I stare out at the frosted over lake. Krownest was a cold planet, not in a bad way, I liked it, it was a nice sort of cold. Such a beautiful land scape, tall pine trees, snow, hills in the distance. It could have made for a nice vista or a holiday retreat. Unlike many other Mando settlements this one seemed like it not seen as much conflict, if the landscape was anything to go by anyway, maybe it's strategically wise to pick such a planet. The harsh cold might put some off even trying to attack.
A cold gust of wind hit me, blowing my long-coloured hair behind me. It felt good, for the first time since I could remember I felt like I was myself, that I was doing something I wanted, embracing something... a dream. No less a childhood one, my mum and Ahsoka always told me the stories of those she met. But none captivated me quite like her stories of her few fleeting missions with a rag tag group of Rebels. One of them being a girl full of colour, Sabine Wren.
"You will get cold if you stay out here too long." I jump my thoughts thrown off, it would have to be the moment I'm thinking about my childhood idol that she creeps up on me. I continue to look out across the frozen lake, I wonder what could be...
"Talk to me, I know your nervous but I mean what I have said." I turn to face her, Sabine Wren this little guy's... no girl's... idol. All that could come to my mind still was disbelief, was this real at all!? I still felt nervous around her, she was being so nice but I found it hard to believe that was not out of pity for me.
"Sabine I just..." I wanted this but at the same time... " I can't, this is not right. Look I know I want this but I'm not a Mandalorian..." I slump, she had done all this because she took pity on me I thought. All this was just childhood dreaming on my part, my desire to fight, do good, which by the way thanks for that mum! Along with everything else, the finding myself, the expression, me finally coming to realise this is who I am. I feel just about ready to burst with feelings.
"You can be, you will be! Look T. I'm not the most emotional person, at least not normally, but I have never quite met anyone like you." She smiles "Sure your mum comes close but..."
I interrupt. "It's not about that, this is just my silly childhood dreams!" I'm breaking down, I'm no good, I'm no good.
"Childhood dreams that helped you become yourself! Look at that, I find that beautiful." she walks over to my side, a smile on her face.
"Look, I will admit I was taken back at first, but when I met you I saw a girl..." I frown at her, I was not a girl, then anyway. But after all she helped me with that, to my surprise she was really open to it like it was no issue at all and helped encourage me to well be me.
"A girl who needed a friend and I wanted to be a friend. I'm doing this out of pity! I feel for you. I want you to be able to follow that dream! It's more than a dream for you, your mum made that clear and so have you."
I want to fight it no... "Sabine the point is a can never be a real Mandalorian!" I'm tearing up, what she said was so beautiful, but the truth was I could never be a real Mandalorian, just like I could not be a proper girl.
"You can be! You don't have to be born a Mandalorian to be one. Please, Mother has given you this chance! You think she would just give it so lightly, do you think she takes pity on anybody? She knows your family, how strong they are, the potential you have she sees it like I do, your desire and drive."
I'm losing my grip on my feelings, she is so supportive, so kind wants to help so much, she means it. Tears in my eyes I can only respond "I know."
"Because..." she continues "even though I have only known you a couple of months, I'm touched by you, knowing I have inspired you, helped you in those ways even before we met. That's the truth I swear to you." She means it I know she does.
"I know, it's just been so much and it's all gone so fast and I'm still..." "I know." she interrupts, pulling me into a hug. "But your worth it, I want this for you. I don't want that scared girl I met not so long ago. I want you to be comfortable with me, with us. The confident girl I know and you know, that you can be!" she smiles at me, tears still in my eyes.
"Hey! I was scared because I was meeting you! It's not every day you get to meet somebody who inspires you." I wipe away some small tears. "You have given me an opportunity, no more than that, you have helped me embrace myself find myself. I still can't fathom why you would do that for me." she gently lets me go from our hug, I feel warmer and more relaxed. Getting the feelings out has helped, though I still never enjoy it, I want to be more positive I know I can do this!
Sabine takes a hold my right hand gently. "Your mum helped me once many moons ago, for her anyway. When I felt low, she helped to pick me up. I will be honest she asked me to help you, she told me everything because she knew I could help, that if one person could say to you no it's not stupid you can do it! That It would be me. Your stronger than you know, we all see that. Your kind, wonderful, have a heart of gold, yes you struggle with allot but it's not your fault. When I saw that boy, who had a dream, one I could help with, I knew then that I wanted to help." She pauses, "You were lonely too, everybody deserves a friend."
She was obviously overcome with feelings. I was taken back, it hurt in many ways to hear that, about me being lonely not following my dreams. It was true though, to think where I had been not long before. I was much better now, thanks to Sabine, she had been more than a friend more like a second sister and had taken me under her wing. "Your more than a friend to me... you're like a sister."
I'm worried how she might respond, but I wanted to be open. I had grown close to her, she made me feel like I could do all those things, be myself. "I don't disagree, in fact I agree and if you pass this, which I know you will! You will be for proper."
Her confidence in me fills me up. "I just don't know how I can ever thank you enough."
"You don't have too, just promise me you will let me help you and that you will accept yourself." I nod in response. "I will try." I mean it's gonna be hard but I mean it.
"I know you will and I will be here for you." she smiles once more at me, she really means it, I feel like the most accepted I have ever been. I was struggling to remind myself I was not dreaming. "How is the armour?"
Sabine had helped me forge my own armour, real armour not the imitation stuff mum had made me. I still felt 1000% undeserving of it, but it felt so good. she had even helped me paint it too. Sure, I was an ok painter but I was glad for her help. She went through it with me and helped me really make it my own, though I'm sure Ursa had a tight lip when she saw that her daughter had already made her new warrior into a walking statement of individuality, as opposed to the Wren houses admittedly boring colour scheme. No wonder Sabine wanted some more colour in her life.
She interrupted my thoughts. "It feels good, right? Your own armour, real armour, real dreams." She smiles "Yes" I admit rather sheepishly "It feels... awesome."
"Good, you will get used to it over time. Not the wearing it, the ownership of it..." she pauses a sudden look of realization appears on her face. "We have talked too long, they are expecting you in a couple of minutes." I gulp, well here goes nothing.
We quickly walk through the maze that is the interior of the fortress until we arrive outside of the sparing room. Sabine pulls me aside. "Remember what I have taught you, trust your feelings. You're a good fighter a natural, use that." I take a deep breath in and close my eyes. "You're gonna be fine, you got this."