A/N: Written for this kink meme prompt: ffxv-kinkmeme dreamwidth org / 4398 . html ? replyto=8465710 I have to know more about Gilgamesh and if he really was Ardyn's Shield (was it confirmed?!) then I'm hoping to see more of him in Episode Ardyn :3
Beta: catlady1986 on tumblr
A Shield like you
For an outside observer Gilgamesh could be a monument, standing in the centre of a path with swords pronged into it, unmoving even when cries of beasts are heard in the whole Tempering Grounds. His eyes, shining like steel under his mask, are fixed on the stony entrance where the young Shield of the Chosen King has disappeared.
When the last cries of beasts die and steps of the Shield and his mentor fade in the distance, Gilgamesh speaks, his voice carrying over the empty grounds.
"Are you going to reveal yourself or not?" He casts his weapon away, but other than that he doesn't make any more moves. "Accursed?"
For a long moment there is silence. The wind picks up, rushing past Gilgamesh, and Ardyn materializes at the beginning of the path between one heartbeat and another. He strolls to Gilgamesh looking completely unfazed as if their meeting was a daily occurrence.
As if it isn't the first time in two millennia when they see each other again.
"My, my, was I not careful enough?" Ardyn sighs with fake disappointment. "I must be losing my touch."
"I could always sense when you were close," Gilgamesh says, his eyes trained on Ardyn waiting for any unexpected move. He has a fairly good idea why Ardyn is there after all. "Did you enjoy the show?"
Ardyn throws his head back and laughs. It's an empty, screeching sound which pierces Gilgamesh to the core. He remembers times when that laughter had used to be warm, when it had been enough to make people feel better.
He remembers his own laughter joining that cheerful one a long time ago. Too long.
"You know I always loved to watch you fight." Ardyn's eyes, for a moment, become black voids. "Before."
Yes, 'before'. Before Gilgamesh had failed as a Shield, before it had been too late to help the one he had swore to protect with his life, before he had let the Astrals close him in this prison to wait for the Shield of the Chosen King. Before, before, before. Gilgamesh could spend days thinking about how many 'before' there has been. He pushes these unnecessary thoughts away. Dwelling on past won't do him any good.
"What do you want? You were observing the Shield of the Chosen from the start of his trial." Gilgamesh's eyes narrow, becoming two lines of silver. "Do you want to hurt him?"
Ardyn's expression is one of mocked innocence.
"Me? Of course not… not right now." Ardyn's smile is all black goo and too sharp of teeth. Gilgamesh doesn't say anything though, even if deep down seeing his old companion looking like daemon hybrid starts to hurt him. "Would you believe me if I told you I merely wanted to visit my old Shield?" Ardyn moves closer, his steps light, but he's observing Gilgamesh carefully as if expecting an attack.
Maybe he has finally learned something from their lessons back then after all.
Seeing how Gilgamesh doesn't react neither to his words or his look, Ardyn's face changes back to the human one and the next time he speaks, his voice is serious and low.
"I wanted to see if he was strong enough for the Chosen King." Last two words are dripping with abhorrence. "Poor Noctis is going to suffer through a lot."
"How much of it will be because of you?" Gilgamesh hisses, his sword hand clenching, yet Ardyn just waves his palm as if Gilgamesh hasn't spoken at all.
"You failed as a Shield but I want to give Noctis a fair chance. That's it," Ardyn's voice becomes bitter and he looks straight into Gilgamesh's eyes; for one second Gilgamesh is in the centre of two millennia of hatred and it's almost enough to take his breath away, "if he doesn't leave his king like some other Shields I could name."
Gilgamesh doesn't take the bait but he wants to. Astrals, he wants to. It's an old argument, the one he has spent centuries thinking about, wondering if he had made the right choices, arguing with himself about it, telling himself he hasn't done anything wrong one day then to start apologizing to Ardyn's ghost the next.
In the end, even if his actions are justified, he has deprived himself from the title of Shield and he has nothing to protect himself against Ardyn's words.
"Gladiolus is loyal. More loyal than me," Gilgamesh admits, words tasting like dust, broken promises, and screams of terror being sealed away. "He will stay with the King until the end no matter the differences between them."
For a moment, Gilgamesh lets himself wonder if the Astrals' gift of letting him see what is inside the hearts of other people, to judge them worthy or not, isn't also a punishment for him. To make him realize what he lacked as a Shield.
The moment Gilgamesh had seen Gladiolus, he realized just why he wasn't able to help Ardyn. Gilgamesh could see how Gladiolus doesn't always know how to act towards his King, but at the end of the day Gladiolus stays with his liege. And he will stay with him no matter what, Gilgamesh can see it clearly, even if that short temper of his can make Gladiolus fall into troubles. Give or take a few years, and he should become more calm, less rough around the edges.
Gladiolus wants to protect his King, he wants to help him when the Chosen cannot do something, he gets angry when his liege pushes him away. Yet, unlike Gilgamesh, who has let himself be pushed away, who has let his anger overcome him, Gladiolus' anger pushes him to ask himself 'how can I be better?, what can I do to make Noctis trust me more?'. It has pushed him into the Tempering Grounds to survive trials to become better.
Gladiolus is hot tempered and he doesn't always think before he speaks, yet at the same time he loves his king more than anything else and he wants to help shape the Chosen One into the best king. Just his feelings alone speak clearly about how worthy of the title of Shield he is.
"You seem sure of that, my old friend." Ardyn turns to look at the stony entrance, cocking his head. "Until the end, huh?" he repeats quietly, his words barely audible, his voice oddly melancholic.
Gilgamesh wants to see the face of his old liege in this moment. Is there a regret? Sadness? Is he thinking about how his own Shield couldn't be with him until the end?
But before he can say anything – apologize, ask to stay, ask 'why are you like this, why it had to end like this?' – Ardyn turns to Gilgamesh, squeezes his arm gently like he has used to do it years ago, in a different life when things had been simpler, and whispers with anger:
"I will never forgive you for leaving me."
Then he's gone and Gilgamesh stays alone, words dying on his tongue. He feels like there is ice instead of blood in his veins. Ardyn's words have been expected, Gilgamesh has thought about hearing them countless times, but he has always wished that things would get better, that maybe after such a long time his liege would let him taste forgiveness, would let him stop hating himself.
That maybe Gilgamesh would be able to help him.
The roar of powerlessness resonating through the Tempering Grounds makes the beasts hide themselves, trembling in fear.
Fin
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