THE LIFE OF A TSUNDERE (FOR LOLZ; IT'S A HUMOR CRACKFIC!)
Life was filtered with a grey tone. How boring. How utterly boring. So slow was how I thought of time. Mundane was a life of routine. Heaviness all around me... Life was full of contradictions and yet both were the truth. Love? Useless. How can one emotion make one's life colorful in seconds? How can it make life exciting? That was all a fairy tale. It was all a lie. I saw what it did to people. After giving them hope, it would strangle them into suffering and hurt. A world of pain. That's why I avoided love. Love was a lie and a hope that was not fulfilled. A commoner's dream. A useless dream. All I cared and wanted was the truth. The mere essence of truth. When love did not help me, whether platonic or not, the truth hurt me first before giving me comfort. It was the sole thing that did not lie to me. It helped me understand the world around me for the first time without rose-tinted glasses. It pushed me in a sole journey towards education, knowledge, and career for one purpose. And that was the pursuit for the endless amounts of truth that was hidden in this world. Even if everyone left me one by one due to conflicting interests or lack of maturity, I tried hard to not think about loneliness. After all, a lying and imbalanced friendship just hurts me in the end. It was better to be alone in the comforting solitude than be used like a servant by people who I called friends and whom I thought of as family.
But why... Why is everything changing? My heart won't stop. It misses a beat and skips at times. I can't breathe. I feel so sensitive of everything. It's as if my senses heightened on one thing or specifically one person. Every movement he makes, the breaths that he takes, a hint of his voice that he uses, and the burning heat that I can feel radiating from his skin... I notice it all. It's right next to me in this abandoned white bus. I keep trembling even as I grab onto the light grey blue cloth of the seat with all of my strength. Cold sweat keeps forming on my skin. I keep focusing on my lap even if I can see from the corner of my eye and can feel when his hand accidentally touches the skin of my legs. A slight shiver. Was it excitement? A mere presence of hormones? Ah... The warm orange sunlight. The gentle wind. And all the colorful pink petals from the trees that had bloomed its seasonal flowers. When I whip up my courage, I can see the hair on the back of his head from the side. That ruffled messy brown hair. They are long enough to be messy but short enough to not reach down to his shoulders. I can just feel my heart squirm. How can one be so endearing with that hair and mischievous attitude? It is so unfair. Even when he talks to me, teasing me in the process, I lose all control over myself and act cold. So embarrassing. I pretend to not care but I'm probably the one who cares the most. Isn't there any way of being logical in this type of situation? What do I need to do? If I'm honest, what if it scares him away? So scared. But... The scenery... Too beautiful to describe with words. The orange warmth, the pink wisps, the light grey blue, and the white. It surrounds me as my heart hammers in my chest. When will this all end? I just want to see his eyes. His beautifully colored eyes. But I can't. If I do, he'll know. He'll find out because my emotions, despite not wanting it to, appears clearly on my face and in my eyes. AUGH! So frustrating. This is why I don't like to deal with emotions, especially love. Why did I need to fall in love with him of all people? Why can't I fall for someone who doesn't tease me and is always nice to me? Why did I have to fall for a person who is a teaser, a mischievous trickster, an arrogant analytic, and... a caring weirdo...? So FRUSTRATING! WHY DID I HAVE TO LIKE HIM?! I bet he only thinks of me as an annoying strict girl who hates him or as some kind of sister who he can depend on whenever he wants to... Ah... So depressing. I can't believe that I of all people fall into the horrors of love. I'm screwed. Maybe I should just confess to him and get it over with. At least if he rejects me, I can go back to focusing on more important things.
Ah... The life of a tsundere. Why is it so hard to be so honest? At least... Until it's the wrong timing that is.