I sigh heavily as I toss the book that I'm not reading aside. I pad slowly into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine. With the stress that I'm dealing with right now, God knows that I could use something to calm my nerves. As I take my first sip there is a knock on the door. I glance at the clock. Who the hell is at my door at this hour? I swing it open and freeze when I see him standing on my porch. "Hi…" He says almost hesitantly as I look up into his blue eyes and my stomach does a flip flop.
"What are you doing here?" I ask slowly.
"I needed to see you." He says, stepping closer so he towers over me and I have to crane my neck to look at him.
"Well, the wedding is tomorrow, you're going to see me then." I shake my head. "You know that you shouldn't be here. This is so totally against the rules?"
"Brooke, can I please come in." His eyes penetrate mine and I slowly feel myself begin to crack.
"OK, but not for long." I step aside and watch him as he enters the house. He has been here a thousand times before but this time it's different. After tonight, every time he walks into this house he was going to be someone's husband. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. "Wine?" I ask. He nods and I pour him a glass before slowly walking into the living room and handing it to him. "So…" I trail off as we sit down on the couch. "Can you believe that the wedding is tomorrow? After all of the planning and stressing, it's finally here and I think it's going to be great, if I do say so myself." I'm rambling. Why am I rambling?
"I don't know if there's going to be a wedding, Brooke?" He drains his wine glass and sets it on the coffee table. I freeze.
"What… what are you talking about?" I can feel the air slowly being sucked out of the room as I look at the man sitting next to me.
"Brooke, how can I get married when…" He begins but I cut him off.
"Don't say it…" I jump from the couch. "Don't you dare say it…"
"It's the truth isn't it Brooke?" He crosses the room to stand in front of me and I look up at him as tears spring to my eyes.
"But you can not do this the day before the wedding." I shake my head helplessly. "…not the day before the wedding, it's just not fair."
"Brooke, I don't care about the wedding!" Anger and frustration fills his voice as he looks down at me. His expression softens as he brushes my long dark hair out of my face and wipes the tears from my eyes. "You are all that I care about…"
"You know that you can't do this." I look up at him miserably. "You know that you can't call off your wedding because of me; because of this." Why is he doing this? Doesn't he realize that this is killing me?
"Brooke, this isn't how we're supposed to end. I know that and so do you." He wraps his arms around me and I slowly begin to relax in his embrace. This is where I have always felt safest. "This is how it's supposed to be, Brooke, you and me."
"No, it's not!" I push away and sigh as I run my fingers through my hair. I have to be strong. "We were never supposed to be together and tomorrow you're going to marry the woman that you love because that's how things are supposed to be."
"Can you really just throw away everything that we had?" He asks and I feel my heart break as I look into his eyes.
"I have to." I say slowly and gently touch his face. "This is for the best; you and I both know that. You two belong together. You always have."
"What about the last eight months?" He asks and I stare at him for a moment.
"The last eight months were just something that happened." I close my eyes and drop my head.
"They were the best eight months of my life." He turns my face toward his and lowers his head so our lips are almost touching. "I love you, Brooke."
"I know..." I murmur before pulling away. "But you love her too." He opens his mouth to speak but I hold up my hand to stop him. "Don't try and deny it. You know that you love her."
"I do love her but I don't love her more than I love you." He sighs heavily, shaking his head. "I couldn't love anyone the way I love you."
"Sometimes love isn't enough." I brush the tears from my eyes. "She's the right woman for you, not me. She'll be a good wife and a good mother and the two of you will have a wonderful life together."
"But what if I want my life to be with you?" I want to believe him; I want to throw my arms around him and never let go. But I can't. I can't do that. No matter how much I love him, I won't be that woman. I refuse to be that woman.
"You don't." I try not to let my emotions show as I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. "We would make each other miserable. But you're meant to be with her. You two are perfect for each other."
"What if I don't think we are?" He steps forward causing me to step back and I am up against the wall with him towering over me yet again. Without warning he captures my lips with his, crushing my body against his. I know it's wrong and yet I respond almost immediately. "Brooke…" He whispers as his lips moved to my neck.
"I can't." I push away and cross the room to sit down again. How had I gotten myself into this mess?
"Brooke, why are you fighting this?" He looks at me desperately. I sigh and look across the room to see a framed picture on my mantel. I blink back tears and walk over to pick it up.
"This is why!" I say angrily and hold the picture up. "I'm fighting this because of her. She has picked me up and put me back together so many times and I have been betraying her for the last eight months…" I pause as I look at him and all of my anger dissipates. "She loves you so much. She's always known that you were the person she wanted to spend her life with." Even as I speak the words I can hear the voice in my head screaming that there is no way she loves him more than I do but I ignore it. "I won't take that away from her. I can't do that to her. So this…." I motion to the two of us. "This ends now. It's over. It was something that happened but it's never going to happen again." I sniffle and wipe the tears away, I hate that I'm such a girl. "So, tomorrow morning you're going to put on that tux, stand at the front of the church and be a happy groom. I'm going to put on the pretty dress that she picked out for me, I'm going to walk down that isle and I'm going to stand by my best friend's side as she marries the man of her dreams.
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"I can't believe this day is finally here." Peyton grins at me as she looks in the mirror and carefully applies her lipstick. "I mean, I was really starting to wonder if everything would get done." She glances back at me. "But, I should have known better than to doubt the incomparable Brooke Davis. Everything really does look wonderful. You did a great job."
"Thanks." I force a smile as she turns away. I'm grateful for the moment of silence.
"Hey Brooke…" Peyton says slowly. I turn to look at the pretty blonde. Peyton Sawyer has been my friend for as long as I can remember and I can't believe that I'm keeping this secret from her. "I know this isn't the best time but I really need to talk to you."
"Ugh… OK…" I say slowly. Does she suspect? My heart is pounding in my chest, so loud I'm surprised that Peyton doesn't hear it.
"It's about Lucas." Peyton says. My eyes widen slightly. What the hell is going on? "Like I said, I know that this is so not the time, I mean, hello the wedding…" Peyton trails off. "But I'm just worried about him. He's been so distant for the last couple of months and I just don't know…."
"Lucas loves you." I tell her with a serious expression. "Peyton, he loves you more than anything in the world. You are his everything. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you and you're going to see it when you walk down that isle today. His face is just going to light up when he sees you."
"You sound so sure…" Peyton said uncertainly and I squeeze her hand. I can be a pretty good friend when I want to be.
"I am sure P. Sawyer." I say simply. Thank God that Peyton can't see through my calm exterior to the chaos lying beneath. "You look beautiful." I smile at my friend and hand her the bouquet of flowers. "Come on, we need to go. Haley's going to meet us at the church." I want away from this conversation now. I turn to leave but Peyton's hand on my arm causes me stop.
"Thank you Brooke." Peyton hugs me gently. I am a horrible person.
"You're welcome Peyton." I plaster a smile on my face and I watch Peyton slowly walk out of the house. "Here goes nothing." I whisper before following.
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"Thank God you guys are here!" Haley gasps when we walk into the bridal room. "I was starting to get worried."
"Calm down, Tutor Girl." I shake my head. Haley James had always been a little high strung. "It's not like you guys could really start without us." I try to joke but Haley's expression tells me this is not the time for joking. "Sorry Hales. Don't worry, we have plenty of time."
"I know." Haley smiles at me. "I'm sorry I snapped. You know how anal I am." It is now official, I am going to burn in hell. "Plus, I had Lucas back here looking for Peyton…"
"Lucas was looking for Peyton?" I question Haley, who nods.
"Yeah, to which I responded 'Hello, focus, we have a wedding we have to get through, then you can ravish her all you want'." Haley shakes her head. "I love that boy but sometimes I swear…" She trails off as Peyton laughs. I feel nauseous. God, I really hope I don't throw up; because God knows that won't give me away or anything.
"Are you girls about ready?" Mouth appears in the doorway. "You all look beautiful."
"Thanks Mouth." I smile at him. He's been such a good friend to me. I wonder what he would say if he knew what I've been doing with the groom for the last eight months. Somehow I doubt that he would be looking at me with the proud smile that is on his face right now.
"We're all set out here so whenever you three are ready." He smiles before closing the door and we turn to look at each other.
"I can't believe this is really happening." Peyton takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. "I mean, marriage, it's kind of huge right?"
"It is…" Haley says with a smile and she reaches for Peyton's hand. "But it's a good huge."
"I know that I've said this before but I'm happy for you. You two were made for each other." I hug my friend tightly. I can't seem to shake this nagging feeling in my stomach. "OK, let's get this show on the road."
I'm standing at the back of the church waiting to begin the walk toward the front. I take a deep breath and watch Lucas say something to his brother. "Lucas and Nathan clean up pretty good, don't they?" I glance back at the whispers in my ear and can't help but smile as I look at the Scott brothers again. I know I shouldn't smile. I know that I have no right to smile but I can't help it, when I look at him I smile. I jump a little as she pokes me in the back. I have to walk now. I have to walk down the isle towards him, except I'm not really walking towards him… damn it! Don't think about it Brooke. My eyes meet Lucas' briefly as I approach the altar. I glance at Nathan as I take my spot on the steps. Why is he looking at me like that? I sigh. Slowly, I turn to watch the bride walk down the isle. She does look beautiful. Her gown fits her perfectly, but I knew that it would. I made it. She links her arm through her father's and they begin to walk. Her eyes are shining. She's so happy and in this moment I'm happy for her. She deserves to be happy.
"Dearly Beloved…" The minister began. "We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. If there is anyone here who knows why they should not be married, speak now or hold your peace." My eyes meet his for a split second. I quickly look away. "Very well…" I take a deep breath as the minister smiles at the couple in front of him. "Do you, Nathan Royal Scott, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, forsaking all other for as long you both shall live?" My heart skips a beat as Nathan hesitates.
"I do." Tears fill my eyes as I watch Nathan, my Nathan, slip the tiny gold band on Haley's finger.
"And do you, Haley Margaret James, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live?" I feel light headed. Why did I agree to be Haley's Maid-of-Honor? What was I thinking? Why did I think that I would be able to handle this?
"I do." A single happy tear fell down Haley's cheek as she put the ring on Nathan's hand.
"Then, by the power invested in me by the State of North Carolina and this church, I now pronounce you husband and wife." The minister nods at Nathan and tears filled my eyes again. "You may kiss your bride, Mr. Scott."
"God, B. Davis, you're such a sap." Peyton whispers to me as I brush the tears from my cheeks.
"Yeah…" I force a smile. "You know how I am at weddings." I link my arm through Lucas' and we follow Nathan and Haley out of the church.
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"Congratulations Tutor Girl…" I hug Haley and swallow the sob that is rising in my throat. "I guess, I should say Tutor Wife now. Tutor Husband and Tutor Wife, just how it's supposed to be." I look at Nathan before moving away so others can offer their congratulations. I slip outside and stare up at the sky. Staring up at clear night sky has always calmed me, but it's not working tonight. Of course, that's probably because the first time I ever did it was with Nathan.
"Brooke, are you OK?" I turn to find Lucas standing behind me.
"Hey Broody…" I smile my first genuine smile of the day. Only Lucas could make me smile right now. "Yeah, I'm OK. Just weddings, you know." A gust of wind hits me and I shiver.
"You can't lie to me Brooke." Lucas takes off his jacket and wraps it around me. "You never could. What's up?"
"It's nothing Luke." I shrug and sit down. "Don't worry about me."
"That's easier said than done." Lucas sits down next to me and puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to him. I lean against him gratefully. It's been so long since a man has held me without it being illicit and hidden and wrong. I'd forgotten how comforting it could be. "You're my Cheery." Lucas looks down at me. "I have to worry about you." He pauses for a second. "Seriously, what's going on?" I stare at him. I want to tell him everything but I can't. I can't put him in that position.
"I guess I'm just lonely." I said after a moment. It wasn't a total lie, I was lonely. "Peyton has you, Haley has Nathan…I just wish I had someone." That wasn't exactly a lie. Except I didn't wish that I had 'someone'; I wish that I had Nathan.
"Don't worry…" Lucas kisses the top of my head. "You'll find someone."
"Yeah, I know… I just…" I shake my head. "I'm tired." Jesus, that's the understatement of the century.
"Sorry to break this up…" I look up to find Nathan standing in front of us. Is that jealousy in his eyes? "Mouth says its time for speeches." He turns and goes back inside.
"OK, what was that about?" Lucas asked and I shrug. He stands and offers his hand to me. I stand and look into his eyes. They're so much like Nathan's that it hurts. "We've been through a lot together haven't we Pretty Girl?" Lucas asks with a smile.
"Yeah, we have." I nod. I can't help but wonder if things would be different if Lucas and I could have made it work. Would I still have fallen in love with his brother, my best friend's fiancé?
"I hope you know you can always come to me." Lucas gently brushes the hair from my face. "No matter what…"
"I know." I smile. "Thanks Luke." I handed him back his jacket. "Well, let's go give our speeches." God this is the last thing I want to do. "Do I look OK?"
"Trust me when I tell you this, Brooke." Lucas smiles. "That is not a question that you ever have to ask."
"Good answer." I return his smile. "Let's go."
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I step up to the microphone and take a deep breath. "Good evening, everyone…" I begin slowly. "I know most of you here know me, but for those of you who don't, my name is Brooke Davis. I'm Haley's Maid-of-Honor. I'm not so great with public speaking so you'll have to bear with me…" I flash one of my signature smiles and I feel Nathan's eyes watching me, causing my pulse to race. "I've known Nathan and Haley a long time. In fact, you could say I'm the reason they got together in the first place. OK, originally it may have been Nathan's desire to stick it to his brother…" I glance at Lucas with a small smile. "But after that I totally got them together. I know you both remember your classic first date by Brooke Davis." I smile at Haley but my smile falters momentarily when my eyes meet Nathan's. "Anyway, even at 16, Nathan and Haley were the perfect couple. They were the couple that everyone wanted to emulate. Every couple wanted their relationship to be as magical as Nathan and Haley's. Sure they've had their bumps along the road but in the end they always find their way back to each other." I glance at the newlyweds and blink back tears. At least everyone assumes they are tears of happiness. "You give the rest of hope. If I find someone to love even half as much as you two love each other, then I'll myself consider pretty lucky. I wish you all the happiness in the world. To Nathan and Haley…." I raise my glass. "Always and forever." The glass gently touches my lips. I so deserve an Oscar for this performance.
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"Nice night out." I look up to find Nathan standing over me. "Your speech was nice. It really meant a lot to Haley."
"Thanks." My voice is barely a whisper as Nathan sits down next to me. My whole body is humming just from being near him.
"Did you mean it?" Nathan leans closer to me and lowers his voice.
"Of course I meant it." I shoot him a look. What the hell kind of question was that? "Haley's happiness means more to me than anything."
"What were you and Lucas talking about?" Nathan asks suddenly and I look at him.
"Nothing Nathan…" I sigh. "He was just checking on me. He could tell that I was upset."
"I saw the way he was looking at you, Brooke." I can tell that Nathan is fighting to keep the jealousy out of his voice.
"It's none of your business Nathan." I take a breath. "The way Lucas looks at me is none of your business."
"How can you say it's none of my business?" Nathan lets out a frustrated sigh. My heart is breaking in my chest. I hate that anything I've done has caused him pain. I know I shouldn't care but it kills me that to think that I'm the reason he's hurting. "He's my brother and you're my…"
"I'm your what?" I ask and Nathan is quiet. "Exactly… You're married, Nathan. What I do can't be your concern." We're both quiet as we look at each other. "I know what you're thinking." I say finally. "But nothing is going to happen with me and Lucas." I touch Nathan's cheek gently. I can't let him think that I could ever be with Lucas after I've known what it was like to be with him. "Even if he and Peyton weren't together, my heart's already been stolen by another Scott brother."
"Brooke, I…" I can see Nathan struggling with his emotions.
"I know, Nate." I say with a sad smile. I stand up and look down at him. "But we both know that you made the right decision. Haley loves you so much. So you be good to her, she's deserves it." I take a deep breath as I gently brush a piece of hair from his eyes. I want to memorize every spec in his eyes because I know that this is the last time I will look into them like this. "You should go find her." Nathan starts to speak but I stop him. I don't think I can bear to hear what he has to say. "Nathan, don't. There's nothing to say. We both knew that this wouldn't last."
"Yeah, I guess you're right…" Nathan says.
"You and Haley, you're supposed to be together." I blink back tears and I force a smile. My stomach is turning. Oh God, please don't let me be sick. "Go…" I nodded toward the door. "Haley's waiting for you."
"Are you going to be OK?" Nathan stands but hesitates as he looks at me. "Because Brooke I…" The tenderness in his voice is almost too much for me to handle.
"Nate, I'm fine." I have to push him away. He's Haley's now. He's not mine. He'll never be mine again. "Go be with your wife."
"OK…" Nathan nods slowly. He starts toward the door but pauses to look back at me. "I meant what I said last night Brooke. I know that I could have spent my life with you." I can see the love in his eyes and I know that he means it. He turns and goes back to the reception. I walk slowly walked to the window and look inside. I watch Nathan ask Haley to dance. The tears that I have been holding back finally come. Nathan made the right decision, I know that, but it doesn't mean that I can watch it. I turn away and look up at the clear sky. I don't even bother wiping the tears away and I can't help but wonder if I made the right decision.