Hi, this is Galaxystar once again, Happy Memorial Day to EVERYONE!!!!! I hope that you enjoy my new story, and please, please REVIEW. (This is mildly depressing...)
Disclaimer: C'mon guys, I thought everyone knew that I owned Sailor Moon? (Dodges flying rotten tomatoes and veggies!) Okay, um April fools anyone? Please don't sue!
(Please Read this before you read my story!)
Serious Author's Note: (Cutting is a serious matter, and I am not making light of this situation. This is simply a story that I wrote, and that came from my own imagination during a rather depressing episode in my life. Cutting is a very detrimental and destructive act. An act that not only harms the cutter, but the family and friends as well, as will b explained later in this story. I admit that this is a rather depressing story, and if you aren't in to this type of subject, then turn back now, but if you want to give me and my story a chance then gladly read on and enjoy yourself. No flames please, you have been warned.)
:) Whether or not Part 2 will be posted is up to you guys! :)
Now, on with the show! "Give Me A Beat Shaka!"
Perfect (Part 1)
Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
'Cuz it hurts when you disapprove all doing
"Usagi! Get down here now!" A tall, lean, middle-aged man roared from the bottom of the
stairs. Usagi scampered out of her room and down the steps as fast as she could, taking them
two at a time.
"Usagi, came the very same roar, don't make have to call you again!" "I'm coming Daddy,"
screeched the voice of an obviously shaken blonde.
She hopped down the last three steps, and barely missed diving head first into the
Tuskino family coat rack. "See daddy, she puffed, I'm here!" "Sit!" He bellowed sharply just as
Usagi's mother stepped out of the kitchen door and into the living room. Neither one of them
looked happy Usagi noticed, immediately on her guard.
Irene seated herself comfortably in a chair before motioning for her husband Ken to
proceed. Well Usagi, he began, do you have any idea as to why you are down here?" "N-no,"
Usagi mumbled while staring down at her hands, carefully folded in her lap.
"In fact weren't you seated in this very spot nearly two months ago?" Usagi continued to
stare blankly at her hands. "I asked you a question, Ken bellowed again, did you hear me young
lady?"
Serena nodded her head slowly, "Yes sir, I remember." "Oh really, quipped Irene, well, if
you remember so much then why are we having this conversation?" "What conversation---?"
"Quiet Usagi! Do you know what this is? Her father raged, while holding up a yellow sheet
of paper. This, he said waving it around, this is that little Geometry exam that you supposedly
spent two weeks studying for, this is your grade Usagi. Would you like to see where all of that
"hard" work got you!?" Her father's voice dropped to a low, furious tone.
Not waiting for an answer the results paper was shoved unceremoniously into her face,
and suddenly she and a big red 57% were having a staring match. Care to explain? Irene asked,
her face showing signs of both fury and exhaustion, making her look much older than she really
was.
Her daughter's bright baby eyes began to water and her lower lip began to tremble.
"Nothing to say Usagi? Well that's a first, where are your excuses? You had better have a damn
good one for this, he said pointedly as he gestured to her test."
"Dad…Mom…I…I can't say anything, I-I have no excuse. But I really did try and---"
But Usagi was unable to finish because Irene cut her off. "That's right Usagi, you have
nothing to say because there is nothing to be said!"
"Your father and I work so damn hard so that we can send you to Juuban High, and all
you do is waste our money! Usagi opened her mouth to speak…Shut up Usagi Tuskino, I don't
want to hear it! We thought you had changed, you were improving so much that…we…I…Oh I
don't know." Her voice began to quiver as she buried her face in her hands.
Ken, her husband, rubbed her upper back soothingly. "Oh, Ken, she sobbed slightly as
she lifted her face from her hands, where did we go wrong?"
"Ask Usagi that question, he replied grimly, she should know."
Two silent tears caressed Usagi's flushed cheeks as she continued to stare quietly at
the paper in her hands. She couldn't understand it; she really had been improving, why all of her
C's and D's were now B's and the occasional B. She really had spent two weeks preparing for
her Geometry Exam, there had to be some logical explanation for this! It wasn't fair, someone
had to have made a mistake, they simply must have! Usagi started to say this to her parents, but
one look from her father had her shutting her mouth again. Usagi, really had begun taking on her
responsibilities.
She was now on time to all Senshi meetings, with the exception or one or two. Usagi
also took charge during those meetings, recognizing her position as leader. Her daily squabbles
with Rei still existed, but occurred less frequently. There were still times when she tripped or fell
down, but those times were also decreasing in number, and she didn't cry as much either. Even
her Mamo-chan had begun looking at her differently, he was beginning to see her as a woman,
may be even as her future self! They could now hold a mature conversation over an extended
period of time without Usagi getting bored, and it had begun changing his perception about her
completely! She was growing up right in front of her best friend's and boyfriend's eyes!
"Usagi...(deep breath)…Usagi…for once in my life I honestly don't know what to do with
you. We have never had this problem out of your brother Shingo, never. Do you honestly like
disappointing us, making us feel as though we have failed you as parents?"
"But Daddy, If you would just listen I could—" "Not another word out of that loud little
mouth of yours if you want to keep it! It's starting to piss me Miss Smartie Pants!"
"We've tried to help you out Usagi, offered to get you a tutor but… But Ami-chan tutors me!
She—she---" "That's enough! Yelled Ken. I think you really do enjoy letting us down...you do it
often enough Usagi."
The elder Tuskinos were both too angry to even attempt to keep themselves in check.
Too angry to care about whether or not they were slowly crushing Usagi who was struggling to
breathe. Killing their Usagi, who, gasping for air, was continually being pulled under by wave after
wave of self-resentment, shame, and sadness, their Usagi who suffered silently in the deepest,
darkest depths of her soul.
"No friends, no arcade, no phone...no nothing! I will call Andrew tomorrow so that he
knows to call us if he catches even so much as looking at a video game through a window! Your
teachers will be notified as well Usagi, and they will call us if you forget your Homework, goof-off,
sleep, or whatever it is you use your class periods for."
And on and on they went, neither of the two noticing a broken Usagi steadily sinking lower
into the couch in a futile attempt to shield her mind from their harsh words.
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me
By the time Usagi was allowed to go upstairs she was shaking, her body racked with
silent sobs. A silent pain that was slowly eating her from the inside out, a pain so unfamiliar to
Usagi that it scared her, but she could tell no one else.
Fumbling for the door knob and wiping her eyes she stumbled into her room. It was
then she heard the loud beeping of her communicator, which was lying somewhere in the
darkness. Usagi groped hurriedly for her light switch.
She had to find her communicator, her parents had kept her downstairs so long that it was
impossible to know how long it had been beeping! As the light engulfed her room she dove for
her desk and frantically began knocking books and papers on the floor, she would have to clean
it up later.
Finally she found it under a shirt she had carelessly thrown on her bed; thank God it was
still beeping. Flipping the top Usagi answered: "Moon here, what's the problem?"
"Sailor moon, came the voice of the Senshi of Venus, took you long enough, where are
you? What's the hold up!?" Usagi noticed that Venus was breathing hard, and that there was a
small cut over her eye that was bleeding profusely.
"Oh, God Venus, I'm in my room...shit...where are you guys?" Suddenly Venus was
knocked out of the way, and in her place was the furious Senshi of Mars. "What do you mean
you're still in your room, we figured that you were on your way!"
"I didn't know Mars, I swear I---" "I don't want to hear it Usagi, just get your but down here;
we're in the park, by the rose bushes." With that and a final click she was gone.
Peeking outside her door she was pleased to find that her parents were now in their
bedroom. She whispered her transformation mantra and leapt out the window, taking off full
speed down the street and into the moonlight.
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Her lungs felt as though they were going to burst. It felt like she had been running for
hours when she finally reached her destination, the park.
Usagi was running as though the devil himself was nipping at her heels, but she made it
there in a matter of seconds. What she saw before made stop cold, made her blood ring in her
ears. It seemed as though she was watching everything in slow motion as she watched Makoto
take a blast to her stomach and flew head first into a tree.
Once again she felt the urge to cry, this was her fault, all her fault, and she was going to fix it!
"All right, hold it right there Mister. Usagi was literally seething inside. How dare you
attack my friend? How dare you disturb our sleep? And how dare you disturb the worst day of my
life? I'm sick and tired of watching you drain your innocent victims day after day, it stops here! I
am Sailor Moon, the Champion of Justice! I right wrongs and triumph over evil, and in the name of
the Moon, I will punish you nega-sleeze!"
Not even waiting a second for the youma to close its hanging jaw Usagi took out her
scepter and let him have it. The thing was dusted in ten seconds flat.
Satisfied when the-would-be youma was now nothing more than a puddle of moon dust
she turned to her friends. Ami had managed to prop Makoto up against the tree and was
assessing her wounds, a large bruise was forming on her left arm. Minako was leaning against
Mamoru's shoulder taking deep breaths and looking deathly pale, while Rei continued to stare
directly through her, almost like she was trying to burn through her soul and completely ignoring
the jagged gash across her right thigh.
For the second time that evening Usagi was at a loss for words, after all, they
wouldn't believe her explanation anyway. She could feel Mamoru's eyes on her, but could not
bear to see what lay in those deep stormy blue eyes, she knew that obvious disappointment
would lay in those depths. Anger, it was radiating from everyone, filling the park, and choking
Usagi.
All eyes were on Usagi as she took center stage, prepared to dazzle them with one
of her famous excuses, but for once it wasn't an excuse, it was the truth. A pair of red heels came
into view and Usagi immediately focused on Rei instead of the tiny firefly below.
The look of fury and anger, and even hurt caused her stomach to clench painfully, but
instead of lighting into her as Usagi had expected her to do, she simply stared, and Usagi did
the same.
"You just don't get it Usagi, she bit, her voice laced with venom, you really don't get it.
She grabbed a hold of Usagi's arm and squeezed painfully, that was going to leave one hell of a
mark. My God are you really that stupid? I thought it was all an act, a strange one, but an act just
the same. I thought you had some brains up there, instead of just plain, dumb odangos! I can't
even begin to fathom the reason for Luna's keeping you as leader. You are just a disaster waiting
to happen; you do more damage than most of The Death Buster's youmas! One day, you're
going to get one of us killed, provided you don't get yourself killed first! Princess or no Princess,
I am sick of you always taking your sweet time getting to these fights. Yeah, we know you have a
life Usagi, but sometimes you have to let it rest on the back burner, your responsability for this
planet is more important, or at least it should. If we have to sacrifice, so should you dammit!"
"Now Rei, interjected Minako, you're not being very fair to Usagi. 'Ah, Usagi thought,
good old Minako, she would never abandon her in her time of need.' You didn't let her give us
her pathetic excuse explaining her tardiness. I think that the sun would cease shinning if Usagi
didn't give us at least a hand full of them everyday, so what's just ONE more? C'mon Usagi, let's
hear it! Did ya trip on your way down hear? See the new Sailor V video game poster and just had
to stop and take a look? Talk Usagi, and try to make funny." Each of Minako's words seemed to
be drenched in sarcasm.
"I...Minako...I thought you of all people would understand me..."Usagi sputtered tearfully.
"I do, Minako replied, in fact we all understand you better than you think Usagi. If anything Luna
should have made me leader the second I set foot in Tokyo. You are way too much of a
distraction; how are we supposed to save and protect the world when we have to constantly
protect you? I'm sorry, but I can't just sit by and watch our team literally deteriorate due to lack of
leadership. Usagi, you are either gonna have to shape up or ship out. Those are your two
choices."
"Usagi I have to say that agree wholeheartedly with Minako and Rei. Ami's quite yet
stern voice broke in. None of us can go on like this, because of you Jupiter was hurt tonight
trying to attack the monster on her own so that we could recoup. I know that I can speak for
everyone when I say that we thought you had changed your old, irresponsible ways. Guess we
spoke too soon huh? I have to say that I am disappointed, not only in you, but also in your lack
of competence when it comes to leading the Sailor Senshi. For now, we'll leave it at that
because I think that the majority of us have had a rough night, and I am prescribing bed rest for
us all. As for you, Ami added thoughtfully, I think that you need to do a little soul searching. You
need to see whether or not you really want to continue leading this team."
Rei, who was already on her way home stopped only second to turn her head and
whisper, "We'll need an answer by tomorrow Usagi", then she turned and continued on her way
back to the Shrine."
Lita hooked her long, slightly bruised arm around Mamoru's shoulders before allowing
him to half-drag, half-walk her out of the park. Lita gave her a feeble smile before mouthing that
she was alright and to call her tomorrow. Mamoru stopped and turned to face Usagi, he sighed
and shook his head before muttering something about him calling her tomorrow. Apparently he
wanted a piece of her as well.
It was too late now to do anything except go home and attempt to use what few hours she
had left to sleep. She would need it for the Senshi Meeting tomorrow. Usagi still moved quickly,
but her pace had slowed considerably since there was no longer any immediate danger.
Leaping from rooftop to rooftop so that she wouldn't be seen, Usagi made it home in a little less
than a half hour.
She opened her window and crept inside her room, stumbling and tripping over various
objects blocking her path. It was dark, being that the only visible light was coming from the
moon, because Usagi hadn't wanted to risk turning on the lights, hadn't wanted to have to look at
the pathetic weakling that she would see in the mirror.
There had been no mistake in her grades, she had been the mistake. Everything that
they had said had made perfect sense, she should never have been made leader. Come to
think of it, she ought to give it to Minako or Rei, let one of them take over and see how hard
being in charge could be.
Usagi sat, having long since detransformed back into her civilian attire, and proceeded
to bang her head into what she assumed to be a wall. "Shimatta!" She cursed quietly, that hadn't
been a wall, that had been the leg her chair, a rather solid, metal chair. She cursed her self again
as she felt the new tears form in her eyes and slowly cascaded down her cheeks.
The tears weren't so much from physical pain, but from emotional overload and the dull
pain that resided in her heart. In other words everything was piling up and spinning out of control.
She knew her destiny was to eventually become the ruler of the Future Crystal Tokyo, but how
was she supposed to get there?
There were no guidelines, no books or pamphlets on how to rule a country. This
wasn't something that her precious Mamo-chan could explain to her, this was something that
neither he nor Ami would understand, even if they were still speaking to her.
Sailor Moon was a let down, a joke, a disgrace to the Sailor Scouts and to her kingdom
as well, hell, even the funniest looking youmas seemed more threatening than she did, and all
they usually did was cause their victims to laugh hysterically before they had their energy
zapped.
That said a lot about her didn't it? She didn't have Jupiter's strength, Venus' charisma
on the battle field, or Mars's military discipline, she didn't have Mercury's intelligence or quick
mind when it came to making a split second decision. In short, Usagi was just plain old Usagi,
just a big useless lump of nothing.
Either she ate too much too fast, or she wailed too loudly, or she was too clumsy
and never seemed to be anywhere on time. Those qualities described a child, not a leader.
Usagi stood, the effort seemingly draining her of what little energy she had left. Stripping
as fast as she could, she tossed her shirt over her shoulder, not caring where it landed. She
repeated the same action with her tan shorts
Throwing on an overly large tee-shirt, Usagi climbed drowsily into bed, all the while
wishing away the dawn that she knew would be arriving within a matter of hours. She wanted to fall
asleep, and never wake up.
Usagi reached over and after a minute or two of fumbling she located her jewelry box.
Even in the dark she had no trouble finding what she was looking for. She smiled grimly while
examining the little rectangular object that lay in the palm of her hand.
It was a razor blade, nothing more, nothing less. A girl from school had given it too
her some time ago when she noticed Usagi balling her eyes out in the bathroom. The girl had
hugged Usagi, comforted her, and told her that she understood her pain. They sat there just like
that for the remainder of their lunch period, huddled together as Usagi rambled and sobbed like
a small child. Hot tears had coursed down her two, soft cheeks as the strange girl had continued
to hold her.
Neither one of them had been worried about someone intruding in their private moment,
after all this was practically a girl's social hour. When Usagi had gotten what she'd wanted to off
her chest, the girl had given her name to Usagi, as well as her phone number and this little
present. She told Usagi that her gift would ease her pain every time she felt like she was being
pushed over the edge. The feelings it produced, the girl had said, were indescribable, so much
in fact that they often made her forget what she had been so upset about in the first place. The
bell ended soon after that, and they left the confines of the bathroom together, they parted ways
and Usagi promised to call her if she ever needed to talk.
Now Usagi needed someone to talk to more than ever, but she couldn't call her new
found friend, this was Senshi business. She would have to take matters into her own hands since
she had no one else to confide in.
Usagi flipped the on-switch for her radio and turned down the volume. As it happened,
Usagi had switched on in the middle of a song. One that eerily suited and described her mood,
she had heard it somewhere before, during some other time and had found mildly depressing
just by listening to the slow, sad beat. The song was titled something like "Perfect", and made by
some punk rock band.
The words seemed to float out across the air and envelope her, washing over her. The
sweet yet depressing beat mellowed her tortured soul, filling her with a strange sense of peace
and calm. She shut her eyes and closed her soft palm over the blade, blinking back tears as she
felt the sharp blade cut into her skin, drawing blood.
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
Dropping the crimson covered blade into her opposite hand, she closed her eyes and
let the melody take over her body.
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
She slid the razor over her arm, the cool metal blade sent waves of both pain and
surprisingly enough, pleasure through her. She reveled in the pain that the slicing of her flesh
was giving her. Her body felt numb with adrenaline, and she forgot all of her troubles as she
sliced bloody lines across her pale flesh again and again.
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
'Cuz you don't understand
Usagi dragged the razor across her skin repeatedly, not stopping until the flesh on her
arm was raw and red, and the blood was oozing freely from her various wounds. She had
brought this on herself, and it put Usagi's troubled mind at ease knowing that she was punishing
herself for her own misdeeds.
As the song ended, Usagi realized that she was crying, her tears mixing with her newly
spilt, sticky blood. She felt...oh she couldn't explain the feeling...she just felt...cleansed in a
sense, renewed if you will. Almost like her spirit had been purified.
Usagi wrapped a shirt around her arm so that she wouldn't ruin her bed sheets anymore
than she already had and sat staring aimlessly out her window for the remainder of the night. She
would have to hide the shirt from her mother in the morning, and find some place safe to get rid
of it later.
Somewhere Far Far Away
An angel rested uneasily in her deeply troubled sleep. Her body was drenched in sweat,
and tears coursed lightly down her cheeks, but never once did she make a sound. The angel's
face took on a tortured look of pain as she began to twist and turn violently. She began clawing at
herself with her nails, causing more scratches and welts to mar her milky white arms and face.
She was fighting someone or something, and it was killing her, starting slow, working its way from
the inside out, tearing her apart. Even whilst she slept, the dreams and nightmares continued to
plague her. Just as quickly as her convulsions began they slowed and then came to a stop,
leaving her simple gown in tattered shreds. The moonlight rested on the angel's face, offering
her what little comfort it could provide the mysterious and beautiful angel by bathing her in it's
eerie glow, protecting her from the overwhelming darkness that surrounded her...and on she
slept...
END PART 1
Thanx for reading! Like it? Hate it? Are you guys interested in what's going on here? I hope that the last part wasn't too confusing, but if it was review or e-mail me for an explanation, and I'll be happy to give you one! Whether or not I WILL POST PART 2 is UP to YOU guys! Depending on HOW MANY PEOPLE take the time to REVIEW will let ME KNOW WHETHER OR NOT I should CONTINUE. SO DROP ME A LINE SOMETIME SOON!!!!!
Galaxystar