Sorry 'bout my bad English!
| | Pains | |
Her breath was uneven as she stared at the ceiling of her room. Tears were leaking from her brown eyes, she could now let them fall since he was asleep. His arm was still holding her but she had to slip herself away from the bed, away from him before she would throw up.
"Kikyo", he had whispered after their love making though Kagome believed it was nothing like love, had never been. Maybe he had thought she wouldn't hear or was too deep in passion that he didn't care. It had been always the death priestess with him in his mind as he drew his pleasure from Kagome.
Naked, she walked quietly to bathroom and turned on the water. She opened the drawer, taking a small cutter from under the worn out towel which was never used by anyone. That's why she knew she could keep it there, her bittersweet friend. The object in her hand, she climbed to bathtub, the water covering her thighs and stomach. She felt tainted which she had never thought she would feel with Inuyasha.
He always came to her but she knew it wasn't her he hoped to be with. One time he had come just after meeting Kikyo. But she couldn't say no and she hated herself for that.
Kagome slowly pulled away the large, blue bracelet which she had learned to wear always when her wrists were uncovered. One time Inuyasha had tried to take it off with her clothes but she had quickly shook her head and he had let it be though his face had been suspicious. There, on her skin was three very small but deep cuts. Each from the time when she and Inuyasha had been together in her bed. She couldn't bring the cutter to Feudal Area since her bag was free to Shippo or Inuyasha to seek something from it. They had had sex on the forest floor too.
She stopped the water and leaned her head against her knees. Sango's words from few days ago, rang in her head, the words that Inuyasha really cared for her. Sango thought he even loved her. She didn't believe it. Sure he cared but not in that way. Not when he whispered his former love's name everytime, at the moment when their skins pressed against each others, afterwards or in his sleep. She never did struggle when he grabbed her always so suddenly. She couldn't because she loved him too much to deny a moment of comfort from him.
How sad was that?
She touched her wrist. No one knew and would never know, to them she would always be the old, smiling Kagome. Not this pathetic, broken girl.
She sank under the water and with swift move slit. Closing her eyes, not wanting to see the blood in water, she let herself bleed. Punishing herself from being so weak, from not being what he wanted as Inuyasha slept peacefully on her bed.
And the worst part of it was that middle of all this internal hurt, a physical pain felt so, very good.
AN: This was really hard to write though I've went that through myself. So I have no idea how this looks like in your eyes and I'm really, really sleepy right now -.-
I can't deal with my stories, really. I feel like I've failed in every way with most of them and my face twists like its in pain everytime I look at them. So few small things are probably going to change now, like my writing style. But back to the story, I know that Kagome's OOC and Inuyasha too but that kinda was the point.
This story was bornt with these songs; Lemon/Katy Rose, I'm Not Calling You A Liar/Florence and The Machine, Rose/Anna Tsuchiya, Long Way To Happy/P!nk
Enjoy if you can, thank you!