The alarm clock rang 3 times before Jun turned it off in a sort of clumsy movement. For something that is such a basic part of his routine, that is. HeHe hadn't even been sleeping but he needed something to remind him that he was lying on his bed at the Obelisk Blue dorm. That he was in reality and that this was the time to leave.
He was looking at the shadows that the sunrays that remained projected on the ceiling. Usually he would shut his curtains at this time because sunset would blind him, as if trying to present a grand finale for today and to remind him that whenever he left, it wouldn't be as great.
Wrong. Mine will be better.
Yellow light entered his room by the huge windows in the left wall. The brightness made any other colour impossible to see, not that he needed to watch any other colour as there was nothing left if he couldn't win.
He had lost. Humiliated by the thing no one can beat but he was sure that wouldn't happen.
He turned and stared at the closed door. It had been closed for a week now.
Since that horrible day.
He had spent too much time in the shower in the first place. Always worried for his beautiful hair, Jun washed it more thoroughly than usual.
Maybe that was when he had jumped. Both connected in the same way yet for so many different things.
Jun keep washing his hair, thinking on everything and nothing at the same time as every morning. For some reason, he found cold water showers specially invigorating yet no one around seemed to get it, not that he would ever mind if their little brains didn't.
Chazz was in the edge of the cliff. Looking down to the deep blue. Contrary to his other self, he had never been quite fond of water.
Actually never been quite fond of anything blue since well..you know..whatever.
Maybe he was really a coward, now standing there, not sure if he could ever do it.
And Jun kept splashing around, almost playing with the water. Showers were nice, yes.
Jun..he was there to protect Chazz no? He had always cared so much but he didn't need more problems on himself. Chazz knew he already had way too many of his own.
He was just a failure to everyone right?
But he wouldn't fail this time.
Jun got out of the shower and lazily started to get dressed. He didn't know why they still made him go to classes he already knew everything about. Everyone was just so dumb.
Someone knocked. Who dared disturb my morning ritual? Dammed them, not answering.
Again. He cursed and opened the door, hairbrush still in his hand.
"Oh..Asuka, what's wrong?"
He didn't need to ask. He felt it. Suddenly and emptiness he had wished to have forgotten came back. He hadn't felt this way since he had found Chazz.
Chazz…
All your fault. Always everything is your fault.
Jun closed his eyes and ended the memory there. Every other part was irrelevant. The funeral he didn't attend, the hypocrites that mourned him, all the people that told him "I'm sorry" all the fucking time.
Jun Manjoume didn't need their pity. That was useless. That wouldn't bring Chazz back. Nothing would so, why cry? Why have endless nightmares? Why not eat almost anything in a week?
He sighed and took the glass of water next to his bed along with the little white pill.
Hopefully it would be painless and no idiots would mourn for him.
Hopefully the guilt and the loneliness would just start drifting away before he did so he could feel truly happy for once.