What I Wanted is What You Finally Decided to Give me
So this is a new story… hopefully I'll finish it and not leave it in a dusty Microsoft word folder called unfinished stories…
174 on the list.
Summary: Thoughts about what Mika wants and how she feels. Has to do with the events of the hospital scene. Fluff. One shot Mika POV. No Tohma bashing, sorry I like Tohma.
Have fun.
Edited: August 31st 2008
What I Wanted is What You Finally Decided to Give me
Mika's POV
When I first met him I didn't really believe that our relationship would go so far. I never imagined being married to him, I never pictured myself living under the same roof as him or even sharing his name. But it had all happened. In a matter of two years, I was engaged to the synthesizer player of the fast growing band Nittle Grasper. What I failed to notice was his interest in my little brother. The way he seemed to smile when he was around Eiri, the way he seemed to be happier when he was in his company. In a way it made me jealous. I wanted to be the one to make that smile appear on his face. I wanted to be the one that he would laugh with. It was jealousy at its best but no one could really blame me. I tried everything, but no matter what it always went back to Eiri. What was so special about him that I didn't have? Was it because I was female and my brother was born male?
There was a time when all of this bothered me. Where I would become jealous and get upset over this, but with time I learnt to cope with it. I learnt to ignore the burning pain in my heart and how to make believe that everything was going well. People would say that I was lucky that I was married to him, that I was lucky to share his name and his house. But all I wanted was to share his heart. I wanted to hear from him that I had a special place in his heart. That when he looked at me with his big pools of emerald he saw me and not my brother. It was a foolish desire, but I always hoped that one day he would just come up to me and tell me that I was the prettiest girl in the world and that he couldn't believe how lucky he was to have met me. I regretted the day I introduced him to Eiri, but at the same time I was thankful that at least my brother had had that one friend during his worst years of life.
Tohma needed to realize that now that job had been occupied by the Shindo kid and frankly he was doing a better job than Tohma had ever done. The only problem was that Tohma didn't realize it. No matter how many times he told me that he would forget Eiri, he was never able to live with this promise for much long. I always hoped, but with time my hope died and I felt as though I was stuck in this never ending circle of misery.
I had to wait a long time before getting what I truly desired, but when I did get it, it wasn't the ideal of times and it startled me more than anything, but it was better late than never.
I was hospitalized because of my pregnancy and I had truly feared for a moment that I would lose this life inside of me, this one hope to finally make him realize, but luck was on my side and everything was back to normal. I was surprised that he came to see me in the hospital only ten minutes after I was admitted in. He must have had to cancel many important meetings just to get here in such a short delay. He was sitting there at the chair that was placed right next to my bed. I had never seen him look so tired and worried before. He looked even worse than that time after his return from New York so many years ago, or even that time when Eiri had his run to the hospital. I was shocked to see him acting this worried for me.
"Mika, I am so sorry for not being there when it happened. I'm so sorry I never realized where my real priorities lay. I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble, I'm sorry for everything I put you through, I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" He seemed lost and I couldn't really blame him. He wasn't one who knew how to deal with guilt. Once you made him feel guilty he was like a little dog begging its master for forgiveness. It made him look so much younger like a young boy. It was a quality of his that I was fond of. No matter what mistakes he did and no matter how long it took for him to realize that he was in denial, he always came apologizing.
"It's okay I understand, I know how you feel about Eiri and there will always be room in your heart for the three of us." I just wished that we would be first priority. My brother was old enough to take care of himself. If only he could realize this. I think that ultimately Tohma still felt bad for what he made him go through and he wanted to make sure that none of that ever happened again.
"But you're my top priority. You're my wife and this is our child. I've been in denial for so long and I'm sincerely sorry for it all Mika. Please find it in your heart to forgive me." It would almost seem impossible for me not to forgive him. He was my husband and despite everything I truly did care for him.
"I will forgive you and I will always forgive you. I'll help you out in this. We're in it together. You've never been alone and I'll never let you be alone. You can always talk to me." I smiled at him and through his few stray tears he managed to smile at me as well. He stood up from his chair and embraced me in his delicate arms. I was glad to know that there was still hope for us. That's what initially attracted us to each other. It was still alive and had been finally unburied. In one swift movement he captured my lips with his and for the first time in years, I actually felt as if things would finally go as they should have been for these years. This baby was our hope for a better chance to make things right.
It took him many days to see what I needed and wanted the most and he was finally able to give it to me. All I wanted was to know that he would be there for me and that I was his special someone.
THE END
Wee I'm done! I finished a story! Yay! Inspired by the events in book ten I believe. Sadly I don't have the book to reference myself to since I lent them all to my friend… but you've got to admit that those four pages at the hospital were really cute and they deserved a bigger development… what a long title!
Op