It was a beautifully ogretastic day in Shrek's swamp. He was having the usual shit and piss in the toilet, wiped his ass with his hands and went to the most amazing place ever in his swamp. The mud bath.
Shrek took off all of his clothes and jumped into the mud. He splashed and wallowed in the mud like the typical green ogre he is. He wiped and slapped the orgasmic brown mud onto his naked, green body, shoving the mushy shit-like mud down his ear-holes and honking them out.
Then he heard the stupid riot people that go on marches and campaigns to get rid of the beautiful ogres that inhabit the forest. Those little shits are missing out, the big green ogre machine thought to himself, slapping more mud on his beautiful, envy-worthy body.
The typical human shits stopped and stared at the mud bath, and at Shrek, with pitchforks and fire sticks, screaming and jeering at the poor, lonely green ogre that only wanted to live in his swamp in peace.
Shrek got out of his mud bath, furiously mad that he'd have to leave his muddy haven, and stomped up to the shit-heads with mud dripping down his fat body.
"This is MY SWAMP!" Shrek bellowed at them, glaring at them with big, beautifully dazzling brown eyes.
This was enough to scare the ranting midgets off, they dropped their weapons and ran off. Shrek picked up the dirty weapons and threw the rubbish away from his swamp and at the running piles of human. They still ran, they were really scared of the poor defensive ogre. And never come back, the ogre thought to himself.
Just as he was about to go back to his swamp, he heard a yell and a hee-haw coming from deeper in the forest. This intrigued the green-bean to go to it.
He walked deeper into the forest and found a donkey trembling behind a tree. The humans weren't far off and there was a pitch fork lying near the donkey. The donkey was sniffling like a baby and lowered it's head.
Shrek's ogre instincts were telling him to fuck the homeless, handicapped donkey, but he told himself not to. He inspected the donkey's body instead, staring at his eggplant, then his face, then the small scratch on the donkey's ass.
After debating about what was the most ogre thing to do, the green giant went back to his swamp and slept for the night.

He woke up to something warm licking his pudgy face. He got up suddenly and found the homeless donkey standing on top of him, smiling with his tongue out.
"GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME YOU DONKEY!" Shrek screamed, throwing off the donkey with his sumo-wrestler-like ability, and slammed the donkey down on the ground. "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" The ogre screamed again angrily.
The donkey was about to cry again. Such a fucking sensitive creature, the ogre thought to himself.
"Well..." The donkey began, "I don't have anywhere else to go to... And those humans are going to sell me to a bloody circus once they find out that I talk..." Then the donkey jumped up, "CAN I LIVE HERE WITH YOU?"
Immediately the triggered ogre bellowed back, "NO, GET OUT OF MY SWAMP.", grabbed the donkey with his massive, powerful ogre hands and threw him out of his bungalow. "FUCK OFF." He yelled again before slamming the door shut.
"Pretty please?!" The donkey pleaded through the window, smiling with a mouth as wide as a stupid clown.
"No." The ogre replied, frustrated.
"Please?"
"No."
"Please with sugar on the top?"
"NO."
"FINE, HAVE IT YOUR WAY, I'll just wander around your swamp like a lonely, poor, homeless donkey... All alone..."
Then Shrek got an idea, and he wasn't about to let the lonely donkey wander off just yet.