HI!!!!! Me and my friend Rasuto -Lust- are really bored, so we decided to write a crack fic. This is actually a crossover fic, but I'm putting it under FMA for a few reasons. 1) Since hardly anyone looks under the crossover page. 2) I love FMA to an extreme. 3) Since there is gonna be A LOT of FMA. Anyway, the little – things that have either Envi or Rasuto after them are random notes put in by us authors. If you ever see the names spelled like that, it's us. WARNINGS: Some Yaoi, Stuff that will melt your brain, Crack, very random thing that make no sense, and Karaoke…..you've been warned. ON WITH THE CRACK!!!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for Rasuto. Just kidding! She owns herself…..but I share. –shifty eyes-
Two Insane Girls On Crack
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Pickachu: Pee…
Ash: wha?
Pickachu: ……………phssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Ash: Dammit ya dumb rat
Brock ..Asshole…
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Ed slammed the door to Roy's office open.
"What the hell did you give me this stupid mission f-….?!?" Ed looked on in shock, for when he opened the door………A PALMTREE FLEW AT HIM!!!!!!!! Not really, but, there was a palm tree…….sitting on Roy's lap……making out with him…WTF?!?!?!?!!?!?!?
"Roy………..WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!?!??!?!!?" Roy jumped when Ed screamed.
"SHIT!!!!!! Ummmm…..it's not what it looks like?" Roy tried, failing miserably.
"Aww, why hide it Roy," Envy said smirking, as he pulled Roy's face towards his own.
"It's not that I mind, Roy," Ed said smirking, "What I'm mad for is that you didn't invite me!" Ed screamed, jumping over to join them. What happened next, I'll leave to your imaginations.
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Yah! YAOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..now for the adventures of…The random angry mob that is out to kill people for no apparent reason!!!
Akane Tendo and Winry Rockbell went to the Angry Mob Convenience Store. They got all the pitchforks/mallets/wrenches they could find -Yes they exist-, gathered all of the evil tomboy girls they could find, and killed all of the jerky boys –Envi: EXCEPT ROY!!!!!- Whatev…anyway… but that means they killed everyone else and now….THERE CAN'T BE ANYMORE YAOI! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!#$#$&!-Envi: AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THE WORLD WILL DIE WITHOUT YAOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- -Rasuto: They killed you too Envi…-the girls don't really care that he is an it, they killed it anyway cuz it was fun- -Envi: Bu- but………..I'M TOO SEXY TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOUN- wait…..I'm like, 400 years old………shit…….- -Rasuto: Not your decision now.. drop dead…- -Envi: You're just jealous cus I'm in more pairings than you and have tons of gay fanboys…..like Ishida….And plus, how could you write a story without me looking over your shoulder to fix spelling mistakes?- -Rasuto: Fine.. you can live. Damn my bad grammar. Let's just go to the next part and…YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S JEALOUS!...Envi-Jealous get it?...I need new material…- -Envi: Yeah you do….and now…..IT'S TIME FOR MY CRACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!-
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The Con
DUNDUNDUN!!!!!!!
Chii: Chii? Hideki? Where are we? And why are there people who look like Chii….and Freya…and Sumomo…..and all of our other friends?
Hideki: Because we all somehow ended up at an anime convention with people who love us so much they dress as us.
Chii: thinking- Chii needs to stop people dressing as Hideki so they no take him from Chii…
Ed: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A CHIMERA HERE?!?!?!?!?
Alphonse: That's not a chimera, nii-san(1). Her name is Chii. She is a persocom, or more specifically, a Chobit.
Ed: Aru…How do you know this?
Alphonse: I speed read all of the books over at the Clamp table.
Sesshomaru: Wait.. if we are at a convention. Then that means…
Rin: what is it lord Sesshomaru?
Sesshomaru: FANGIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kagome dressed fangirl: SESSHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -glomps-
Sesshomaru: SHIT!!!!!!!!
Inuyasha: HAHA!!!!!!!!!!
About fifty random fangirls: INUYASHA!!!!!!! SUWARU(2)!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inuyasha: AUGH!!!! –falls-
Chii calmly walks up to a person dressed as Hideki and tries to take his costume.
Hideki: CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!!!!!!??????????????
Chii: Chii will stop this person from loving Hideki!
Kyoko: LOVE!!!!!! LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!! –A/N: The Kyoko here is from Skip Beat-
Roy: Ummmm…..Fullmetal……WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?!?!?!?!!?!? –just got here-
Ed: You're the one who put me in charge of leading the entire group of people from Amestris that aren't bitches –like Rose and Dante are….whores- to a random spot for no apparent reason other than the fact that you wanted to get out of paperwork.
Negi: Asuna's become a panda!
Genma?
Negi: I will fix it with my magic!
Asuna: I'm over here dammit!
Inuyasha: OMFG!!!!! WHEN DID MYOGA GET GIANT!!!!!!!!!!
Happosai: Who's Myoga? You mean Ryoga? He's over there with Akane.
Inuyasha: Who's Akane? Is she a demon?
Happosai: She can be when you get her mad…
Akane: What did you say, hentai(3)–holding mallet over head-
Happosai: -gulp-
Ash: Yay! Pokemons! –runs to a pokemon themed table-
Minoru: Nerd.
Winry: Who's the geek with the glasses? –looks at Minoru-
Ed: Speak for yourself, Mecha Otaku(4).
Winry: WHAT'D YOU CALL ME?!?!?!?!? –hits Ed with wrench-
Ed: AUGH!!!!! ITE(5)!!!! –runs screaming in pain-
Momiji- Hey…someone let a bunny loose! Come here George! 3
Hunny: ……why is there someone who looks and sounds just like me here???
Momiji: Let's be bestest friends kay!?
Hunny: Yay! I gotta new bestest friend!!!!!!!!!!!!11Q
Rukia: Ummm….. Ichigo? What the hell is going on???
Ichigo: How the hell should I know, baka?! You were the one who said that you felt a Hollow's presence.
Rukia: THERE IT IS!!!!!
Hollow cosplayer: SHIT!!!! HOW DID THEY GET ACTUAL ZANPAKTOS?!?!?!?!?!
Ed: ……….guys…….uh oh…….
Roy: Fullmetal……What is it?
Ed: KARAOKE CONTEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AUGH!!!!!!!
Kuno: The Blue Thunder will serenade my beautiful maidens!
Ranma-chan: -kicks Kuno in head- GO AWAY!!!!!
Nodoka: Ranma-chan. Was that really necessary?
Ranma-chan: Yes Mom. It was. It's bad enough that we're lost here, but I got hit with water AND that baka(6) is here.
Ed: Aw, great. Who are these guys?
Alphonse: They're from Ranma 1/2, nii-san
Ed: Oh…..
Envy: CHIBI(7)! Where the HELL are we???
Ed: Did you JUST get here Envy?
Envy: Yes….WHAT?!?! I saw Dante on the way and killed her.
Envi dressed as Envy…wow, didn't see that coming -: I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!-Runs off singing- DING DONG THE BITCH IS DEAD!!!!!!
Announcer: And the winner of the anime raffle is…Angela for this life-sized Al doll
Ed: -just notices- Hey! Get back here with Al! –tries to kill Angela(8)-
Angela: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Real Al: Nii-san, I'm over here.
Kon: HEY!!!!!!!! ICHIGO! RUKIA!!! WHERE ARE W- -notices large chested Matsumoto cosplayer- I'll just be over here…
Matsumoto cosplayer: SHIT!!!!!!!!! –runs away-
Hitsugaya: Ummm……what's going on?
Ed: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!
Al: What's wrong, nii-san.
Ed: ……THIS GUY IS SHORTER THAN ME!!!!!!!!!1 –dances-
Hitsugaya: Umm……is that a big deal.
Al: For him, it is.
Yugi- I saw we should band together
Ed: SHORT PEOPLE UNITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hitsugaya: ……now what?
Ed: …GET THE LIFEGUARD(9)!
Yugi: lifeguard?
Hitsugaya: For Kibble(10)!
Yugi: Kibble?...Oh well, Death to the lifeguard!
Roy: Ed…..WHERE THE HELL DO YOU SEE A LIFEGUARD!?!?!?!?!
Hitsugaya: KILL THE TALL PERSON!!!!!!!
Ed: NOO!!!!!!!!! You CAN'T kill him!!
Yugi: Why not?
Ed: CUS HE'S SEXY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hitsugaya and Yugi: O.O
Ed: What, he's one of my boyfriends.
Hitsugaya: Wait. I can understand you having a boyfriend….BUT MORE THAN ONE?!?!?!!?!?!?!
Ed: What??? I'm, like, the second most slashable character from FMA.
Yugi: Who's the first.
Ed: The palmtree. He's one of my other boyfriends.
Hitsugaya and Yugi: O.O"
Yugi: You did stuff to a palmtree?
ED:…maybe …-smirks-
Hitsugaya: Who knew you where so desperate?
Ed: HE"S A PERSON YOU IDIOTS!
Meanwhile, Envy is across the room
Envy: -sneezes-(11)
Lust: Envy……why did you sneeze.
Envy: I guess someone is talking about me. I thought I heard someone say palmtree but I'm not sure.
Al: Guys…..WHAT ABOUT THE KARAOKE CONTEST!!!!!!!
Everyone: WOOTNESS!!!!!!!!!
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The Karaoke contest
Announcer: Welcome to the Cosplay Karaoke Contest! Now, for some reason, we have about 50 something people who look exactly like characters from animes……whatever.
First up is…….wait a second. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO PUT THE NAME OF THE PERSON YOU'RE DRESSING AS!!!!!!
Everyone: WE DIDN'T!!!!!!!!
Announcer: I don't get paid enough for this… Anywhoo, first up is….Roy Mustang? Whatever.
Roy: OH YEAH!!!!!!!!! I'M NUMBER ONE!!!!!!
Ed: THAT'S MY LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!(12)
Roy: Whatev. Hmmmm…….what to sing…….I KNOWS!!!!!!!!!! –grabs microphone- -somehow, background music comes on-
TROGDOR!
TROGDOR!
Ed: No…..
Trogdor was a man
I
mean, he was a dragon man
Or maybe he was just a dragon
But
he was still TROGDOR!
TROGDOR!
Hitsugaya: What in Soul Society is he singing………
Ed: Something that our friend Kaida(13) sent us……Damn you Kaida…….
Burninating the
countryside,
Burninating the peasants
Burninating all the
peoples
And their thatched-roof COTTAGES!
THATCHED-ROOF COTTAGES!
-Envi: more random people are coming on as I think of them. Rasuto had to leave for now but will be giving me ideas-
Kyo: WHY IS HE SINGING ABOUT COTTAGES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
(Woah, this has
wicked dueling guitar solos!
It's like, Squeedly versus Meedley
over here.
Go Squeedly!
Go Squeedly!
SQUEEDLY WINS!)
Ed: -sweatdrop- How did he get the full version……
-insane giggling-
Ed: KAIDA!!!!!!!!
Envi: HA! YOU'RE WRONG!!!!!!
Ed: WHY DID YOU SEND IT TO HIM!?!?!?!?
Envi: Cus I can…..BECAUSE WE CAN CAN CAN(14)!!!!!!!
Alphonse: What?????
Envi:…..don't ask…..
Ed: HEY!!! Wait a sec! How are you here other than author's no-UM!!!!!! I MEANT UH……..CHICKEN!!!!!! Yeah….this isn't a story thought up by two girls on crack –shifty eyes-
When all the land
is in ruin,
And burnination has forsaken the countryside,
Only
one guy will remain.
My money's on TROGDOR!
TROGDOR!(15)
Announcer: Like I said…..I don't get paid enough for this………Oh well. Next up is….um…Tohru Honda……
Tohru: Huh? Me? Ok then –walks up to microphone- Hmmm….I know what to sing! –music randomly comes on-
I touched those hated freckles lightly and sighed,
My "heavy class" love has dissolved clearly
Just like a sugarcube.
Wrath: These words don't rhyme at all……-sweatdrop-
Shampoo: That cus onigiri(16)-girl no sing in right language. This song in Japanese but people no no what the Japanese words mean so crack-girl(17) put song in English.
Chii: Even Chii speak better than that girl who's named after a hair product.
The thorn stuck in my thin breast went in further
And hurt much more than before.
Astrology didn't predict that at all.
Ed: WHAT DOES ASTROLOGY HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!?!?!?!!? IT'S NOT A SCIENCE!!!!
Alphonse: Calm down nii-san.
I wished we could go together farther,
It would be joyful enough to...
Memories are always beautiful,
But with only that you can't live.
Tonight should be a really sad night,
But why? Actually I can't remember his smiling face.
Orihime: -sniff- The words are so touching…
Cologne: But….They don't sound like they mean anything…..
I understand breaking apart and putting back together
Because that's my personality;
With impatient feelings and uncertainty
Which nevertheless are capable of good love.
I pierced my left ear to forget,
It's an episode I can't laugh about.
Hiro: Ew. Why would someone pierce just one ear?
Cloud: -glares-(18)
Counting up the number of freckles
Embracing the spots and all
Yuki: She doesn't have freckles…
But the thorn piercing my breast won't disappear.
My stuffed frog and rabbit
Hunny: BUNNY PLUSHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Smile and comfort me.
Memories are always beautiful,
But with only that you can't live.
It was a really tough night
I wonder why though? Why can't I remember that person's tears?
I can't remember,
Why can't I?
Audience: -Crying and applauding-
Announcer: Ok than…. Well. We're gonna take a break now. Come back for the next few people. Whatever.
All the awesome anime people: WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO UNTIL THEN!?!?!?!?!?
Announcer: How the hell would I know? –stalks off-
Ed: Ummm………..TO DO RANDOM STUFF!!!!!!
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(1) Nii-san: brother
(2) Suwaru: How my translation site wrote sit
(3) hentai: pervert
(4) Mecha Otaku: Mechanical Geek
(5) ite: ow
(6) baka: idiot. If you don't know what that means, you are a baka…
(7) chibi: shorty
(8) SORRY ANGIE!!!!!!!!!!
(9) random Spongebob thing…
(10) …don't ask
(11) In Japan, if you sneeze, then someone's talking about you. There's a long explanation that I can't remember though…
(12) From the FMA profile art book…..don't ask……
(13) Yes, Kaida, I put you in my story….
(14) Random song.
(15) TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR SONG!!!!!!!
(16) onigiri: riceball
(17) CRACK GIRL IS ME!!!!!!!!!
(18) Cloud has one ear pierced…..
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I'm ending it here for now. My friend and I had a little too much crack and we wanted to write something to melt peoples brains.-rereads story- I think we succeeded… If you don't know who a character is, ask in your review and I'll tell you. Most of this stuff is just the two of us going back and forth typing crap…..Next chappie is just me. Your favorite writer/palmtree. Next chappie, everyone is going around the con. This story was supposed to be random crap, but turned into a Con/Karaoke fanfic…..oh wells. REVIEW OR YOU'LL BE MURDERED BY A PALMTREE!!!!!!
Envi and Rasuto