A silly Snape story
(Hey! I actually made him the hero!)
Yes, I realise how unlikely this is, no I don't own Harry Potter, he and other related characters (and the tea cozy) belong to J.K.Rowling.
No, I don't think Lupin is such a wuzz either. He is my second favourite character, after all.
Back!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One day, Snape was in his office grading papers-
"Gryffindors, hmmph! Fail, Fail, Fail..."
When Proffessor Lupin came crashing in.
BANG!!!!!!
I said "crashing."
CRASH!!!!!
Snape- (grumbling) "Thank you so much for differentiating between the two."
"Snape!" Lupin cried.
Snape looked up from his work, "Oh...yes?"
"You need to make a potion quickly-there's something terrible happening..."
"Is there now?"
"Yes. A house-elf-a freed house elf by the name of Dobby..."
*why doesn't he just say it?* Snape wondered.
"...he's gone a bit mad."
Snape blinked.
"That is the reason you came running into my office, acting as if there was a petulent mandrake in your trousers?"
"Well...yes."
"And how exactly is this a disaster?"
"He's bewitched a tea cozy to destroy everything it comes in contact with."
Snape blinked again.
"Don't you understand?!!?" Lupin flailed his arms about,
"This could mean the end of everything!"
Not a minute later, Lupin stormed out, leaving behind a hysterical Snape.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After laughing for 3 hours straight, Snape wiped the tears from his eyes, and realized that he hadn't eaten for awhile. It was very clsoe to the time of the next meal, so he made his way to the Great Hall. But when he got there, Snape did not find the room filled with the noise of students laughing and talking. Instead he found mass destruction.
All of the tables, except the staff table, had been blasted to pieces, adn were now nothing more than piles of debris. Students were cowering-fortunately, it seemed that no one had been seriously injured-and proffessors tried their best to calm everyone down.
Dobby was floating in the air, controlling the tea cozy, which was flying about wildly overhead.
"Dobby is mad! Very mad!"
Dobby flew over to a young Slytherin student and began taunting her with teh tea cozy.
"Eat cozy death!!!!!"
Snape would have laughed, but he really hated to see students in danger- no matter how much they may have annoyed him-especially one from his own house.
He sighed and began searching through his robes.
"Let's see...where did I put that potion..."
He retrieved a grey lump that could have been chewing gum.
"Ick...no, not that pocket-Aha!"
Snaped pulled a small vial of pink, bubbly liquid from a side pocket.
"'Elf-away'. Potent stuff."
(A/N- "Elf-away" potion is extremely sensitive and dangerous, and therefore ,most people avoid even making it. It has been known to cause painful toe-warts, and leave a nasty odor not unlike that of rancid goat's milk. But this is Snape we're talking about, and he always has everything together 8'J)
Snape pulled the cork from the vial and held his nose just as Dobby was about to send the cozy in the direction of Draco Malfoy.
Snape decided to think his actions over for a minute.
"Do I dare give up such an opportunity? It would be so much quieter around here...no! I'm his teacher, I shouldn't even be debating this. Still..."
Draco was now crying like a baby. Snape sighed once again, and decided to do the heroic thing.
"Here-Elf!"
Dobby turned, the potion flew through the air and soaked his little sweater.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm melting!"
Actually, what was happening was that Dobby was transforming. It was like nothing anyone in that room had ever seen before. Dobby turned into a...kipper!
The tea cozy fell to the floor with a "plop!", and it was over.
"That was far too simple."
Snape thought as he sat down at the last remaining table and started on the kipper.
Later, Snape was awarded Order of Merlin, and he was given a ceremony, and a medal to commemorate the event. He never gloated though-but it wasn't out of humility. Rather, he preferred not to say anything when people asked him to explain the inscription on his medal:
"For bravery in defeating the Tea Cozy of Death."
~*Finis*~
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Hey! I actually made him the hero!)
Yes, I realise how unlikely this is, no I don't own Harry Potter, he and other related characters (and the tea cozy) belong to J.K.Rowling.
No, I don't think Lupin is such a wuzz either. He is my second favourite character, after all.
Back!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One day, Snape was in his office grading papers-
"Gryffindors, hmmph! Fail, Fail, Fail..."
When Proffessor Lupin came crashing in.
BANG!!!!!!
I said "crashing."
CRASH!!!!!
Snape- (grumbling) "Thank you so much for differentiating between the two."
"Snape!" Lupin cried.
Snape looked up from his work, "Oh...yes?"
"You need to make a potion quickly-there's something terrible happening..."
"Is there now?"
"Yes. A house-elf-a freed house elf by the name of Dobby..."
*why doesn't he just say it?* Snape wondered.
"...he's gone a bit mad."
Snape blinked.
"That is the reason you came running into my office, acting as if there was a petulent mandrake in your trousers?"
"Well...yes."
"And how exactly is this a disaster?"
"He's bewitched a tea cozy to destroy everything it comes in contact with."
Snape blinked again.
"Don't you understand?!!?" Lupin flailed his arms about,
"This could mean the end of everything!"
Not a minute later, Lupin stormed out, leaving behind a hysterical Snape.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After laughing for 3 hours straight, Snape wiped the tears from his eyes, and realized that he hadn't eaten for awhile. It was very clsoe to the time of the next meal, so he made his way to the Great Hall. But when he got there, Snape did not find the room filled with the noise of students laughing and talking. Instead he found mass destruction.
All of the tables, except the staff table, had been blasted to pieces, adn were now nothing more than piles of debris. Students were cowering-fortunately, it seemed that no one had been seriously injured-and proffessors tried their best to calm everyone down.
Dobby was floating in the air, controlling the tea cozy, which was flying about wildly overhead.
"Dobby is mad! Very mad!"
Dobby flew over to a young Slytherin student and began taunting her with teh tea cozy.
"Eat cozy death!!!!!"
Snape would have laughed, but he really hated to see students in danger- no matter how much they may have annoyed him-especially one from his own house.
He sighed and began searching through his robes.
"Let's see...where did I put that potion..."
He retrieved a grey lump that could have been chewing gum.
"Ick...no, not that pocket-Aha!"
Snaped pulled a small vial of pink, bubbly liquid from a side pocket.
"'Elf-away'. Potent stuff."
(A/N- "Elf-away" potion is extremely sensitive and dangerous, and therefore ,most people avoid even making it. It has been known to cause painful toe-warts, and leave a nasty odor not unlike that of rancid goat's milk. But this is Snape we're talking about, and he always has everything together 8'J)
Snape pulled the cork from the vial and held his nose just as Dobby was about to send the cozy in the direction of Draco Malfoy.
Snape decided to think his actions over for a minute.
"Do I dare give up such an opportunity? It would be so much quieter around here...no! I'm his teacher, I shouldn't even be debating this. Still..."
Draco was now crying like a baby. Snape sighed once again, and decided to do the heroic thing.
"Here-Elf!"
Dobby turned, the potion flew through the air and soaked his little sweater.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm melting!"
Actually, what was happening was that Dobby was transforming. It was like nothing anyone in that room had ever seen before. Dobby turned into a...kipper!
The tea cozy fell to the floor with a "plop!", and it was over.
"That was far too simple."
Snape thought as he sat down at the last remaining table and started on the kipper.
Later, Snape was awarded Order of Merlin, and he was given a ceremony, and a medal to commemorate the event. He never gloated though-but it wasn't out of humility. Rather, he preferred not to say anything when people asked him to explain the inscription on his medal:
"For bravery in defeating the Tea Cozy of Death."
~*Finis*~
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