A/N: This is the first story I ever wrote for ff. net. Constructive reviews are therefore very welcome (Is this story any good at all/shall I continue or not?).
I plan to make this a medium long story with nice and surprising little twists. I hope to use a lot of Glee characters apart from Klaine, though the way they entered Klaine's life might differ from what you know from watching Glee on TV. There will be similarities to significant Klaine moments from TV whenever it fits as well, but they will be rather small and therefore be mostly visible to attentive reading Gleeks/Klainers. Rated M just to be safe.
PS: I'm searching for a Beta. So if someone is interested, feel free to contact me ;).
PPS: Since I do not have a Beta, yet, I apology for any spelling and grammar mistakes (I am not a native speaker by the way).
I don't own Glee.
Bound to You - How I gave my life for love
After releasing his last breath, Kurt reviews what was the best but also last year of his life providing insight into why he had no regrets albeit dying at age 21, how he experienced love, and why he wished he never ever met Blaine.
-Prologue-
Growing up as an openly gay teenage boy in Lima, Ohio, I had to learn early that chances were quite high that one day the simple fact of who I loved would be the death of me, especially if I stayed in Ohio. I certainly could have already died years ago by being beaten up, getting stabbed or worse and then being thrown away like trash dying a slow and lonely death in the streets of Lima. The ending I got instead, could therefore probably be called bliss. I would be dying young but knowing I experienced more love than most people did in a lifetime. No matter where it has taken me, I, Kurt Hummel, would never regret the last but most wonderful year of my life. I was however surprised how I was both very right and utterly wrong about the messed up circumstances which led to my dying day.
It happened back in Lima in my childhood home, the one place in the world I thought I'd never be judged nor harmed at for who I was or who I loved. All those of my teenage years in which I had been bullied for my sexuality, for being "different", this place had been nothing but a place of love, safety and comfort created and given by my dad. My dad, who was the most important person to me after my mother died when I was just an eight year old boy. My dad who was my hero during this painful part of my childhood as well as throughout my depressing high school years. But all this warm and bright feelings and every bit of trust I had in what I once called "my home" vanished into nothing on the day on which my almost bloodless body was lying on the floor of the living-dining room;
I was at a point where I was still quite aware of my surroundings, but getting closer and closer to the point of being free of any physical pain. I thought about my family, the ones I loved but who betrayed me. Still, I thought about my parents, about Dad and Carole, and I even thought about Finn. I hated Finn to the utmost and wherever he was now, I hoped he suffered forever. Though none of them deserved anything coming from me anymore, I used my last remaining power to give Dad and Carole what I knew would be my last look towards them, desperate for them to do something, anything. But I gave up my very last hope as soon as I saw them standing in the corner. They were watching me like a slaughtered animal, doing nothing but looking shocked and waiting for what must have been their living nightmare to be finally over. I turned my head away from them, I had to. Only then I realised how cold I actually was. Apparently much colder than everything around me. Colder than the floor tiles. Colder than the lifeless body next to me, of which I more and more became a reflection of. Those facts should have made me scared, I could however not find the power to be scared about that anymore. I couldn't move my limbs anymore either. Soon I stopped hearing the suppressed sobs and screams coming from my parents. It was as if time stood still and every kind of colour faded from my world.
I could hear my own heartbeat as it slowed down. I thought about Blaine. How I lost myself in his hazel eyes the first time I saw him and how it felt when he was holding my hand. Beautiful dapper Blaine. Blaine, who saved me and who would have done anything to save me from what was about to happen. But Blaine was gone. First, I had failed at keeping him safe, and then I'd failed at saving him. Though I experienced a lot of pain during my life and though I was way past any physical pain at that very moment, the pain coming from my heart when I thought about what I did to Blaine was the most excruciating pain I ever experienced. I also had to think about Jeff and Nick and what just had been done to them. It was all my fault, and if I only had reacted in time I could have stopped it, preventing so many souls from so much unnecessary suffering. The pain was tearing me apart from the inside. It made me almost feel thankful for dying myself as there was no way I could live another day being in this pain and with this guilt.
Minutes past like hours, and breathing became more and more of an impossible task. I felt as if all what was left in the world were me and my thoughts. How did I get in this awful situation? How could my teenage nightmares of dying because of who I am, who I love, become true? How could I have been so weak causing me to give this love away so soon? How could everything end so soon, anyway? How could I end so soon? How could my life end like this; being surrounded by the ones I once loved, but still being alone with my heart being shattered and my family being my worst enemy?
I felt light-headed and very tired. When everything went black, I bundled all my remaining energy to think about how strongly I loved Blaine and to not spend what were obviously the last seconds of my life thinking of where this love got us. I did not want to die having any regrets about the past year. However, during the fraction of the second in which my body stopped fighting and my heart stopped beating I couldn't help but wish that Blaine had never ever found me.
I know the prologue leaves many questions open, but it will all make sense in the end, promise :). Kurt really got into an awful and complicated mess and therefore there is a long story behind that kind of starting with the day he met Blaine and finishing with the scene you've just read.
Up Next: Kurt takes us one year back and we'll see how Blaine found Kurt.
