, Dam Duk had chosen her. They were to have a child even. The doctors told her she would be giving birth soon. What more could she possibly ask for in this life?
When she found out that she was carrying, Sujini's mind had gone completely blank. She could not believe it. They had created a life, her and Dam Duk and it left her speechless. Having married him out of obligation Sujini had not considered the subject of children. She had known it would be expected of her to produce some, but farther than that she had not thought of it. Yet at this point she could think of little else than holding a baby in her arms.
"I wish father could have been here when the baby arrives," Dam Duk told her. He still looked at the pyre as he spoke. "He would have been very happy."
"I'm sure he watches over us all," Sujini replied. Her father-in-law had indeed been thrilled at the news that he would become a grandparent. It was a pity he would never meet his grandchild.
Guiding his wife away, Dam Duk placed a hand to her bulging middle. A faint movement registered under his palm and Sujini released a small gasp. "What was that, wife?"
"The child moved," she said, a small smile lingering on her lips."He does that sometimes. Mostly late at night." By way of explanation it was enlightening; it did make a few things clearer.
"You say 'he'. What makes you think it is a boy?" Dam Duk teased. He waited with baited breath for the child to turn again. He was not disappointed as a small kick could be felt against his palm.
"Husband, I have a feeling it will be a boy. But if it isn't?" Sujini had been an only child and she remembered with some remorse that her father had never quite forgiven her mother for not giving him a proper heir. "If we have a girl?"
"Could there be anything more blessed than a little girl with your likeness?" he softly voiced, eyes shining. "She would be my little princess. Any child of ours would mean the world to me."
"And a boy?" Sujini tried to further engage him. This time her worry was gone. "What of him?"
"I would teach him everything." The king helped her up the stairs. "I would teach him how to shoot arrows and the proper way to hold a sword. Spear lessons, of course. And let us not forget riding."
"You are going to spoil this child of mine with all the attention," she commented. While her father hadn't been cruel to her, ever; he had made it clear that he would have preferred having a boy for a child.
"Do not doubt I will." It pleased Dam Duk greatly to have her heavy with his child. What better way was there for the world to see their love for one another? The child was a fruit of their affection. And were it up to him, Dam Duk would see her thus many times over. "This child, and the all his brothers and sisters, I will cherish. How could I look upon my own flesh and blood and not love them?"
"I love you," Sujini mouthed, her voice failing her. Tears shined in her eyes and on her face a smile bloomed. "I love you so much."
Responding to her declaration with a kiss, Dam Duk thanked the Heavens for this woman. He had been blind all those years ago. He hadn't known that the woman under the red veil would come to mean so much to him. "You are my best friend and my lover. You are my wife and the mother of my children. I love you." He paused, searching her face for something. "Do you regret not going with my cousin?"
"Never." She had had the chance to run away with Ho Gae. And perhaps that in time she might have even loved him as a man, but more than anything Sujini wanted to stay with her husband. "He was my friend; the brother I never had. He'll always be that. But you are my husband. You are the father of my children. It is by you that I have found my purpose in this world. If I were given the choice again, I would still choose you."
"So would I, my love, so would I." They continued walking at a slow pace, enjoying the presence of one another.
A/N: This is the longest one-shot I've written up to now. I'm sure of it. It took a long time and a lot of inspiration so I hope you people like it. If you have the time and you feel up to it, feel free to review. :)