Tales of the Falls

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

ANNOUNCEMENT!

I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!

SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!

The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.

...responses...

The Howling Behemoth: Thank you, thank you, there will be drama concerning Spike

RasenganFin: (shrug)It's a good show, you should really give it a shot

...III...

Twilight Sparkle was happy! She was happy in Ponyville, with her friends, learning her friendship lessons!

Speaking of which...

Spike coughs out a letter from Princess Celestia, "Oh! A letter from Princess Celestia! What marvelous adventure or life lesson will she have me and my wonderful friends embark upon today!?"

She eagerly read the letter...then went quite red in the face.

"Oh...that's...new...and...unorthodox." She choose her words carefully, her face going more reder then even Celestia's sun. But she steeled herself.

"Steady yourself Twilight...what you do now, you do for the love of Celesti- EQUESTRIA! I do this for Equestria of course", she awkwardly corrected quickly.

Spike gave the letter a once-over, "Uh, Twilight? This doesn't really sound like something Celestia would have you do...maybe we should double-check with her-

"There's no time Spike! The letter from Celestia clearly states time is off the essence! Besides it's clearly from her! Same hoofwriting, same stationary, same royal seal, more importantly it came from your flame! No one can fake that!"

...(Mal's whistle)...

Slenderman whistled a malevolent tune as he dropped perfect copies of Celestia's letter's one after the other in full view of the readers...

...

"Now enough dawdling! We need to gather our friends! We have a portal to enter!" She ran off before Spike could further protest. He sighs..but follows...

...

It was a peaceful day in Gravity Falls, Oregon.

Killer bee's were mating in freshly cleaned out human skulls, lizard people were slowly killing off humans and using their skin as disguises, a inter-dimensional Pyramid monster was ploting to enslave humanity...Yes, just another perfectly normal day in Gravity Falls...

Oh, also Slenderman has switched on the 'reality ensues' function of this universe, but really that shouldn't cause too much of a difre-

BAM!

Dipper cold-cocks Mable!?

WOW, I could not have been more wrong...

"WHAT THE BLOOD MABLE!? I SAVE YOUR UNGRATEFUL BUTT SEVERAL TINES THIS SUMMER, LET WENDY GET INJURED TO SAVE YOUR PRECIOUS PIG AND YOU RIDICULE ME!? FRACK YOU MABLE! FRACK BEING YOUR BROTHER! BE THE ALPHA TWIN TILL THE COWS COME HOME YOUR DEAD TO ME!"

Screamed Dipper as he stormed away from a sobbing Mable and out of the Shack...

Dipper grumbles as he wanders randomly forest, "Stupid Mable... 'Oh, I'm such a GREAT matchmaker...yet I apparently don't have the time to help the brother- who i 'supposedly' love- with his love life. Oh, Dipper forget about the things you LOVE- like supernatural explorations -and do things that I love, or do what NORMAL boys like- WELL MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO BE NORMAL! MAYBE I WANT TO BE ME! Stupid Mable, who needs her? I can do fine by myself-

ZAP!

Dipper falls to the ground unconscious, "Alright girls! You...you know what needs to be done." Said Twilight Sparkle awkwardly as she and her VERY flustered pony friends as they stepped out of the bushes and gathered around the unconscious human boy.

Twilight coughed awkwardly, "Right...let's...let's get to this...time is of the essence! So we...we need...we need to do this...FOR EQUESTRIA!" She shouted passionately/reluctantly.

"Uh...darling? Do we REALLY need to cast the PERMA-NUDE charm on him? ...Making him permanently naked forever Seems like unnecessary overkill to me." Asked Rarity.

"Not to mention needlessly cruel considering the OTHER thing were going to do to him." Agreed Applejack.

Twilight glared at them, "Look, PRINCESS CELESTIA gave explicit and detailed instructions on what we HAD to do to prevent a cataclysmic event from destroying Equestria and everyone we know and love! Your not questioning Princess Celestia are you?" Asked Twilight pointedly.

The two ponies sighed, "No." They admitted flatly.

Twilight sighs, "Look girls...I'm not thrilled about this either...let's just get this over with, go home, save Equestria, have a nice long Spa day and meal at Sugar cube corner...and NEVER speak of this again."

"AGREED." Said all her friends at once.

Twilight nodded at this and zapped Dipper with the spell, destroying all his clothes...everyone quickly gathers around the now naked human.

"Okay girls, just swallow your pride and- Dang it Rainbow Dash! You spotted the wrong one! Celestia clearly detailed Dipper as a BOY! This is clearly a GIRL!" Snapped Twilight angrily pointing to the human they'd just rendered unconscious and permanently nude.

Rainbow was also baffled, "Oh, yeah. I can see that...but that makes no sense! He's the spitting image of the picture Princess Celestia sent you!" He raises up said picture...and sure enough, the human on the ground WAS the spitting image of the person on said picture.

Twilight frowns at this, "But...but that makes no sense!" She lifts Dipper off the ground with her magic annoyed. "SHE looks like Dipper...but she's clearly a GIRL and- Suddenly Twilight stopped her rant...now that the 'girl' was closer to her...

"Wait, hold on." She gets closer and scrunches her eyes as do her friends...and then their eye's widen in realization.

"OH! He...he is...well, TECHNICALLY a boy." Said Twilight, suddenly feeling VERY sorry for this VERY unfortunate person they had before him.

Rainbow dash broke down laughing, "HA! HA! HA! OH, man! If anything 'Technically a boy' is being far too generous!" She struggled to breath as she laughed.

"Now- (Snort) -Rainbow- (Giggle) -That's- (snicker) -That's not funny!" Said Rarity as she tired VERY hard to be professional.

"Wow, he's REALLY tiny! His testicles are the size of sesame seeds! And his wiener is the size of a pine needle!" Affirms Pinkie pie as she used some rulers she pulled from her mane to get very accurate measurements...

"PINKIE! Will you leave the poor human boy alone! Were already going to ruin his life enough as it is!" Shouts Twilight as she pulls out a magical gelding knife...then thinks for a moment.

"Although to be honest...I'm suddenly feeling a lot less guilty for castrating him now...since...y'know?" She struggled to find the right word's to explain this...

"He's not really losing much of anything?" Offers Applejack awkwardly.

"He'll probably never need them because no girl is that desperate?" Admits Rarity embarrassed.

"His chances of sex will actually go up in the absence of that useless and unattractive 'inch-worm' he had between his legs?" Suggested Rainbow Dash with a smirk.

Twilight sighs, "Yep, pretty much right on all accounts." She conceded.

"GIRLS! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES! SAYING SUCH HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT A PERSON!" Shouted Fluttershy angrily.

Applejack frowns, "Sorry...but it is the TRUTH." She admitted reluctantly.

"Yes, but you still shouldn't say it!" Said Fluttershy angrily.

"Look, could we PLEASE just get this over with!? This is awkward enough as it is!" Said Twilight flatly as she got to work chopping off Dipper's manhood.

...

Meanwhile, Mable watched all of this from the bushes in disgust...she'd followed Dipper out here to make up with him...but she hadn't been expecting to find this!

THIS WAS HORRIFYING! PONIES WERE SUPPOSED TO NICE, DANCING ON RAINBOWS AND LETTING CUTE GIRLS PET THEM! ...oh, and the whole castrating Dipper was bad too...in principle...even though they weren't really taking anything VALUABLE.

Mable was filled with determination, this was her chance! She'd take them by surprise, save Dipper, reconcile with him, and everything would go back to norm-

"NOPE, NOT doing this." Before Mable can even blink, Slenderman grabs her and tosses her to the 'FLY of DESPAIR' condemning her to eternal agony as well as kicking her out of the story.

The ponies, oblivious to what had happened behind them thanks to Slenderman's much stronger magic finished their dirty job went about collecting a couple more 'ingredients' and left for Equestria...

Leaving behind a mystically neutered Dipper...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Publish a chapter of my 'Shake up the Falls' Challenge before anyone else and I'll update the next chapter this plus two other stories!

Love me, flame me, review me