DISCLAIMER: I don't own Rose, Scorpius, or "Much Ado About Nothing" (thank you, William Shakespeare!).
Oh, and the cover art is a screenshot from the movie, which is also not mine. I just put it together. :)
Much Ado About Rosie.
When the bloody HELL had this happened? Why hadn't he noticed? How could she–? Why didn't–? Just – WHAT? :Oneshot Rose/Scorpius, based on a scene from Much Ado About Nothing:
"Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of to-day, that your niece Beatrice was in love with Signor Benedick?"
- Don Pedro, Act 2 Scene 3, 'Much Ado About Nothing'.
Scorpius Malfoy was outside, wading through ten-inch deep snow, when he first heard them.
"What? No way, you're bloody KIDDING me!"
"Oi! I'm serious!"
"Nah, you're screwing with us, that is just beyond crazy–"
He tried to halt mid-step and nearly tripped face-first into the snow. Grabbing a tree to keep himself upright, Scorpius peered around it, still wondering how in god's name he'd ended up in this situation.
No, seriously, how did he end up here? Because being invited to spend Christmas break with the Potter's was strange enough; being taken along with the family to the Burrow for Christmas Eve dinner was even stranger! Granted, Scorpius had certainly never intended on getting along with Albus Potter almost from the moment they met, but hey! A bloke's gotta have mates, right? And Albus was cool; sure, he was a Gryffindor and his family was kind of nuts (ok, insanely nuts) but he was the calm to Scorpius's recklessness, the funny to his charming; the girls didn't stand a chance when they had each other as a wingman!
It was too bad that this friendship (which was often teased as bromance, but seriously, it was all platonic, ok!) didn't extend to the rest of Albus' cousins and family. Try as he might, Scorpius just couldn't seem to fathom the ways that minds of the Weasley's worked! That, and Lily Potter frightened the bloody hell out of him. Scorpius already had issues with his own family – his father never having approved of his friendship with Albus – so he didn't need another one hating him!
Nevertheless, he still somehow found himself saying 'Sure thing!' when Albus had suggested whether he wanted to come and stay with him over winter break, rather than going home or staying at near-empty Hogwarts. Come seventh-year, pretty much all of the students had gotten over the novelty of the castle at Christmas time, and sure enough, if he'd stayed, there would be no one but the ghosts and over-excited first-years to entertain him.
And sure, teasing the first-years is hilarious for a while, but it does get a bit old after seven straight years of it.
Unfortunately, when he'd said yes, Scorpius hadn't exactly expected the intensity of what the Burrow on Christmas Eve would be like. Sure, everyone knew that the Weasley family was certifiably insane – what with drop-dead gorgeous Dominique with about ten blokes on the go, James and Fred with their loud, obnoxious joking, Lily Potter with her delightfully evil schemes (why that girl wasn't a Slytherin, he'd never know) and, well, just Rose Weasley – he still wondered why none of them had been sectioned yet.
So even though it was still snowing heavily outside, so much that every step resulted in Scorpius getting buried halfway up to his knee, he'd bailed out of there pretty damn quickly! While the sun had set hours ago, the Weasley's had strung up Christmas lights in the trees of the Burrow garden, so there was still enough light to walk and re-group his mind before diving back into the living hell that was Mrs Molly Weasley cracking out the oldie classic karaoke.
(That is something no bloke ever wants to hear!).
So, squinting through the colourful Christmas lights and the snow that was still falling, Scorpius managed to make out three people in the garden, who had apparently come outside to freeze their arses off in the sub-zero temperatures as well. It wasn't difficult to tell who, considering that they were talking loud enough:
Albus, James, and Hugo Weasley.
"I swear, I'm telling you the honest to god truth!" Albus was insisting to his brother and cousin, the three of them kicking through the snow. Scorpius wasn't far away, having been almost hiding in the bushes, lest Molly Weasley find him and try and drag him back inside to sing a duet with her, and he snorted to himself at their arguing. He leaned a hand against the tree to steady himself as he tried to get a better look at the boys.
"I'm sorry," James scoffed, shaking his head. "There's just no WAY you're convincing me that Rose is in love with Malfoy!"
Scorpius ended up head-butting the tree as his hand slipped.
Wait, what?
WHAT?
"I'm serious!" Albus tried one more time. "She's totally into him!"
"Ah, how the hell would you know?" Hugo snorted, the younger bloke shoving his hands into his pockets.
"I heard her!" Albus said. "No, really," he added, since James and Hugo had both exchanged raised eyebrows. "It was just before we left for break, she was talking to Hero–"
"Oh, well, there we go, then!" James pointed out. "I mean, c'mon, Hero? That girl's god damned hot, but couldn't charm her way out of a paper bag! You heard wrong."
"But Rose said it," Albus said. "Hero was just there for her to vent to. And c'mon, Hero's lovely–"
"Only you would call someone lovely," Hugo snorted.
"Hey! She's really sweet and she's Rose's best friend," Albus told the other two and Scorpius found himself wanting to scream.
For god's sake, he KNOWS that Hero's probably the cutest girl in existence, despite her perchance for gossip – he's the one who has to hang around her in the same group every day – but get back to ROSE! Thankfully, before he could give away his hiding spot and simply leap at Albus, throttling him until he spilled everything, his best mate continued on his own accord. About bloody time.
"Ok, ok," Hugo conceded. "So you heard them talking. But Rose likes Scorpius Malfoy? You DO remember that she hates his guts, right?"
"There's a fine line between love and hate, my dear cousin," Albus pointed out.
"Yeah, but Rosie wouldn't cross that–"
"Look, I SWEAR it's true!" Albus practically yelled. Scorpius had to scramble behind a bush to keep Albus and the others in his sight. James and Hugo had shushed Albus and the three of them hastily glanced back up at the house to make sure that no one had accidentally heard him. Scorpius used the distraction to cover the crunching of snow beneath his feet, trying to get closer. "Apparently, there's just something about him and she can't help it. You know how irritating they find each other, so she couldn't very well say anything, could she? So she just tried to forget about it, but can't anymore. She's totally in love with him!"
"But I just can't imagine Rose going for him," James complained, his dark hair nearly silver as it was covered in a frosting of snow. He got yells of annoyance from the other two as he shook his head and the sleet splattered across them. He only laughed in response, but continued, "I mean, we are talking about the girl who pushed him off his broom mid-Quidditch match, right?"
"I'm sure it was done out of love–"
"Didn't he break both of his legs?"
Oh, yes, he had. Still crouched down behind the closest bush to the three boys, Scorpius remembered the incident from only last month quite clearly. He never would have thought that was done out of anything other than pure spite!
"Well, yeah," Albus tried to reason. "but look, you can't fake this shit, mate. It makes sense, when you think about it! Remember the Halloween party? She was taking the mickey out of him to his face, pretending that she didn't realise it was him underneath that superhero costume."
Wait.
That party was another moment that was seared into his brain. He had been wearing a mask and he'd assumed that her insults were given because she didn't realise that she was talking to him, instead of Albus.
But she HAD known it was him?!
Scorpius was going to KILL her!
(And Albus, while he was at it).
"But like you said, she was taking the mickey," James pointed out.
"And what better way to get his attention on her?" Albus said. He sounded proud for somehow figuring this out, and sure enough when Scorpius leaned a hand out into the snow to glance around the bush, he saw that Albus was indeed grinning. The smug bastard. Unfortunately, Albus moved then, him, James and Hugo shuffling several paces to keep warm in the snow, forcing Scorpius to dive hastily behind another bush to avoid being seen. Now kind of soaked and teeth chattering, Scorpius wanted nothing more than to go inside and thaw by the fire, potential karaoke spotlights notwithstanding. However, their conversation kept him quite spectacularly stuck where he was.
Why was his heart practically leaping out of his chest?
"Wait, you're actually serious about this, aren't you?" Hugo said then, starting to get a bit of excitement into his voice. Oh dear god, he was starting to believe him!
"Bloody hell, where've you been?" Albus snorted. "YES, of course I am!"
"But – holy shit!" Hugo laughed. "Really, my crazy older sister is in love with Malfoy? Oh, this is hilarious!"
"Is she gonna tell him?" James asked, eagerly.
Oh, lord. Please, don't go there, please don't – wait! He couldn't hear them anymore! Sticking his head up from behind the bush, he saw that the boys were walking even further away now, following the tree line up towards the house. Feeling a bit like a deranged stalker – well, why the hell not, right? – Scorpius practically crawled through the snow after them, just coming in earshot as James' voice tapered off,
"… not?"
"You're forgetting that she's supposed to hate him," Albus answered. "And, c'mon, as much as I wish the two would get along, even I know that Scorpius can't stand her."
Well, that was sort of true. That very first day of Hogwarts, Scorpius had come across the two cousins standing in line before the Sorting Ceremony. While Albus had been hilarious and great at calming his nerves, Rose had … well, she'd spouted out some long-winded fact about how it was stupid to be scared, because she knew exactly everything there was to know about the castle and how it worked and how she would be top of every class, and –
Yeah, Scorpius had tuned her out. When it became clear though that, despite different houses, Albus and Scorpius were already practically best friends, he'd realised that there was certainly no getting rid of her, or her best friend, Hero.
So that's when the teasing had begun. It had started out superficial and nonsensical enough, like any other 11-year-old teasing is – do you ever stop talking, you are so dumb, you don't even know how to transfigure a button, bite me, ginger – the list went on and on. However, as the years had gone by and they'd been forced to tolerate each other for Albus' sake, the fighting had grown up with them.
If your head got any bigger, you wouldn't fit through a doorway, tell me, do you like wearing dead squirrels, or do you just wear anything your grandma makes you, there's a name for bloke's like you, man-whore, you're such a bitch, no wonder blokes never want to sleep with you, I hate you, I HATE YOU –
Yeah. The fighting never really stopped.
Wait, what were the boys saying?
"I dunno why he wouldn't go for it," James was telling the others, most likely with a shrug at the tone of his voice. "I mean, let's face it, our Rosie's a catch! Heaps of blokes like her."
"Trust me, mate, I don't want to encourage that," Hugo added. "Thankfully, Scorpius does a pretty good job of scaring them off. OH MY GOD, WAIT!" he added, excitedly. "That proves it even more, doesn't it? Everyone knows that they've got their kind of vendetta thing going on, but no one wants to get in between it, right?"
"I'm pretty sure the tension is going to kill us all one day," James agreed.
"Exactly! So we should just tell him–"
"Whoa, hey, no!" Albus cut in, hastily. "I mean, c'mon. Think about it. We tell him and he'll laugh the whole thing off. He'll tease her about it and then she'll kill him and then we'll probably all go down, ending up in Azkaban as accessories to murder!"
"But …"
Shit, their voices were trailing out again! Scorpius quickly peered over the edge of the bush, only to see (to his horror) that they were no longer close to the trees; they were aiming back across the garden towards the back door, heading inside. But there was absolutely no way he wasn't going to hear the rest of this! Despite his better judgement, he was sure, Scorpius hesitantly crawled on his hands and feet out of the bushes, feeling a bit like a jungle animal stalking their prey … and just a little bit ridiculous.
But he HAD to know! Sure, he was basically out in the open now, but so long as they didn't turn around …
"… tell him?"
"Nah, nah," Hugo seemed to be agreeing with Albus now. "Al's right, we say something and Scorpius is just gonna tear her down. You have to agree, James! Don't say anything!"
"Aw," James grumbled. "but it would be effing hilarious to see the look on his face!"
"That is a point," Hugo grinned, as Albus rolled his eyes.
"James," he said.
"Ok! Ok!" James tried to placate his brother. They were almost to the back door now, when suddenly, James suddenly halted. "Oh, shit!" he exclaimed, patting down his jacket. "My gloves fell out of my pocket–"
"Why weren't they on your hands?"
"Well, my hands were in my pockets as well, and I've got a charm on them to keep my fingers toasty – oh, for god's sake, that's not the point, just help me bloody look–"
Scorpius barely had five seconds to realise what this turn in the conversation meant. He was crouched down in the middle of the garden (what, like that would make him invisible or something?) and he realised that he had one, wild and panicked second to somehow hide! If he'd had more sense (because let's face it, his brain was pretty shot at this point) he might've just whipped out his wand and cast a concealment charm. However, as it was (and he was kind of already frozen solid anyway), he ended up throwing himself into a near-by snow drift. He made sure to hit the nearest bushes, more fallen snow crashing and falling down on top of him, essentially covering him from head to foot.
It had finally happened. He was just as crazy as a bloody Weasley!
Unable to stop shivering (he wasn't going to get hypothermia from this, right?), Scorpius waited under the snow, pushing some out of the way slightly so he could breathe. It seemed to take an age, but eventually, the three boys' yelling and complaining that they were searching fruitlessly in the snow, ("Accio gloves!" Albus had eventually called out in exasperation) tapered out and was cut off completely once they went back into the house.
As soon as he heard the back door shut, he thrashed frantically, practically staggering out of the snow drift. He knew he needed to get inside, but honestly, his brain was in some kind of spiralling freefall!
ROSE WEASLEY WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM?!
When the bloody HELL had this happened? Why hadn't he noticed? How could she–? Why didn't–?
Just – WHAT?
Not once over their years of arguments and fights had he ever considered the idea that Rose actually really liked him! He hastily scrambled to his feet, staring at the back door and it hitting him like a tonne of bricks that perhaps everything he'd assumed over the years had been completely and utterly wrong.
Wait. This was a little bit ridiculous, right?
What the hell did Albus know? Rose and Hero had his best friend practically wrapped around their fingers after all; Albus would do pretty much anything for them. Surely this had to be some elaborate joke, put on for his sake? Why, Scorpius had no idea, but to torture him, maybe? Perhaps he shouldn't have snogged Lily Potter at that Halloween party – yes, that was it – this was just all some hair-brained revenge scheme!
But then …
He'd seen the look in Rose's eye when he'd kissed Lily. To say she'd been livid was a gross understatement; she would have cursed his balls off if he hadn't have leapt out of the way just in time, after all. But she hadn't been jealous, right? She'd just been protecting her cousin … right?
And yeah, it was kind of hot whenever she screamed at him, but that was normal …
… RIGHT?
Oh, lord, this was doing his head in, and he was STILL standing frozen in the snow!
He had to move before this screwed with him even more. However, he'd barely taken several steps forward, when the back door was suddenly opening again and there was no mistaking the bushy red curls underneath the dark blue knit hat and no-nonsense expression.
Do. Not. Panic.
Screw it, it was Rose!
PANIC, PANIC, PANIC!
She seemed to be in a huff, her arms folded tightly across her chest as she stormed down the deck steps. "OI, MALFOY!" she yelled out, and Scorpius was sort of left floundering for a moment – oh my god, she was yelling for him, was she trying to find him, was she eyeing him up? – and he tried to go for some casual pose like, oh, you just caught me heading back to the house as you do, rather than say, I just got my life turned upside down by your bloody cousin and I've recently dived into a snow drift. She stopped short when she noticed him not far from the deck steps, staring.
Ok, maybe the hand on the hip was too much. And a bit camp.
"… alrigh'?" he tried to say, hastily.
"Erm …" Rose looked kind of confused and Scorpius' thoughts were running wild – is that a good stare, or a bad stare, god she looks hot in that jacket, for Merlin's sake, put your hand down! – but she continued on anyway, "Look, I was forced out here against my will," she called from the deck, clearly unwilling to brave the snow. "but I was sent to tell you that dinner's going out."
"Oh – oh, um, why thank you!" he tried to grin, but he was still shivering violently, so it probably came off as a painful grimace. "For – for, y'know, forcing yourself through the torture of talking to me."
Rose rolled her eyes. "Trust me, if it'd been truly torturous, I would've stayed inside," she said. "Seeing as talking to you most of the time is like getting stabbed in the eye, I decided that I wouldn't even bother get worked up. Uhhh …" She seemed to have noticed his teeth chattering uncontrollably and weird pose, and added hesitantly, "You're – um – ok, right?"
"Oh, peachy!" Scorpius said, instantly cringing. Peachy? You're effing kidding ME, right? "Thanks, I'll, uh, be right in!"
Rose eyed him shrewdly for a moment, but it seemed that she wasn't even going to bother. "Whatever," she said with a roll of her eyes and before he could even react, she had spun around and slammed back inside.
Scorpius stared after.
I was forced out here against my will, but I was sent to tell you that dinner's going out
There was a double meaning in that!
Inside, James was laughing so hysterically, he was practically crying.
"Shut up, shut up!" Hugo insisted, though he was laughing as well. "Oh, man – is he still standing there in the snow?"
"He looks like Rose has smacked him over the head!" Albus was almost howling with laughter over by the window, staring out intently at the scene going on in the garden. James and Hugo were shoving each other, both trying to get a good look out as well.
"Oh, this is bloody brilliant!"
"It went even better than I thought!" Hugo agreed. "If this doesn't get him to admit that he's in bloody love with the woman, then there's no hope whatsoever."
"Holy shit – he just put his hand on his hip!" Albus suddenly burst out and the three boys practically smashed their faces into the kitchen window to see. Scorpius was standing extremely awkwardly before Rose, and honestly, not unlike a woman (seriously, that hip!), as opposed to the 'casual' look he seemed to be going for. "I swear, if he comes out with 'Girrrrrrlfriend!' he is NEVER gonna hear the end of it!"
"Can you tell what Rose is saying?"
"Nah, she just looks pissed off – oh SHIT, she's coming back in!"
The three boys scattered, just as the back door opened and Rose stomped inside, pausing to toe off her boots and pull her hat off her head. She gave an exasperated sigh as she huffed off back into the lounge where the rest of their family was just starting to trail into the kitchen for dinner.
The moment she was out of sight, they were back at the window.
"Oh, brilliant!"
"Is he GRINNING?"
"Boys!" Albus called out, holding out his hands for James and Hugo to slap high-fives. "Our job here is done! Cue the drama!"
And the three of them promptly cracked into hysterics.
A/N: Am I the only one who thinks completely of Rose and Scorpius whenever they read/watch this play? I adore Much Ado About Nothing in any/all forms and this is what I consider probably the most hilarious scene of the entire play (it was the scene quoted at the beginning). So, naturally, I HAD to write this!
I could imagine writing an actual full-length story about Rose and Scorpius based on Much Ado. However, I know that one day, I would LOVE to write that story based on another Shakespeare play instead (anyone who has read my other story, Getting it Right, can probably guess which one). So I won't say no to writing a follow up to this scene, perhaps based on the end of the play. Who knows?
I hope you all enjoyed it! Thank you for reading. Please review and let me know what you think. :)
Until next time -
- Moon. :D