My entry for stuckbeingrachel's contest :)
She holds for dear life to the ends of the sleeves in her hands.
Covering up lies that she wrote with a razor sharp pen.
Shadows followed her as she stalked the streets. The sun was setting in the sky, Mara Jaffray bowed her head down, hiding from the strangers around her.
She was ashamed.
Droplets of blood that she didn't bother wiping away threatened to peak. The regret that filled her was unbearable; but that didn't stop her doing it again. It was a strange kind of relief.
It pained her in more ways than one but, strangely, she so badly craved more. She loved that it took her mind away from her emotional pain.
She loved that it was everlasting. Even though the scars would heal, they would always remain as a reminder.
What she loved most about it was that it un-purified her. Tainted her. Everybody – her parents, her teacher, her friends – were convinced that she was absolutely perfect. She was pristine in their eyes. If only they knew what was going on in her head.
Moving to her pocket, she felt gingerly without going inside. Her razor was sitting in her jeans pocket; her partner in this crime of hers. Simultaneously, she loved and hated her razor. It brought her so much joy, yet unbearable pain. It had always been there, every one of her cuts had been from that very razor.
Oh, how she'd tried to get rid of it. How many times she'd attempted to just throw it into the road. She knew it was what was best for her, but it seemed as if she was physically unable to depart from it.
Mara glanced down once again at the blemishes on her arm. She hadn't reached the stage yet when she'd be happy every time she saw them. Presently, they just reminded her of why they were there in the first place.
And the thing was, Mara couldn't even explain it. Supposing somebody found out what she had been doing to herself, she wouldn't be able to tell them why. Because, truth be told, she didn't know herself.
She was just so lonely. When she was surrounded by people, she felt so alone. She felt as though she didn't deserve to be happy, to act like normal people. Her friends still hadn't noticed anything different in her behaviour as she was exceptionally good at hiding it.
With a lot of thought, she'd convinced herself that nobody cared for her. That it was all an act. If she could hide how she was feeling that well, couldn't they? And what they were really feeling is what made mara this way.
She wasn't good enough for them.
Repeating it in her mind, she winced at how her body responded. The fresh cuts seared with pain, igniting a shock through her arm and the rest of her body. She quickly brought a hand up to press down on the bloody cut, not knowing whether she was trying to stop the pain or add to it.
It didn't matter though. Because for that brief 2 minutes, Mara forgot about the hurt, about the feelings she bottling inside. Her mind was focused on her physical pain and she much rather preferred it that way.
Pulling her sleeves back down, Mara carried on down the dark road.
Back to Anubis.
Back to her friends who didn't care about her.
Back to him.
Thanks for reading!
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