A/N: Because I had to.
Names in '-' are the body. Names without the '-' indicate the actual person.
Many thanks to Ms Imagine, who beta'd this for me, as well as creating the whole idea.
Disclaimer: The Thunderbirds belong to Gerry Anderson & co. and Insanity belongs to Ms Imagine, and this is the spin-off of Purupuss' spin-off, continued where hers leaves off, and also following Quillers spin-off, where Brains being a girl came from. Confused? So am I.
Insanity Ongoing
Unsurprisingly considering his performance on Thunderbird five, the Hood, having woken up, was initially quiet as a mouse on the trip back down to earth, occasionally whimpering or singing snippets of nursery rhymes. As they were re-entering the atmosphere, he giggled, making Virgil raise Gordon's eyebrows at his father, in Scott's body.
"At least he'snot trying to kill us."
"Perhaps, but for how long?"
"Until we land?"
'Scott' snorted, indicating that if they made it that far, they would be lucky.
"It could be worse, at least we know it's him."
Again, 'Scott' snorted, but didn't say anything. Behind them, Jeff's body, occupied by Brains, twitched nervously as the Hood began to sing a loud and rowdy drinking song.
"Roll out the barrel, we'll have a barrel of fun. . "
Subconsciously, Virgil found himself humming along, before seeing 'Scott' glare at him.
"Roll out the barrel, we've got the blues on the run. . ."
Looking out at the mass of blue water beneath them, Jeff sighed happily at the sight. Boy, had he missed this. Through the night time darkness, he made out the old, familiar shapes that he had grown to love so dearly. There was Tracy Island, and there were a couple of small neighbouring islands, and there. . . he squinted. One of the more green islands appeared to be moving, and very quickly. How on earth could. . . and then he realised.
"Looks like there's been a rescue, Two's flying home. I wonder who's piloting it, they seem to be. . . drunk? She's zigg zagging around like a bee."
"Zing boom tararrel, ring out a song of good cheer!"
As 'Gordon' and Brains, in Jeff's body, stared out of the window, Jeff contacted base, to be answered by the pretty face of Penny.
"Um. . .?"
"It's Scott."
"Oh yes, of course. What seems to be the problem? We weren't informed of a rescue."
'Penny' squirmed, going red.
"Um. . ."
Leaning over his father's shoulder, Virgil glared maliciously. "Think of mice. Lovely, cute little mice scrabbling around in cages – no, on the floor. I'm sure there's one in father's desk, I heard it squeaking loudly, before. Maybe there was more than one, it sounded more like seven, no, ten big mice with those long, twitching tails. . ."
The effect on 'Penny' was instant. Scott began to itch and squirm, scratching the long, manicured nails of his arms and neck.
"Alright, stop it Gor. . . Virg!"
"What's the emergency, then?"
'Penny' went even redder, avoiding eye contact, and mumbled something inaudible.
"Big, fat, ugly white mice . . ."
"Fine! Grandma's joyriding Two!"
The only sound in the cockpit was the Hood, his arm slung around 'Jeff', loudly informing the world, in a cracked voice, that "Now's the time to roll the barrel, for the gang's all here!" Deaf to the warbling, Jeff, Brains and Scott watched curiously as 'Gordon's' face first turned white, and then to a deep shade of violet, passing through red, purple, maroon, mauve, grey, teal, indigo, and jade. He quivered, his mouth sagging with some unfortunate cross between indignancy, fury and terror for the safety of his bird.
"If it's any help, the rest of the guys are with her," ventured Scott meekly.
"They will die."
Jeff nodded at Brains, impressed, despite the situation. He'd never seen Virgil quite so livid before.
Cutting in before they crashed, Jeff requested permission to land, and 'Penny' granted it. Virgil, however, was still so far out of control that his father had to manoeuvre him carefully to sit beside the Hood, who had started on Baa Baa Black Sheep, wrapping his arms tightly around 'Gordon' in a brotherly embrace.
"Baa baa, black sheep, have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full." He peered in to 'Gordon's' face with a vague smile. "Hoodie don't have wool! Hoodie not sheep! Hoodie sheep tomorrow!"
"I'll kill them. I swear, I'll kill them."
"Hoodie used to say that! Hoodie always said that! Bad Hoodie!" he giggled childishly, his arms still wrapped around Virgil, then lowered his voice to a conspiratorial level. "Hoodie give you tips. Hoodie'll help kill them!"
"Kill . . . rip . . . tear. . ."
"Nononono, Hoodie shoot, shooting much easier!"
In the front, Jeff and Brains exchanged worried looks as they listened to the pair in the back disjointedly discussing the best way to kill the other Tracy boys, before turning their attention back to landing the 'Bird.
Which is when the world spun, and everything went black.
---
Having spent the last five minutes trying to find a good hiding spot, somewhere Virgil wouldn't find him, Scott was surprised to suddenly find himself sitting at the controls of Thunderbird Three, hovering above Tracy Island. Grabbing hold of the controls, he used all his effort to keep the Thunderbird from crashing.
"If there's anyone else here who can use these controls, now would be good!"
Beside him, he realized that his body was looking at the controls with fascination, before being manhandled out of the way by whoever was occupying Gordon's body. 'John' came up on the other side.
"We're half way through landing procedure!"
In all the confusion, Scott noticed that he was being stared at, by himself. He took a moment to stare back, wondering who it could be, before focusing his full attention on not destroying the Thunderbird, Tracy Island, and everyone on both. All the while, he could see Thunderbird Two, circling around them in the darkness.
When they finally touched down, he and his 'brothers' breathed a collective sigh of relief.
"Ooh, wonderful! Who's going to teach me how to do that?"
Panicking, Scott recoiled.
"Grandma?"
His body winked at him.
"So?"
"Uh . . . we, uh, have to, uh. . ."
"R-r-run from Virgil. He's pretty mad with you right now."
"Oh God." That was Gordon's body.
"You would be . . .?"
"John."
"Right. I'm Scott."
"Brains," said John's mouth.
"Right. I say we run before Virgil finds us. Who knows what he looks like?"
'Gordon' nodded fiercely, looking ill.
Without a second glance, the unfortunate pair fled, watched by their amused grandmother, and Brains. As soon as they'd disappeared out of sight, Grandma turned round.
"So, when do my lessons . . . hello? Brains? Oh, he's gone."
---
Who / In
Jeff – The Hood
Scott – Jeff
Virgil – Tin-tin
John – Gordon
Gordon – Alan
Alan – Virgil
Tin-tin – Parker
Kyrano – Penny
Grandma – Scott
Brains – John
Parker – Grandma
Lady Penelope – Kyrano
The Hood – Brains
---
In Thunderbird Two's cockpit, 'Virgil' cowered in a corner quivering with fear, whilst 'Tin-tin' stood over him.
"Alan, what the hell do you think you were doing?"
"Trying to stop Grandma crashing the plane?"
'Parker' and 'Grandma', standing just behind Virgil in case they were needed in the event of attempted murder, shrugged at each other and exchanged curious glances. 'Tin-tin' grabbed hold of 'Virgil's' collar, and dragged him to his feet, so that their noses were almost touching.
"Want to know the only reason I'm not slow roasting you over a bonfire?"
Alan whimpered.
"You're in my body, you lucky little brat. Know what you're going to do now?"
Whimper.
"You're going to help me find Scott, John and Gordon. Just nod."
Alan nodded, slowly.
"Um?"
"What?"
"Scott too?"
"Scott too. You have a problem?"
Alan shook his head mutely, following 'Tin-tin' out of the cockpit, in to the hangar, wishing that it hadn't been Tin-tin's face yelling at him. Being turned on by his elder brother was just, well, wrong.
---
Half way to the first hide away they could think of, Scott grabbed John, and stopped dead in his tracks.
"We're doing this wrong."
"What?"
"This is wrong. We shouldn't be running."
"Why not?"
"It'll be obvious where we've gone. Even if we manage to hide from Dad, Virgil knows us too well. He'll find us in less than an hour!"
"So what do you suggest?"
They heard the sound of a voice coming towards them, and looked up just in time to see 'Brains' wobbling along beside the pool, tittering nervously and rubbing his hands. Exchanging a glance, Scott coughed just loudly enough for 'Brains' to hear, but there was no reaction.
"I don't think it's Virgil, he'd have tried to kill us by now," muttered John under his breath. Scott nodded.
"On the count of three," he whispered, "we grab him. One. . . two. . ."
"Three!"
Jumping out from behind the bushes, the pair grabbed hold of 'Brains' and dragged him in to the undergrowth, still giggling madly, eyes unfocused.
"Who are you?"
"Hoodie's a girl! Hoodie never gets the girl, because Hoodie's bad, and baddies never get the girl! The hero always gets the girl!"
The Tracy brothers exchanged A Look.
"You're the Hood?"
"Hoodie Brains! Hehe! Hoodie Brains, bad Hoodie!"
"He's unhinged!"
"How would you like to be the hero and get the girl?"
"Hoodie i is /i the girl! If Hoodie's the girl, does she get the boy?"
John and Scott, who had both occupied Brain's body already and knew the scientist's secret, shrugged, more than a little worried.
"So how would you like to be the hero? Last time you were the hero, you were sedated."
"Hoodie like hero! Hoodie play hero part! Make believe fun, just like Peter Pan! Whee, Hoodie flying!"
"Just. . . look, if anyone asks, tell them you're Scott, okay?"
"Why not John?"
"You were Brains more recently than I was, John, don't be stupid. Come on, I get to be the Hood."
As the pair ran off out of sight, 'Brains' stood giggling until he was sure the bodies of Jeff and Gordon had exited in to the house, before rubbing his hands together, and turned his hysterical, high pitched laughter in to a malicious guffaw. Behind the thick glasses, 'Brains'' eyes narrowed to slits.
"So, Tracy Island, prepare to meet your fall!"
Heading off in to the house with the kind of purposeful, arrogant stride he had observed Scott Tracy using, he looked around for his first victim. It was not long before he came across 'Alan', sneaking through one of the corridors, looking around carefully. Upon seeing him, 'Alan' froze.
"Um. . .?"
"Don't worry, it's me, Scott. Who are you?"
'Alan' narrowed his eyes.
"You're voice sounds funny."
"That's because I'm pretending to be the Hood, so Virgil doesn't kill me. Who are you? John?"
'Alan' relaxed.
"Gordon. Nobody knows who I am yet, thank goodness. I hope we don't run in to Virgil. I think he's Tin-tin. She certainly looked about ready to commit homicide." Turning his head up and down the corridor, he was about to continue, when he noticed a funny look in 'Brains'' eye.
"What?"
"Um, I don't think I should say." 'Brains' looked at the floor, blushing.
"Tell me. Does Virgil know who you are?" Gordon paled significantly, and his voice rose an octave. "Is he watching? Does he know we're here? Scott? What is it?"
"Well. . . you know Brains is a girl, right?"
"Oh come on, you're joking."
"Wish I was. Getting turned on by you is wrong, you know? I always thought Brains was in to Tin-tin, not you!"
The Hood reached forwards and touched 'Alan's' arm, making Gordon jump back, terrified.
"Back off, Scott!"
"I'm sorry! Maybe it's Alan, not you? Only it really, really seems to be you."
"Not funny!"
"You'd better run, she's got it bad." The Hood, in his disguise as Scott, let out a small groan. Terrified, Gordon turned and ran, as fast as Alan's legs could carry him.
---
Tin-tin, occupying Parker, giggled at the expression Virgil's face.
"Go on, I dare you."
Virgil looked warily at her, unsure.
"She's right, you know. It would be the best way of catching them. They would never guess it was you." Penny said.
Alan didn't say anything, for fear of being yelled at again.
"Please, Virgil, it would be so much fun. I'll find one of the less revealing ones, if you like?"
"No, Tin-tin darling, one of the more revealing ones. They'll never guess it's him."
Alan shook his head, desperately.
Routing through one of her drawers, Tin-tin victoriously pulled out a bikini and held it up. It was tiny and red, with yellow polka dots. Alan moaned.
"There's a sarong to match, if you don't like it. Oh come on, Virgil! They'll know it's you, otherwise. No Tracy boy would be seen dead in a bikini!"
Penelope, occupying Kyrano's body, nodded in agreement.
"The perfect disguise. Oh, do Virgil. Don't you think it'll be so much fun?"
"There's definitely a sarong with it?"
Tin-tin held up a thin fabric covered in the same vibrant red, with the same splattering of yellow polka dots.
Virgil grinned.
Alan choked back a sob.
---
'The Hood' ran full pelt along the floor, climbed up the ladder hanging down the side of Thunderbird One faster than anyone had ever done before, and dived in through the hatch before it swung shut. He lay panting on the floor for a second, and then scrambled to his feet. The body was unused to such heavy exercise and was feeling the strain of the last few days quite badly.
"Mother! Mother, stop this at once!"
The only reply was an oddly girlish giggle from 'Scott', who he could not yet see.
"Ma! You don't even know how to fly the Thunderbirds; you'll do it some serious damage!"
He burst in to the cockpit, panting harshly, and wiped the sweat out of his eyes.
"Now then Ma, be reasonable, please. . ."
'Scott' giggled again, running his fingers over the controls.
"Oh, you know me Jeff. You've known me all your life. I could never fly this thing, not without somebody telling me what to do. Besides, I can't even launch without somebody in the lounge opening up the swimming pool, can I?"
The billionaire ex-astronaut felt a cold shiver run down the length of his spine, and then back up again.
"I wonder, dear, would you do the honours?" 'Scott' smiled sweetly. It was a terrifying thing to behold. Slowly, Jeff reached towards 'Scott's' arm, in order to pull his mother away from the controls, making some inaudible comment about joyriding.
"Do you remember those nice twins back when you were fifteen? The ones with all that blonde hair and bosom, and the tiny little waists? Greet and Tilly Neuberg."
Jeff froze.
'Scott's' grin widened.
"So, let's take this thing for a ride, shall we?"
---
The real Scott, giggling in a way reminiscent of the Hood the previous day, was walking down a corridor, guided gently by John. They'd already passed 'Penny', who was really Kyrano, who had sadly announced that he would do anything he could to help his half-brother recover from his pitiful state. John, masquerading as Jeff, had said that they would probably be all right, and that he would be keeping an eye out for Scott, John, Gordon and Alan, those naughty people.
They had almost made it to John's room, right next to Virgil's, when a very familiar shape blasted up through the swimming pool.
Scott gaped, speechless, staring out of the window.
"But . . . that's. . ."
Four figures ran out of Virgil's room to stand beside them, staring in the same direction.
"Scott's going to go crazy!" That was 'Parker'.
"He'll know how I feel, then!"
Whilst Scott was still slack jawed at the thought of somebody joyriding his Thunderbird, John looked round, suspiciously. The person who had just spoken could only be Virgil, yet for all appearances it was 'Tin-tin', dressed in a tiny bikini and clutching a sarong, tightly.
"Virgil?"
'Tin-tin' froze, and then smiled sweetly. "Lady Penelope, actually. So that would make you . . . ?"
The accent seemed real enough, and besides, FAB1 had been taken for a joyride on the first day, so it was perfectly plausible that the English beauty would be angry.
"Jeff? That's the Hood."
'Tin-tin' nodded, and 'Parker' let out a giggle behind her, before introducing himself as the real Tin-tin.
"That's Alan," she said, pointing at 'Virgil', who was unable to take his eyes off 'Tin-tin' in the tiny bikini, "And that's. . ." the pause was too long. Only by a second, but still too long. "Grandma."
'Kyrano' nodded. "I don't suppose you've seen any of the others? We haven't found them yet."
Mutely, John nodded his head. Scott's lower lip was trembling.
"We think being up in Five yesterday sent him a little funny," John offered, pinching his brother hard on the arm.
"Maybe it's Scott up there in One? He's probably got Gordon and John up there with him, riding it out."
"It does sound rather likely, doesn't it?" Penny nodded, sadly. She'd been looking forward to seeing the result of Virgil's anger. She turned to Scott, and frowned. "Oh dear, he's foaming at the mouth. Perhaps we ought to sedate him?"
John was about to decline the offer, when he realised that his elder brother was probably better off unconscious until they at least found out where Virgil was.
"Probably," he agreed.
Moving so quickly that John hardly saw the movement, 'Tin-tin' stabbed Scott in the arm with a needle full of a clear liquid. With a tiny gurgle, the eldest Tracy brother slumped in to John's arms, unconscious. 'Tin-tin' grinned evilly, and in that moment, John realised it was not Lady Penelope, but that it was Virgil. There was something in the smile, and the movement of the hands. He gulped.
"I was saving it for the other three," said Virgil wistfully, "You know they'll try and escape, Father. It's just that he was foaming at the mouth, so I thought he probably needed it a little more, especially if the others are up in One."
"Father?" whispered John, forgetting for a second who he was supposed to be masquerading as. Virgil giggled.
"Oops, there goes my cover. I'm Virgil, really. Isn't this fun?"
"But. . . but the bikini?"
"That was Tin-tin's idea. Besides, it's rather comfortable, you know." He giggled in a disconcerting way, and John felt his stomach do a back flip. He was surrounded by insane people!
Twirling off down the corridor, Virgil span around a few times, holding the sarong above his head so it fluttered and billowed.
John realised Alan was in tears.