I sigh heavily as I stare at the door in front of me. I shouldn't be here. I know I shouldn't be here. I know that it's late and we both have a big day tomorrow but I can't stop myself. I had to see her. I take a deep breath and knock on the door. A moment later it swings open and, although she looks shocked to see me, suddenly my world is right again. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. "Hi…" I'm nervous. Wow… I can't believe I'm nervous.
"What are you doing here?" She asks slowly.
"I needed to see you." I say, stepping closer. She's so tiny in comparison to me and all I want to do is protect her as she looks up at me with those green eyes of hers and I want to get lost in them.
"Well, the wedding is tomorrow, you're going to see me then." She shakes her head. "You know that you shouldn't be here. This is so totally against the rules?"
"Brooke, can I please come in." I hold her gaze steadily and I can see her resolve start to crack.
"OK, but not for long." She steps aside and I enter the house. I've been here a thousand times before but this time it's different. After tonight, every time I walk into this house I'm going to be someone's husband. I can't help but wonder if that freaks her out as much as it does me. "Wine?" She asks. I nod and watch as pours me a glass and gracefully walks into the living room, handing it to me. "So…" She trails off as we sit down on the couch. "Can you believe that the wedding is tomorrow? After all of the planning and stressing, it's finally here and I think it's going to be great, if I do say so myself." She's rambling. Relief floods my body. She only rambles when she's nervous.
"I don't know if there's going to be a wedding, Brooke?" I drain my wine glass and set it on the coffee table. She freezes next to me and I slowly look at her.
"What… what are you talking about?" She looks as though she's about to pass out. I know that feeling.
"Brooke, how can I get married when…" I begin but she cuts me off and now she just looks pissed.
"Don't say it…" She's shakes her head almost desperately. "Don't you dare say it…"
"It's the truth isn't it Brooke?" I cross the room to stand in front of her and my heart breaks as she looks up at me with tears in her eyes.
"But you can not do this the day before the wedding." She shakes her head helplessly. "…not the day before the wedding, it's just not fair."
"Brooke, I don't care about the wedding!" Anger and frustration fill my voice as I look down at her. Doesn't she understand? I brush her long dark hair out of her face and wipe the tears from her eyes. "You are all that I care about…" My voice is barely a whisper.
"You know that you can't do this." I feel like I've been punched in the stomach when she looks up at me. She looks so hurt and vulnerable. "You know that you can't call off your wedding because of me; because of this." How do I make her understand that I'm making the best decision for everyone? How do I make her understand that I can't live my life without her?
"Brooke, this isn't how we're supposed to end. I know that and so do you." I do the only thing I can think and wrap my arms around her. My eyes close as she slowly begins to relax in my embrace. This is where she should be. As long as she's in my arms, everything makes sense. "This is how it's supposed to be, Brooke, you and me."
"No, it's not!" She pushes me away and runs her fingers though her hair, sighing. "We were never supposed to be together and tomorrow you're going to marry the woman that you love because that's how things are supposed to be."
"Can you really just throw away everything that we had?" I ask. My head is spinning. She can't mean this. After everything, she can't mean this.
"I have to." She says slowly and gently touches my face. "This is for the best; you and I both know that. You two belong together. You always have."
"What about the last eight months?" I whisper. Can she just forget everything that we had?
"The last eight months were just something that happened." She closes her eyes and drops her head.
"They were the best eight months of my life." I turn her face toward mine and lower my head so our lips are almost touching. My whole body is humming just from being near her "I love you, Brooke."
"I know..." She murmurs before pulling away. "But you love her too." I open my mouth to speak but she holds up her hand. "Don't try and deny it. You know that you love her."
"I do love her but I don't love her more than I love you." I shake my head. "I couldn't love anyone the way I love you." It kills me to think that she believes I could love anymore more than I love her.
"Sometimes love isn't enough." There are tears in her eyes and all I want to do is kiss them away. She swipes at her cheeks instead, brushing them away. "She's the right woman for you, not me. She'll be a good wife and a good mother and the two of you will have a wonderful life together." I can't deny that what she's saying isn't true. The only problem is that I want to have that life with Brooke.
"But what if I want my life to be with you?" I'm starting to feel desperate. This is not how I imagined this conversation going. She can't push me away because I'm not exactly sure I know how to live without her.
"You don't." She tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear. "We would make each other miserable. But you're meant to be with her. You two are perfect for each other." Suddenly I want to scream. Why does everyone think that we're so god damn perfect? We're not perfect. I won't say that I don't love her because I do but it's not the same. Maybe once upon a time I was supposed to be with her but that was a long time ago and we're not in high school anymore.
"What if I don't think we are?" He step forward causing her to step back. I've back her into a wall and without thinking, I crash my lips against hers. She responds almost immediately. If this is so wrong then why does it feel so right? I need more of her. "Brooke…" I murmur her name as my lips move to her neck.
"I can't." She pushes me away and goes to sit on the couch again. She looks miserable. I'm the reason she looks so miserable. The thought is like a stab in the heart. I know that I should back off but I can't. I can't walk away from her without a fight.
"Brooke, why are you fighting this?" I'm getting desperate now. Was I wrong? Does she not love me? She crosses the room and picks up a photo. I know what photo it is without even having to look at it.
"This is why!" She practically screams. "I'm fighting this because of her. She has picked me up and put me back together so many times and I have been betraying her for the last eight months…" She pauses and suddenly her anger is gone. "She loves you so much. She's always known that you were the person she wanted to spend her life with." As she speaks I know that we're over. For Brooke, her friends are her family and even if she has to suffer, she won't hurt them. She'll be the martyr. She'll put her happiness on the back burner to make sure the people she cares about are happy. "So this…." She motions to the two of us. "This ends now. It's over. It was something that happened but it's never going to happen again." She sniffles and I fight the urge to wipe her tears away, even though all I want to do is hold her and make her pain go away. But I can't. That's not my job anymore. "So, tomorrow morning you're going to put on that tux, stand at the front of the church and be a happy groom. I'm going to put on the pretty dress that she picked out for me, I'm going to walk down that isle and I'm going to stand by my best friend's side as she marries the man of her dreams."
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"Hey, how are you feeling?" I turn at the sound of my brother's voice and find him standing in the doorway. "Nervous?" He nods to my hands, which are shaking as I try to tie by bowtie. "Let me do that." He walks toward me and stands in front of me, straightening the tie. He's right I am nervous. But not for the reasons he thinks. I'm not nervous at the thought of getting married. I mean, I've actually kind of prepared myself for that. I'm actually more nervous about seeing Brooke walk down the aisle. I'm nervous about that part where the minister asks if anyone opposes the marriage – not because I think Brooke will stop the wedding but because part of me is afraid that I'll stop the wedding. "Done." I turn to look at myself in the mirror.
"Not bad." I smirk at my brother and turn to face him.
"Ready?" He asks and I nod silently. "Well, let's get this show on the road."
I'm standing at the front of the church. My palms are sweaty. Can I really do this? Can I actually marry someone else as Brooke watches? The doors open and I freeze. I can see Brooke and she looks unbelievably gorgeous. "She looks so beautiful, Nate, you're a lucky man." Lucas says to me as the music begins and although logically I know he's talking about Haley, all I can see is Brooke as she slowly begins to walk toward me… except that she's not walking towards me. Damn it! I can't think about that. I made my choice… OK maybe Brooke made the choice for me but I have to respect that. But the closer she gets the less resolve I have. Her eyes meet mine and I know that she can see the uncertainty. She looks away from me and turns to watch Haley. I force my gaze away from the brunette and turn to see Haley walking down the isle on her father's arm. Guilt washes over me when I see the happiness in her eyes. It's my wedding day. I should be thinking about my bride, not her maid of honor.
"Dearly Beloved…" The minister began. "We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. If there is anyone here who knows why they should not be married, speak now or hold your peace." My eyes meet Brooke's for a moment but she quickly looks away and I focus my attention on Haley. "Very well… Do you, Nathan Royal Scott, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, forsaking all other for as long you both shall live?" For a spilt second I think about calling the whole thing off but I push those thoughts away.
"I do." Out of the corner of my eye I see Brooke crying as I slip the band on Haley's finger.
"And do you, Haley Margaret James, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live?" I focus my attention on Haley, because I know that if I look at Brooke, I'll loose all self control.
"I do." A single happy tear falls down Haley's cheek as she put the ring on my hand.
"Then, by the power invested in me by the State of North Carolina and this church, I now pronounce you husband and wife." The minister nods at me. "You may kiss your bride, Mr. Scott." I brush my lips over Haley's and try to push away the burning feeling in my chest. As Haley and I make our way out of the church, I see Brooke wiping her eyes. I force all thoughts of her out of my head as Haley smiles up at me. Maybe they're tears of joy? Yeah, right… keep dreaming Nathan.
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"Congratulations Tutor Girl…" Brooke hugs Haley and I can tell that she's forcing herself not to cry. "I guess, I should say Tutor Wife now. Tutor Husband and Tutor Wife, just how it's supposed to be." She glances at me before moving away so others can offer their congratulations. I absentmindedly shake Keith's hand as I watch her slip outside. She's staring up at the stars. I know she is because that's what we used to do together. Is that Lucas? What the hell is Lucas doing following Brooke outside? Although realistically I know that I have no right to be jealous, I can't help it. I know the history that Lucas and Brooke have.
"Hey Nate…" I turn at the sound of Mouth's voice and find my friend standing behind me.
"What's up Mouth?" I ask as I steal a glance toward the door to the patio. What's taking them so long? What the hell are they talking about?
"Ugh, it's time for the speeches." Mouth says. "Do you know where Brooke and Lucas are?" Mouth suddenly has my complete attention.
"I saw them go outside. I'll get them." I slap his shoulder quickly; I'm already striding towards the door. Yes, I realize that Mouth could get them and I realize that I should be with Haley but I have to do this. I have to see what they're doing. I have to see if…. I freeze when I open the door and see Brooke, my Brooke, in Lucas' arms. Anger is bubbling inside of me. I know that I have no right to be jealous but the sight of Brooke in the arms of my brother causes me to snap.
"Sorry to break this up…" Brooke and Lucas look up in surprise. I see the question in her eyes and I feel like shaking her and screaming. Yes, OK, I'm jealous! I'm jealous that he gets to comfort you! I know that I don't have a right to be jealous but I am. But I can't say any of that to her. "Mouth says its time for speeches." I turn to go back inside but not before I hear Lucas ask.
"OK, what was that about?" I close the door before I can hear Brooke's response and scan the room for Haley. I need to find Haley. Haley will calm me. She always has and she always will. Haley's my wife. She's my wife. She loves me and she isn't seeking comfort in the arms of my brother.
"There you are." I feel a hand on my arm and turn to find Haley smiling up at me. "Where'd you go?"
"I went to find Lucas and Brooke." I say honestly. I don't want to lie to Haley on our wedding day. Just because I'm in love with her best friend doesn't mean that I don't love her. I do love Haley and she deserves this day. "It's time for speeches." Haley's face lights up and for a moment I'm content. Haley's happiness does mean a lot to me and it makes me happy to see her like this.
"Oh there's Brooke…" Haley's face lights up again as the brunette steps up to the microphone. I watch Haley for a moment before turning to look at Brooke.
"Good evening, everyone…" She looks nervous. Brooke puts up a big front but I know the real Brooke Davis - the insecure girl who only wants someone to love her. "I know most of you here know me, but for those of you who don't, my name is Brooke Davis. I'm Haley's Maid-of-Honor. I'm not so great with public speaking so you'll have to bear with me…" She smiles her signature 'Brooke Davis' smile and my heart starts to race. I love her smile. I can't remember if I've ever told her how much I love her smile. "I've known Nathan and Haley a long time. In fact, you could say I'm the reason they got together in the first place. OK, originally it may have been Nathan's desire to stick it to his brother…" She glances toward my brother. It's true, we wouldn't be here if I hadn't been such an ass. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if Lucas' hadn't joined the Ravens. "But after that I totally got them together. I know you both remember your classic first date by Brooke Davis." Her eyes are bright with love when she looks at Haley but her smile falters slightly when her eyes meet mine. "Anyway, even at 16, Nathan and Haley were the perfect couple. They were the couple that everyone to emulate. Every couple wanted their relationship to be as magical as Nathan and Haley's. Sure they've had their bumps along the road but in the end they always find their way back to each other." There are tears in her eyes as she looks at Haley and me. I know that Haley thinks they're tears of joy but I know the difference. "You give the rest of hope. If I find someone to love even half as much as you two love each other, then I'll myself consider pretty lucky. I wish you all the happiness in the world. To Nathan and Haley…." She raises her glass. "Always and forever."
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I watch as Brooke excuses herself from Lucas and Peyton and slips outside again. I glance at Haley, who is deep in conversation with Mouth and Skills. She won't notice I'm gone. I know that I need to stay away from Brooke but I can't. I need to see her one more time. I need a chance to tell her. I push the door open to find her sitting on the same bench she was sharing with Lucas earlier in the evening. "Nice night out." She looks up at me and all I want to do is wrap my arms around her. "Your speech was nice. It really meant a lot to Haley."
"Thanks." She whispers as I sit down next to her. I breathe in her scent, trying to commit it to memory. My need to be near Brooke Davis is almost overwhelming.
"Did you mean it?" I lean closer to her and lower my voice. I know that I shouldn't ask but I can't help it.
"Of course I meant it." She shoots me a look. "Haley's happiness means more to me than anything." She's trying to push me away and it just makes me love her more. It's a bit odd that her love for Haley only makes me love her more.
"What were you and Lucas talking about?" I ask even though I know I shouldn't.
"Nothing Nathan…" Brooke sighs. "He was just checking on me. He could tell that I was upset."
"I saw the way he was looking at you, Brooke." I ask. I'm trying to keep the jealousy out of my voice and failing miserably. I know that this is the last thing she needs but I can't help it.
"It's none of your business Nathan." Brooke takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. "The way Lucas looks at me is none of your business."
"How can you say it's none of my business?" I let out a frustrated sigh. I hate this. I hate that I'm the reason she has that look on her face. "He's my brother and you're my…"
"I'm your what?" She asks and I can't answer her. "Exactly… You're married, Nathan. What I do can't be your concern." We're both quiet as we look at each other. "I know what you're thinking." She says finally. Her emotions are in her eyes. "But nothing is going to happen with me and Lucas." She touches my cheek and the only thing I see when I look into her eyes is love. "Even if he and Peyton weren't together, my heart's already been stolen by another Scott brother."
"Brooke, I…" God, if I could just kiss her one more time. It's not fair. This isn't fair. She doesn't deserve to be hurt like this.
"I know, Nate." She gives me a sad smile and slowly stands up, looking down at me. "But we both know that you made the right decision. Haley loves you so much. So you be good to her, she's deserves it." She brushes a piece of hair from my face and I look up into her eyes. Suddenly, it hits me. This is the last time I'm ever going to look into Brooke's eyes like this. From this moment on she's my wife's friend and nothing else. My heart is literally breaking in my chest and I don't know if I can do this. "You should go find her." Brooke whispers and I open my mouth to speak but she stops me. "Nathan, don't. There's nothing to say. We both knew that this wouldn't last." Maybe she's right. Maybe it's for the best. Maybe I shouldn't say anything else.
"Yeah, I guess you're right…" I say finally.
"You and Haley, you're supposed to be together." There are tears in her eyes and it breaks my heart that I'm the reason she's hurting. "Go…" She nods toward the door. "Haley's waiting for you."
"Are you going to be OK?" I stand but hesitate for a second as I look at her. "Because Brooke I…" I know that we're over but I can't leave her like this. I can't let this be the way that we end.
"Nate, I'm fine." She says finally. "Go be with your wife." Her walls are up again. The Brooke that I fell in love with is now securely locked away behind the mask that she wears for everyone else.
"OK…" I nod slowly. I start toward the door but pause to look back at the tiny brunette. "I meant what I said last night Brooke. I know that I could have spent my life with you." I hope she knows that I mean it. I mean every word. I could have spent my life with her. I could have loved her forever. I step back inside and my eyes scan the room for a second before landing on Haley. From this moment on, I have to be completely committed to Haley. From this moment on, Brooke Davis can be nothing but a sweet memory. I make my way through the crowd and place my hand on Haley's back. She looks up at me with a smile.
"Where'd you go?" She asks innocently.
"I just needed a little air." I smile. "Dance with me." I take her hand and lead her to the dance floor. She moves easily into my arms and rests her head on my chest as we sway to the music. My eyes find the door to the patio and through the window I can see Brooke's silhouette. I know that we did only thing that we could do. Neither of us wants to hurt Haley and I know that she and I will have a wonderful life together. But as I dance with Haley, I can't shake the feeling that maybe I made the wrong decision.
THE END