the very thin line between Love and Hate.
A/N: There is a lemon. You've been warned. Italics indicate a flashback.
And right before I'm about to drown/ She resuscitates me/ She fucking hates me/ And I love it
Eminem featuring Rihanna. Love the Way You Lie.
Fuu chewed nervously on her bottom lip. Her large chestnut eyes staring into their slowly dying campfire, but then again not really looking at it at the same time. Her hands gripped the light pink fabric of her kimono tightly. Her feet shifted nervously in the dirt below them. She looked like she was about to explode. And she did. She just couldn't hold it in any longer. She wanted to save her energy to really let that idiot have it when he returned, but she couldn't let the anger fester inside of her anymore.
"He's such an idiot!"
Jin raised an eyebrow and watched as she sprang up from her seat. She began to pace back and forth, talking out loud but quite obviously ranting to herself.
"He's a pig. Like, where is he? What is he doing?"
Jin just sat quietly, allowing her to vent her frustrations.
"I just ugh, I don't get where he comes off just taking all the money that WE earned together and just running off! Probably to a brothel! I'm sure he's just spending all of our money on sake and whores! Can you even believe the NERVE of that guy?"
"Hm."
"I hate him! He is absolutely the worst! I just wish he would go away and stay away!" She came to a stop and her demeanor changed completely. She hid her face in her hands. "I wish he would just –" She burst into tears and would have fallen to her knees had Jin not anticipated her instability and sprung forward to catch her. She buried her face against his chest and wept. He wrapped his arms around her and sighed.
"He is an idiot. And while I don't condone his atrocious behavior, I don't think he actually realizes how he makes you feel."
"I hate him!" Her tiny body was trembling against he made her feel safe, so she just let it all come pouring out.
"If that were true, you would not be feeling the way that you are." Her entire body shook in his arms with her sobs. This wasn't a position he wasn't used to being in, but he tried his best to be as comforting as possible. One arm hung across her shoulders, his other hand stroked her soft chestnut hair.
She wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, but by the time he showed up she had been able to stop the violent sobbing. Tears still rolled down her cheeks and when she pulled away from Jin she noticed what seemed to be a surprised expression on the pirate's face.
"What the fucks goin' on here?" He couldn't even stand straight. He wobbled side to side, and it seemed to take a great deal of concentration for him not to fall flat onto his ass.
"Maybe you would know if you would stick around!" She thought he would easily avoid her attack, but the drink left him stupid and she was able to connect her tiny (but mighty) fist with his cheek. His eyes went wide with shock and he rubbed his hand over where he had been punched. A familiar coppery taste invaded his mouth and he turned his head away to spit it out.
"What the Fuck! You little bitch!"
She turned on her heel and ran from him. She planned to go as fast and far as her feet could take her. When he tried to run after her, their ronin companion blocked his path.
"Get the fuck out of my way! That little bitch-"
"Fuu." He said her name sternly. "Is hurting. You are the cause of the pain and really you deserve so much more than any damage she could possibly cause you."
"So you just thought you would move in on her and make her feel better? Huh? Were you gonna fuck all her pain away?" He let out a growl as he pushed pass him.
"That's not what was happening." He pushed his glasses up his nose, so they were sitting properly on his face. "She cries for you, you know? Most night she tries to hide it, but I hear her. I see the look on her face while she sits here and waits for your return. You don't deserve her. But for some reason, she is in love with you. You either need to change your ways or let her go. You can't keep playing with her heart. She is a good girl."
Mugen rolled his eyes and took off in the direction she'd run off in. He was fuming. Maybe he already knew what Jin was saying was right, but that didn't give him the right to fucking say it. He knew he was a piece of shit. He knew he didn't deserve her. But he couldn't help himself. He was fucking selfish. He never asked for her to feel that way about him.
When he came to a clearing, he found her sitting next to the small creek only a few yards away from their campsite. She was breathing deeply, trying to calm herself and at the same time scolding herself. She put on a brave face so often it was like she physically couldn't keep it together anymore. It was much easier when things between them were "friendly". Once they crossed that line between friendship and something more, she just couldn't seem to keep her emotions in check anymore. She heard twigs breaking and leaves rustling and wiped her wet cheeks with her sleeves. She tried her best to compose herself, because she refused to let him see her crying over him again.
"Just stay away from me."
Surprisingly he obeyed, stopping dead in his tracks and then leaned his back against a nearby tree.
"Look, I don't know what you want from me." Her head snapped back to look at him, and the glare she shot him was almost intimidating.
"You're kidding me, right?!" She lifted herself off of the ground and she hoped in the dark he couldn't tell that her whole entire body was shaking. "It's really not that hard of a concept! Unless you are completely stupid! Just don't sleep with other women. Stop getting drunk and stop sleeping with other women." She felt brave. She felt empowered. It felt good to stand up for herself for once. Usually when it came to anything to do with Mugen, she was a complete pushover.
It happened more times than she wanted to admit, but she let him walk all over her. The minute they had any extra money to spare he would run off to and drink as much as he could afford, then sneak off to a brothel.
Should it have surprised her? No, not really. This was his pattern long before they were "together". Or, whatever they were. And while she was never particularly fond of his antics before, she thought things would be different after they …
"You knew who I fuckin' was before this shit started. You knew me! We have been on this stupid journey of yours for months." He walked towards her, and even if he towered over her, he could see the determination in her eyes. She wasn't going to back down. "I am who I have always been, and if you can't deal with it, then we can end this!"
Her eyes filled once again with big fat tears, and her face twisted with the pang of pain that stabbed at her heart. It hurt so much that he could be so callous. That he could just give up on them just like that.
"You are such an idiot! I hate you! I hate you so much!" She'd never been this angry in her life. She'd never been this hurt in her life. And she couldn't be any more angry with herself. She knew going into their tryst what he was. Who he was. A womanizer. A criminal. A pirate. A drunk. The biggest idiot in this equation was her. How could she possibly have thought he would change? The pain she was going through was on her.
"Good! I hate you! You are a naggy little bitch. All you do is bitch, bitch, and then bitch some more." She shoved him back against the tree he had been leaning on and then turned to walk back to the camp.
"You can leave. I'm done. You don't owe me anything anymore." Her eyes stuck on the ground below her. "I never want to see you again."
When Fuu returned to their camp that night she didn't say a word. She collapsed onto her sleeping mat and buried her face in her arms. Her entire body was shaking. The pain in her chest was the most intense pain she'd felt before in her life. She'd gone against her better judgment and fell head over heels in love with a man who was hardly capable of even being nice to her. She felt so stupid.
"I know it doesn't feel like it now, but everything will be okay." Jin knelt beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You will find happiness someday, I know you will."
"Why did I let him do this to me?" She sat up and looked him in the eyes. Begging for him to say anything that might make her feel better. Hoping he would say something that could just take the pain away.
He didn't have the answers, so instead he just pulled her back into his arms. Affection and comforting people weren't exactly his forte, but he just wanted her to feel safe. He wanted her to know that while he didn't know how to fix what was hurting her, but that he was there for her.
She fell asleep in his arms that night.
And that pissed Mugen off. When he knew she was asleep he approached the fire.
"This needs to end."
"Oh, it's fucking over. Not that it's any of your business four eyes." He sat on a log that he had haphazardly threw next to the fire earlier that night, before any of this began. "What the fuck does she expect? She knows me well enough to know that this is what I do. I drink, I fuck, I sleep and I fight. She knew what she was getting with me."
"If you are just going to keep hurting her, leave. I will continue our journey. I will fulfill her wish to find her Sunflower Samurai. I can't keep watching you break her spirit. She is a bright light in this dark world and I can't let you continue to diminish that."
"Fuck you." His cheek still stung from where she'd decked him earlier. He let out an aggravated sigh and leaned his elbows against his knees and hung his head. "Fuck me. Do you think she will forgive me?"
Now that the booze and adrenaline was wearing off he really started to think about the things he said to her. And the things he'd done to cause this whole conflict.
"She will forgive you. She will always forgive you. And she will try to forget, but you know she never will. And it's going to eat her up inside. You are going to destroy her."
"I know .."
He'd left their campsite in search of firewood and instead found Fuu bathing in the lake. She disappeared beneath the water and he almost turned to walk away, but when she popped back up and broke through the waters surface, he just couldn't. She lifted her hands up to wipe the water away from her face, then smoothed her hair back. He knew he shouldn't be, but he was drawn to her. When she went underwater for a second time, he quickly worked to discard his swords and his clothing, and he walked into the lake.
"Fuck that's cold!"
When Fuu resurfaced he was able to get a better look at her body. It was basically glistening in the moonlight. His eyes were instantly drawn to her breasts. They were bigger than he originally thought. And perky as Hell. Her skin seemed perfect. Smooth and unscarred. His ogling came to an abrupt end the minute her eyes opened. She let out a loud and long scream and hid her body beneath the water. She crossed her arms as tight as she could over her chest.
"Mugen, you pig! What are you doing?!"
"I'm takin a bath. What's it look like?" He smirked.
"You never bathe and all of a sudden you choose here and now to do it?" He raised an eyebrow and it turned the smirk into something lecherous and dirty.
"You made the water look so nice and welcoming. I couldn't stop myself."
He circled around her like a shark circling its prey. The way he was looking her over made her heart drumming so hard and loud in her chest that she could have sworn he could hear it.
"F-fine. If you won't leave, then I will. Turn around."
"Nah. I don't think I will."
"You are such a jerk."
"I've already seen it all anyway."
"Why are you doing this?" She dipped further below the waters surface do that her shoulders were completely submerged.
"Doing what?"
"Why are you messing with me. Usually you can't wait to get away from me. Now you won't leave me alone."
She let out a gasp when she felt his hard body press up against her back. Her first instinct was telling her to run, but he body wasn't listening. She was completely frozen.
"Mugen …" She intended to yell at him, but his name came out as more of a whisper.
"I'll turn around and you can leave." She wasn't sure if she felt relieved or disappointed, but he didn't give her much time to think it over before he spoke again. "Or you could stay, and we could have some fun."
Somehow, she forgot how to breathe. His rough hands were suddenly resting on her thighs. Then his lips were on her shoulder. The kisses he planted on her were incredibly gentle. How? How could Mugen be this gentle? How could Mugens touch be the one to send this kind of electricity through her body. The stubble on his face was rough but his lips were surprisingly soft. They trailed kisses from her shoulder, to her neck, to her jaw. Simultaneously his hands moved further up her thighs, then over her stomach.
"Tell me to stop." He breathed into her ear.
Her silence made his lips curl up in a smile against her skin. She nervously placed her hands overtop of his in an attempt to slow their journey. She let her head fall back to rest against him, her head tilting to the side to allow him more access. He kissed, nipped, and suckled at her porcelain skin and elicited a soft squeak from her.
"Tell me to keep going."
When she didn't speak he began to pull away.
But she didn't let him leave. Her hands gripped his and placed them back on her stomach where he had left them. Her mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. It was so hard for her to say anything.
"Keep going." She almost whispered.
He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and twisted her head around enough, so he could claim her mouth with his own. His lips moved expertly against hers, and his tongue slid between her lips. When she allowed him access, his tongue began to expertly stroke her own. It made her feel very self-conscious, so she pulled away.
"You want to stop? I ain't gonna force ya if-"
"I've never done this before." She cut him off with her admission. She felt a warmth creep over her skin with her embarrassment and wondered if he could see it in the moonlight. She felt like a complete idiot. She couldn't even look him in the eye. "I don't know what I'm doing."
"We don't have to."
The feeling of his calloused fingers against her face, the look in his steely eyes, and the softness of his voice – this wasn't the Mugen she was used to. Even the tone in his voice was tender. It wasn't mocking, it wasn't nasty. It wasn't angry.
"I want you to keep going." She felt like her hand was shaking, but she took the one that was still resting on her stomach and moved it up. She folded his fingers around her breast. She placed her hand behind his head and pulled his face close to hers. This time she initiated the kiss.
His free hand came to rest on her other breast and he began to knead them. They were bigger than he always thought, that was for sure. They fit perfectly in his hands. Her light pink nipples hardened with his expert ministrations. She moaned into their kiss and her backside moved against his groin.
His erection against her back surprised her, but she didn't want to seem anymore amateurish than she already had, so she began to grind against him. Her movements earned a growl from the back of his throat.
One of his hands released her breast and trailed back down, over her stomach, to the patch of curls. He slid a finger between her lips and found the little bundle of nerves. The response from her when he began to rub it was more than he could have hoped for. She broke their kiss, her head fell back, exposing her pale neck and her pink lips parted to let the most delicious moan escape.
Once again, his mouth clamped onto her neck. He slid a finger inside of her and continued to rub at her clit with his thumb. It didn't take much for her to completely lose it.
"Oh, god. Mugen, oh my god."
She tightened around his fingers and her nails dug into his skin. Her entire body was shaking in his arms. He once again smirked against her skin. He turned her body around so that she was facing him. She caught him off guard when she snaked an arm around his neck, and she pulled him down and into another kiss. She was much more confident, and it really fucking turned him on. Her hand slid down over his chest, her nails dragging slowly over his damp skin. She seemed apprehensive and he picked up on that, so he took her hand in his and guided her to his throbbing cock.
Her thin, soft fingers wrapped around him and she began to stroke him. He thrust into her hand, and another growl came from the back of his throat. Her movements were unsure and a bit awkward, but it still felt fucking amazing. When he couldn't take it anymore, he grabbed her ass and picked her up. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist and before he was even inside of her he could feel her heat against him. He carried her out of the lake and laid her gently in the grass.
He hovered above her and once again began grinding himself against her. It was driving her crazy. She broke her mouth away from his and looked directly into his eyes.
"Mugen, please. Do it."
He decided not to tease her any longer and completely buried himself in her heat. A half moan, half cry fell out of her mouth and he began to slowly move in and out, letting her adjust to the new sensation.
"You're so fucking tight."
Her legs squeezed around him like she was begging him to continue. He began to move at a faster pace. The sounds that were coming out of her mouth were going to drive him to the brink. And when she began crying out his name it was hard to maintain his composure.
Her fingernails scratched down his back, hard enough to hurt, and it encouraged him to move a little rougher.
"Oh Mugen!" Her back arched up against him and her legs tightened around his waist. Her entire body trembled when she came, and the way she tightened around him and the way she cried out pushed him over his breaking point. He came hard and his arms which were resting on the ground beside either side of her head began to shake. His movements began to gradually slow until stopping completely.
He buried his head into the crook of her neck and he inhaled her scent. It was intoxicating. It made his head spin.
Once minute she was running her fingers through his hair and scratching along his scalp, the next she was guiding his face to hers to kiss him again.
When their lips parted he rolled over onto the grass and onto his back. He looked up at the stars in the sky and tried to regulate his breathing.
For a moment Fuu laid on the ground, her arms crossed over her chest as she began to feel exposed. Her mind was running a mile a minute and she just needed to regain her composure. She was on the brink of panicking when she felt a hand on top of her head.
"Come 'ere."
She rolled onto her side and laid her head on his chest. Her hand came to rest on his chest and she could clearly feel his heart thundering under it.
She had so many thoughts running through her head, but she couldn't bring herself to say anything. For the time being, she was content just lying here with him.
He sat with his knees pulled back near his chest with his elbows perched on his knees. He watched as the girl lying next to him slept. Now that the alcohol had completely worn off and he had his senses about him, he felt like absolute shit.
"I never want to see you again."
"You are going to destroy her."
Their words kept repeating over and over in his head.
"You are going to destroy her."
It was hard to admit it to himself but Jin was right. He was going to ruin everything that drew him to her.
That night in the lake she looked angelic. Her smooth, white skin practically glowed in the moonlight. She looked so innocent and so provocative at the same time. It wasn't the first time he thought about her in that way. It's why he had started running off more often in the first place. He fucking wanted her. He wanted to touch her. He wanted to smell her. He wanted to completely consume her. And although he would never in a million fucking years admit to it, it terrified him.
He wanted to fuck a lot of women. And he did. But this, she, was so much different.
He was a loner. He didn't have family. He didn't have friends. He had nothing tying him down and he liked it that way. He thought he did anyway.
When they first began this journey, he didn't see her as anything but an inconvenience. She was loud, and annoying. She was constantly getting her ass into some kind of trouble and he was usually the one who had to save her from it. He truly intended to ditch her on several occasions, but something made him stick around. His conscience maybe? He didn't think he had one of those.
He fought those feelings for her so fucking hard. There had been many opportunities when he could have acted on them and he had managed to control himself. He didn't understand why that night was different.
What had he just done. What the fuck did he just do? Mugen looked to the girl in his arms and found that her head was tilted up and she was looking at him with her large chestnut brown eyes. He could tell she was thinking of something to say.
"Mugen, why?"
"Huh?"
"I thought that you hated me." Her eyes were searching his for answers, but he wasn't sure what she wanted him to say.
"I never hated you."
"You could have fooled me."
"Look, this isn't my thing. I don't do this shit. I have never done this shit. I don't know the women I fuck and I don't see them again after I fuck them."
That though obviously didn't sit well with her. She pulled away from him, then sat up. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She stayed quiet for a moment.
"What does that mean for us?"
He stayed silent. When she couldn't take the silence anymore she stood up and walked back into the water. He sat up and watched as she waded deeper into the water.
He knew he fucked up. But he wasn't a man who was good with his words. Instead he lifted himself off of the ground and walked into the water after her. He reached out and grabbed her arm and then pulled her into him. Intimacy wasn't his forte, but he tried his best to fake it.
"I'm not gonna leave. I promised you I'd help you find the sunflower dude and I'm gonna do it." She looked up into his face and something ended up coming over her and she snaked her arms around his waist. She buried her face into his chest and like he had done earlier, she breathed in his musky scent.
"And after that?"
"I don't know." He awkwardly wrapped his arms around her small shoulders. Sex came to him so naturally. This type of intimacy was so foreign and so strange to him. He was used to being confident in everything that he did. This feelings shit threw him off.
Fuu wasn't like the women he was used to bedding. They didn't want anything from him but good sex, and that was something he knew he could deliver. That wasn't who Fuu was. She often spoke of love, and romance, and a husband and children. All things that Mugen never wanted in life.
'Fuck.' He thought. 'What the fuck did I do?'
"Fuck." He crawled over to where she was sleeping and laid his body against hers. He took in her flowery scent and draped an arm over her. He pulled her small body as close to his as he could and planted a kiss against her ear.
"I'm sorry, Fuu. You fell in love with a real piece of shit."