Even the Stars: They Burn - F/R
A/N: Angsty. But lesbi-honest. So is season 4 of Glee. Canon (up to 4x10) until it ain't. So rusty, a bit choppy, and I just thought I'd post it here after I put it on my tumblr (consoledacupofcoffee).
Disclaimer: I own neither Glee nor its characters affiliated with it.
The Schuester/Pillsburry wedding celebration was drawing to a close. Finn threw back his third flute of sparkling cider and raised it merrily in a toast to no one in particular.
Every so often, Finn would look across the table and glance at Rachel. Man, it had felt good to sing with Rachel, again. Their voices melded seamlessly together. Like they were never separated. But singing with her had always been like that. Which is why Finn found it necessary to cut those ties altogether.
But not tonight. Mr. Sc- Will - and Emma requested a duet from the two of them during the ceremony, so they had no choice but to oblige — especially with him being the best man and all.
Rachel's cheeks had flushed prettily during the entire performance, and they couldn't keep their eyes off each other the whole time they sung. And now, he was on his fourth glass of cider, happy for his friend but ready to leave this whole mess.
It was too hard. And he knew it would be. Of course it would be.
"Thank goodness you're still here!" Finn quickly snapped his attention away from Rachel, ears and temple red, to stare at Kurt who had interrupted him from his thoughts. He sighed and made a motion for Kurt to continue with asking for whatever favor he knew was coming. And Kurt didn't disappoint. "Blaine wants to have a talk with me at his place, and since I drove Rachel to the wedding, I need someone to drive her home. Would you mind?" Finn knew Kurt and Blaine were not in an okay state. He got that. But what he didn't get was Kurt's almost flippant attitude to his situation. He couldn't have asked anyone else or shown, at least, a small bit of remorse for asking Finn to be a part of (what was sure to be) an uncomfortable, awkward ride home?
But before Finn could open his mouth to argue, Kurt had already flitted away, a hasty "thanks!" thrown back his way. He sighed and sent an apologetic look towards Rachel, sitting three seats down from him and who had been privy to the entire exchange.
"If it's gonna be an issue, Finn, I'll just ask Quinn or Mercedes to take me home. I would've said Santana, but I really don't wanna get in car with someone who's been drinking out of a silver flask the whole night." Rachel chuckled nervously, trying to ease the tension.
Finn gave a tiny smile and stood up from his seat. His chair scraped the floor loudly, and he grimaced, feeling (as usual) so big and awkward. But he made his way over to where Rachel was sitting anyway and offered her his hand. "It's not an issue if we don't make it one, right? I'll drive you home."
Finn asked her if it would be alright if they stopped at his parents' house, first. He had a box (or several) of her things, and he figured now would be as good a time as any to give them back to her. Rachel shakily drew in a breath, trying to keep her tears at bay and said that would be alright.
The rest of the ride was silent. Finn barely looked at her, and she studied her already chipped thumb nail, debating on whether she should just pick the rest of it off. She never came to a firm decision when Finn pulled his truck into park on the Hummel/Hudson driveway. She took her seat belt off and made a move to open her door when a gentle hand on her shoulder and a quiet voice told her to wait. She sat back in her seat and patiently waited for Finn to walk around and open her door for her.
He really tried to make a habit of opening her door when they dated. She had told him once how chivalrous she thought he was for doing that, and although he forgot at times, it was a staple in their relationship. Even when they were fighting and refused to speak to one another or when they were fighting and did nothing but speak at each other, when it was time to park, he still walked over to her side and opened her car door. The fact that he did so just now made Rachel think that things - eventually - may just be okay.
Rachel followed Finn to his bedroom and hesitated before fully entering. This was her first time being back in his room since their split, and she felt like she was intruding into an adult's personal space. Gone were the cowboy wallpaper and framed pictures of the two of them. She silently pleaded Finn to hurry up and give her whatever box (or two) she needed, so that he could take her home, and they could both forget this awkward, painful night.
Finn chuckled when he saw her still in the doorway. "You can actually come in the room, ya know. I don't bite." But upon seeing her grimace and raised eyebrows, he laughed a bit more nervously. "Well, I don't bite hard anyway. But you kinda already knew that."
Rachel gave an awkward giggle of her own, turning beet red and refused to look at him. Needing something to make herself look busy (and less pathetic), she reached into her evening clutch and was so startled by an incoming text from Santana, she dropped her purse, the contents scattering everywhere.
Finn automatically bent to retrieve just as she did and their hands touched for a brief moment, until he pulled his away, mumbling a sorry.
Rachel shook her head, her voice sounding shriller than she liked, "Don't even — we're fine — I'm just—" She stopped talking (if you could call it that) once she realized her birth control pills were in plain view. Cheeks flushing once more, she hurriedly stuffed them in her purse.
It's not like Finn didn't know Rachel was on the pill. Of course he knew. On a spring day of their senior year, she pulled him aside in the hallway, informing him that she would be starting to take birth control, because "no fiancee deserves a shotgun wedding, and condoms simply couldn't be trusted anymore." He didn't care why she started, all he knew was that sex with Rachel was gonna be a whole lot hotter. Of course his theory was dashed when she still made him wear a condom (extra precaution and whatnot) whenever they did it, but at least he was getting some.
So, no. Finn wasn't surprised to see Rachel's birth control pills. He was surprised to see a piece of paper with a defined crease that was currently burning a hole in his hand. Rachel's gasp told him she had seen it, too, and he turned his head to stare at her. Her eyes were wide, and she shakily reached for the paper. When he held it away from her grasp, she sighed, "Finn…"
"I'm surprised you've even kept this." Finn knew he was being mean, but he couldn't help it.
"Ex-excuse me?" Her voice was quiet, and he could see tears in her eyes, yet he kept going anyway.
"Just with all the new changes with you, ya know. Your dolled-up new look and dolled-up new school and dolled-up new boyfriend. There are plenty of stars where you are right now. It's like — New York is a gold star. So why the hell do you still have mine?"
Rachel's eyes flashed indignantly. "Excuse me?!' She stood up, and he joined her with an equally heated gaze. "What does it matter if I kept it or not? It was a gift. And when you were in Georgia doing who-the-hell-knows-what, it was one of my only links to you. I was heartbroken Finn, and just looking at that damn sky — even with all the city lights — made feel close to you — if only for a moment."
Finn softened his gaze. "I told you why I couldn't be there with you."
Rachel smiled a little. "I know. And I'm not blaming you anymore or anything. You wanted to know why I still had your star, and I — that's why, Finn."
Finn inched closer to her and brought a hand to her face, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Can you answer one more question?"
Rachel was taken aback by his touch and and his new husky tone. All she could do was nod.
"Why did you have the deed in your purse? Tonight?" Finn murmured.
"Truth? I never let it out of my sight." She had barely finished speaking when Finn kissed her. And she kissed him back. Until their kissing turned into something else entirely.
She had never felt so much passion for one person in her entire life. They'd of course done this before, but as horny teenagers, kids. And she knew she was being ridiculous (seeing as how they were still eighteen), but they way they touched each other and looked at each other and kissed each other this time made every other time seem like, well, child's play.
He knew she was still with Brody, and she knew she was still with Brody, but for a brief span of time, neither cared. Because it was Finn and it was Rachel, and nothing else mattered.
So they made love. Three times. And fell asleep in each other's arms.
He didn't even argue with her the next morning when she said it was a mistake. He didn't try to get her to stay. She almost wished that he had. He just nodded, jaw tense, and wished her a safe flight. And then he told her to say "hi" to Brody for him. She left without another word.
She refused to answer the offensive text that Santana had sent before that had caused her to drop her purse in the first place. Santana didn't need to know that she had the best sex in her life.
"Hope ur romp with Frankenteen (let's be real, Berry. That shit's gonna happen) satisfies ya. Cuz from wut I've heard….Brody ain't quite as equipped for the job."
She hated when Santana was right.