Title: Much Better Than The Weekends
Rating: K+
Prompt: symistic asked you: non established swanqueen regina and henry switch bodies. thanks
AN: This is an AU/no curse, but obviously weird things happen fic. Hope you enjoy, symistic!
Regina knew something was off when she woke up in her son's room. She didn't know what was off, but she knew it was probably going to be horrible. She tried to remember what she did last night, but there was no explanation as to why she would wake up in her son's room.
Henry woke up in his mother's room. Something was really off. He tried to remember what he did in order to end up sleeping with his mom. Did he have a nightmare? Watch a scary movie before bed? Start thinking about all the things that scare him? No…. So what happened yesterday? He went to school and on his way home the batty old lady kept trying to give him herbs from her garden. He took the chives and went on his way. His mom asked where he got the chives from and didn't seem intimidated after he told her, so she used them for their baked potatoes… but that was the only weird thing that happened… so… Why was he in his mother's room? And where was she?
"Mom?" He asked as he sat up then squinted in confusion. That didn't sound like his voice…
Regina heard a familiarly foreign voice as she wondered out of Henry's open door.
"Mom?" Panic started to set in for Henry.
Regina ran down the hall to her room, "Henr—What the hell?"
Henry whipped his head to the intruder to find… himself. He dropped his jaw, "Who are you?!"
Regina looked at the body in her bed. She knew she was looking at herself she just couldn't comprehend it. She then looked down… She was in Henry's body. "Henry?"
"Mom?"
"I think… we've… I'm in your body, you see… and you're in mine."
Henry jumped from the bed and into the bathroom to look at the mirror, "Oh my God! I'm a woman!"
"I'm a boy…" Regina mumbled to herself.
It took a while for them to get over the fact that this was really happening. It took a long time, but when the doorbell rang, they knew they had to do something. They scrambled around for about ten minutes trying to put on clothes—Regina rather concerned with how her son was going to dress her and vice versa.
The visitor didn't let up though. So, Regina ran downstairs after she gave Henry some flats to put on, "Oh, Miss Swan… What are you doing here?"
Emma knit her brows and looked at Henry like he had six eyes, "What the hell? You sound like your mom…"
"Right…" Regina wanted to face palm, instead she stepped aside, "You wanna come in, Emma?"
"Yeah, why the hell'd it take so long to answer the door?"
"Me and mom were just getting ready…" Regina tried.
"Ready? She making you go somewhere? You want me to try to go too?"
"No, she's not making me do anything. We were just getting ready for the day."
"It's 11 o 'clock in the morning…."
"Late start."
Emma knit her brows, "You know I know when you're lying, so why are you lying?"
"I'm not lying! We had a late start to the day!"
'Regina' came to the top of the stairs, "Oh! Hey Emma!" 'she' started making her way downstairs quickly.
"Emma?" Emma looked to the brunette woman.
Regina looked at Henry and again, she wanted to face palm, "Don't you mean Miss Swan, mom?"
"You also like 'Sheriff'… You feeling alright, Regina?"
"How come you call me Regina?" 'Regina' asked.
"Because I want to."
"Well, I want to call you Emma."
Emma knit her brows, "Kay…?" She turned to 'Henry' and nodded towards the door. "Is it alright if I take Henry out for a bit?"
Regina looked at Henry from behind Emma and shook her head so much she was getting dizzy. Her son on the other hand crossed her arms and grinned her fake grin that always led to other's trouble, "Of course you can take him out. Have fun. Keep him for the night, if you want…" She shrugged, "But I will want him back for dinner, so he can pack... You could join us!"
"Uhhh…" Emma looked to the boy, "Okay… Sure." She smiled before taking her son's shoulders and steering him out of the house.
~0~0~0~0~0~
They went to the diner for an early lunch, "Okay, seriously what is going on with you and your mom? You're acting weird and she's…. inviting me to dinner and allowing me to take you for the night…"
"I don't know. You know she must be crazy or something. She is the evil queen…" Regina did her best to sound like her son.
"Hey!" Emma's stern, 'mom' tone came out as she stared at him, "You know how I feel about you calling her evil."
Regina's brows rose and she sat back, "I… Uh… I've never really understood that one. Can you explain it to me again?"
Emma stared at him blankly then relented, "You're mom is an amazing person. I am literally a thorn in her foot. She takes care of the town and you and she doesn't need my help. And she's god damned gorgeous to boot."
"You think my mom's pretty?" Regina made sure to note that one.
Emma pointed at 'him', "I believe I said 'gorgeous,' and come on kid. Don't tell me you're backing out of my idea now…"
"What idea?"
Emma knit her brows, "The one when we try to save your mom from becoming the evil queen again and since I am the savior I have to date her?"
"You're trying to date my mom?" Regina was definitely going to note that one.
"Henry! We've talked about this! What is wrong with you? You're really starting to freak me out…"
"Sorry, Emma, I'm fine! I promise!" Regina needed to keep her head cool of all the information she just learned.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Henry decided to go to the store. He'd seen his mom drive plenty of times and he knew the rules of driving thanks to his racing games. He drove the speed limits just like his mom did, but he almost hit two people because of his running of stop signs—he'd forgotten they were there. He also didn't want to try and park close, so he parked in the very back—he also 'accidentally' parked in four spaces…
He walked inside with his mom's purse and after getting a cart he went straight to the candy and processed desserts. He got what was left of the Hostess products on the shelves; he got everything Little Debbie had to offer. He got fruit roll ups; fruits by the foot; Tom and Jerry, Spongebob, and Scooby-Doo gummies. He got every good flavor of prepackaged pudding and jell-o. He got a Hershey's variety pack, Hershey's kisses and hugs, a package of King Size Hershey's Cookies N Crème bars, chewy Lifesavers, each kind of Skittles packages, M&Ms, a Wonka variety pack, a Tootsie variety pack, Sour Patch Kids, Starburst, Swedish Fish, a Reese's variety pack, Peach Rings, Dum-dums, Jolly Ranchers, Nerds, Air-Heads, Sour Straws, Smarties, York Peppermint Patties, Rolos, Paydays, Snickers, Milky Ways, and each kind of Twix bar.
Then he went to the cookie isle, which consisted of: Oreos, Chips Ahoy!, Nilla Wafers, Nutter Butters, Animal Cookies, Keebler cookies and ALL the varieties therein.
After cookies it was time for the frozen foods: MOUNTAINS of Ice cream in every form he put in his cart, as well as some ice cream cakes, frozen cinnamon pretzels and frozen Marie Calendar Pies; then he found the frozen pizzas… he got some of each flavor before deciding he needed to offset his sweet tooth with some chips…
He got Chex mix, the different Pringles, Kettle Cooked Chips—all different brands. He got Doritos, plain potato chips and Cheetos—both spicy and regular.
Then he went to the cashier and checked out. He knew he was getting a weird look from the check-out boy, but he didn't look up, he only watched as the hands put all his goodies in bags and then his basket. He swiped his mom's card like it was nothing, signed her name and ran out to the car.
After getting back home, he proceeded to open up everything, therefore having to keep it all before he baked himself a pizza that was actually meant for three or four. While he waited he went and put on some of his pajamas—his mom's were too girly and his fit fine, they were just a little short. Then he made himself a candy appetizer.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Regina had asked Emma a lot of questions. She knew that the blonde was worried for their son's mental health, but she couldn't help herself. After she learned that Emma wanted to date her—and was clearly manipulating their son to do so, they just started coming out of her.
Before they knew it, it was the usual dinnertime. They pulled up to the house. As they walked closer, they heard loud noises coming from inside.
"Oh my God, is your mom watching Return of the Jedi?" Emma asked as they approached the door, "The loudest version of Return of the Jedi ever?"
'Henry' only shrugged.
They walked in and found 'Regina' asleep in front of the blaring television with pieces of pizza, candy, cookies and chips splayed out around her.
"Oh my God, your mom's a fatty! Look at all that food!"
"MOM!" 'Henry' was maaaaaaad.
'Regina' woke up and stared at his angry self, "Mom!" 'she' knit her brows, "I mean, Henry! Emma! Pardon the mess…"
"Mom, what the hell were you thinking?"
"Henry…" Emma looked at her son amazed, "You can't talk to your mom like that."
"Yeah," 'Regina' stood up proudly then fell back down as the nausea of eating all 'she' did coming at her full force.
"You feeling okay?"
'The Mayor' shook her head, "Mo-Henry, I don't feel so good."
'Henry' walked around the room with crossed arms, picking up various wrappers, "Really mom? I'm shocked…" 'his' tone was sarcastic.
"Okay, seriously… You two have like traded bodies or something because the both of you are acting completely strange."
Regina in Henry's body looked over to her, "That's exactly what happened! But we don't know how it happened…"
"Mom, I think it was the chives that the batty old lady gave us…" Henry looked over to his mother in his body.
Emma laughed disbelievingly, "I was just playing around… What? Switching bodies isn't possible.."
Regina did face palm this time, "Fine! Don't believe me! But when we switch back I am going to find you and tell you everything you told 'Henry' today and you will be shocked and amazed that you didn't help us switch back."
"Henry… I think you need to go to sleep."
"I need to take care of my son in my body first."
"I'll get him… No worries, kid."
"No! I will not let you touch me when I don't know what will happen."
Henry moaned, "Mom! Please!"
"Okay, dear, let's get you something for your tummy." Regina ran upstairs to her bathroom and jumped when she heard heavy footfalls once she got back to the stairs.
"We're coming up." Emma said once she saw her son—or her son's form or whatever… she wasn't even sure she actually believed what they said was going on, but she did know that the Regina's body was not feeling well. "By the way, she's in your clothes."
"Splendid." Regina rolled her eyes as she watched her form in Emma's hold pass her. She dealt out the appropriate amount of medicine and told him to rest.
'Henry' and Emma then walked downstairs and took in the hurricane of sweets.
"Yeah, this is definitely not something your mom..you would do." She looked down at her son's form's displeased look.
"He is in so much trouble." Regina said as she began gathering all the trash.
"If you need someone to get rid of this stuff, I'd be happy to help… I love me some Oreos." She stuffed a double stuff in her mouth, proving her point.
"You! You are where he gets his sweet tooth from." Regina pointed… well Henry's form pointed at the blonde and Emma couldn't help but think that it was the best impersonation of a person she'd ever seen.
"Okay… So let's say that you have in fact switched bodies…. When you get back in your body I want to go out on a date with you. Now, assuming that you are back in your body at the end of this week, I want to take you out to the French restaurant on Elm. Friday at 8. Meet me there. And if you are Henry, you can't just tell your mom to go there."
Regina knit her brows, "How do you know, if I am Henry, that I don't just tell my mom?"
"Human lie detector. The first thing I ask will be, 'who asked you to come?'…" Emma shrugged before dipping into the box of double stuff once more.
~0~0~0~0~0~
The next morning Regina woke up with the worst stomachache in the world. She immediately began chugging the pink drink on the nightstand, "Henry!" She yelled.
Henry tentatively walked into his mom's room, "We switched back." He said happily.
Regina gave him an angry look, "You are grounded for six months. You are going to work off the entirety of that sweets extravaganza you decided to purchase and last night was all you got to enjoy. I sent it all home with Emma."
Henry looked down, "Yes mom." He couldn't help the smile that spread on his face, "You called her Emma."
"Henry! Bedroom! Now!"
~0~0~0~0~0~
On Monday, Regina was feeling well again. She sought out the old bat with the herbs, but wasn't expecting the woman to recognize her, "Hello my dear!" the crazy old woman said, "Did you enjoy your vacation?"
"My vacation?"
"Your vacation from yourself? You and your son…" She made a noise as she indicated with her fingers that they switched places.
"You knew what was going to happen?"
"Yes." The old lady said, "Did you enjoy it?"
"It was…. Enlightening, but no. I did not enjoy it."
"Oh well… Maybe next time." The old lady tried to walk away.
"Next time?" Regina tried to get the old bat to talk, but she just kept walking away from her and she, the mayor couldn't harass or appear to harass a pupil.
~0~0~0~0~0~
It was Friday night. Regina walked into that French restaurant on Elm in a fancy dark purple dress and heels that made her legs and ass look amazing. She saw the Sheriff and sat down across from her.
Emma stared at her a few minutes unable to contain her obvious ogle. She shook her head, "Who told you to come here tonight?"
Regina smiled and looked straight into the blonde's eyes, "You did."
Emma sat back, "Holy shit…" She breathed.
"I know."
"He was in your body and you in his…"
"Yes."
"That's why he had no idea what the hell I was talking about."
"Yes."
"And I just completely told you that I wanted to date you… to your face."
"Yes."
Emma sat forward then in realization, "But you're here…"
This made the brunette smile and nod, "Yes."
"So you… did you want to come or did you want me to believe you about last weekend?"
"I'm still sitting down." Was all she said.
"You're gorgeous."
"So are you."
Emma smiled and changed the subject, "How long is he grounded?"
"I said six months, but I'm probably only going to make it a couple weeks. I do want him to pay for all those sweets though… It was over $200 worth of candy alone! Not to mention the cookies and ice cream and pizza and chips!"
"Man, that stuff was good!"
"You've eaten it all?"
"Almost."
Regina looked the blonde over, "Where does it go?"
"Okay, let me explain how the human body works… You eat and then you… eliminate waist."
"Lovely picture on a first date at a dining table."
"Sorry…"
"It's alright, Miss Swan."
"Now, now… We're on a first date sitting at a dining table; you've called me Emma before, keep doing it!"
"Alright Emma."
"That's better."
"You are not lying. It's much better than the weekend."
"Yeah. It's coming out of your mouth, not our son's."
"Exactly."