Potter,

Please do not take this as an olive branch, invitation for ongoing conversation, or any other such nonsense your tiny Gryffindor brain manages to conjure. This is a simple letter of apologies I have been forced to write as part of my restitutions.

On that note, I was not supposed to tell you that, and as such I would appreciate it if you could keep this particular slip-of-the-quill between us. Considering your ongoing and substantial need to be the Saviour-of-all, inclusive of myself, I find that I am certain of your compliance.

As it is, here it goes, against my better judgement:

I am sorry.

Now all that is said, I see no reason for you to respond,

With all appropriate disdain,

Draco Malfoy

Malfoy,

What the hell.

This was the worst apology letter I have ever received. No scratch that, this was the only apology letter I have ever received, but it is still the worst apology letter anyone has ever received. I'm so certain of that, I think I'll have it framed and mounted just to showcase the skill with which you put absolute zero effort into it.

Is that something you're taught as a child from the Sacred Twenty-Eight? Ron is terrible at apologising too.

Try again,

Harry.

Oh, The Light of the Wizarding World, Potter,

I bow to your unending greatness. Please do forgive me for my transgressions, resulting from simply being inferior to such a great presence as yourself.

Better?

Do refrain from ever comparing me to the Weasel again – I have considerably more tact, not to mention grace. I could teach you about manners until you turn blue in the face, if you weren't a lost cause already.

Also my face doesn't do that thing that his does. Thank Salazar for that. Could you imagine?

Please do not respond again,

Draco Malfoy.

Malfoy –

You know it makes a better apology if you don't insult the person's best mate on the same piece of parchment. Think about that, yeah? And what 'thing his face does'? Do you mean smiling? There's nothing wrong with smiling.

How do you manage to even get your writing sound like they're dripping with sarcasm?

Also, don't you need my response to show to the Wizengamot? How else would they know if you've done it?

Second also: your owl bit me – the hell are you teaching her?

You're getting there,

Harry

The One With Light Shining Out of His Arse,
Potter,

Are you an idiot? Wizengamot can see the letters I sent, therefore a reply is unnecessary. Did you truly think they would not monitor the correspondence of a Death Eater on house arrest? I believe they are also planning to ask you about it prior the hearing next month.

I would not insult him if he were not such an easy target. If you call that simpleton thing his lips do smiling, then I suppose you have not had many things to be happy about.

Isn't Hypatia marvellous? Glad to hear I taught her well.

Please stop responding, your handwriting is giving me a headache,

Malfoy.

Malfoy,

If the Wizengamot read your letters, won't they know you told me this is for your restitutions?

Why are you thinking about my arse,

Harry

Potter,

Bollocks.

Draco Malfoy.