A/N: Typical Tony and Ziva banter after they arrest an arms dealer and the team checks out his storage locker (prompt fill). Rating is for one word near the end.
The arms dealer's storage locker was filled to the brim. Tony turned towards Ziva. She looked like a kid in a candy store; all gleamy eyes, not knowing what toy to pick up first.
"You can't keep any of this, you know," he deadpanned.
Ziva ignored him and picked up a machete. Seriously, an honest to god machete. As if Ziva wasn't scary enough with normal-sized knives.
He snapped a picture, for um, size reference, yeah, that's it.
She scowled and squinted. "Give me that camera before you blind someone with the flash."
"Give me that machete before you-"
"DiNozzo!"
Tony scrunched up his face at Gibbs' bark and handed her the camera.
She replaced the machete exactly as she had found it and took the camera from him, a smug grin firmly in place. He stood next to her taking notes, as she snapped picture after picture.
"You're going to turn those into a calendar, aren't you?" Tony nodded at the camera.
Her eyes tightened, and he remembered they were standing in front of a box filled with machetes. He swallowed hard, questioning his sense of self-preservation.
But then her demeanor changed abruptly. She looked him up and down and in a low voice asked, "Is that what you were planning on doing with your pictures?"
Tony gulped, glanced at Gibbs at the other end of the room, and briefly wondered why storage lockers didn't have air-conditioning as he loosened his tie.
He leaned in the slightest, and murmured, "I wasn't before, but now...maybe if I can get some more interesting pictures?"
Ziva smiled, let out a single chuckle, then placed the camera flash right in his face and hit the shutter button.
Tony yelped, covering his eyes. When his vision was somewhat restored, he gave her a dirty look, which only made her grin widen.
Self-preservation suddenly took a higher priority, and he stalked to the back of the locker. Yanking the lid off a wooden box with a crowbar, Tony could barely contain his glee when he saw the machine guns. He picked one up, made sure it wasn't loaded, then turned towards his three co-workers.
"SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!"
"Now's not the time to be talking about your dick," Ziva snapped without even looking at him.
The stunned silence as he and McGee gaped at her—Gibbs barely raised an eyebrow—made her turn and look at him.
"What? That's not an M16A1," she said pointing at the gun he was holding. "It doesn't even have a grenade launcher."
Tony blinked rapidly as he lowered his arms and the weapon. "I am never watching another movie with you, ever again."
Ziva's eyes sparkled as she tilted her head. "Is that a promise?"
A/N: Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it.