Wizard Pron: A Harry Potter Fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of its characters. All the property of Rowling. =]

A/N: So, this fanfic is the fruit of one of my good friend's more entertaining thoughts - "Omigosh, what would porn in Harry Potter be like?" - or something to that affect (not that you'll ever read this, but you're amazing). It's my first HP fanfiction, so I was experimenting a bit--but it was amazing fun to write! =]

"DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY!"

Draco had been having a bad day, plain and simple. He had spilt his coffee over his robes on the way to an important meeting with the Ministry, spent all day in one black sock and one navy sock, and his stocks in Algernon's Wizardly Pharmaceuticals had dropped to almost useless levels (who said wizards weren't affected by the recession?). He had arrived home, late and cross, with no higher aspirations than to sit in his study with a book and a glass of wine for an hour or so, procrastinating until he absolutely had to proofread that report the Head of Department wanted on his desk tomorrow morning. Now he was being beckoned downstairs by a loud and entirely too commanding female voice, probably over some trivial matter, such as having missed dinner, or not having called on his lunch break today.

Draco sullenly walked down the stairs, his glass still in one hand. At the bottom, he turned into a room to face a red-headed woman, one hand placed firmly on her hips. Ginny Weasly's mouth was tilted into a frown, and her brows were arched angrily over eyes that glittered dangerously. In her unoccupied hand, she brandished a snapshot with breakneck force, and when she opened her mouth, Draco knew that his day was about to get a whole lot worse.

"Exactly what," she demanded, "do you call this?"

Always the smooth talker, Draco sneered and replied coolly, "Really, woman. It's art. How old are we, now?"

"Art?" Her eyes flashed. "Draco Malfoy, this is not art. This is porn!" As if to illustrate her point, the woman depicted in the picture—a busty and blonde witch—ran one delicate hand suggestively over her supple and unclothed breasts and down one naked thigh.

To his acute embarrassment, Draco Malfoy blushed. Still determined to win this battle, however, he kept up his façade. "It's a new trend in art. Pushing the limits, highlighting sexuality, all that bullshit. You know just as well as I do the contemporaries will eat it up. In couple of years, the style will have skyrocketed, and that photograph that you're so carelessly waving about will be worth millions."

Ginny looked at him considerably, her eyes half-loosing their murderous look. Her face softened. Draco's shoulders relaxed. "Oh, really?"

"Yes, really." Seemingly out of hot water, Draco wrapped an arm around Ginny's shoulders. "Now, look. Why don't we just go upstairs and—" He reached to pluck the photograph from her fingers. Nimbly, Ginny pulled back.

"If it's art," Ginny asked slowly, "then why were you keeping it under your mattress?"

Unable to maintain his composure, Draco swore. "What were you doing under my mattress anyways?"

"I just thought it was time to change the sheets—"

Draco threw his hands up in the air. "That's what I hired Adéle for! It's what maids do!"

Ginny crossed her arms and stuck her bottom lip out into a pout, and Draco winced. Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned Adéle. The maid had a bad tendency to wear outfits a little too short for his lover's preferences, and she made no attempt to hide her dislike of the hired hand. "You know, I really don't trust her. You hid the combinations for the safe, right? And the way she looks at you, you'd think you were a piece of meat or something."

Incredulous, Draco snorted. "So that's what this is about. You're jealous. You think I'm screwing around—"

"No, I don't, and that is not what this is about!" She threw her hands up. "This about me finding porn under your mattress!"

"Ginerva, honestly." Draco tried to make his voice soothing and firm at the same time. "You're overreacting. It's perfectly natural—"

"Don't you dare talk to me about 'perfectly natural.'" Her nostrils flared. "So what, I'm not good enough for you? Just because I'm a B cup in stead of a super-friggin'-quadruple-D—"

Seeing that he was loosing ground, Draco determined that now was the time to implement a different strategy. "Ginny, baby." His voice was soft. "Really. You're always enough for me. And I think you have lovely breasts. It's just that—" He paused for a moment to add theatrical affect. "Well, you know, we fight so often. And when you walk out, I feel so empty and I don't want to do. It's not like I'm going to hire a prostitute—" Yeah right. Like he needed to hire anyone, when girls were falling over themselves to get into his pants.

"Oh, cut your crap, Malfoy," Ginny snapped. But her resolve was wavering. Draco could tell, with the eye and instincts of a hunter, and he dove in for the kill. He reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Really, Gin, I love you. You're beautiful, and even if you weren't, I'd still love you, because your personality's the really attractive thing about you."

"You're full of hot air, Malfoy," Ginny murmured. But when Draco tugged her into his arms, she put up no resistance, and she permitted him to tangle his fingers in her hair.

"Well, you're hair's pretty amazing too," he allowed, his mouth close to her ear. "It matches your temper."

Ginny laughed quietly into his neck, where she was currently placing her lips. She reached up to run a hand through his hair and down his jaw line. "So. You said you didn't have to work on anything for a little while…"

"So I did," Draco confirmed, and with little effort, his slung his slender lover into his arms and carried her to his bedroom, where his turned off the light and began immediately to remove her clothing.

Later that night, after several hours of lovemaking, Draco slipped out of bed to proofread his report. Ginny lay naked under the covers, her hair spread like liquid fire over the pillow. On his way out, he bent over to pick up the photograph off the floor where Ginny had dropped it. He looked at it considering before pocketing it, and walked to his office.

Obviously, he'd need to find a new hiding spot. Mattresses apparently weren't very secure from nosey girlfriends.