The Definition of Beauty
Roxas was frustrated with his work.
No matter how much he thought, no matter how much he wrote, he could never get his story to come out how he wanted. It was an assignment from school, a paper on an abstract feeling. He was supposed to describe it using analogies and words that would not be ordinarily used to describe it.
In class, the teacher gave them an example using the word love. He described it as the feeling you get when you drink hot cocoa on a cold winter day. It is a feeling that warms the body, the heart, and the soul even when your surroundings are dead and bleak. You cling to that feeling, the warmth, because it is what is keeping you from merging with everything around you. It is what is keeping you alive.
Some of his classmates expressed interest in taking the theme, but the teacher shook his head and told them that they had to pick a different them other than love or pick a specific form of love. Love was a broad term, he said, there are all different kinds of love. The one he described could be thought of as an innocent love or a love found during difficult times. He said this with such a gentle expression that Roxas thought that he must have been reminiscing about his past love, maybe his first love.
His other classmates, on the other hand, were most likely to botch up on the paper, most likely having more fun describing that abstract feeling as an exaggerated or comically manner. They jested around and asked the teacher jokingly if they could write about something like something sweet, like something bitter, something exciting, something horrific, something violent. One even asked if he could write about the feeling of having sex. In all seriousness, the teacher said for the sake of writing, he would allow it. "But only if you do not use vulgar words," he said, giving the student a stern look.
Roxas admitted that this was something more of a philosophical paper written in college. It was hardly something that high school students would write about for a class. But it was really interesting to write something like it. Roxas took up the challenge enthusiastically.
After careful deliberation, the theme he finally chose was Beauty.
When he told the teacher his theme, the teacher raised an eyebrow and didn't say a thing about it. Roxas realized that he must have thought he picked a really challenging one but stayed silent in order for Roxas to challenge himself. At first, Roxas thought it was going to be fun, to be something that would have an everlasting impression in his mind. Now, he was getting frustrated, crossing out analogies and descriptions here and there. Once, maybe twice, he even thought of making things up and calling it a paper. He shook his head at that. He wouldn't prove anything to himself that way. He took up this challenge and must finish it to the end.
However, Beauty is, in all in its entirety, a difficult term to define and to grasp.
Roxas looked down at his notebook and read off all the crossed out gibberish he was able to pull out.
Beauty is like something attractive, pleasing, fine or good looking; comeliness.
He looked in the dictionary for that one and crossed it out immediately after he wrote it. It seemed too cold.
Beauty is something everyone wants to have, to aspire to be. Some to the point of obsessiveness.
That one looked more pessimistic.
There were many other phrases he thought of that tried to describe beauty, things like it is opinionated, people like it or they want to see it all the time, something to cherish, something to appreciate.
The best one he came up with was Beauty is what all humankind has seen and what they try to capture. They try to imitate it, to recreate it, to define it, to give new meaning to it.
He decided to keep this as his introduction, but he became stricken with writer's block. He had a description of an effect of beauty. But now how was he to describe the actual thing? How was he supposed to describe something as complicated, as difficult, as abstract as the term beauty?
Roxas figured that it was something that he needed to see for himself. He read about many authors and many heroes being struck by the beauty of a woman or by the beauty of nature…
That's it! Roxas suddenly stood.
Beauty was something that he needed to experience for himself!
He quickly put on a light jacket, grabbed his notebook and pen, and ran downstairs. When he was asked where he was going, Roxas told his mom that he was going for a walk. He closed the front door and hopped down the steps, making his way to the nearest park. He shivered as he felt the chill of the night.
It was near the end of March, so it was still a little chilly from winter. But the cherry blossoms were already blossoming. There was one at the park he was going to that was already in full bloom, perhaps the petals are already falling. His intention was to sit there and to note down everything about it. Perhaps he would walk around the park or even around the pond and note down everything.
He could see the cherry blossom tree come into his view. There were already a good few petals on the ground, and the light breeze was also plucking some more off the tree. But he could also see a white figure standing underneath it, looking up at the flowers. As if it noticed his stare, it turned around, some petals falling around it.
Everything around Roxas stopped.
The figure was a girl. She wore a white dress with a light green shawl around her. Some strands of her blond tresses that rested on her right shoulder were flowing along the light breeze that swirled around both of them.
One thought crossed Roxas' mind.
She looked like a spirit of the cherry blossom tree.
He saw that her blue eyes held a slight surprise for the boy before shaping into a gentle crescent. She smiled sheepishly as if she had been caught eating a cookie before dinner.
As time slowly came back, Roxas became more aware of the heat that came to his face and the sound of his heart beating through his ribcage. He patted his heart, trying to get it settled before he greeted her.
"Good evening," she greeted first. Her voice was like a soft bell, a clinking of the china that was set down for tea time on a sunny afternoon. The pleasant sound of her voice waved over him, gently passing through his soul. It put him into a slight trance.
"Hello," he greeted her breathlessly. She bid him closer, and he felt his legs bring him to her. He stared straight into her eyes as he approached. She, who was slightly embarrassed by his eye contact, looked away briefly.
"What brings you here at this time?" she asked, slightly tilting her head. She was rather pretty when she did that.
"I could ask you the same thing," he replied, snapping out of the trance. "It's quite late. It's really dangerous for a girl like you to be here alone."
She turned around, clasping her hands behind her back. He saw that she looked a little sad.
"I just wanted to see the cherry blossoms," she answered, a little melancholy.
He looked upward to gaze at the flowers.
"Me, too," he said, brushing the falling petals from his head.
"Oh!" she turned to face him with her palms together in front of her. "Then would you like to keep me company then? We could have a pleasant conversation!"
He raised an eyebrow. "You want to have a 'conversation' with a stranger? What if I was one of those dangerous people lurking in the night?"
She looked a little startled at the 'conversation with the stranger' part but apparently didn't hear the 'dangerous person' bit.
"Where are my manners!" she suddenly smiled, as she held out her hand. He noticed that were quite a few petals on her head, some fell off as she reached out her hand. "It's nice to meet you. My name is Naminé."
"Roxas," he replied hesitantly. He shook her hand. She shook his almost a little too enthusiastically.
She was oddly trusting of someone she just met, he thought. But he would humor her for a few minutes. Naminé sat down at the base of the tree, patting a spot next to her as if to ask him to sit. Before he knew it, he walked over and took his place next to her.
He looked to the horizon and noticed that the cherry blossoms across the pond were being reflected in the water, making it look like a sea of pink.
The view feels…different, Roxas noted. He remembered sitting in the same spot before, enjoying the warm sunlight of the late afternoon. There was something about this night and about this girl that made this feel completely different, a good different. He just couldn't put his finger on it.
Naminé noticed the notebook he was carrying. "May I ask you what your notebook is for?" she had an odd way of asking, but it held such an innocence and politeness that Roxas couldn't really describe. It was kind of refreshing.
"It's homework," he replied, remembering his assignment. Her face gave an expression that asked him to elaborate. "I have to write this paper on an abstract feeling and to describe it in a non-cliché way. Like if I were to describe an innocent love as drinking hot cocoa during winter," he explained, using his teacher's example.
"My, that sounds lovely," she said. "What feeling did you choose?"
"Beauty," he sighed dejectedly.
"What's wrong? It's a really splendid subject!" she noted his frustration and his exhaustion over the paper.
"I like it, and it's a good theme," he said, "But I'm having a hard time trying to describe it and to define it. I wonder if I was getting ahead of myself, choosing something as difficult as 'beauty.'"
"It's not difficult at all!" she expressed, quite loudly. She then realized how loud she said it and became quite embarrassed. "It's just that you probably haven't experience the inspiration of beauty," she explained silently. He looked at her questioningly.
"And you have?"
She smiled knowingly, not answering his question. She stood up, brushing the petals and grass off of the bottom of her dress and her shawl. She strolled over to the end of the cherry blossom tree; she tip toed and reached a hand to the lowest branch, picking off a twig full of the pink flowers.
He watched her every move, captured by her graceful movements.
"Beauty," she said as she faced him, the twig twirling in her delicate fingers, "Is something that strikes the heart. Here," she placed her hand on her heart, "It is the source of inspiration of many people. It is something one comes across unexpectedly. Sometimes, a person is even given a completely different outlook on life. It is seen by a person as a beacon of hope, a symbol of perfection by some, or an image that one cherishes his or her whole life."
She walked over to him, her white dress gently swaying through the breeze and her shawl coming loose. He held his breath as she knelt down to face him. She brought his hands to hers and put the twig in his hands. She looked into his eyes and smiled.
"People can try to replicate it. Some have even succeeded. However, if they were to try to recreate the feeling they had when they were struck by this beauty, they will never be able to," she said with a tinge of sadness.
"That's why," she said, "It's important to remember everything about it so you can carry the memory and recall the feelings it came with." She looked upward and smiled gratefully at the blossoms.
Roxas found his voice. "Did the cherry blossoms help you find this beauty?"
She looked at him, again with slight surprise. Then she gave him the biggest smile.
"Yes," she replied.
Roxas became more curious about the girl. The way she described the term and its effects so easily and so poetically was really…beautiful in itself. It took Roxas numerous days and multiple hours to actually define it, but she defined it in a matter of minutes. However, Roxas felt that there was an underlying meaning to her words, something that she wasn't saying. He wanted to ask her about it, but it was not his place to ask. He was only a stranger.
He took the chance and asked her any way. It wasn't like he was ever going to meet her again, right?
"Naminé," he said, catching her attention, "Why are you really here?"
It was the first time he'd seen her truly shocked. He saw the fear in her eyes.
"To-to see the cherry blossoms," her eyes darted to the left, but she knew she couldn't fool him.
Sighing with her eyes casted slightly downwards, she stood and sat at the trunk of the tree, not facing him.
She took a few minutes to gather her thoughts. Roxas waited patiently.
"I'm not from around here," she said, "I come from a place more south, more towards the islands. I also have a disease that makes me weak and prone to attacks. Oh, but don't worry!" she said, "It's not contagious or anything, so you'll be fine!"
She tilted her head down, her expression unreadable from the place where Roxas was sitting. His notebook lay forgotten by his side, and his fingers were fiddling with the cherry blossom twig she gave to him.
"A few weeks ago, my body started getting worse. My doctor said that I needed surgery and that he recommended the one in this town," she brought her knees to her chest and folder her arms on top. "I'm having the surgery tomorrow," she said, her voice shaking a little.
Roxas stood and slowly walked over to her as she kept talking. "I always wanted to see the cherry blossoms, so I was really happy to come here and see them in person," she sniffled as she continued to ramble, "Since my body was al-always unstable, I-I had to stay inside. I d-didn't ha-have many friends, so I w-was always on the computer."
Roxas put his hand on the tree above her head as he looked down at her. She felt his shadow and looked up at him with tears streaming down her cheeks. His heart nearly broke at the sight.
"I s-saw a p-picture of the cherry b-blossoms, and i-it inspired me to d-do my best. S-so when I came here, I snuck out of t-the hospital to see them for m-myself," she tried to smile, but it was a failed attempt.
Roxas reached his hand out to touch her shoulder and hesitated, wondering if it was all right for a stranger to that. She took his hand into hers and put his palm at her soft, pale cheek. She welcomed the warmth and leaned into his touch.
"Was it what you expected it to be?" he whispered, stroking his thumb on her cheek.
"It was more than that," she sniffed, smiling sadly at him. She looked downwards.
"But I'm scared," she admitted, tears freely streaming down, "I-I'm frightened. What if I die? What if I leave and don't get to do the things I always wanted to do?"
He wanted to comfort her, to take all the sadness away from her. His heart went out for the poor girl.
He brought his other hand to her other cheek, holding her head in his hands. She looked up at him with eyes that had a mixture of emotions. Pain. Sorrow. Fear. Fear of death.
But it held something else. Need. She wanted to be comforted.
So he wrapped his arms around her and brought her closer to his chest. She felt the envelopment of his warmth from the arms around her to the chest she cried on. She broke down and sobbed.
He let her cry, let her get all of the feelings out. He stroked her head and stood silently. He didn't know what to say to comfort her, but he didn't have to. Naminé was just glad that he was there.
"Roxas," she said, lightly pushing against his chest to look up at him, "Thank you."
"No problem," he replied, feeling warmth spread to his heart. He held a gentle expression in his eyes.
She suddenly got shy, her face becoming slightly pink.
"Roxas, I-I have a request, but…um, you can decline if you don't want to do it," she broke away and held her hands in front of her face. He could see her ears become red.
He closed the space between them and gently pried her hands off her face.
"Tell me," he said. She looked down shyly before making eye contact with him.
"Will you have the honor of taking my first kiss?" she said, her face flushed.
He blinked, a little shocked at her boldness.
She noticed his silence and tried to shy away, completely embarrassed.
"I-I'm sorry! I know it was really bold of me to ask that from you, who I only just met! I saw it in a movie once at the hospital and always wanted to know what it felt like," she explained quite hastily as she tried to put distance between them.
He held his grip on her wrists but not enough to hurt her. Just to get her to stay.
He placed his hands on each of her cheeks, once again holding her head and made her look up to him with those wide blue eyes.
"No," he said softly, "I would be honored to."
He brought his head closer to hers, making their foreheads touch, and she closed her eyes. He tilted her head up and planted a gentle kiss on her soft lips. Both felt as if static was jumping across one's lips to the other's.
It was soft and sweet, he thought.
It only lasted for 3 seconds, but for Roxas it lasted a lifetime.
When they both pulled away, Naminé smiled shyly.
"Thank you," she said. "Of all the things I wanted to do before I die, I always wanted to kiss someone at least once."
"You won't die," he said reassuringly, "You will live, and one day we'll meet again."
"I'm glad that it was you," she said, pulling away from his embrace. Roxas felt his body become colder. His arms ached to hold her again.
It was time for her to return. Roxas knew this and was felt saddened by this.
She hopped off of the trunk of the tree and walked a little ways, adjusting her shawl. She picked off the petals that had managed to become entangled in her silky blond hair.
"I feel…relieved, refreshed. I think I get through this," she said without turning around, her fists held out in front of her in a determined manner.
"Thank you," she said once again, turning around. He saw the newfound hope in her eyes.
"I hope we meet again."
"We will meet again," he said determinedly, "for sure."
She smiled and waved before walking away, perhaps more gracefully that when he first met her.
He stood watching her retreating form the whole time even after she had left.
He can't believe what just happened. He staggered backwards, his back hitting the tree. Unconsciously, his hand touched his lips, where it was once warmed by hers, savoring the sweet memory she gave him.
He looked up at the cherry blossoms, suddenly realizing that he was now seeing something new in what was once something ordinary.
He realized that he had just witnessed what she had explained to him: the feeling of being struck by beauty.
With an electric jolt and inspiration coursing through his veins, he grabbed his notebook and his pen and starting writing furiously.
He wrote and wrote. He didn't stop even once.
Beauty is what all humankind has seen at least once in their lifetime and what they try to capture. They try to imitate it, to recreate it, to define it, to give new meaning to it but never will they completely succeed.
It strikes through the heart and through the soul and envelopes them like a blanket on a cold, windy day.
It is the breath of spring when all of the cherry blossoms are in full bloom, making even time pause to enjoy all of its richness.
It is sought after and longed for by many, but it is something that will come to those who aren't looking for it.
It has the power to grant a person a new view on something that what used to be an ordinary thing.
Most of all, he wrote, it can be viewed as a beacon of hope, the source of inspiration, a symbol of perfection that must and will be cherished throughout a lifetime.
And to him she was his perfection, his beauty, his source of inspiration. Naminé and the sweet memory she gave to him would be remembered and cherished by him throughout his lifetime.
This, he said, he was sure of.
The End
Author's Note:
If the ending makes you feel a bit put out, then I'll go ahead and say that Roxas went on a search for Naminé because he couldn't stop thinking about her. When he went to the first hospital, she was actually there, still weak from the surgery. She gave him a big smile, and Roxas went to visit her every day. When she went back home to the island, they exchanged letters whenever they could. I believe he's visiting her this summer, where they'll share more sweet kisses. :)
If anyone else wants to know what Roxas got on his assignment, he got an A+ ("For actually including your own experience of getting struck by beaty," said the teacher.). The kid who wanted to write about sex actually wrote a decent paper without vulgar words, but the bags under his eyes told everyone that he really put a lot of effort into it. Wow. He was really determined.
Anyways, that's everything I wanted to include but didn't because it disrupted the flow of the whole story. I'm actually really satisfied with how this turned out. I hope all of you also enjoyed it!
Please tell me what you think! It really helps!